Chapter 3: Amicus

Howard Link opened his eyes slowly to the cold sunlight emanating through his curtain windows. He was facing up towards the ceiling, watching tiny specs of dust dance lazily about the air as he became used to the concept of being awake. He swallowed, wincing at the bruises renewed constricting his ability to breathe comfortably. He blinked slowly, turning to his side, squinting at the figure sleeping faced towards him.
He was admittedly a bit surprised, fully expecting the red head to have walked out the same as their last encounter. He took the time to assess Lavi's form, realizing he hadn't actually seen the man in proper light since they had starting associating. It took him back a bit how attractive he really was, like the models or rough looking movie stars women would fawn over. It was entirely unlike his own features which he found set in severe strictness, sharp and pointed in areas which he felt gave himself an unfriendly appearance. Some part of him envied that the younger man could convey expressions that made him fit in with regular society… He seemed like the kind of guy who could chameleon into just about any group of people.
He attempted to shift upright, though felt immense throbbing and stiffness in his neck, causing him to relent in continuing his previous position. In the shuffling of sheets he saw Lavi's eyes open slowly, the man letting out a sigh through his nose as he rubbed the sleep away from his face. The red head's usual head band and eye patch had been removed, documenting the first time Link had ever seen the man without these items. The man's right eye, which was normally covered, opened slightly, though not as much as a normal eye would. Link noticed a blurred discoloration there, making him guess that the eye was unable to see and hence spent most of its time buried under the red head's eyepatch. It seemed like an odd fashion choice, one that made Lavi stand out in any crowd he was in.

"You're finally awake." Lavi mumbled as he repositioned himself to sitting up, giving Link a look of scrutiny. "Your dumbass doesn't hydrate enough. It's why you kept passing out."

Link worked his mouth to form a snarky reply, though found his throat constricting sounds from exiting. He shut his mouth and furrowed his brow in frustration, looking away pointedly from the red head.
Lavi removed himself from the bed, donning only a pair of boxers as he reapplied the eyepatch to his face. "Unbelievable." The man gave a light laugh. "Even like this you still act like such a bitch. I applaud your commitment."
Link watched carefully as the man walked out from the room, curious if this was where his visitor was now going to make his exit. He heard clinking and shuffling outside, straining to attempt to see what the confounded red head was doing inside his house. Not too much longer Lavi re-entered, holding a glass of water out to the blonde.

"Can you sit up?"

Link frowned. Despite the stiffness and aching of his neck he forced himself to shift upright, his body screaming from the tire of fever and sore abuse from the night before. He wordlessly accepted the water from Lavi, not realizing how thirsty he really was until he noticed the water tasting far better than it should. Without thinking he drained the glass, feeling some life return to his dry mouth and throat. He held the glass back out to the red head, who seemed to consider the action for a moment.

"You're so stubborn." Lavi heaved a sigh. "You're welcome by the way, not everyone sticks around after their night stand blacks out on them." He took the glass and headed

out once more, returning it to Link before taking a seat on the side of the bed in front of him. Link nursed the container of liquid in his hand, clearing his throat and rediscovering his voice, cracked though it was.
"You didn't leave…" He wasn't sure where the words came from, if it was for sure him speaking now or…
The man regarded him for a moment before casually leaning back. "I'd feel bad leaving you like that, even if it was terribly rude on your part. Besides…" Lavi appeared to be avoiding eye contact. "It's been sorta lonely."
Link thumbed the rim of his drinking receptacle before taking a slow sip. He mulled over the thought of loneliness, realizing for the first time since waking up that the eerie feeling of being swallowed up by his environment was kept at bay for the time being. He hadn't thought about loneliness in depth, only that he missed Allen. Perhaps… He missed other human contact in some way as well. His feelings towards Lavi felt immensely fuzzy, however the initial black emotions he had associated with the man didn't hold the same flare they had before.

"I mean," Lavi sat upright, giving Link snarky smile. "If having me around upsets your stomach too much I can always leave too. Just didn't seem terribly polite to leave you

looking like a bruised banana all out cold and everything."
Link subconsciously touched a hand to his sensitive bruises, glaring at the man with venom.

"Whose fault do you think that is?"

"Not my fault you passed out, that shit's on you. Also, you seemed to enjoy the hell out of being choked senseless." Lavi narrowed his eye, an unpleasant slyness darkening his features. "I never took you for a masochist."
Link clicked his tongue, avoiding that single green eye at all costs and feeling seething embarrassment course through him. It was mortifying to have allowed the red head to see him in that way.
Lavi laughed. "It's fine, it's not that unusual really. You don't have to worry about pride or whatever the fuck you're thinking about right now. That attitude of yours isn't very cute anyhow, you should consider loosening up more. You're more interesting like that." He climbed the rest of the way onto the bed, Link leaning back as Lavi crawled over on top of him. "You still haven't told me if you want to kick me out yet or not."
The blonde had his half-full glass of water hugged to his chest, feeling his heart pound as he stared into the single pool of unreadable emerald. A strong part of him wanted to kick the man out and never see him again, reeling in the guilt of having someone out there who knew him in that way… But the other part, perhaps the part that wasn't entirely him…

"You can stay."

