Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bleach or any of its characters!
Warning: Sad, depressive theme

I hope you enjoy! *

"Ne, Ichigo?"

"Hmm?" I hummed as I turned over in the bed to face my blue haired boyfriend. He looked as though he had wanted to say something, but he just opened his mouth, closed it, smiled at me, and said that it was nothing as he pulled me close to him. I quirked an eyebrow at his weird behavior but then I shrugged to myself and smiled into his chest. I put an arm around him as I let out a breathy sigh, content with life and thinking about when our relationship had changed.

Three months ago, on the night we had confessed to one another, we decided to stop at kissing before things got too serious. We were tired, it was late, and I still had school in morning. Though, instead of getting ready for bed and Grimmjow going into the closet, we just kind of just passed out on the bed in our clothes. My father had found us cuddling the next morning.

I had quickly told him an elaborate - but believable - lie saying that Grimmjow was a friend of mine that was experiencing a lot of financial issues. I had said that he was kicked out of his apartment, that his parents had died when he was young, and that he was in need of a place to stay since he had no where else to go. I had said that I'd invited him over to stay at our house, and - since it was late and everyone else was asleep - I let him crash with me in my room. My father and Yuzu easily accepted the lie with tears in their eyes, but Karin didn't believe it at all. She had hissed at Grimmjow and claimed that he was a 'dangerous cotton candy head.' However, everyone ignored her since he had seemed harmless – everyone except for Kon. Kon wasn't entirely for Grimmjow staying either. He growled and yelled at me, saying that it wasn't a good idea, and when he saw that I wasn't going to listen to him, he moved into Yuzu and Karin's room. He wasn't willing to sleep in the same room as Grimmjow as he claimed that he had felt uneasy around him.

Ever since then, Grimmjow was able to leave my bedroom, eat meals with my family, and hang out with my father and Yuzu.

Grimm and my father had actually become good friends, so when my father had seen the makeshift bed in my closet, he recommended that he sleep elsewhere. Grimmjow refused politely and continued to sleep in the closet - though sometimes we just lay on my bed for a bit before we go to sleep. My father had asked if Grimm wanted a separate bed or futon moved into the room, but Grimm had argued that the room was too small and that he was fine with sleeping in the closet. My father dropped that matter and moved to the next. My father had then asked why Grimmjow didn't go to school. We had partially lied and said that I was tutoring him because he couldn't pay for school supplies or the school fees. He'd easily accepted the explanation, and after that, I was… happy.

We had spent a lot of time together. We would study, watch football or mixed martial arts, eat together – where he made sure I ate something - play video games, and we would even just sit and do our own thing while we listened to music. We also went on dates.

Sure, we had to be careful to not run into any of my "friends" and Grimmjow was always alert to any Shinigami that may be around, but we'd managed, and we had some pretty amazing dates. We went to the rustic café in the corner of town more often than not – which was near the beach. We also went to the bookstore, the beach, the amusement park, and one time we went to a Twenty One Pilot concert. He doesn't really like them, but I had recently developed a love for their music. So, when we discussed what to do for our next date, he suggested going to their next concert, and we went.

It was one of the most magical nights of my life: being surrounded and getting lost in my favorite music, having an experience I've always wanted with the person that I wanted to share such a wonderful moment with. Being with Grimmjow… had made me happier than I could have ever imagined.

Even though my instructors and peers still condemned and resented me; even though Inoue, Ishida and Chad still unheeded me; even though I was still bullied; even though my mind was still a dark maze; even though I still experienced poisonous guilt, hopeless sadness, and helpless emptiness… I feel as though I can make it through the day as long as I had Grimmjow.

He was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to my complaints. He was the antidote to the poisonous guilt. His presence and words filled me with hope, and made it easier to breath. He gave me a sense of security that I had never experienced before. He gave me the joy that I couldn't find on my own. He… had given me so much… he had become irreplaceable. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had ever lost him. I didn't want to know what I would do if I had ever lost him, so instead of thinking about it, I had decided to dismiss my thoughts and focus on something that was bugging me.

"Hey, Grimm?" I called quietly. He shifted to look down at me with his icy-blue eyes.

"Yeah?"

"What were you going to say?"
He fixed me with a slightly confused countenance before he replied. "Why are you asking that now? That was like twenty minutes ago," he inquired with genuine curiosity whilst one of his eyebrows quirked. I blinked at him, and then I glanced away, slightly embarrassed about my sappy reminiscing as I avoided his question.

"Just answer the damn question," I muttered with no heat as I pouted at him. He chuckled for a moment before he instantaneously sobered up and looked at me with complete seriousness.

"I," he began, but he stopped himself as he lowered his eyes, which were heavy with sadness, as if it pained him to say what he had in mind. I felt dread creep into me, and my expression was taken over by concern.

"Grimm?" I called in a small worried tone as I tried to catch his eyes with mine. He didn't react for a second. Then, he slowly gazed back at me and I saw melancholy cloud his eyes.

"Grimmjow? What's wrong?"

"I have a question… but," he began hesitantly before he trailed off again. I patiently waited for him to continue. After a few more moments of silence, he spoke and he sounded a bit firmer. "I'm not sure whether I should ask. It's kind of a… sensitive question that I've been wanting to ask you for… a while now…"

My eyes widened for a fraction of a second before I rolled my eyes at him. "Grimm, we've been over this - it's okay if you want to ask me something. Besides, I've told you my whole life's story and pretty much everything that goes on with me, so telling you more wouldn't hurt," I replied softly as I smiled up at him. He simply pouted at me and I chuckled.

