Scene 9
The scene is in Monfermiel. An eight-year-old COSETTE is in the Thenardier's inn, scrubbing the floor. Though the work is obviously too much for her, she fearfully continues.
Castle on a Cloud
Young Cosette
Sung
There is a castle on a cloud
I like to go there in my sleep
Aren't any floors for me to sweep
Not in my castle on a cloud
There is a room that's full of toys
There are a hundred boys and girls
Nobody shouts or talks too loud
Not in my castle on a cloud
There is a lady all in white
She holds me and sings a lullaby
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch
She says, "Cosette, I love you very much,"
I know a place where no one's lost
I know a place where no one cries
Crying at all is not allowed
Not in my castle on a cloud...
COSETTE hears a creaking noise and pauses, looks fearfully over her shoulder, then continues to scrub with renewed vigor. She hears footsteps for sure. She gives a small cry and falls away from the doorway. MADAME THENARDIER comes in, carrying a heavy wooden pail and looks in a bad mood. She is followed by young EPONINE, who is much better dressed than Cosette and wearing a smug expression.
Mm Thenardier
Cosette? Where are you, you worthless rat?
Cosette (her voice weak and shaky from fear)
Here…
She gives a quick pause, then tries again
I'm here, Madame Thenardier.
Mm Thenardier
What're you doing on the floor? Lazy girl!
She reaches down and pulls Cosette forcefully from the floor
Cosette (shaking badly, obviously scared)
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll finish washing the floor soon –
Mm Thenardier
Shut up! That can wait. Take this pail, little madam, and fill it full of water in the well.
Cosette
In the woods?
Eponine (nastily)
That's the only well we've got.
Cosette looks out the window at the darkening sky and woods. She shudders. While this is going on, Mm Thenardier has gone over to Eponine.
Mm Thenardier
Oh Eponine, you're such a pretty, clever girl! We're so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.
She turns and notices that Cosette hasn't moved.
Cosette, why are you still here? Haven't you heard me?
Cosette
Please don't send me out into the woods! It's so dark! I'm scared!
Mm Thenardier
You stay in here and I'll frighten you more than any woods!
She steps towards Cosette, her hand raised to hit her. Cosette, about to cry, ducks past Mm Thenardier and begins to drag the pail from the room. As she leaves, Eponine sticks her tongue out at Cosette. Mm Thenardier looks in the direction Cosette left in, gives a snort of disgust, and begins to set up plates, mugs, etc for guests. Thenardier enters, with a mug of alcohol in his hand, which he drinks from. He notices Eponine, smiles, and offers her the mug and indicates to drink from it. She begins to obey but Mm Thenardier notices this and quickly pulls the mug from her hand and pushes Eponine from the room. By now, guests have begun to enter the inn. Thenardier walks up to one with a particularly large bag and greets him warmly.
Innkeeper's Song
Thenardier
Sung
Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and crooking the books
He takes the traveler's bag and passes it to Mm Thenardier, who hides it
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
He picks another customer's pocket
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!
He goes behind a bar where he begins to pour drinks into mugs. He sings softer and more sinisterly, so that he can't be heard.
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's buxom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
He exits the bar and begins to hand out drinks to people
Thenardier & Drinkers
Sung
Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
Thenardier
Sung
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
Enter Monsieur, lay down your load
Unlace your boots, rest from the road
He takes a heavy bag from a traveler and hands it to Mm Thenardier, who is overcome by its weight
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm satisfied
He goes back to the bar and begins to load food onto trays, which he passes to Mm Thenardier to serve
Food beyond compare.
Mm Thenardier
Sung
Food beyond belief
Both
Sung
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Thenardier
Sung
Kidney of a horse
Mm Thenardier
Sung
Liver of a cat
Both
Sung
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Thenardier
Sung
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Mm Thenardier, who is passing by, smacks him
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!
Charge 'em for the lice
Mm Thenardier
Sung
Extra for the mice
Thenardier & Mm Thenardier
Sung
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Thenardier
Sung
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Mm Thenardier
Sung
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
Thenardier
Sung
When it comes to fixing prices
Mm Thenardier
Sung
There are a lot of tricks he knows
Thenardier & Mm Thenardier
Sung
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!Thenardier & Chorus
Sung
Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's gotThenardier
Sung
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!