Lavi's features softened and the blonde stiffened as his guest slunk down to lay atop him, feeling wild red hair rest against his exposed chest. The man closed his eye, seemingly content with Link's answer. With uncertainty, Link placed his glass on the night stand, reaching out with an unsteady hand to run through Lavi's unkept hair. It didn't seem entirely soft, like there was some stiff product in it that formed the man's wild appearance. A strange comfort and warmth spread from where Lavi's heavy body lay over his.

"I've been meaning to ask…" Link started tentatively.

"Hm?"

"That time three years ago, that wasn't the only time you were with him, right?"

The red head leaned up a bit, discomfort clouding his expression. "Come on, let's not do this right now…"

"I'm not mad." Link touched upon the man's hair again, letting the strands slip through his fingers. "I had some idea."

The red head seemed to be looking at him with caution, as if he was thinking of which words to construct. "It wasn't."
Link hadn't expected to handle this information with the calm he felt now, the image of Allen smiling at him fading back into the darkness of his mind. "The way you were last night, it seemed just like him. How many times?"

"On and off." Lavi muttered. "To be honest we were sort of a thing before the two of you started dating. I wasn't a stable guy though, and I think with everything he was dealing with he wanted something with a bit more calculation." The red head was avoiding his eye contact. "Every now and again though he'd start it. He'd never say why, he seemed like he was still infatuated with you anyhow. But maybe…" Link could feel Lavi tense slightly. "He never told me he loved me, I never got that. I don't think he did. I think he just couldn't separate himself entirely from one world or the other. He grew up with chaos, so he craved predictability. But you don't forget your roots entirely, I think some part of him couldn't get out of that, and I could never bring myself to deny him." Lavi got up from his spot, Link feeling his fingers slip from the red tendrils. "Some part of me always hoped he'd become bored with you and come running my way. It never happened though." The man looked somewhere off in the distance, nostalgic sadness dripping in his voice. "And now it never will."
Link mulled the words over, assessing how he was handling the information. Was what he and Allen had together a lie…? He imagined before he would have become pissed off and acted irrationally, though for whatever reason he felt immensely calm, almost cool with clarity.

"Sorry… I'll uh, I'll go-"

Link cut the red head off, finding his hand back on his head, gripping a handful of his hair in his fist. He wordlessly, slowly, dragged the man back down to where he'd been before, holding him there with allowed strength as Lavi silently complied.

"I'm grateful." Link released Lavi's hair from his grip once he felt sure he wouldn't get up again. "I've been struggling in this life after him, feeling like I'm in a world of empty faces who will never understand how I feel." He resumed stroking the rough strands, unable to see what kind of face the red head was making. "You seem to understand though. You understand how he was endlessly kind, then suddenly cruel in unexpected moments. Last night proved that to me."
Lavi kept quiet for some time, Link focusing on the feeling of pressure leaning against where his heart beat.

"I think…" Lavi spoke from below, "I think if he had his way, he'd have kept both of us for as long as he could. You were a safe place for him to come home to, something he could predict, and I was someone he could use to blow off some steam."

"There are parts of me that I only gave to you, and parts I only gave to him. The two of you will have to fill in the blanks."

Link closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. If Allen had lived, what would have become of this mess he'd set up? How would he have reacted to the red head he now had pressed against him had he found everything out before Allen died? Lavi had continued to wait for Allen, made himself available for the younger man despite knowing that he would spend most of his time with Link. Would he have had the same commitment?

I want to understand you.
"You can't get answers from me anymore. But you can still seek them out."
From him, you mean.
"You choose how you do it. The me inside him is reaching out to you, the same way the me inside you wants to connect with him."

Link reopened his eyes, feeling his vision unfocused in the dim light of his room.

"Don't leave me." The words came out quietly from the blonde, though once more he had the sensation they didn't truly belong to him.

Lavi laughed dryly. "I wouldn't dare. Otherwise you'll kill me, right?"
Link smiled, feeling the presence of his lost partner fill the room.

"Damn straight."

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Knock, Knock, Knock.

Link was shaken from his evening book reading by the sound of polite tapping at his door. He regarded it for a moment before closing his book and placing it on the coffee table. He knew it couldn't be his recent repeat offender as the red head had lounged about his house and raided his liquor cabinet before getting a call and saying he had some urgent business with work. Link hadn't questioned the excuse, assuming the man was simply bored after a certain point though admittedly was curious as to what kind of work someone like Lavi could be involved with.
He got up from the couch, peering through the peephole before opening the door to see a familiar blonde female coworker standing awkwardly with a heavy looking pot in her hands.

"H-hello." Tevak blurted. She had a serious look on her face, though Link could see underneath that she was nervous to some degree. She didn't seem like the kind of woman that left her house for leisure very often.

"What are you doing here?" He sighed.

"How rude! And after I came all this way!" She indignantly shoved the pot in his direction, sniffing and avoiding his eye contact. "You caused me so much trouble yesterday fainting nearly half the day away, and yet here I am, nice and lovely coworker that I am, to give you something to make you feel better."