"I know… it's just kind of hard to ask," he mumbled as he looked at me with a slightly downhearted expression. I gazed at him solemnly as I took in his expression. I chastised myself, thinking that I shouldn't have said what I did – I should have just told him to just ask his question.

Besides, I already knew that he knew. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about our own issues, our pasts, and our thoughts on many subjects. Though, that doesn't mean we don't argue just because we communicate. We have our spats, however, when we argue, we would give each other some space, come back to my room and then talk about what had made us upset. We would try to reach an understanding and move on. We made sure to communicate as efficiently as we could to avoid misunderstandings. We'd even talked about sex – despite it being extremely embarrassing and awkward – and we'd agree that we were consensual and that we would just go with the flow of things. Besides, with my mentality, my libido hasn't really been at the level of what a teenager's should have been when his partner was like sex on legs. Don't get me wrong, I'm undeniably attracted to him and want to make love to him… it was just that acting on my feelings was difficult for me.

It was strange, I either had no energy for it, or it was like my mind and body didn't agree with each other, and I had felt guilty when I had explained it to him. However, Grimmjow understood and respected me. He never pressured me or did anything that I wasn't okay with, and I can't even begin to express how much I appreciated that and how our relationship is. Our relationship was one where we were open with each other and respected one another. It was real; it had substance, we both cared about what we have and we took one step at a time… together. Soon enough he had become the most important person in my life. So when I saw his expression, I instantly felt guilt grip my heart.

"Grimm… sorry. I know you're just concerned about my feelings. I shouldn't have been dismissive... What's your question?" I asked as I snuggled into his chest, silently encouraging him to continue. There was a short spell of contemplative silence before he opened his mouth.

"Why hasn't your father done anything?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, I tensed. My eyes widened in surprise as I pulled away from his chest to look at him. He gazed down at me with solemn curiosity as the corners of his mouth turned a bit downwards.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a quiet and placid tone. I figured what he'd meant, but I wanted to make sure I knew what he was talking about to avoid jumping to conclusions.

"He's a doctor, right? He surely must have noticed how you acted, and that something wasn't right. He must have seen that something was wrong when you came home with bruises… He seems like a good guy… so why didn't he do anything?" He murmured as his grip on me tightened protectively. I thought that this would be his question… but I was taken back by how offended he'd sounded. Before I could respond, he lessened his hold on me, deflating a bit before he apologized.

"Sorry… I know that you probably don't know, and I also know that this is a delicate matter… but," he paused as his expression changed from a small frown to scowl. "I just can't take it when I think about it! He should help you! He should've seen what was happening! He's a fucking doctor! ... He's your dad. He should have done something. He should do something," he hissed, but his voice became somewhat strained towards the end as he looked at me with hurt irritation in his eyes. I didn't really expect him to be so passionate, but as soon as I thought that I felt silly. Of course Grimmjow would be passionate about what he thought, that's just who he was, and I loved him for it, but right now was not the time to think about the things I loved about him. I took a calming breath and tried to answer his question.

"I… have put some thought into it," I began hesitantly, lowering my eyes. A strained silence rested over us until Grimmjow lifted a hand to caress my cheek. I looked up at him to see his saddened expression.

"Strawberry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to… I'm sorry I asked."

I shook my head and offered him a small smile. "No, it's okay. I don't really mind. It's just that I didn't expect you to ask that question, not after so long. I mean you've been with hanging around me for like eight months now. I thought you would've asked a lot sooner," I say with a huff as I stuck my tongue out at him. He threw an embarrassed scowl at me, causing me to chuckle, but before long I grew serious once again.

"Well," I began as I put my hand over his, interlacing our fingers as I spoke – aware that I had his full-undivided attention when I looked away from him. "I think that he'd noticed. I bet he knew everything from the very beginning."

"What?"

I chanced a glance up at his face. He was flabbergasted, but I just continued. "I think he either wanted me to deal with it myself, or he rejected the fact that something was wrong. Kind of like he'd convinced himself that nothing was wrong, that everything that was happening was normal, and to just continued on like everything was fine. In other words, he was, and probably is, in denial. On a side note - now that I'm thinking about the actions my father hasn't taken - I think that he either knows what you are, or he at least knows that you aren't normal, but since he hasn't done anything now, I doubt he ever will. Besides it's not like you're a threat to my sisters," I said dismissively to make it seem like talking about this didn't make my heart twinge in pain. Grimmjow just frowned. I could see that he didn't think that I was as unaffected as I led on, but instead of mentioning it, he just took on a look of confusion.

"Why would he 'reject' what was happening? And how would he know that I'm different?"

I lazily shrugged one shoulder as I glanced away from him in shame. "You don't remember? I told you a while ago that he's a Shinigami so we should be cautious around him. I bet he felt some sort of reiatsu from you; he just never attacked you or anything. For the former question… I'm not quite sure," I mumbled. "Maybe it's because I'm not supposed to be like how I am. Maybe it's because I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself and deal with my own problems. I need to take responsibility for myself and be independent… besides, I'm the oldest and I'm a guy. I need to-" I began to rant bitterly, but then a soft lips covered my own, effectively shutting me up. I was surprised for a moment before my eyes slowly began to close on their own as I kissed back. When the kiss was over, I was left slightly breathless. I looked up at Grimmjow with a dazed countenance.

