Thanks for reading and reviewing. There will be a few more chapter but I will see this story to the end.
After a night of restless sleep the next morning Santana knocked on Emilia's hospital room door and walked in. "Dr. Pez, I feel better today I'm not sick." Emilia sat on the bed crossed legged hugging her panda bear. She was wearing a pink sundress with hearts on it. Brittany was sitting on the edge of bed with the look on her face she gets when she's thinking really hard about something.
"Good morning Em. I'm glad you are feeling better and you look so pretty in that dress."
"It's my favorite dress and I told mommy I wanted to wear it cause I'm going home today."
Santana sat down in the chair by the bed. "I know you are happy to be going home. Em, I need you to talk to about why you have been feeling so sick and yucky. I know you are feeling better today and that's great but you are still sick. Remember yesterday when your mommy was sleeping I told you I was sick just like you are now. I remember there were days when I felt better and I thought I must be better but I wasn't. Some days you just feel better than do you other days."
"I know when I told mommy I felt better and I wasn't sick anymore she told me I was still sick. She said I have to come back to the hospital so I can get better." Emilia pouted just like Brittany always pouted.
"You're mommy is right you will be sick until you come back to the hospital we put special medicine in your body to help you get better. That's why you have to come back to the hospital and stay for a month. Do you know how long a month is?"
"I know it's a really long time cause mommy and I had a Christmas calendar and we marked the days off til it was Christmas. It took forever."
"I know it will seem like a long time but you need to stay at the hospital so you can get better. You know how your nose gets sick when you have a cold, well the blood in your body is sick right now. That's why you've been feeling sick and are tired all of the time. The special medicine we give you will be strong so it can help your blood get better."
"Is the medicine going to taste yucky?"
Santana looked to see how Brittany was doing and she saw that Brittany was concentrating on Emilia's face. "No this medicine won't taste yucky because it isn't the kind of medicine you put in your mouth."
"Is it going to be a shot cause if it is it's ok I'm not afraid of needles. I'm brave. 'Cept the needle that doctor put in back really hurt bad."
Santana knew Emilia was talking about the spinal tap she had done two days ago. "I know it hurt really badly but I heard you were the bravest little girl they had ever seen. When you come back to the hospital in three days we will be putting a small tube in your arm and the medicine will go through that tube. Em, do you have any questions? I know all of this can be scary."
Em looked at Brittany who gave a small smile. "Will you be here every day when I'm in the hospital?" Em's little voice cracked like she on the verge of crying.
"I'll be here every day to see you." Santana said with the best smile she force on her face.
"Santana, can I talk to you out in the hall for a minute?" Brittany asked.
Santana looked at Brittany to get an idea if she was upset or what was going on. "Sure there's just one other thing I want to talk to Em about. Em, if when you are home you start feeling sicker or you feel like you can breathe promise me you will tell your mommy immediately, ok?"
Em nodded her head, "I promise Dr. Pez."
Brittany got up from the bed. "I'll be right in the hallway talking to Dr. Lopez for a few minutes and then when I done we can go home."
Santana opened the door and held it for Brittany to walk of the room first. Once they were out in the hallway Brittany didn't hesitate to start talking. "Santana, why did you promise Em you would be here every day to see her? You can't make a promise like to a 5 year when you know you can't keep it."
Santana scowled, "What makes you think I won't be able to keep my promise?"
"I know you work hard and work long days but you don't work every day you get days off. Em will be expecting you to be here to see every day Santana not just on the days you work."
"I know that Britt. I meant it when I said I'll be here every day to see her."
Brittany was about to say something back when two people walking towards them caught her eye. She didn't say a word she just walked towards the woman and hugged her. The woman hugged her back. "Brittany, I just had to come see you when Carlos told me about your daughter. I'm so sorry."
Brittany looked at Maribel with tears in eyes. "I'm so happy to see you and thanks for coming. I'm just about ready to take Emilia home so you timed it just right. I'd like for you and Carlos to meet her."
Santana stood there watching her mother and Brittany hug and talk. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. She wasn't sure how she felt about anything right at that moment. Maribel put her hand on her Santana's shoulder knowing that seeing Brittany after all this time must be difficult enough for her but under the circumstances it must be unbelievably emotional on her.
"You just couldn't stay away could you? And dad you couldn't wait to run home and tell mom about Brittany and her daughter. I told you that information from one doctor to another. I've got rounds to do." Santana walked away from Brittany and her parents. They all stood there surprised at Santana's response.
When Santana got a few steps away she turned back to Brittany. "If Emilia starts running a fever, has difficulty breathing, or starts sleeping a lot when your home for the three days please bring her to the ER immediately." Brittany nodded her head that she understood and then Santana walked away.
Maribel and Carlos looked at Brittany who watched Santana walk away. Maribel stroked Brittany's arm. "This has got to be extremely difficult for both of you. Santana hasn't completely changed. Every once in awhile she strikes out verbally when she feels too much emotion. Believe she has gotten so much better but old habits are hard to break sometimes. So how about we go meet this beautiful daughter of yours."