Link stared at the pot being held out to him, noticing the woman's arms were shaking slightly from holding it at such an angle. He wordlessly accepted it, noting that it was rather heavy with whatever was inside of it.

"Thanks…."

Tevak settled her bristles down, eyeing the blonde man from the side. "You put up a good front, but you haven't been eating as well as you should be. I don't know who you think you're impressing, but acting like that and then overworking yourself does nothing but make things difficult." She turned towards him once more, meeting the braided man eye-to-eye, though her gaze trailed down for a moment and her expression changed to something of worry. Link felt her hands cover his where he was holding the pot by the handles. "What… Happened to you…?"

Link felt a hitch in his breathing as he suddenly realized his neck was exposed, bruises and all. Without thinking he dropped the pot to hide it with his hands, though Tevak was on it and caught it for him before it hit the ground. He chided himself for not thinking of some way to cover them before answering the door.

Tevak gripped the handles on the pot before seeming to breathe in deeply. "Whatever, I'm coming in."

Link had no time before his coworker shoved passed him, sliding her shoes off before taking the pot over to his kitchen. He stood stock still at his doorframe, feeling rigged with absolute shame as his ears burned at an uncontrollable temperature.

He heard Tevak huff from inside his home, almost being able to sense the young woman crossing her arms. "Even if I asked you about it, it's not like you'd tell me."

Link unwrapped himself a bit, slowly uncovering his hands from his throat so he could close the door. His movements felt sluggish and numb, every part of him cursing his carelessness. There was no point to it now, he tried to restraighten himself and attain some aspect of his dignity back.

"Have you eaten?" Tevak asked him as she investigated his stove.

"Not recently."

"Idiot."

He turned away from the door, watching as she aggressively worked the knobs and checked the glass top of the burners. Seeming satisfied, she placed the pot there, removing the lid and peering in on its contents. She wordlessly located his cooking utensils, eyeing a ladle before deeming it appropriate and stirring the pot's insides.

"Who was that guy from yesterday?" She asked.

Link clenched his teeth, remembering that Lavi had assisted in getting his unconscious form up the stairs. He wasn't sure why, but it irritated him to know that someone, even though Tevak had no idea who the man was, knew he'd been associating with the confounded red head.

"An old friend of Allen's." He meandered to where she stood, leaning against the door of the pantry and watching as she scrutinized what appeared to be stew. At the mention of Allen her ladling halted for a moment before she continued.

"Oh." Link noticed she was putting in considerable effort not to look at him. "I guess that's good, at least you have someone to talk to."

"Something like that." Link wasn't completely comfortable in whatever it was he and Lavi were getting involved in. It was definitely not something he wanted to share with anyone, let alone someone he worked with.

"He have something to do with that mess all over your neck?" God, she was blunt.

"No." Link lied.

"Like I said, not like you'd tell me anyway." She set the ladle to the side of the pot, searching for bowls in one of his cabinets. "Where are your spoons?" Link pointed in the direction of the needed drawer and Tevak went to work filling the bowls, placing them on the counter before glaring at him. "It's not like we're at the office right now, you don't have to act like that."

The blonde man blinked. "I, uh…"

"It's not cute." She shoved a bowl at him, though it took him a second to take her actions in and claim the bowl himself. This wasn't the first time his apparent cuteness had been judged that day… "I knew a teacher really well one time. She taught Kindergarten, probably one of the best early educators out there. After work though, she drank like a monster." She glared at him. "You can be a good employee without being perfect all the time."

Link looked down into his bowl, noting that the stew she'd prepared smelled relatively good. He couldn't place the last time someone had made him dinner. He'd always be the one cooking at home…

"You don't have a dining room, where the hell do you eat?"

He looked back up. "Usually at the coffee table… The place is kind of small."

Tevak grabbed her own bowl and walked passed him into the living room, halting a moment to look back at him. "You gonna eat with me or what?"

"Y-yeah…"

He followed her in, placing himself in the arm chair to offer the woman more space to herself on the couch. She sat down, bowl in lap, before taking a spoonful of the stew and blowing on it a few times to take a bite. Link took a bite himself, noting that it tasted as good as it had smelled.

"I didn't know you could cook." He murmured.

"Everyone knows how to cook to some extent." She took another bite, eyeing the man thoughtfully. "I just know with how many hours we pull you gotta fill it with the proper nutrition."

"You mention nutrition quite a bit." Link noted.

"Because it's important. If all you eat is garbage all the time your body will only be able to act like garbage. Same with sleep, if you don't sleep enough at home then it'll show in the product of your work." She settled deeper into the couch, hugging the warm bowl close to her. "I always thought about how you'd eat a pastry with almost every lunch, and wondered how you were able to provide the work you did while filling your body with sugar."

Link scowled. "I just… Like sweet things."

"What's this? A human reaction?" She held a hand to her mouth in mock awe. Link rolled his eyes. "I'm kidding. It's just nice to see you as something other than hopelessly mopey after these past few months. And genuinely, not that fake mask you wear around the office these days."