"Shut up," he growled quietly with no heat in his voice, his trademark scowl was present on his handsome face. "I get what you're saying. I think I can understand what you mean by that, however, it's all so stupid." He mumbled as he gently shifted so then he could rest on an elbow, leaving an arm wrapped around my waist. His countenance was fixed with solemn determination and a bit of melancholy, as his light blue eyes seemed to stare into my being. I felt my eyes widen. I bet I looked stunned, but I just focused what he was saying with his gruff voice.

"Can't you see, Ichigo? You are strong, and I'm not talking about when you beat me, or Ulquiorra, or that asshole, Aizen. I'm not talking about physical strength; I'm talking about how strong you are on the inside. Ichigo, you are so damn strong for enduring everything that had happened. How many times do I have to say that for it to get into your damn head," he said stubbornly as he gave me a firm stare.

"Wha- no. No, I'm not-" I began in a quiet fashion as I glanced away from his intense stare, but he tenderly shifted a hand to cup my cheek. This action silenced me as he continued with a sincere tone and expression, both slightly strained with sadness. "You're so strong… but sometimes… the strong need help. It's not about you being responsible, taking care of your own problems, being independent, being the first kid, or being a fuckin' guy. It's not about any of that shit. It's about you being hurt for too long, and your close ones weren't doing anything to help when they could clearly see that things were not okay. Sure, you hid it from them, and you weren't really taking care of yourself… but who wouldn't hide it, and why would you take care of yourself when you're in such a mindset? That's why your loved ones should be there to help take care of you when you need it! If they know something's off, they should offer you help, not leave you to figure it out! That's how it's supposed to be, goddamn it!"

When he was finished he glared at a spot on the bed and I gawked at him in astonishment. He never ceased to surprise me. I was stunned at his small outburst, but after a few moments of strained silence, my expression relaxed. I stayed silent and waited for him to look at me, and when he glanced my way, I caught his eyes with my own, and I smiled.

His eyes widened slightly as he took in my expression, and my smile grew a bit as I reached to caress his cheek. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion as his eyes were consumed with surprise and curiosity, wondering what I was doing and thinking. Yet, I smiled regardless of his confusion.

I just felt… overwhelmed… with emotions. He was the only one that could ever make me feel safe and secure; I was always the one protecting and now I'm the one being saved. Granted I was being saved from myself… but that's exactly what I needed… I needed someone to save me from myself before I did anything I would regret for the rest of my life – he was that someone. He was the only one that came to my rescue when I needed it most. He was the only one that could ever pull me out of these dark thoughts of mine. He was the only one who could lift the depression that dragged me down every day. He was the only one who could make me feel that pleasant buzz in my chest just by being around him. He was the only one who I could feel like no matter what happened, he'd be there for me and I'd be there for him; he wouldn't leave me.

These thoughts whirled around in my head as I got choked up from his words. I was ecstatic and touched that he always cared so much about me. Sometimes it seems as though I forget that he does care deeply about me, and he always reminds me that he does. He doesn't even mind reminding me of this sappy shit. I don't think that he's aware that I need this sort repetition, but I silently appreciate it. I appreciate him so much that I cannot even begin to express my loving gratitude for what this man had given to me.

My feelings of sheer love for him swelled so much that I couldn't contain myself.

Before I could think about what I was doing, I pulled him towards me and gave him a deep kiss, putting all of my feelings for him into it. He was absolutely stunned and didn't react for a little while, but before long, he kissed me back with the same intensity and passion.

What did I ever do to get a man who always seemed to know just what to say without lying to me? What did I ever do to deserve him? I can't express how much my heart just swelled with the love and gratitude. I couldn't begin to express in words just how precious he was to me, and how much I treasured him. So I tried to convey my feelings through my actions.

We held that long, deep, passionate kiss until our lungs burned and we had to separate. When we pulled away, our breaths mingled as we panted. When my eyes met his, my stomach and heart burst with excitement and desire. His eyes bore into my being, looking into my soul with an intensity, a want, that threatened to swallow me whole. I could only imagine that I was giving him the same intense stare of pure longing, but my thoughts were scattered when I heard him mutter.

"Ichigo… can I…?" he whispered as he pulled me even closer. I knew exactly what he was asking when I gazed into his longing eyes, filled to the brim with desire. I only stared at him for several moments as I tried to soak in what was happening, but it didn't take long for me to give him a curt nod. For some reason, my mind and body were finally in agreement with each other at the thought of wanting him.

His eyes to glint in a predatory manner as he quickly connected our lips in another heated kiss. Yet, after this kiss, we didn't stop.

I was propelled towards madness. We got lost in each other: in our passion for one another. I had never felt so complete or loved in my whole life, and as I laid in his secure warm embrace, I knew that no matter what happened from then on that I'd never regret falling in love with Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

: -:

"Ichigo!"

I woke with a start. I sat up quickly, but I had instantly regretted doing so since I had rammed into his forehead.

"Ah… fuck. What is it, Grimm?" I asked with a sleepy huff, too tired to actually get irritated as I lazily rubbed the bump forming on my forehead. I heard him cuss under his breath as he gingerly touched his tiny injury. I chuckled at him as he glared at me with no heat and threw my pajama pants at me. Surprised, I fumbled to catch the piece of clothing. When I had managed to catch my pants, I sent a glare his way, but my expression relaxed when I realized that he wasn't looking at me.

"I wanted to wake up early so we wouldn't be caught naked together by your old man, and then I thought I should wake you up too, since you don't usually sleep in the nude," he mumbled with an embarrassed scowl on his face. I blinked at him before my face flared up, remembering everything that had happened last night.

