Disclaimer: Lay your weary head to rest.

Smug and Sore

Amelia looked up from her paperwork when her best investigator limped painfully into her office and settled down on the plushest chair with a groan.

"What happened to you?"

"James returned from a two week conference on healing in Geneva last night, my older children are at Hogwarts and we dropped our youngest off with Frank and Alice," Lily explained, sounding both smug and sore.

"Not to mention the stress of having your eldest in that damned tournament to work off," Amelia said with a wide grin. "I'm surprised you came into work today."

"I almost didn't," Lily admitted. "I'm willing to admit here, just between the two of us, that I may be getting a bit slow in my old age and that we may have overdone it a bit on stamina potions."

Amelia snorted. "Trust me, this is worth saving a sick day for."

"You finally get something on one of the bastards then?" Lily asked, her tone conveying that she held no hope that the answer would be to her liking.

"How would you like the chance to Fuck Lucius Malfoy and Fudge?" Amelia continued.

"Figuratively, I presume?" Lily grinned. "I've already named a child after you, guess I could have another to name after Edger."

"Our esteemed Minister has granted me a writ to investigate every aspect of his biggest donor's life and another granting me permission to access every record on him at Gringotts."

Lily closed her eyes, the smile on her face nothing short of angelic. "I'll start work in the afternoon."

"Not now?"

"Now?" The woman opened her eyes. "I'm going to go back home and use up the last of the stamina potions." She laughed. "I'll even let you join me since you gave me my heart's desire."

"The two of us together would kill James and I'm fairly sure Sirius would die of envy after he heard." Amelia snorted. "Have fun."

IIIIIIIIII

The grin on Luna's face couldn't be wider as she brandished her wand at the cursed item. A switch, a flick, and . . .

"Finite" Luna said triumphantly.

The curse was no more and the Dark Lord was about to lose another of his anchors, bringing him a step closer to his eternal reward.

"Are you sure it's okay now?" Harry asked doubtfully, eyeing the ring.

"You can dispel it yourself to, if it would make you feel better," Luna chirped.

"It just seems too easy," Harry mumbled. "What about the soul fragment?"

"Summoning charm," Luna said confidently.

"Summoning charm?" Harry snorted. "So all I have to do is say accio soul fragment and-" Black smoke emerged from the ring and formed into a young Tom Riddle. "No way."

The screaming apparition attempted to flee but was halted a dozen yards away from some unseen force that began drawing it closer and closer to the tip of Harry's wand. It's screams grew weaker and more frantic a more and more of its form was drawn into the elder wood until nothing remained.

"Told you it would work," Luna said cheerfully, admiring her new stone.

"So that happened," Harry muttered. "How?" He really hated life sometimes. What had taken months of daring do and constant threats to his life had been solved by a charm he'd learned in his second year, another from his fourth, and a super wand. Some days, he called them the days of the week, it didn't pay to be Harry Potter.

"We are here as Death's representatives," Luna pointed out reasonably.

"So we do have a mission from a higher power to hunt down and destroy Voldemort," Harry sighed. That did put a brighter spin on things, he supposed, implied that the easy way wouldn't have worked in the first world anyway.

"If we want to, I suppose." Luna shrugged. "I doubt it though."

"But you said we were here as Death's representatives?" Harry asked leadingly.

"And?" The girl seemed honestly confused by where her future boyfriend was taking this.

"Doesn't that mean we're responsible for hunting down anyone who tries to escape from Death?" Harry asked, just as confused by his soon to be paramour's obstinance.

"Why would it?" Luna cocked her head. "It's not like souls belong to Death or anything."

"Then?" Harry laughed. "Sorry, I'm just used to having to do everything myself. Luna, even though we don't have to do anything." He mentally cursed Dumbledore again and lamented the fact that they'd neglected to befoul the man's tomb before fleeing their original universe.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind if we make a quick stop on our way to Hogwarts to get your new cloak?"

"Hmmm?"