"I didn't mean to put on a mask…" Link took another bite of stew, wondering what it was like to interact with him outside of his own headspace. He almost bit his tongue in remembering Lavi saying something similar about how surprising it was to see him act in any way that was outside of his controlled sphere.

"You still trying to impress me in some way?"

He gulped and mentally shook his head, warding the voice at the back of his mind away. He stared into his bowl, trying to seek his next words out carefully.

"I don't… Get along well with other people." He could feel her feminine eyes taking him in, though didn't feel the courage to meet them. "It doesn't come easily to me, laughing with other people, so I don't get jokes a lot of the time. I couldn't fathom those who had options outside of working towards their goals or careers, it all just seemed like distraction that was unnecessary. You study hard to get a good job, and you work hard to become part of society."

Tevak seemed to mull over his words. "What about after hours? Normally people work hard to get a good job, so they can achieve something else, usually money to obtain comfort."

"There was that…" Link remembered glimpses of dinners out with Allen, or movies he'd been dragged to against his will. He remembered gifts he'd buy Allen, gifts now boxed up in storage because he couldn't bear to look at them. "My reason for comfort isn't here anymore though, so I've been feeling pretty aimless lately." He smiled, feeling as though he were laughing at himself. "That seems pretty pathetic, but that's how it is. Before I was just doing all those things to follow the rules, then he came along and suddenly I found purpose in building a life with him, wanting to do things with him… He's gone, and so is my purpose. So, it's back to sticking with the rules."

Tevak stayed silent for some time, having taken a pause from eating her food.

He laughed nervously. "Sorry, I've completely spoiled the mood."

"It's not that." She set her half-eaten bowl on the coffee table, leaning forward a bit in her seat. "It's honestly just… The first time you've ever talked about him personally with me. With anyone at the office, really. You don't talk about your home life, or if you're feeling down. We were all surprised to see you come into work only a few days after he passed, same as always you came in, did your work, and spoke to none of us about it. We could all tell you were having a hard time, but you didn't want to talk about it at all." She straightened up a bit. "Maybe you don't see it this way, but we all like you. You talk about not getting jokes, but we all saw a bit of humor in how overly serious you were. You were hard working to a fault and made the rest of us kind of feel left behind. So, it became really obvious when that hard-working attitude changed from ambition to mechanical structure."

Link had finished most of his bowl, feeling a bit queasy after having not eaten something so substantial in quite some time. He fidgeted with his hands, trying to think of what to say next. Tevak didn't give him the opportunity.

"What was he like?"

Link looked up, caught in auburn eyes similar to his own, but brighter in their intensity. He felt caught off guard by the question, unable to trail any line back to a start to where he could begin to describe Allen.

"Kind…" He stammered. "He was mostly kind." He remembered that cheery smile, ever resilient no matter the situation. "He didn't give up on things easily, saying they could always be worse no matter what he or what I was going through. I suppose in his perspective that was the case, he'd grown up in foster homes for some time before being adopted by someone who became like his father before that person passed away. I think that was the beginning of a lot of his hardships, but he never quit, not through anything. I guess that's what drew me to him, it's hard to find people who can commit when things become stressful…"

Tevak listened as Link found himself recounting events from the past. The comfort of nostalgia overcame the atmosphere of his home as he was able to recant what he had known of his partner for the time they'd been together. As he went over them at certain points he wondered at which times in their lives Allen had become involved with Lavi, forming memories he'd never had a part in. The thought failed to blacken what he'd loved in Allen as he thought it might, the memories he had were his, and the memories Lavi had belonged solely to the red head. He wasn't sure how much time passed as he found himself speaking more than he had in ages, something in him glad for the sort of company where he could paint Allen exactly as he remembered.

Perhaps it was because it was the first time he'd confided in another person as a friend…

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It was three days into Howard Link's mandatory week off and he'd felt he'd had enough. After recovering by the second day to what he felt was near mint health, the third day was making him go stir crazy. By this point he'd already finished a few of the books he'd meant to catch up on, he'd even become bored enough to tune into cable and peruse the channels before getting wrapped into a marathon of How It's Made. He'd downed a few drinks, getting sucked into the addicting concepts that went into making pillows, mandolins, and maybe about fifty or so other things he had not considered having origin stories. At some point during this stream of unnecessary information he'd fallen asleep, waking up at an ungodly hour with no desire to fall back asleep.
He had attempted to log into his work account to finish some of his files, only to find that he'd been locked out by upper management. Apparently Madarao was quite serious about keeping him from work. Irritated, bored and having spent enough time drinking and imagining the angry letter he wanted to write to the show creators of Ancient Aliens, he felt pent up inside his condo, however had no fantasies about what transpired outside.
At some point he checked his phone, though was not sure what he'd been hoping to find there. A message? He let out a tsk sound before tossing his phone onto the couch in frustration, leering at it as if it owed him something. He berated himself for hoping to hear anything from that idiot- Why the hell would he want to hear from him? Talking to that man was worthless, and it made him feel worthless that some part of him desired it. He stumbled back to the kitchen to pour some more bourbon, eyeing the spot where his phone lay dejected on his sofa with a sense of expectance. He let out a rather large breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, feeling utterly restless with no way out. He drained a bit more alcohol, slumping heavily against his kitchen counter and leaning into one hand for support. Link felt absolutely pathetic. Some part of him felt antsy, driven, for any form of social contact. This didn't make a lick of sense to him as he wasn't a social guy, he was used to spending plenty of time alone… So why was it bothering him so much now? He groaned, slinking slowly onto the kitchen floor. Even during quiet periods it had always been nice having Allen in the house with him, the younger man would spend time playing solitaire or inviting Link to sit on the couch with him while he watched shows or movies. He missed that presence of having Allen close by, of having a head rest on his lap, or firm arms hug around him when he would least expect it.
As he sat miserably on the floor, he went over in his head what he wouldn't give to have Allen back. Even knowing what he knew now, about Allen's unfaithfulness, he just… He…