The scene cuts to the woods, outside of the inn. Cosette fearfully wanders through the forest with the pail. She finds the well and begins to fill the bucket with water from it. She constantly looks over her shoulder and shakes. She finally fills the bucket, but cannot carry it back to the inn. She seems afraid and unsure of what to do. She hears a noise and looks behind her. A man in a cloak – Jean Valjean – approaches her. She gives a little gasp and steps back.
Valjean (pulling down the hood on his cloak)
I won't hurt you. Are you Cosette?
The scene cuts back to the inn, where a wild and drunken party seems to have broken out. Thenardier, Mm Thenardier, and all of the guests are extremely drunk. They are laughing madly, drinking, and spilling drinks. Mme Thenardier stands up and motions for silence. All of the guests quiet, in anticipation of what she will say.
Mme. Thenardier
Sung
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
The guests roar with laughter
Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit!
Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit!
More laughter
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there
Loud laughter and slight applause.
What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house! Thenardier & Drinkers
Sung
Master of the house!Mme. Thenardier
Sung
Master and a half!Thenardier & Drinkers
Sung
Comforter, philosopherMme. Thenardier
Sung
Ah, don't make me laugh!Thenardier & Drinkers
Sung
Servant to the poor, butler to the greatMme. Thenardier
Sung
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!Thenardier & Drinkers
Sung
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse! Thenardier
Sung
Everybody raise a glass
Cheers from the guests who do so.
Mme. Thenardier (Motioning her suggestion.)
Sung
Raise it up the master's ass!
Laughter from the guests, who raise their mugs again
All
Sung
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!
The revelry is cut short as the door opens. Standing in the doorway is Jean Valjean. In one hand, he is holding the pail of water. Standing next to him, frightened, is Cosette. He has his other arm around her protectively.
Valjean
M'sieur and Madame Thenardier, I presume?
Thenardier
Evening sir, come for a drink?
Valjean
I've come on more personal business.
(Thenardier looks greedily and craftily at Valjean, then nods.
Thenardier
Right then. Everyone, drink up, drink up!
The crowd, previously watching Thenardier and Valjean, return to their conversations and drinks. Thenardier then turns to Valjean.
Now sir, if you'll just come right this way…
Mm Thenardier (running forward and pretending to care for Cosette)
Oh, Cosette, you're shivering! Come my dear, let's put you to bed.
As Mm Thenardier approaches, Cosette pulls back behind Valjean.
Valjean
She shall come with me. This should not take long.
They step into the next room.
Valjean (stepping aside with Thenardier and Mm Thenardier)
I believe that you've had an … arrangement with Cosette's mother. I was the owner of a factory she previously worked in… now Fantine's suffering is over. I have come here to raise Cosette in her place. I'll pay whatever you feel necessary.
Thenardier (pretending to be upset)
Oh lord, what a turn! Take her away? The poor girl has been our sunshine and comfort for years. And how could you even think of haggling for little Colette
He is smacked on the back of the head by Mm Thenardier and quickly corrects himself
Cosette.
Valjean (Not very impressed)
I see. Very well then, I agree. Let's ease the parting blow now. Come, Cosette.
Mm Thenardier (grabbing Valjean's sleeve)
Wait, M'sieur, one moment please! Please consider, we know almost nothing about you. Your intentions may not be correct…
Valjean looks sternly at them
Oh, no offense of course, but there are treacherous people about.
Valjean
So I see. Very well.
He begins to reach into his pocke
1000 for your sacrifice.
Thenardier
Hold a tick! No less than 2000!
Valjean looks at Thenardier so fearfully that Thenardier and Mm Thenardier back down.
Erm, 1500.
Valjean
Here.
He pulls money out of his pocket and tosses it into the air and onto the floor. The Thenardiers scramble for it greedily
I trust you won't take long to forget us.
To Cosette, crouching down to face level with her
Are you ready to leave for friendlier sky?
Cosette
Will there be castles and children?
Valjean
Oh, I think there will.
He removes his cloak and wraps it around her. He then picks her up and carries her out of the inn.