In my embarrassment, I quickly and clumsily pulled on my pants, but after a few moments of feeling awkward, I began to calm. It dawned on me that there was nothing to be ashamed of for sleeping with the one that I love. I realized that I shouldn't be embarrassed because it was Grimmjow; the man that could make me happy with just his presence alone, the man that I know would always have my back, the man that made me feel things that I had never thought a wretched soul like myself could ever feel. He may be a rash stubborn pain-in-the-ass, but at the end of the day, he cares for me much more than anyone else. He may be loud, rude, blunt, crude, and reckless, but… he's the man that I had helplessly fallen for. When all of these heartwarming thoughts filled my mind and heart, I smiled lovingly at him. After long moments of silence, he reluctantly glanced over at me and his expression was slowly overtaken with curious wonder.

"Ichigo?"

"Hmm?" I hummed as I gradually got up from the bed and tried to walk over to him. A harsh pain shot in my ass. I tried my best to ignore it as the thought that it was evidence that last night wasn't some realistic blissful dream occupied my brain. Though it seemed as though my efforts were in vain as his surprise countenance changed to concerned.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" He questioned as he walked up to me and placed his large hands on my shoulders. I didn't answer him when I saw the realization pour over him. "Did I hurt you?" He asked as his grip tightened and he pursed his lips. He had a hard expression, but I knew that he was feeling a bit guilty and was probably mad at himself. I chuckled at him as I shrug off his hold on me and shuffled forward to give him a hug. He didn't react for a moment; probably in speculation as to what I was thinking until he eventually, unhurriedly, and awkwardly hugged me back. We stood there for a few moments, and right when Grimmjow took a breath to say something, I quickly seized the opportunity to speak first.

"I'm okay, Grimm. Actually, I'm more than okay. I'm great," I breathed as I pulled away to look into his puzzled eyes. I felt my eyes wrinkle in happiness as I continued. "I was just thinking that I shouldn't be embarrassed for what happened last night, because I did it with you. Grimm, I just I love you so much that I don't know what to do with myself. I mean… you make me so happy. I never thought I would be able to even feel happiness again before you came along. Grimm, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I don't say this sappy shit enough, and it may sound like the cheesiest thing on the planet, but you're everything I could have ever asked for. You're more than I could have ever imagined. You're perfect in your own fierce way, and no matter what anyone else thinks or says, I will never regret falling for you," I say in almost a whisper, as I looked right into his beautiful pale blue eyes that had broaden in shock.

He seemed to be absolutely flabbergasted as his mouth hung slightly agape and his eyebrows rose to almost meet his hairline, but his reaction didn't stop my smile from persisting on my face, until his face looked disheartened as he looked melancholily to the ground. My smile fell as my eyebrows came together in worry. I was about to ask what was wrong, but he spoke before I could ask.

"But… I'm a hollow. I'm an Espada. I'm not human, and from what you've taught me about science, there is nothing remotely scientific about me. Besides, Strawberry, you know that I wasn't a good guy before. I've killed many; I have blood on my hands… I… I kind of feel ashamed of myself for tainting you with these hands… I mean! Don't get me wrong! It's not like you're some fragile princess or something! It's just that… Compared to me, you're so much better… you used your powers solely for the sake of others… I had only used my powers for myself and my own petty needs…" He tried to step out of my grasp, but I held him firmly in place. The corners of my mouth perked up into a kind smile.

"Grimm, you can be such a dumbass sometimes."

"Eh?!"

I laughed at how surprised he was, and at how quickly his expression went from surprised to annoyed.

"What do you mean by that?! I was being serious! Asshole!" He hissed as he scowled and backed away from my hold on him.

I almost fell over with the quick unexpected movement, but he caught me before I hit the ground. Sharp pain shot up my spine and I winced. I looked up at him to see his concern and I could tell that he regretting moving so hastily. I smirked at him, silently telling him that I was okay, before I stood up, slowly walked to my bed, and sat down in a way that was somewhat comfortable. When I had situated myself, I gazed over at him and he seemed to be ashamed as he rubbed the back of his neck and peered off to the side.

"Grimm, come here," I began in a gentle tone, knowing that I had to tread lightly as to not hurt him any further. He gave me a sideways gaze before he huffed, sat in my desk chair, and wheeled over to sit in front of me. He was reluctant to look my in the eye, but I waited until he looked up. When he finally glanced up at me, I held his gaze and I began to speak.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to insult you. I'm also sorry if it seemed like I wasn't taking you seriously," I began in a quiet tone. I really did feel bad about possibly making him feel like I didn't care. I felt like the worse, but after all of this time, I knew that Grimmjow wouldn't want me to feel like this, so I tried my best to just be positive and take one step at a time.

When he heard my apology, his irritation seemed to drain from his face. Instead of vexation, he seemed to be interested in what I had to say. I swallowed. Why did my mouth suddenly feel dry?

"Um, well, the only reason why I said that you can be such a dumbass is because it's true. I mean; I don't care about those things, Grimm. I am not saying this to undermine you or your feelings. Besides - I thought we've been over this… but if you need me to say this again, I will. Who you were before you came to live with me, doesn't matter to me. I loved you back when you were my enemy. I wasn't sure back then, but I am now. Grimmjow, I loved you then, and I love you now. Don't think of yourself as impure or filthy, because you aren't. Just like how I'm not tainted, you're not tainted too. I've never cared that you're a big bad hollow. It's a part of who you are, and I accept that. It's what had lead to us meeting in the first place, and I… think its sort of awesome, badass, and… sexy…" I had begun with softness in my tone, but I ended hesitantly as I looked away from him. I mean, I've said all of this before, except for the last two sentences... I had always thought those words, but never actually told him since I was embarrassed, but now… I thought that I should tell him. This may be what he needed to hear.