Missed him.

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Link gave several unsteady knocks to the strained white door in front of him. Parts of the paint were peeled, and he recognized that this may not be the nicest part of town. After some time he knocked again, this time heavier, though without any rhythm as his hands felt like noodles flopping about his body.
The door finally opened, and he peered passed the archway into a single emerald eye.

"Woah, Two Spots?"

"Thass Link, I'm- "He pointed a thumb towards his chest, moving unsteadily. "I'm Link." He swallowed hard.

Lavi opened the door the rest of the way, seeming to eye the blonde up and down. "Jesus Christ, you didn't drive here did you?"

Link took a heavy step back and held both arms out in presentation towards where his car was parked, lopsided and way up against the curb. "Howsat?"

There was a certain type of horror in Lavi's eye as he looked from the terribly parked car to the terribly drunk Howard Link who'd come knocking at his door at 3 in the morning. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I asked that too- But I didn't find a good answer?" Link attempted to shove both his hands in his pockets, missing one hand which offset his balance a bit. "Shit, I'm drunk…"

"Yeah that's obvious you fucking idiot. I'm calling you an Uber."

"No, no, no." Link swayed towards the door, catching himself on the frame, attempting to steady himself. "I had something… Imporrant to tell you." He scowled as his thought process fought off the swarm of buzzing bees that was his brain. "I forgot…"
Lavi sighed, seemingly tired beyond the time of evening that plagued their meeting. "Did you… want to come inside?"

Link stepped back, squinting at the red head with drunken suspicion. "You would like that, wouldn't you?"

"No, not really, I'd like to sleep, but I can't really let you drive like that. You're the one who woke me up and came here unannounced."

Link laughed. "Sucks- Doesn't it?"

Lavi rolled his eye. "Get inside."

The blonde stepped away a few paces, though was grateful to meet the wall behind him before he fell backwards. "No." He blurted. "I'm going home. Goodbye." He swung himself in the direction of his car, leaning heavily against the peeled wooden walkway for support as he attempted to fish his keys. While swaggering away he felt a hand grab his wrist before finding himself be pulled backwards.

"You stupid, stubborn idiot. You're gonna kill yourself like that. Get inside." Lavi pulled Link towards his home, the blonde making a fuss but unable to do much other than complain.

"No, take me home. I messed up- I meant to drive… Meant to drive…" He fought off the racket in his head and vision to come up with a better excuse.

"You're not driving anywhere for at least the next twelve hours or so. And you managed to make it all the way here, so now you're stuck with me." Lavi growled as Link was dragged into the red head's apartment. Any last hope of getting away from this situation disappeared as the door close behind them. The blonde blinked a few times, focusing in whatever way he could on the surroundings of his new environment.

"Your house is a mess." He slurred.

"Thanks." Lavi grunted, before half-tossing his blonde guest onto a part of an old couch that wasn't covered in stray papers.

Upon inspection, Link noticed that most of the small living area was scattered about with unorganized papers, files and newspapers. They littered the walls as well, stuck by pins in what seemed to be no exact order. It took him a few tries to discern titles depicting cases of murder and a few different mentions of something called NOAH labeling a good majority of the articles. To one side there was a desk laid out in disaster, more papers spilling over the edges and several file cabinets littered about. He saw a tiny kitchen hidden off to the side as well as a closet spaced area that appeared to be a bathroom.
"You don't have a bed?" Link swiveled around, trying to locate where a door to a bedroom might be.

"It's a studio apartment, so no, no bed." Lavi roughly swiped some papers off the small table in front the of the couch to the ground, taking a seat there and facing his untimely visitor. "Not all of us get to live in swanky condos twenty minutes from lakeside. How'd you find out where I live anyhow?"

Link, with some effort, fished his phone out of his pocket and presented it to the red head. "Miss Lee gave it to me."

"Lenalee?" Lavi groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "That girl is such fuckin' trouble, she can never keep her damn business to herself." He leaned forward, an incredulous look on his face. "You and her talk?"

"I don't know. I guess? She messageses me sometimes." For some reason he couldn't get his mouth around the word messages. Certain words felt like soaked cotton in his mouth when he tried to pronounce them. "So, what's all this?" He swung an arm out at all the articles scattered over the apartment, flinching a bit when he hit the lamp providing all the light within their space. Luckily the lamp kept his ground, though Link quickly returned his arm to his side where it wouldn't cause any more damage.

