"Oppai are the meaning of life, the funbags called such for a very good reason-they are filled with the hopes and dreams of men! With unbelievable softness that can calm the most unstable of hearts. Big, round, soft Oppai are what makes to world go round, and they are certain to lift your mood, and lift those clouds from your spirits.
"There is nothing more Genuine, more honest, more true, than Oppai. This is why this girl here is so mean, she has no Oppai-no happiness!"
Yukinoshita looked like a fish-gaping at the boy, at the audacity she no doubt never encountered before. And then tried to respond with a thousand witty retorts, but couldn't pick the one to go with, or so it looked to Hachiman.
Unable to bore a hole in the reason for her ire, who seemed immune to her glare and utterly unapologetic, just as predators do in nature the 'yukinoshitakus SharpTongue' turned her attention away from the Devil before it and to a more reasonable choice of prey-namely him.
"Hikkigaya-kun, what is this sexual offender doing here? Are you so starved for company that you fell as low as to encourage such scum as delinquents, chauvinists, rapists and the people who peep at girls' bathroom?"
'Somehow, one of those doesn't seem to belong…' Hikkigaya tought, wilting under the intens Glare.
"Hey! I didn't peek at anyone in this school yet! Give me some credit!"
'This is what you took from that?' the deadeyed boy thought, incredulous.
"Yet…" Yukinoshita responded flatly, as if it made her point. "I find my fears for my chastity growing."
"Who would want a flat chasted shrew anyway- you never had anything to worry about, or anything worth worrying about."
Hyuudo then turned to Hachiman himself, and made a surprised expression for some reason.
"You better not fall for her, Hikkigaya, don't fall for her ojou-sama like looks and behavior! Nothing good will ever come from it!"
'What?'
"What?" Yukinoshita seemed to mirror his thought.
Hyuudo just continued in his serious tone, saying more ad more shameless things.
"Take this one instead!" he pointed at Yuigahama, and then his gaze dropped to her 'Yuigahamas'. "She is nice, cute, soft spoken and considerate, and has a good big Oppai. With her, you will be happier, just look at these Oppai, imagine how soft they would feel to the touch, how well they would fit the pam of your hand. With a girl like that, the gloom in your eyes and heart will go away, replaced by a sunshine and softness!"
Hachiman was…speechless. For the first time, since… since he remembered, he had no comeback. He had no words to say.
A glance at Yuigahama, to see if she was as flabbergast as him, brought a worrying revelation.
Her head was bowed, she was looking at her 'gahamas' and deep in thought. Surprisingly deep.
'Did… did she buy all that nonsense? I know Yuigahama is not the smartest person, but still… And why am I feeling so hopefull?'
As he thought that, and glanced down on his hands, one of them made squeezing motion, unvoluntarily, as if betraying an eldritch desire for boob.
Hachiman fast turned to look at the three with him, searching for signs that they noticed, hoping that the didn't.
Yuigahama twitched. She seemed to rise her head, but avoided looking him in the eye.
Yukinoshita was still looking at Hyuudo strangely. "Just, just who are you?"
"I…" he started answering with a smile and pride, "Am Hyuudo Issei, Student of Kuoh Academy, an unrepentant pervert, and Future Harem King!"
'And he actually says it with loudly, with such confidence.'
"Have you no shame, spouting openly about oppai and harems? Go back to your 2D, or whatever it is you otaku do in lieu of human contact and socialization-I knew that people like you don't know anything about real society, but this is too much!"
"Hey, don't go dissing 2D-they are wonderful and genuine, and generous with their Oppai." The boy from Kuoh angrily called, his voice getting louder.
"Genuine, are they? Well, let's ask our expert on all things genuine-what do you say, Hikkigaya-kun?" her eyes promised horrible death should he do anything BUT support her wholeheartedly.
'What can I say? I can't speak against you-you will remember it later, and besides, 2D is fiction. But on the other hand, I read light novels a lot, so… But I don't want to end an old man with anime and manga as my only source of companionship, like a certain teache-'
Next thing he knew, his stomach was rebelling in pain.
He groaned, and stumbled, only a strong grip from behind keeping him from falling.
"What have I told you about my age?"
"Hiratsuka Sensei!" the two girls with him called in stereo. He tried to call too, in protest more than surprise, but was too busy trying to stand.
She paid them no mind, with her revange finished, zooming in on the kid not belonging to the school instead. "And what are you doing here? This is not Kuoh-you don't belong here!"
The boy did not answer, staring at her busty chest instead, smiling creepily.
All three women seemed to stare dumbfounded at this behavior.
'Fly, you fool!'
And then Hiratsuka-sensei threw one of her punches towards the foreign student. Hikkigaya cringed.
'Too late, alas poor Hyuudo, we knew him not.'
Only for the boy to actually move at the last moment, and successfully block it! like a move straight from an action film.
The teacher frowned and asked again, uncharacteristically serious.
"Who are you?"
"I already told you, I'm Hyuudo Issei." Then the boy frowned himself, and after a moment seemed to brighten again. "Ah, I'm a dev-"
"Yukinoshita, please escort Hikkigaya and Yuigahama back to class, and return to your own, the period will end soon. I need to talk with Hyuudo-kun here, and help him get back to his own school in time."
Something in her tone brooked no arguments… and put Hachiman on edge.
'This, just what is happening?'
He was thinking about it, and before he knew, found himself about to enter his class, Yuigahama beside him, stealing strange looks, and Yukinoshita behind him, looking extremely unsettled.