There were several moments of silence, and when I chanced a glance at him, my face flared up. He was just staring at me with a large warm smile on his face; it even reached his eyes, making them even more brilliant than usual.

"What?" I scowled at him, but he remained unaffected as he stood and held out his hand to me. I raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but I took his hand anyway. He gently helped me up, and then he hugged me. I just simply smiled as I returned the hug. After a few peaceful moments, he pulled away, and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Let's go get ready for school!"

"…Eh?"

"I've just decided that I'll walk you to school today. It should be too early for other students to be filing in, so I though I could walk with you," he said as he held one of my hands, and rubbed the back of his neck with the other as he beamed at me with a grin on his face. He looked so happy. I smiled at him. Then I chuckled, said 'sure,' and got ready. Before I knew it, we were on our way.

I had never considered the consequences; but I guess that's what happens when you're drunk on the happiness you'd never thought you would have.

: -:

"Thanks for walking with me," I mumbled self-consciously, shoving my hands in my pockets. We had walked to my school together for the first time, walking shoulder to shoulder, and we talked about trivial things like why are leaves green, and why was the sky blue. When we reached the entrance gates, Grimmjow turned to me, chuckled as he hooked a thumb in his pants pocket, and cupped my cheek with the other. He stepped closer to me, and before I could react, he kissed me. I hastily, but gently, pushed his chest to stop him.

"Wait, Grimm! We…! We're in public," I hissed at first, but then muttered the end.

"So? We've done it before," he asked, genuinely curious as he took half a step back to see my flustered expression clearly. He didn't seem to really see the problem, so I huffed as I quickly muttered: "We can't kiss in front of my school! There's a big chance of someone we know seeing us! At least at a concert or on the beach, no one is really paying attention, especially if you're in a secluded spot like how we were before, but here! It's eye catching, and that could cause us problems."

"Oh…" He breathed as he had realized his mistake.

I instantly felt bad for making a big deal out of something that should have been trivial, so I began to inspect our surroundings.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he began to glance around.

I ignored him, and after a few more moments of observing, I turned to him with a soft smile. He quirked a suspicious eyebrow, wondering what the hell I was doing, but before he could ask, I stepped forward, standing less than a few inches away from him. He was surprised, but didn't back away at my advance.

"It seems like the coast is clear, so I guess one more kiss couldn't hurt," I whispered as I glanced down at his lips for a moment before I looked back up at him. He smiled boyishly before I pressed my lips to his. This kiss was sweet and chaste.

We parted and stepped back. We wished each other a good day as we went our own ways until I went back to him when classes were done for the day. Though, right when I was about to leave, he stopped me and said that he would be waiting for me in the abandoned park that we went to when we had decided that he'd be living with me. He said that he would set up a picnic and that he'd make food while everyone was away. I grinned at him and told him that I'd be there as soon as school was over. I was so excited that I couldn't focus for the rest of the day, like how I was every time I was going to go on a date with Grimmjow.

: -:

Ring! Ring!

Finally! The last bell finally rang! I swear that if time and a snail were in a race, the snail would win by a long shot.

I hastily began to gather my school supplies, but before I could make it out the door, Keigo and Mizuiro blocked my way.

"What is it, you guys?" I huffed in irritation as I crossed my arms and frowned. They looked at each other, and then at me with placid expressions.

"You're different," they said simultaneously time with monotone voices. I blinked at them.

"What?"

"Who are you seeing?"

My eyes went wide before I regained my composure. I couldn't even deny anything before Mizuiro spoke.

"You don't have to tell us who it is, but don't lie and say you aren't seeing anyone. Only someone special can pull you out of whatever funk you were in before, so allow me ask you three things." He paused, looking at me for some kind of indication to continue.

I was wondering what I should do to get myself out of the situation, but then I just gave up. I mean; it's Keigo and Mizuiro, my closest friends that have proven that they'd stick with me no matter what. I shrugged in my head as I nodded at him. He gave a curt nod before he continued.

"Does this person make you happy? Do they really love you? Do you love them?"

I was amazed at the straightforwardness, but I got over it quickly as I hesitated to answer. I wasn't really sure why. Maybe it's because I had never told anyone about how I felt about Grimmjow, and even if I had always wanted to tell someone, I was just… frightened. Perhaps that's what just how it was when one had to come to terms with their feelings. Who knows? All I knew was that I was seriously contemplating answering these questions, but as the time passed, I'd realized something. I really wanted someone else to know about how I love Grimm. Despite my fear, I'd realized I wanted to shout to the world that such a great guy was mine. My desire to tell someone outweighed my fears of admitting to the sensitive yet strong feelings I had. So after having these small epiphanies, I looked up to see my friends pleasantly, but thoroughly, stunned. Yet, I didn't care. I already knew I had a warm smile as I answered with absolute certainty.

"Yes, yes, and yes."

The sound of my voice seemed to snap them out of their daze. Mizuiro replied with a 'good,' while Keigo patted my shoulder and wished me luck with a serious yet cheerful tone. I smiled at them effortlessly, nodded, and left to go see my beloved.

: -:

"Shit, I said I'd be there as soon as school ended. It's like thirty minutes to get to the park by walking, so if I run, I could get there in fifteen. Hopefully he hasn't been waiting for too long," I mumble to myself as I took off my indoor shoes and put on my outdoor shoes. Though as soon as I stepped outside, I was thrown against a wall.