"Work." The red head sighed, apparently resigning himself to the fact that the blonde wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

It was at this point, in all his fuzziness that Link regarded the fact that even after knowing about Lavi and having curt instances of having spoken to him for five years before their odd new meetings that he actually had no idea what the man did for a living, or anything about him in general. He nibbled the inside of his cheek slightly, wondering if he had trapped himself in something dire.

"Your work looks like a mess."

"You mentioned." Lavi heaved a sigh, standing upright and meandering to his kitchen. "So really, drunk Two Spots at my house at 3 in the fuckin' morning, what did you risk life and limb for in coming over here?"

Link squinted as he saw Lavi pour some cheap looking whiskey over ice into a plastic cup. "You don't have glasses?"

"So you came here to judge my house, yeah?"

"No." The blonde rested his elbow on the sofa arm, supporting his heavy head with the palm of his hand. He furrowed his brow, trying to think of some reason why he had driven here. In all honesty with himself he didn't remember most of the instances leading up to him coming here, or why he'd really shown up in the first place. "I don't know, I'm just here."

"I'm not offering you a drink, you've had enough." Lavi returned to his seat on the table, offering a cup to Link. "Knowing you, you haven't been matching water with booze, which you'll really regret tomorrow if you don't drink something other than whatever tossed ya up."

Link wordlessly accepted the cup, sipping from it while keeping his eye on Lavi. "Rude."

"Don't you have like some office gig or something you have to get to in the morning? How the hell you expect to show up in the morning if you're this smashed this late at night?" Lavi sipped from his own receptacle, pulling a face at what Link suspected was some bitter tasting liquid. "Obviously you're feeling better."

"They made me take a week off." Link huffed and leaned heavier onto his arm. "They banned me from working for one whole week." He lifted his pointer finger from his cup, trying to empathize his hardship.

"Oh, I get it, so you're bored." Lavi sniffed before taking another drink. "You can't stand not being useful or important in some way and drove your drunk ass over here for entertainment."

"And what do you show up at my house for? It's not like you like me."

Lavi seemed to think over this for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you caught me there. I have no idea. I have numerous people I could go bury my loneliness into and yet twice now I find myself at your fuckin' house."

"It's just so… empty." Link felt heavy with alcohol, the toxic liquid smashing through all control scepters and empowering emotions he'd rather keep away from the surface. "When I can work, I'm doing something, moving in some way- whatever way that is. I don't know what people do with free time."

"Well some of us drink, which you seem to have done a splendid good job at. Some of us have hobbies or make distractions for ourselves. Some of us socialize, go out, lots of people our age do bars and make bad connections." Lavi paused before taking another sip. "You ever consider religion?"

Link laughed, harder than he felt he should have. "And put all my actions and responsibilities in the hands of some higher power? Please." He smirked, tilting his head to the side. "It would be great to blame everything I've done and what's happened to me on something above me. Do you place your mistakes on God and hope They'll fix them?"

Lavi smiled. "I thought you were raised Catholic."

"Catholic orphanage." Link finished his water, eyeing the bottom of his empty cup before handing it out to Lavi.

"I'm not giving you booze."

"Why not?" Link shook the cup a little. "You won't let me leave, so what's the harm?" The blonde's words felt a bit more coherent, though still slurred into each other with drunken slickness.

"You're gonna hate yourself tomorrow, you do realize that?" Lavi reached towards the floor where he'd placed the bottle.

"I hate myself most of these days anyways." Link stated bluntly. He frowned, some sober part far off in his head screaming at letting the words slip out. "Maybe I've always sort of hated myself."

"So we do have something in common." Lavi tipped the blonde's cup about halfway, which was probably far too much but Link wasn't in the mindset of caring or keeping up his usual appearances. As the red head's arm was reached out to him he noticed bandages on Lavi's wrist peeking out from under his sleeve. The bruises healing on his neck burned against the turtle neck he had adorned.

"Something happen to your arm?" Link swigged the gold colored liquid, gagging at the rough taste it had accompanied with it. "Jesus, what is this?"

"Convenience store brand." Lavi replied, his eyesight meandering to where the blonde's had been focused a moment ago. "You bury yourself in work, I suppose I bury myself in less favorable activities."

"Like fucking me."

"Like fucking you."

There was an awkward silence before the two cracked up, laughing. Though the matter didn't seem to be one of humor, the dark implications of their new acquaintance seemed utterly hilarious to Link in his unsteady state of being. Somewhere far away he could imagine a young man with white hair and silver eyes laughing at the two of them, two broken people burying scars under the dangerous premise of their social conduct.

"What the hell are we doing, you and I, meeting like this…?" Lavi had a nervous smile as he stared into his cup. "I mean this time it's entirely your fault."
Link smiled as renewed intoxication washed warm over his body. "I already told you, I don't know why I'm here. I couldn't tell you."

"I'll admit, you're more tolerable when you stop putting up such a fuckin' front."