Brittany smiled as they walked back into the hospital room. She knew Maribel was right about Santana walking away when her emotions get the best of her. For first time Brittany was wondering if maybe she should've taken Santana up on her offer to recommend another doctor for Emilia.
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Santana spent the rest of the day and the next day buried in her work at the hospital. She had the whole weekend off and wasn't on call but she made sure to tell her associate that if Brittany called or brought Emilia into the ER that he was to call her immediately.
Maribel had called and apologized to Santana for just showing up at the hospital like that. After they got home from the hospital she and Carlos both agreed they should've called Santana before just showing up like that. She explained to Santana that when Carlos told her about Brittany and her daughter that she just needed to see them. Santana understood because Brittany was like a second daughter to them and she knew it had been difficult for them not to be a part of her life for the past twenty years. Santana apologized for her behavior and she knew she would have to apologize to Brittany too at some point.
Maribel invited Santana over for a barbeque on Saturday and even though Santana just wanted to stay home and watch TV and relax she said she would go because she deep down she wanted to talk to her parents about seeing Brittany after so long and about Emilia. Her parents gave up their lives in Lima for her and she knew she owed them more than she could ever repay them.
Santana walked through the front door of her parent's house. She was always telling them they should keep it locked but they would never listen to her. She started calling out to her mother and father but got surprised when someone ran up to her and practically tackled her at the knees. "Dr. Pez you're here."
Santana was shocked to look down and see Emilia latched onto her legs. "Hi Em", was all Santana could manage to say. After a few seconds she found her anger starting to flare. Her mother didn't tell her Emilia would be here and she assumed Brittany was there too.
"Mommy, grandma and grandpa are outside with your mommy and daddy."
Santana tried to take it all in what Emilia had said. Apparently Brittany's parents are here too. She knew Brittany hadn't told them yet about Emilia being sick but that she was going to the day Emilia was discharged. They must have gotten then next flight from Lima to LA. This was all too much for Santana because she hadn't seen the Pierce's since she left Brittany. "Em, you go back outside and I'll be there in a minute." Emilia went running off in the direction of backyard patio through the kitchen.
Santana walked into the kitchen and looked out at the patio. There sat Susan and David Pierce talking to Maribel and Carlos. Brittany sat alone in lounge chair by the pool. Em ran up to her and got her lap. Santana could see Em talking to Brittany and then Brittany looked towards the house. Santana ducked away from the window hoping Brittany didn't see her.
It was then she decided this was all too much for her take so she walked out of the kitchen towards the front door. She would text her mother and tell her she just couldn't stay and ask her why she didn't tell her Brittany, Emilia, and the Pierces were going to be at the barbeque.
Santana was just about to open the front door when…
"Santana?"
Santana knew she had to turn around so she did and there stood Brittany looking quite sexy in her shorts and tank top. "Brittany."
"Were you going to leave again without telling anyone?"
Hearing Brittany say those words she knew the double meaning behind them. "I..um…my mother said it was just going to be them and me for the barbeque. She neglected to tell me that you, Em, and your parents were going to be here too."
"So you decided to sneak away because you didn't want to see us? Your mother didn't keep anything from you. I picked my parents up from the airport and they wanted to see your parents so we stopped by on our way home. Your parents asked us to stay for the barbeque. Just so you know I said no that we should really get home because my parents had a long flight but I was really thinking of you and how you might react to us being here unexpectedly."
Santana didn't know how to respond and she couldn't believe the next thing she remembered was her body sliding down the front door as her body was racked with uncontrollable sobbing. Brittany stood there a few seconds before her natural instinct to comfort Santana took over and she sat on the floor beside her and pulled her into her arms.
Brittany held Santana while she continued to sob and cry harder than Brittany had ever seen her cry before. Santana had twenty years of emotions bottled up inside her and they decided to all come out at once.
Santana and Brittany didn't see their mothers watching them briefly. Their mothers wanted their daughters to be happy and they knew the only way Santana and Brittany could be truly happy was with one another. They both knew what their daughters wanted but they didn't know if it was too late for them to work things out. Santana blamed herself for leaving Brittany and Brittany was still heartbroken Santana left her without even talking to her about why she was leaving. Santana had taken away Brittany's choice to make her own decision about staying by Santana's side during her battle with leukemia.
Santana's sobs stopped and she was sniffling but neither woman wanted to let go of the other one. Holding each other like this after so many years felt so right. They just fit together both physically and emotionally.
"I'm sorry." Santana croaked out her voice still full of emotion.
"It's ok we all break down sometimes. Although I've never seen you break down like that. I know I told you my main focus right now is Emilia and her treatment but I want you to tell me what is going on in your head right now that caused you to break like that?" Brittany continued to hold Santana and stroke her hair.
