This one was a little hard to write. Hopefully I did well.

The Pains of a Woman

The Change

'Man this sucks.'

Cartman was in his third week of detention and did not want to spend it today. Ever since he had that Pandora girl moon the entire school, the girls of South Park High had made it so that every second of his life is hell. Those stupid bitches Wendy and Bebe told the principal what he did. The principal had him on in-school suspension for a week and detention after school for three months. The girls also had convinced his mom make him take some stupid 'female sensitivity' classes. If he wanted to act like a pussy, he might as well come out and say he was gay and dress like Butters.

He swore he had no idea why Wendy, Bebe, and the other girls wanted to protect some stupid girl that just came to school. If she had a problem, she surely would have faced him on her own, right? Unless she was a scaredy ass bitch who let others fight her battles. Then she was as bad as any of the other fags in this school.

Cartman caught the sight of Kyle and Stan talking. He gave his usual shit eating grin. He might as well have some fun before lunch.

"Sup, fags?"

Kyle growled. This is not what he wanted right now.

"What do you want Cartman?"

"What's the matter Kahl? Is your boyfriend not giving you attention?"

Stan pinched his nose. He didn't want to hear another of their petty fights.

"Listen asshole, I know you want to start shit just because Wendy and Bebe told the principal on your ass for what you did to that girl. If you want to start shit, do it with someone other than me."

"Oh? And what makes you think that I'm starting shit?" Kyle growled. Kenny walked in and tapped Stan on the shoulder.

"C'mon dude," he whispered. "Let's leave them alone. Let them bitch and whine at each other all they want."

Stan sighed in defeat. Might as well leave before things get ugly. Stan and Kenny sneaked away as the two continued to argue.

"Damn it Cartman! Why won't you leave me alone for once?"

Cartman gave that shit eating grin again. "What's the matter, Jew? Can't handle little old me?"

"Little my ass! You're as fat as a cow! Actually I should rephrase that. A cow's as fat as you!"

"At least I have some fat on me. You're so skinny you'd snap in half if you bend over. That reminds me. Is your boyfriend finally screwing you from the front now?"

Kyle flushed in anger and embarrassment.

"Damn it Cartman! Leave Stan out of this!"

"What? You protecting your man?"

"Cartman, I swear to fucking God…" He growled.

"What? That you'll tattle on me with the principal and my mom? Well, too late Jew. Those bitches Wendy and Bebe already did."

"Of course they did! You were fucking with that girl! You showed her parts to nearly all the school! It's a surprise that she hasn't done anything to you yet!"

Cartman shrugged.

"Whatever, I gotta go."

"Where do you think you're going, jackass?"

"Does it matter to you? Are you gay for me or something? You want to follow my hot bod where ever it goes?"

Cartman gave another smartass grin as he leaves an infuriated Kyle to himself.


Cartman notices that there was no sign of either Kyle or that Pandora girl. He supposed it was a good sign. He already had his fun with Kyle and that girl would probably make another excuse to have him spend his detention longer.

He got his lunch and sat down on the nearest table that didn't have any girls on it. Last thing he needed is to get yelled at by some stupid bitch. However, he'd supposed he'd regret his decision sitting down where Kenny was sitting at. Especially when he asked him the stupidest question he ever heard.

"Oh? You finally stopped fighting with your wife?"

"Fuck you, Kenny."

Kenny looked unaffected by the remark.

"Seriously dude. It's like you and Kyle are married. I can't believe how many times you argue. You guys fight even more than my parents."

Cartman huffed at the idea. He and Kyle married? Really? That's a laugh. Cartman took a bite of his pizza.

"I really am serious. Have you guys not noticed how much you've been fighting lately? One minute passed and you guys start fighting out of nowhere, "Kenny continued.

Craig chimed in. "Yeah. You guys have been fighting more than ever since when we were nine. What's going on?"

Cartman huffed. He had to admit they were right. He and Kyle have been fighting a lot lately. Even at the most random of things. He remembered that he and Kyle argued whether the North Pole or South Pole was colder. He shrugged at the thought.

"So? What if me and that ginger pussy have been fighting more than normal lately? Why should it matter?"

"It matters because if you guys keep fighting we swear you two are going to kill each other someday."

"Whatever." Cartman got up to throw the remains of his lunch in the trash. "It's not like anyone's going to actually try an-"

Cartman froze. He felt his entire body stiffen. What the hell? He tried to move his leg but nothing happened. Okay, now things are getting fucking freaky.

"Cartman?" Kenny frowned. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything!" He tried to move any part of his body but he couldn't. He heard a small giggle from behind.

"How do you like my spell, asshole? It's a special recipe. I put the spell in your food. You can't move for five minutes. That'll take enough time for me to do what I want with you."

He heard that voice before. There's no possible way…

Cartman's assumptions were right as he saw Pandora in front of him. He saw that she was carrying a book. What the hell is going on? Other students gathered around to see.