"Ritual to bring Voldemort back required one of his dad's bones," Harry explained.

"I take it the graveyard isn't far from here?" Luna giggled. "Let's vanish them one at a time and take turns transfiguring replacements."

"Winner is the one who transfigures a bone out of the most creative thing and gets-" Harry licked his lips. "-and gets a kiss from the loser."

"And after that the loser gets one from the winner to show that there's no hard feelings," Luna chirped.

"Deal."

IIIIIIIIII

Amelia's eyebrows rose when she saw her best investigator sitting at her desk working furiously on the case she'd been assigned less than an hour before.

"Thought you had plans for the morning?"

"Fucking Dumbledore," Lily growled, looking both angry and extremely frustrated. "Knew I should have blocked off the fucking floo."

"Anything I need to know about?"

"Probably," Lily snorted. "James has to turn a family heirloom over to buy back the Headmaster's life from its original owner. The heirloom's owner, not his life's," she clarified.

"What?" Amelia asked flatly.

"One of the students performed a dark summoning ritual in a misguided attempt to help my eldest," Lily sighed. "Luckily, the beings she summoned were willing to be reasonable about the whole thing and not consume her soul or anything like that."

"I wasn't informed about this because?" Amelia growled.

"Because apparently it's not illegal," Lily snorted. "Wizard logic."

"Explain!"

"The Ministry figures that anyone who succeeds will either be destroyed by the being they summoned, or be so powerful that it'd be better not to confront them, or be a Lovegood."

Amelia closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Wizards," she spat.

IIIIIIIIII

Sirius sighed in contentment as his hammock rocked back and fourth in the breeze. This was the life, that of a useless rich fop. No responsibilities, save those occasionally imposed on him by his friends and sort of fiancee of ten years.

"Slappy," he yawned. "Another drink."

"Mistress says Master is not to have another drink," the house elf squeaked. "Mistress says that Master is to get to her office right bloody now and to bring his less useless brother with him or Master will never get any drinks or snu-snu ever again."

"Snu? Do you mean sex?"

"Yes, Master," the creature squeaked.

Sirius sighed. This stank of responsibility and possibly commitment. Still, his curiosity was aroused. "Let her know I will be there shortly."

"Yes, Master." The creature disappeared.

"Wonder what has her up in arms now?" Sirius mumbled to himself. Ah well, likely nothing that mattered. "Now where would Reg be this time of day?"

The house elf reappeared. "Mistress wants Slappy to remind Master that Master is to wear clothes when Master leaves the house."

"If I must," Sirius sighed. "Take out my robe and wizard hat."

"Which ones, Master?"

"The gold robes and the glowing red hat," Sirius clarified.

"The ones Mistress said make her eyes bleed?"

"Those are the ones," Sirius said cheerfully. All part of his plan to get her to give up her silly idea of having him to wear clothing when not forced to by extreme weather. "Slappy."

"Yes, Master?" The elf reappeared with his robes.

"Inform my brother that we have an emergency meeting with the head of the DMLE immediately and that he is to drop everything he's doing and meet me in her office."

"Yes, Master."

With one last regretful look at his hammock, Sirius apparated to the Ministry.

He arrived at the entrance way and breezed past the Auror at the front desk without so much as a greeting.

"Wait!" the woman screamed. "You haven't had your wand checked yet."

"Not carrying it," Sirius said cheerfully. "Don't believe me, you're welcome to give me a pat down or even something more intimate if that would make you feel better."

"Boss'd have my ears for a new necklace," the Auror replied, backpedaling. "Suppose I could trust that you're not carrying your wand."

"Must you?" Sirius asked through half lidded eyes. "I'm related to a dangerous criminal, you know."

The woman snorted. "The Hero on the Inside, you mean. I know all about your brother."

"But-"

"Stop harassing her," a familiar voice ordered from the entryway. "Longer you do that, the longer I go without getting my wand checked and the longer that happens the longer it takes to get to the meeting and the longer it takes to get to the meeting the more likely it is that I miss one of my classes."