"I was thinking about how I messed up your life, my parents' lives, your parents' lives, and my life when I left you. I thought I was doing the right thing but what I've realized over the years is that I was being selfish. I didn't give you a say in whether we stayed together or not to fight my leukemia. And my parents they gave up their lives and friends in Lima to be by my side."
"I have to agree with you that you were selfish. However, over the years I realized something too. I realized you did what did because you loved me and thought you were protecting me. I want ask you something though, if you realized you were selfish and you regretted your decision why didn't you ever contact me and apologize?"
Santana was silent for several moments. "Because I was scared. Scared that if I heard your voice again or looked into your eyes that the love I always heard in your voice and saw in your eyes would be gone. I thought you might hate me and I knew I couldn't handle that."
Brittany put her hand under Santana's chin so she would look up at her while she still held her in her arms. "What do you see when you look into my eyes now?"
Santana looked into Brittany's eyes briefly and then shut her eyes. "I can't tell you because what if I'm wrong. What if I'm only seeing what I want to see and not what is really there?"
Brittany could Santana was afraid to tell her what she saw when she looked into her eyes. Santana was feeling vulnerable and Brittany knew Santana hated feeling that way so she decided to make her feel safe, just like she used to do. "When you look into my eyes I hope you still see the love I have for you. Believe me when you first left I tried so hard to hate you but I couldn't make myself do it because we are soulmates and the love between soulmates is forever no matter what happens. I love you Santana and that is never going to change."
Santana felt a new batch of tears falling down her cheeks she can't believe Brittany still loves her after she single handedly ruined their dreams of a life together.
Brittany wiped away Santana's tears with her finger and spoke to her softly. "San, when I look in your eyes I see the same love I saw when we were teenagers. Like my love for you it's always there."
Santana noticed it was the first time Brittany had called her San. "So what do we do now?"
"Emilia is my first priority. There is something you can do for me though if you truly want to. You can be my friend because I'm going to need a friend and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have by my side than you."
"I can be your friend and be there for you."
Brittany thought before saying her next words. "I want you to find another doctor to oversee Em's treatment. Before you get upset I think it's what is best for everyone. You are too personally connected even though you just met Em a few days ago I can tell how much you care about her."
"Britt, I can still be her doctor even though I have to admit that little girl already has me wrapped around her little finger. I can be her doctor and your friend."
"I know you could but I think it's better if you don't have be both. I know you are the best pediatric oncologist in LA. I also know when you recommend another doctor it would be a doctor you have enough faith in to take care of Em as if she were your own daughter."
Brittany unwrapped her arms from around Santana's body. "Britt, I know you gave birth to Em. When I first met her I thought maybe you had adopted her but then I read on her medical chart that you are biological mother by in vitro fertilization. When chose your sperm donor why did you pick a man who was Hispanic?"
Brittany knew this question was going to come up but she didn't think it would be so soon. "When I realized I was probably never going to find someone I wanted to have a family with I decided to have a baby on my own. My dream had been to have children with you and I knew if I carried our child we would've chosen a Hispanic sperm donor so our child would have traits from both of us. When I was looking at the pictures of sperm donors there was one young man who reminded me of you. He was smiling in his picture and he had those adorable dimples just like you do. So I chose him. Em has those same dimples."
Santana felt tears stinging her eyes again. "I noticed she has the cutest little dimples. Britt, do you think we can ever be together again?"
"I don't know. The love we shared is still there and like I said it will always be there no matter what but right now it's got all of these other emotions surrounding it. I meant what I said about needing you as a friend but if it's going to be too much for you I'll understand." Brittany felt the tears running down her face.
Santana wiped the tears from Brittany's face with her thumb. "I want to be there for both you and Em."
"Mommy, Dr. Pez's mommy said to come and get you two cause it's time to eat." Emilia came running to Brittany and sat on her lap. "Why are you two sitting on the floor by the door?"
Santana got up from the floor and held out her hand to Emilia and pulled her up off Brittany's lap. She then held her hand out to help Brittany up off the floor. Santana started to walk away towards the patio when Brittany grabbed her hand. Santana looked her concerned. "There's one more thing I have to tell you. When I asked my parents why you left me and they told me it was because you had leukemia there's something my mother told me that has always stuck in mind. Your mother told my mother that she was so thankful you decided to come to LA for treatment because if you had stayed in NYC or gone home to Ohio you might not be alive today. The experimental chemo the doctors gave you before your bone marrow transplant saved your life and you wouldn't have been able to receive that chemo in NYC or Ohio. So while I was devastated that you left me if you hadn't left there's a good chance you might not be standing here with me right now. I'm so happy you are still alive." Brittany face was covered with tears.
Santana hugged her tightly. "I'm here and I'm never leaving you again."
Brittany sniffled, "I want to believe that but I hope you understand that it's going to take for me to trust you with my heart again."
"I know", Santana said in hushed tone.
TBC
