Well that took forever, my apologies on that one. I had some personal stuff going on with my mother and had to go out of town for a couple weeks which resulted in me missing quite a few days of classes. From then on it's just been hectic, but excuses excuses! Ugh!
Tsunade said I would be a perfect candidate but I don't know if I could handle such a full time position, looking after Sasuke. I can't decide if it would be too painful, or if I might actually take some enjoyment out of it. Both of those possibilities scare me.
I go about my day with my usual patients, confined to the second floor. I have no reason to go to the third floor. Technically no one does, because, technically, there's no one up there. It's supposed to be a spare floor, that in recent years has become a makeshift filing unit.
"Good morning, Kuro-san," I smile when I enter his room. Kuro-san looks the same as always, a bright smile that alights his brilliant blue eyes and erases all signs of age on his face. His white hair is ruffled and thin, but seems to suit his image nonetheless, not so much in an unkempt manner as it is a nonchalant one.
"You look beautiful this morning, Sakura-chan," he greets me this way every day I treat him.
"Kuro-san, you flatter me too much," I take his right hand, testing his chi and chakra levels, "Well, no worse than yesterday so that's a good sign."
Kuro-san has had two heart attacks in the last three months and was placed under my care. His son keeps him in the hospital because he doesn't have the time to nurse Kuro-san. I've enjoyed Kuro-san's company, especially since my father passed two springs ago. If I had to choose a favorite patient, Kuro-san might be it.
"What did I tell you? I got a spirit that can't be broken," he exclaims.
"That you do, Kuro-san," I grin and pull out a clean needle, "Now, I just have to take a little blood to test your levels."
"You just take what you want, Sakura-chan, I've no plan to die anytime soon."
I laugh then insert the needle and draw out the blood.
"Good, can't have you leaving me just yet," I apply a bandage to the pierced area, "All done. I'll be back this afternoon before I leave."
He takes my hand before I exit the room and squeezes it tight. His eyes look so earnestly into mine, almost pleadingly. Then he lets go.
I've never understood why he does that - I've also never asked - but it's the way we part each time.
When I return home, it's a complete contrast to what I experienced yesterday. I settle into my normal evening routine; take a shower - this time without the dirt and blood swirling down my drain -, eat dinner by myself, and fall asleep at a decent hour.
But, I can't help feeling an emptiness creeping in as I begin to close my eyes.
"Sakura-chan," Ayumi, an interning nurse, stops me in the hallway, "Tsunade-sama is asking for you."
"Um, I have a couple more patients to see before I take my break."
"She says it's urgent," Ayumi merely shrugs, but we all know that when Tsunade says 'urgent' she means 'rightfuckingnow.' I hustle down the hall to the stairs then to the first floor. I knock before entering.
"Go up to the third floor and see what Sasuke wants. He's insistent," she sounds thoroughly agitated as she shoes me away.
"You had me come downstairs so that I could go back upstairs?"
"Yes," she continues with her paper work and I can only assume that Ayumi is one of the many staff not privy to Sasuke's presence. Therefore, she couldn't very well tell me Tsunade needed me 'urgently' on the third floor for 'paperwork.'
"I have patients that are expecting me."
"He's insistent and, as two days ago, a priority," she gives me this look telling me I've brought this on myself. "Give those patients to Natomi for the day."
I clench my free hand into a fist, the other gripping my files tightly.
"I thought I wasn't supposed to see him," I say, gaining some composure.
"You aren't. We just need you to shut him up."
I take a deep breath before I enter Sasuke's room. The guards request I leave it open and I comply, figuring Tsunade probably tipped them off about how I'm not actually allowed to interact with him.
"Sasuke," I get his attention and sit on the right side of his bed, "Tsunade said you were asking for me."
"I did," his voice sounds scratchy, rough.
"Why?"
"It's nice to see a familiar face."
Then why did you abandon all familiarity?
"Sasuke, I have a job," I say a little exasperated, experiencing the compression of long suppressed emotions. I bottle it down, "I have patients who actually need me, people that depend on me. People that are actually grateful for my help! You chose to leave us! Don't suddenly act as if you care!"
The guards enter as soon as my voice spikes.
"Is everything all right?"
Neither of us speak.
I want to retract my outburst as soon as I've said it. And the look on Sasuke's face makes it that much harder to revoke it.
And that much easier to leave.
"You're looking a little more haggard than usual," my mother comments pleasantly as she hands me a steaming cup of chamomile. I grip it tightly in both hands.
"It's just -" I sigh heavily, "Work."
I realize as I take a sip that I can't say anything to her about what happened today. Suddenly, all my griping is for nothing. I can't actually explain to her what's going on.
"What's wrong?" she raises her eyebrows after I've been silent.
"It's just hard," I shake my head, trying to find something plausible, "I almost lost a patient," my mother looks at me almost floored, "It's okay, they're all right. But I," I pause trying to think of a way to convey how I felt, "I thought they weren't going to survive. It scared me."
"Oh, Sakura," she puts an arm around me.
"But they're kind of insensitive, uncaring," I look off, out the window, as if the answer lies somewhere in the distance, "I don't know how to treat them."
"You've had difficult patients in the past, haven't you dear?"
"Yeah, but it's different this time."
"How?"
If I said it's because I had - have - had - have feelings, she'd know who I'm talking about. I've never been interested in anyone but Sasuke, at least not enough for it to affect my work. Everyone comes second to my work, except my mother and maybe Naruto. She'd know; I'd have to make the guy up.
"Nothing. Nevermind," I yield.
"Honey, just treat them like any other patient. Don't let that person impede your amazing abilities. You've been doing great things; you have so much compassion, and intelligence, and spirit, don't ever stop."
His brows were furrowed, eyes sharp and at the same time grappling with this darkness that began to creep in. Sasuke's mouth was turned ever so softly down, as if he were trying to fight an automatic response. His cheek bones were defined like he was sucking the flesh from the inside, biting his tongue, keeping himself from a retaliation that could have escalated the situation. Between the contention of anger and confusion, he looked hurt, demeaned.
"Thanks, mom," I smile to quell the situation. She has a point; I should treat him like anyone else. Maybe that will put some distance between us.
On my way home, I take a detour by the Uchiha compound. Slipping through the front gates, I tour the deserted paths passing the desolate homes with doors shut to the world. I try to envision the dirt roads crowded with playful innocence of children, Sasuke included; to pay homage to this forgotten memory.
I wonder which is Sasuke's, what it looked like then, and how it looks now?
I wonder has he ever come back?
I wonder does he ever plan on returning?
I know that Naruto would come here whenever he had a particularly difficult day. I couldn't guess whether he did it to remind himself to keep going despite everything that has tried to obstruct his goals in the past, or to cheer himself up on the off chance that Sasuke might just show up.
I don't blame him, I've done it, too. On occasions when we were sent out of the village, any chance that I got, I'd be searching, I'd be asking around; sometimes Naruto would be with me.
But eventually we let it go, we resolved ourselves to the self-subjected ache of negation.
And like the rest of the village, we put it behind us, abandoned our efforts like the vacant compound.
I do a three-sixty on the spot finding nothing, absolutely nothing but empty houses, unpaved roads, and ghosts. Tsunade said she was looking for a more secluded place to put him. Why not here?