"Someone else recently told me that," Link considered. In the blur of alcohol, he wondered who it was at this point he was trying to keep images up for. Before was it for Allen? No, he had always been like that. "Appearances were important where I grew up, I guess it just stuck."

"Yeah I had some of that, but I resented it, so I acted out." The red head said over the lid of his cup. "I'm probably still acting out."

"Angry at someone?"

"A lot of different people, situations, other stuff I guess."

"You angry with me?" Link tested his waters, eyeing the red head carefully.

Lavi laughed. "At this point? Hard to tell. Before, yeah definitely I was angry at your fuckin' guts." He met Link's wary gaze with one of his own. "I didn't get why for the longest time you got to be the one who Allen came home to every night. Where I got scraps and pieces, you got most of him whole, you weren't something to wear every once in a while, you were like the golden watch he always kept with him."

"You say that, but you knew him better than I did in the end. I didn't know about you two, there are parts of him I'm just now getting that I never understood." Link narrowed his eyes. "You knew about us, knew how we were involved and how deeply. I'm jealous."

"Two Spots is fuckin' jealous?" Lavi snorted. "Of me of-" he gestured to his small space, covered in papers and dust, "of this? That's a hell of a concept."

Link shrugged. "Supposedly I may be human after all."

"You're human, alright." Lavi had a certain familiar darkness on his face that Link had learned to read. "What about you? After what I've done to you, you still show up here in the middle of the night, conscious of it or not. Don't tell me I've stockholmed you."

Link huffed. "I'm too smart for that. I don't romanticize anything about whatever it is you and I are doing." He swallowed. "I'm still not sure what that is, or why I found myself here."

"Gripping at bits and pieces of something that's not here anymore." Lavi opened the drawer beneath him, pulling out a pack of smokes and a lighter. He pulled one out, holding the pack out to the blonde. "Want one?"
"You smoke inside the house?" Link wrinkled his nose at the thought.

"My house, I can do what I want. You want one or what?" Lavi smirked. "You seemed to end up liking the last one you had, and no one's here to document anything other than myself. Besides I've already seen you at your worst."

Link stared at the pack for a moment, hesitantly reaching for one, fumbling a bit with his useless fingers. "If that's the case I've seen you at your worst too."

"Yeah but I'm always a fuckin' mess. There's no expectations I hold myself to or people I have to impress. Everyone knows I'm a dingy fuck: 'there goes Bookman Junior, sluttin' his way through life again- oh he smokes- oh he drinks'- No one cares with me. But with you, they might start thinkin' something's wrong with you." He chuckled.

"Something probably is wrong with me." Link stated dejectedly, once again finding honesty spilling out from him through the pores of liquor.

"Probably." Lavi waited until Link had placed the filter in his mouth, allowing the red head to light it like he had before. "You better get used to that, there's something wrong with everyone."

"Not quite like this." Link reacted to the memory of the two of them outside the church at Allen's funeral, remembering exactly how to make use of his cigarette. He didn't feel the same harshness as with his first intake, apparently having done it correctly.

"People bury their emotions in casual sex all the time." Lavi let out a stream of smoke.

"You call this casual?" Link scoffed. "It certainly doesn't feel casual."

"What would you call it?"

"I don't know." Link leaned back, feeling that numb sensation mix with the warm buzz of alcohol. "Dangerous."

"Dangerous…" Lavi seemed to consider this as he took a deep drag, letting the smoke ebb slowly from his mouth. "That's a word for it I guess. If that's how you feel though we can always stop."

"You're the one who keeps showing up at my door."

"And tonight you were at mine, so what does that say about you?"

Link unconsciously gripped his cup, hearing the crinkle of plastic bending against its form. He met the red head's eye as steadily as he could, though his vision was doubling over on itself. He was failing to come up with a good answer or even a sarcastic retort he could throw Lavi's direction.

"Oho, got you to a place with no answer. That's rare." Lavi laughed quietly, finishing off what must have been the third half-cup of whiskey since they settled there. "It's fine, you don't have to answer. It probably says the same thing about you as it does about me."

"Which would be?"

"We're lonely." The red head set his cup down on the ground. "You're used to having someone to hold, talk to, the normal shit that couples do. When we weren't sneaking around Allen and I were honestly good friends, he was probably the only person I could be myself around." He seemed to stare down at the floor, his look growing distant. "Not that I hold myself to the same standards that you do, but it's hard to be honestly whole with someone. It's so rare, and I probably won't have that with anyone else."

Link mulled the words over his head for a moment before dropping his half-finished cigarette in what was left of the whiskey in his cup. He staggered upright, though found his footing unsteady and stumbled forward, gripping onto Lavi's shirt to support himself over the man. The prideful him he kept close by was far away, screaming in some long-gone corner he couldn't hear anymore.

"If you…" He started, the words mushing together and falling out without control. "If you be honest with me… I'll be honest with you."

"Link you're drunk."

"It's empty…" He could feel himself tremble slightly, the intoxication amplifying feelings he had tried to bury within himself. "It's so empty in there, and no one understands… They don't understand what he was like, and I- I can try to tell them but they won't know. They won't really know what's missing, they won't know what I've put away so I don't have to be reminded, they won't know how it feels to go through every day wondering why we're still living here in the dark when the only source of light I ever had has gone out and is rotting away under the ground."