"Hey, you carrot-headed bitch. Where do you think you're goin', huh?!"

"Yeah! You fucking bastard! Where you goin'?!"

I looked up to see some neighborhood bullies that picked a fight with me last week. I stood up straight, brushed off the dirt I spotted on my shoulder, and I began to walk towards the school gate, ignoring the ignorant fools, yet they persisted.

"Hey! I'm talking to you, you deaf-" the first bully who had spoken wasn't able to finish his sentence since I gave him a swift but powerful punch to the jaw, knocking his lights out. Before the other bully could even react, I kicked him in the head and sent him into unconsciousness. I glared at them for a moment before I huffed and ran to meet Grimmjow.

'Ugh, what's up with these setbacks? Geez, I really hope I hadn't made him wait for too long.'

I ran as fast as my lanky legs could carry me. As I ran my mind began to wander, imagining what he could have created for me. I was wondering if he'd burnt whatever he was planning to serve. I wondered if he was secretly learning how to cook by looking up cooking tutorial videos on the Internet, or if he had been trying to learn how to cook by watching Yuzu. I wondered if he was just going to wing it. I wondered what we were going to talk about. 'Whatever he'd made, I want to eat it no matter what… Besides, he made it for me.'

I used my excitement as my driving force to catapult forward, and when the abandoned park that we had sat in so long ago came into view, I got even faster. My legs and lungs burned a bit from the exertion. When I had finally reached the park I stuttered to a stop to catch my breath, but I quickly began to walk to where we had sat before.

"Hey! Grimm! I'm here! Where-"

"Gyaaaaah!"

My blood froze. My body tensed. Adrenaline poured into my veins.

"Guuuuuh!"

'Grimmjow…?'

"Grimmjow!" I bellowed, his name thundering out of my chest and inching at the back of my throat as I recognized his cries.

I ran towards the screams, only thinking about how I need to get to him; I have to help him; 'I have to save him.'
"Grimm-!" I began to scream, but when I arrived to the top of the hill we had sat at, I was silenced as I watched him fall.

Blood was splattered everywhere.

The picnic basket was red. The grass was red. The trees were red.

Grimmjow was red. He was covered in blood. He was covered in his own blood.

"Grimm… Grimmjow!" I shouted as I stumbled towards him. I tripped over myself and fell down next to him. I quickly got up to check on him.

His eyes were closed. He wasn't responding. My mind was reeling, going a mile a minute.

Before I could perform some kind of first aid, he coughed up blood, and then he opened his eyes. They were narrowed in pain and in obvious effort to keep them open.

"Grimm!"

"I… Ichigo, I couldn't… get out of… the gigai… I was stuck… in this material body… I couldn't escape…" he explained meekly. His voice was strained with pain. He coughed again. More blood flowed out of him so effortlessly. It was as if it weren't an important substance that he needed to live.

"Shhhh, Grimm, don't speak. I have to give you first aid. You need help. You… You're really hurt," I began in a calmed hurried voice, but as I spoke my calmness crumbled and my voice became strained. I began to panic. He's loosing too much blood too quickly.
I began to assess his injuries, and my stomach plummeted into the earth at a sickening velocity, while my heart was being slowly torn apart bit-by-every-little-shitty-bit.

His clothes were in shreds, putting all of his injuries on display. He had multiple lacerations in his torso, some of them shallow, most of them deep. His …left arm … had been cut off. His right leg was frozen solid. His right arm was broken. He was… stabbed so many times; one of the deeper stab wounds was really fucking close to his heart. Worst of all, the artery in his left inner thigh was cut with deadly precision.

I was so close to throwing up. I couldn't take it. The mere thought of him getting hurt shattered my heart… but this. It was too overwhelming. Nevertheless, I still managed to spring into action.

I took off my shirt, shredded it into several long strips, and I tried to make a makeshift tourniquet for whatever was left of his left arm and his left leg. After that I began to push the fabric into the really big wounds that were pumping blood out of him, especially where the cut artery was, this made him stir.

"Grimm, don't move-"

"Ichi… sh-shut up and… listen… to me," he struggled to say as he held back coughs and panted heavily. The determined pleading look in his eyes silenced me. They made me hold my breath. It was almost like if I had made a single move, he would shatter. I was absolutely petrified as I listened to his fin- to his words. They weren't his last words… they couldn't be.

"We both know… I can't survive this… not in this body… look, just know that… you're not at fault and that … you're always… worth more… than… you think… I … love… you…" He rasped hurriedly at first, struggling as he continued, but towards the end, his speech slowed and before I knew it, he was no longer moving.

He wasn't breathing as I watched whatever life that was in his eyes fade. His body went limp in my arms. The eyes that were filled with worry for me, that were filled with love for me… had gone dull with lifelessness.

"Grimm," my voice trembled as I slightly shook him. There was no response.

I couldn't feel anything as I watched. It was as if my emotions were frozen stiff. I shook him a bit more.

"Grimm…?" I heard my voice crack. The only thing that I could feel was the contrast of my trembling arms against his unmoving body. 'When had I started shaking?'

"Oh, would you stop this nonsense. This is pathetic. Even for you, Kurosaki." A cold even voice suddenly cut through the heavy atmosphere and my muddled thoughts.

Suddenly, without warning, large heavy tears began to pour out of my eyes, as if the dams that were holding on this whole time finally broken and the water poured out. I slowly looked up to see someone I hadn't noticed standing there before, someone who I had never thought I'd see again.