"So how have you been? I've been really well. You know, after you humiliated me in front of everyone."

She tried to do the same fake syrupy sweet voice he did when he pantsed her. She opened her book. It was at that moment that Cartman saw the book's title. She began to walk around him, feigning innocence.

"You know. I really have to thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have tried to practice the spells and curses of this book."

Some kids started to whisper. Pandora continued.

"To be honest, I thought spells and curses were myths. Now I see that they're actually very real."

She stopped in front of him. She gave him a wicked smile. Cartman tried to remain calm. He never had someone do this to him. It freaked him out.

"Now, what curse should I use on you?" She turned a page.

"Oh, this looks like a nice one. I can make you suffer a pox." She turned another page.

"This one makes your body bleed on the outside. This one turns you into a worm. And, oh what's this?" She stopped at a particular page.

"Ooh. Now this one turns you into a pig. How fitting. I think that one would fit you very well."

She looked at Cartman. Her smiled looked even wickeder.

"Any last words before you're bacon asshole?"

"Yeah. You're a freaking psychopathic bitch."

"I suppose that's fair enough."

She moved away from Cartman. She smiled to the crowd of students.

"I suggest you guys take your distance if you don't want to turn into pigs."

The crowd moved as far away as they could from the girl. She smiled as she muttered something underneath her breath. Her hair started to float. She was covered in a white aura. She gave another sinister smile to Cartman.

Cartman was freaking out. He was going to be turned into a pig and there's nothing he can do to stop it. He closed his eyes. He tried to prepare for his fate.

"I hope you like being turned into sausage, fuck wad!" Pandora screeched.

"CARTMAN!" an angry voice echoed the cafeteria. The crowd turned their heads to see an angry, red-faced Kyle with Stan trying to hold him back.

"Don't think I haven't forgotten that wise ass remark you said to me fat ass!"

Stan lost his grip on Kyle. The red-haired boy ran to Cartman. He grabbed Cartman from the collar of his shirt.

"Wait Kyle! No!" Kenny yelled.

Pandora stopped reading the book, noticing Kyle grabbing Cartman.

"Wait kid! Get out of the way or-"

It was too late as a beam of light went at the two boys. A blinding light filled the room. Everyone ducked for cover. When the light died down, everyone saw to see Cartman, Kyle and Pandora passed out on the floor.

"Holy shit, dude." Stan said without thinking.

Kenny and Stan ran to check on Kyle. The girls did the same for Pandora. Craig and a few other boys circled around Cartman.

Pandora was the first to wake up. She grabbed her head. She had a major headache. She looked to see Kyle and Cartman lay on the floor. She realized what she had done. She wobbled a bit to get up a rushed to see what happened to the boys.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…" Pandora was scared. She hoped she hasn't killed Kyle. The last thing she wanted was to kill an innocent kid. Kenny and Stan saw that she was panicking.

"It's alright. He's okay. He's still breathing."

She sighed in relieve. That's good to know.

"Are you sure Kyle's really alright? Cartman's breathing too. And he's not a pig or anything."

Oh shit. To their horror, Craig was right. Cartman was alright. He wasn't affected at all. That could only mean…

"FUCK!" Pandora screamed. Cartman groaned. He got up with his hand on his head.

"Do you have to be so loud?"

"Shut it, fat ass! Kyle got cursed!" Stan yelled at Cartman.

Cartman froze. Kyle got hit with the curse? Fuck.

"SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" Pandora started panicking.

Kenny tried to calm her down.

"Listen, panicking isn't going to help. Now do you know what curse or whatever you put on Kyle?"

"No! That's the problem! I didn't finish the incantation of the curse! I have no idea what I did to him!"

"Hold the phone, he's waking up. Looks like we're going to find out in a moment."

Kyle woke up with a major headache. What just happened? He saw that he was surrounded by a crowd of people.

"Um, is there something wrong?"

The Stan and Kenny looked at each other. How were they going to explain this? And what was with Kyle's voice?

"Of course there's something wrong, Jew. You got cursed with something and no one knows what."

Damn it Cartman…

"WHAT?"

Kyle started panicking. He checked his body, trying to find anything wrong with it.

"SHIT!" He stared at Cartman. His face turned red.

"This is your fault, jackass!" He lunged at Cartman. Cartman tried to push the red-head away from him.

"Fuck you, Kahl! It's not my fault you got hit with a curse!"

He grabbed Kyle in the chest. Both froze. Why did Kyle's chest suddenly feel so soft?

Kyle got off of Cartman. He looked at his chest in shock. There's no possible way…

"Kyle? Are you okay?" Stan asked.

Kyle said nothing. He felt his chest. Holy fucking shit.

"Kyle?"

Kyle started unbuttoning his jacket. When he opened his jacket, everyone was shocked at the sight of his chest.

Or more precisely, the sight of her chest.

Eh. I don't really like this chapter very much. I might try to rewrite it. Also, remember to give critques!