"Link-"

"They don't know that sometimes I can still hear him, that simple things dig him back up and haunt me, that every day I wonder what the fuck I'm still dragging this body around for- that I'm desperately trying to find some reason to stay here when everything I ever gave a shit about is over there…" Link let his grip on the red head's shirt loosen, his breath shaking with emotion. "I can't tell them that I came here because even though you've hurt me, that hurt is the only time I feel… Feel…" His legs gave out beneath him and the blonde felt small and crumpled as his knees rested in the ashes on the tiled floor. "It's the only time I feel alive…"

Lavi removed himself from the table he was sat upon and knelt on Link's level, though the blonde was keeping his blurry vision away from the man he'd compulsively spilled his soul onto. Sturdier hands held gently onto his fore arms, pressuring him to stand back up.

"I told you not to drink anymore." The red head had a soft look on his face, one that Link hadn't become accustomed to seeing. He allowed Lavi to assist him in standing up, Link being supported primarily by the man's arms holding him upright. "I get that. All of it, really- I do."

Link felt weak, both emotionally and physically, though it was hard to be bothered while his thoughts swam in every direction other than a straight one.

"Ok, I'll be honest with you." The red head murmured. "I never thought you'd actually talk to me at Allen's funeral. I thought you'd walk away or snub me off like you always did. But you stopped and talked to me for some reason, not much, but more than ever before. I don't know why I kept thinking about that. A month after that I think is when everything just kind of drove me crazy…" The red head's look darkened and both men couldn't meet eyes. "I tried to off myself, aspirin, bath tub, razors and all- as fucking cliché as it sounds. But my dumb ass left the door unlocked and someone found me and next thing I knew I was in the hospital and still here. I was so pissed off, I couldn't handle it. I didn't get why I was being dragged through, day after day, it just didn't make sense to me. That night I was drinking… And I thought, I thought if I took something from you maybe I'd get something back."

Link stumbled back a bit, still letting the red head hold him up. He felt as though if he let go he'd fall further than the floor, somewhere deeper down below he couldn't fathom.

"I'm sorry." The red head's voice was barely a whisper. "I don't… I don't know what the hell I was thinking… I just didn't think I'd… That you…"

"It's... ok." Link fumbled to find words adequate to reconcile the red head. "I mean- It's not ok. Don't do that to anyone else, but I'm not mad."

"You should be."

"I should be…" Link said it more to himself than Lavi. Even with his heart leaking from his pores he couldn't find the emotion any longer to be angry. He couldn't phrase why, every sensible part of him knew he should be angry and knew he shouldn't have left his house to see Lavi. But he had, and he was here, and he'd finally been able to set some of the words free that had been clawing at his insides. The one thing he had started to notice was that Lavi was erratic; the man was downright cruel at times, stubbornly kind at others, snarky to a fault one moment, insulting in another, and soft in the next. Link had always been a stable center of control, knowing the next step before it came and being able to logically balance what would be the best option to move forward. He was in murky waters he couldn't see through right now, he couldn't see what came next after this or if land was even in sight. Someone as unpredictable as Lavi didn't need to see anything- he just acted out in random motions and whatever happened stuck.

The blonde fell forward, no longer able to keep in standing position as the poisons in his blood stream sapped him of his energy. Lavi caught him upright, moving him so he could collapse backward back onto the sofa.

"Woah, I think you should sit down, man. That's enough honesty for now."

Link blinked against the red and the room as at span out of control. "I don't feel so well…"

"No shit. Try not to vomit on my floor or couch, the bathroom's over there but I ain't gonna hold your ponytail for ya."

Link waved him off, losing control of any grip he still had on controlled consciousness. "No, I'm… I'm good…"

The red head huffed before lifting the blonde's legs onto the couch and positioning him on his side. "Don't sleep on your back, you'll choke on your vomit if it does end up happening."

"Huh…" Link felt limp, focusing on his breath heavy with drink and unable to keep his sight focused on any single thing for too long. "Thanks."

"Idiot." The red head sat on the side of the couch where Link's feet settled. "You think you'll remember any of this or are you that black out drunk?"

"I'll remember."

"Next time you or I show up at the other's door you should consider taking a shower at least twenty-four hours before hand."

"Shut up." Link mumbled, almost incoherently into the couch cushion. "I did shower this morning."

"You smell like booze."

"Shhh… Just… Just shut up…" Link attempted to wave an arm at the man, but it fell limply back to his side. He felt a heavy blackness closing in on what was left of his spinning vision.

"Two Spots."

"Uh?"

"I'm sort of ok with the fact that you barged into my house drunk as shit in the middle of the night."

"Huh…"

Link closed his eyes and let the swirling darkness envelope him and spun out in the swirling depths of unconsciousness.

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Author's Note: I see you readers, and I appreciate you. As a side note I have a deep intellectual need for Howard Link vs Ancient Aliens.
As seen here: /242013587