"B… Bya… kuya…? Wh- what are you doing here? What… what's going on…?" My voice cracked with the overwhelming emotions I was feeling all at once. It was all so devastating… It was all so confusing… what was happening?

"Shut up, you insolent fool. What did you think would happen once we found him?"

"Huh?"

"We found out about him when Orihime and Ishida had said they felt a strange, unfamiliar, faint reiatsu. Why didn't you betray him? Why did you betray us?" Another male's voice had spoken. My eyes turned to my left, watching Renji step out of the shadows of the trees with a serious countenance and dull eyes.

"Renji…?"

"Yeah, Ichigo, what did you think was going to happen if you kept him cooped up in your home? Why didn't you betray him? Why did you think that we wouldn't watch you since they had said something? Why did you think that engaging in that revolting shit with him wouldn't spike his reiatsu? Why did you get intimate with him?" A familiar female voice spoke from behind me. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I slowly turned to look over my shoulder.

"Ru… Rukia? Wh… what the fuck is going on…? Grimm… he's… what're you…? Why're you here? Why can I… see you? … What's… happening?" I croaked, confused beyond belief. I was shaking like a leaf as I tried to compute what was happening. Suddenly, I started to feel a nagging sharp pain that was pulsing in my right forearm.

"Wha-" I began to question, but as I turned my head to look forward, I saw a pure white katana sticking out of Grimmjow's chest… straight through his heart… and into my forearm, piercing right through.

'What the fuck? What?! Why…? Why hadn't I seen that before?!'

I was about to scream.

I was confused. I was sorrowful. I was so torn. I was despondent, desolate, crushed, grief-stricken, pained, injured, and bewildered. I was broken again, but this time, I couldn't be put back together. I was overloaded with emotions and the pain from the katana, but before I would even let out a whimper, Rukia covered my mouth. She swiftly and forcefully yanked the katana out of my arm and out of Grimmjow's corpse. I didn't even react as pain flooded my senses. I didn't make a sound, nor did I move. I was just so overcome with grief and astonishment that I couldn't function properly.

"Wha…? When did you stab me? Why didn't I notice…? Why… Grimm… oh, Grimm… he… couldn't have died..." I whispered harshly as I began to slowly shake my head. This couldn't be happening… Right? Yeah, this was all just a dream. A nightmare… Right?

"He was a hollow, Kurosaki." Byakuya began to speak in his usual monotone voice and with dark ice-cold eyes. "He was an Espada. He was the sexta Espada. He was a threat, and he needed to go. He got stuck in his gigai, because he never learnt to how get out of one. You didn't tell him how, did you? You forgot, didn't you? You were sitting so comfortably on the thought that he wouldn't need to get out of the gigai, because you never thought we'd find and kill him, huh? It was either that, or Urahara made it so that he couldn't escape, trapping him inside of a rigged gigai… Anyway, you have to be punished for betraying the Soul Society by keeping an enemy and having a personal relationship with that enemy. We'll be taking you with us."

As soon as he was finished speaking, something shuffled behind me, and as I mumbled under my breath to Grimmjow's corpse that I loved him too, everything went dark while pain exploded in the back of my head.

: -:

'H-huh…?'

I felt my eyes flutter open. I immediately squinted as I adjusted to the light. Soon enough, I was able to focus, and I had found myself staring up to at a gray overcast covering the blue sky.

'Why does the thought of a blue sky remind me of something? Wait, now that I think about it… why am I staring up at the sky? Why am I lying down on the grass? Where am I?'

I slowly sat up and looked around. I found myself sitting at the top of a hill that overlooked a field of wilted flowers. There were dark gloomy woods to my left, and the bottom of the hill to my right. As I glanced at my surroundings, I saw something very unexpected and terrifying out of the corner of my eye. I stiffened in complete astonishment as adrenaline began to pump into my system.

There were dead bodies lying a few feet behind of where I was sitting. I scurried away from them. Scared and confused, I took in what was in front of me.

One of the corpses had cotton candy blue hair that reminded me of the morning sky. He had blue-green eye make-up under his eyes, and sharp features. Though he seemed to be at peace, which was eerie because of how badly this man was hurt. I don't even want to think about how he had a leg frozen solid, all of those slashes, and his fucking arm cut off. I wanted to vomit at the sight, but I did my best to hold back the queasiness in my stomach as I further assessed the situation.

I saw another corpse that was laying face down across the blue haired body. I couldn't see the face of the second body, but he had orange hair for some odd reason, and the way he went out was more merciful than how the other guy had died. The orange haired guy got the back of his head smashed in. Bits of his skull and gray matter were splattered on the ground, soaking into the soil.

I had no idea how I was able to hold onto my lunch. Though, as soon as I had processed that there were two bodies in front of me, my gaze fall absentmindedly to the blue haired corpse. I felt tears well up at the corners of my eyes as my heart wailed in sorrow and devastation. I had no idea why I was reacting like this; I was so confused. 'Why does it give me immense pain and guilt to see this cotton candy head dead? Why not the orange haired guy? Do I know these people? Do I know the cotton candy head? Who was that person? On second thought… who am I? Why… can't I remember anything…?'

"Why did you do that, Rukia?!"