"Brother!" Sirius cried out cheerfully. "You got my elf."

"The message, anyway," the man agreed. "What's this about?"

"Not a clue, Reg," Sirius admitted. "Amelia sent the elf to me with the message that we were both required in her office."

"Along with her usual threats, I suppose?"

"Nothing more than a perfunctory one about withholding sex."

"A serious matter as opposed to a Sirius one, then," Reg sighed. "Ten galleons it has something to do with the damned tournament."

"No bet," Sirius growled. "Any luck finding the bastard responsible?"

"Too many suspects," his brother sighed. "I'll let you know the second I find anything useful."

"Thanks." Sirius took a deep, calming breath. "Shall we?"

"Let's get this over with."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Luna appeared in the Forbidden Forest, just at the edge of Hogwarts' wards next to a chest high cairn of head sized stones.

"I didn't know this was here," Luna said in delight.

"S'hard to find if you don't already know about it," Harry replied. "Less of course, you come from the inside."

"Inside?" Luna regarded him for a moment. "Are you about to share one of those secrets that you're fond of pulling out every time you wish to impress me?"

"Yup," he agreed. "Check this out-Sssspt." With a soft grinding sound, the cairn disassembled itself, revealing the tunnel underneath."

IIIIIIIIII

It didn't take long for Amelia to brief her sort of fiance and his brother on the particulars of the situation at Hogwarts. Regulus began pacing and swearing immediately, Sirius? Sirius just looked confused.

"I'm confused," the man in question said, confirming her read on him. "I understand why Reg is here, he is the current Defense-"

"Practical Dueling," Regalus corrected.

"Whatever," Sirius shrugged. "As I was saying, I understand why Reg is here, but why bring me into this? Why not someone with the power to do something about it like one of the school governors?"

"You are one of the governors, Sirius," Amelia sighed.

"I am?" he asked in shock.

Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose. It did not make her feel at all better that she did not believe her sort of fiance was just acting dumb. "Why in the hell do I stay with you?"

Sirius got a devilish gleam in his eye as he prepared to give an answer.

"Never mind the question," Reg said quickly. "I'm sure it's something I wouldn't care to hear."

Sirius let out a breath. "So, now that we've established that I have the power to do something about this. The question is, what?"

IIIIIIIIII

To Luna's delight, the secret tunnels constructed leading out of the chamber of secrets allowed one to quickly get to every part of the castle without being detected. Her delight was muted a bit when she realized that navigation was an issue and that it was only possible thanks to the large number of peep holes installed by the passages' builders.

"I think we have to go up another level to get to the Headmaster's office," Harry stated uncertainly.

"You think?" she asked innocently.

"You were the one that wanted us to appear mysteriously," Harry stated. "I was perfectly happy to just-" he sighed. "Let me take another look."

"Well?"

"Look at her," Harry whispered.

Luna stretched as much as she could before giving up. "I'm going to need a bit of help," she admitted.

"Sorry." Harry wrapped his arms around her and lifted her so that her head was on the same level as his own. "See, the one with curly black hair."

"Quite pretty," Luna agreed. "However, I think it early in our relationship to spice things up that way. I believe it best to wait until at least our third year of marriage to bring in a third." The girl paused to consider the matter. "I believe the babysitter is traditional, but I must admit that I am unsure of how accurate my research material was."

"Hmwa?"

Luna lost the battle and dissolved into a flurry of giggles. "Never change, Harry."

"Uh-not, well . . . don't you think she looks a bit like me?"

"She's your alternate dimensional sister," Luna explained. "There was a picture in the rag."

"Ah."

"And, Harry."

"Yes?"

"Much as I enjoy being in your arms, you are going to have to let me go if we're going to make our meeting with the Headmaster."

AN: Got an almost twenty year old reference in the above. From back when the internet was free and everyone had their own badly designed site.