The shout startled me out of my thoughts as I snapped my head to the angry voice. "We were just supposed to take his spirit to Soul Society! Not kill his mortal self! Besides, that katana had enough reiatsu to restore his powers so then he could face his punishment! We could have taken him out of his body! But no! Now he's a spirit that has Shinigami powers! We can't bring him back home after his punishment as planned since he wasn't a resident of Soul Society!" A red-haired man in a shihakushō hissed and snarled at a short girl with raven hair who was in the same attire. There was a black-haired man with the same clothes as the other two with the difference of a white cloth over his shihakushō and strange hair clips in his hair. He was standing in-between the two with a puzzled frown on his face, as if he were trying to figure out the solution to a very complex problem.

I was so perplexed as to what the fuck was happening. It felt as though my head was overheating from trying to process too much. There were two dead people, I realized I have no idea who I am and that I have no memories whatsoever, and now there were three people in black shihakushō bickering in front of me and the two dead bodies… what the fuck was going on?! Who are these people?! Who's 'Rukia?!'

"I- I'm sorry. I… didn't mean to. I forgot… he was in his human body and… that a forceful hit like that could… I mean… I didn't realize that… even with his powers… he could still… in his human body… Ichigo…?"

I turned my attention to a hesitant feminine voice that seemed to be filled with stunned dread. The strangers had finally noticed my presence and they were all looking at me with guilt in their eyes. I looked back at them in slight terror and suspicion as I glanced between all three of them.

"Ichigo?" The red-haired man called, but I just gave him a confused frown.

'Who's 'Ichigo?''

I hesitantly peeked over my shoulder to see if he was talking to someone else, but I saw no one. I raised a skeptical eyebrow. I turned back at the redhead whose face was slowly being consumed in astonishment.

"Who's 'Ichigo?' Look, instead of gawking at me as if I had just sprouted another motherfucking head, can you guys just tell me what the fuck is going on? Why am I here? Why are there two dead people on the ground?! Did you guys kill them? Who are you people?!" I raised my voice in frustration, fear, and confusion as I scowled and lost the cool I had been planning to keep so then I could try to squeeze the information out of these people effectively. I slowly stood up and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for someone to start talking. I was trying hard to keep calm in the bizarre situation I had been placed into. I really wanted to run away from these people, but I have no idea where to go. I had to think calmly about this. Besides, if these people killed these two guys, why haven't they attacked me? 'Maybe they stumbled upon this scene? Maybe it was all an accident?'

After a few moments of tense silence, the man with the black-hair stepped in front of me. He appeared to be aloof as he spoke in a dull tone.

"It seems as though you do not remember much of anything. You do not remember who you are, where you are, and what is going on. Is that the case?"

I blinked at him before I narrowed my eyes in wariness. I didn't really like this guy too much and I wasn't sure why, it was just a feeling. However, I decided to tell the truth since it seems as though these people know my past and me. They also seemed to know what had happened to those people.

"Yeah. I can't remember a thing. So, who are you? What the fuck is going on?!" I shouted as I lost my composure once again. He seemed to be unfazed at my mild outburst. I took a deep breath to retain a collected demeanor. He didn't seem the type to talk with people who weren't composed.

When he saw that I had calmed myself down, he huffed and began to speak in a tone that made him sound like he was bored, but I knew that wasn't that case due to how stunned he seemed a few minutes ago.

"Just come with us for now. It is dangerous here. Now that you are a soul with powers, hollows will come here soon. You will get answers when we get to Soul Society and what the captain-commander decides what to do with you now that this… predicament has occurred."

As soon as he finished speaking he turned around and a strange circular paper-wooden door appeared out of nowhere. When the door magically appear I swear my eyes nearly popped out of my head. Flabbergasted, I was frozen stiff as I numbly watched the man calmly step through the door. Suddenly, I felt something push me towards the door. I dug my heels into the ground and looked around frantically. I noticed that the bodies were nowhere to be seen as I saw that the girl and the redhead were the ones pushing me towards the door.

"Hey-!" I began to shout, but before I could say anything else, they gave me one final shove and I stumbled into the door.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in a large wooden room with pillars supporting the ceiling on both sides of the room. Then I saw the bizarre strangers who all wore the same attire as the black-haired man with the funny hair clips surround me. I was bewildered at the appearances of some of these… people?

There was a huge dog-man, a man with a black and white face and strange Egyptian shit on his head, a tall man with an eye patch and scars littering his skin, and a kid with white hair… who are these people?!

"Wh… what the fuck," I mutter under my breath as my countenance was enveloped in terrified astonishment.

"Take your places!" A loud authoritative voice boomed from the front of the large room. The people – or creatures – that surrounded me mumbled under their breaths as they lined up and faced towards me. I slowly looked around, utterly confused as I tried to figure out why they were all staring at me and where I was. As I looked around, my eyes caught a figure standing at the front of the room. An old man with a wooden cane and with long ass beard and eyebrows glowered at me. Gulping nervously, I stared directly into his beady eyes. I knew he was dangerous. Though, I didn't know how I knew. I just knew.

"Kurosaki-kun," the old man began with a rough voice as he continued to stare at me. I wasn't sure if he was addressing me, but I figured that he was since I knew there was no one behind me.

"I had been informed moments before your arrival that you have no recollection of who you are or anything about your past, is this true?"

I glanced around as the anxiety, terror, and bewilderment all mixed together in an awful typhoon within my stomach. I looked around to see some with sad faces and others who didn't seem to care. I redirected my attention to the old man, and I felt as though if I didn't answer soon he'd smack me with his cane, so I answered in a tone that I had hoped radiated confidence and not fear.

"Yeah, it's true. I don't remember anything. Um… can I ask something?"

The old man hesitated for a moment before he grunted and motioned with his hand for me to continue.

"Am I 'Kurosaki-kun?'"