A/N: So here is the final installment. I truly hope you enjoy this chapter…it was work! Seriously wrestled with it, but I think I am happy with the final outcome. Hope you like it.
Thanks for reviewing! I love them! Seriously helps motivate me to write, so thank you!
Chapter 3
She had Brigid's bear in her hands, the death certificates on the bed next to her, the letters still in their envelopes (thankfully) spread across the bed. He hoped she hadn't read them. There were a few old photos, too…and from the looks of it she had been into those as well. He was furious that she would invade his privacy like this. It was a blatant lack of respect for him, or his things, and it rankled. He thought she cared more for him than that.
"What are you doing in my things?" Connor asked, his voice shaking with barely suppressed rage.
Abby looked up at him and paled.
"I was just…" She began.
"Just what? Invading my privacy? You had no right!" He railed.
"And put that down!" He shouted, gesturing at Brigid's bear.
She set it down inside the box, but then she stood…vibrating with her own anger.
"First off…this is my flat. I didn't know that box was yours until I had opened it." She seethed.
"And then I see you closed it right up?" He bit back, sarcasm dripping from his words.
"Once again…my flat." She sniped.
"You think that little of me, eh? That it doesn't matter if you just…go through things that are private? You had no right to do it, and you know it!" He argued, his eyes narrowed and jaw set.
"I had no right?" She asked, outraged.
"No." He snapped.
"I had as much right as you did following me here! I didn't want you here! I didn't ask you to come! You don't live here anymore." She countered, her voice rising in anger.
He flinched at her last statement; she smiled tightly as her jab scored a deep hit on him.
"You just butted in, uninvited. So don't tell me I have no right." She argued, coldly.
"It's not the same thing. What the hell was I supposed to do? Leave you all alone?" He countered.
"Yes!" Abby cried.
He tried to make her see, make her understand. She wouldn't see. She was so stubborn, and he was still so angry at her but this was Abby and she was hurting and after all she hadn't been digging into his things…he'd left it out. She never had gone into his things, not in three years. It was just that when he saw her there with her hands on Brigid's bear…something inside of him had snapped.
"Yes, I wanted to be left alone! And you…" She fumed.
"What?" He yelled.
"You won't leave me be! Look what I did to you, and you still won't go." She said, her voice breaking as she gestured towards his bruised face.
She didn't sound quite as angry anymore, it was tinged with sadness. Abby's moods were mercurial at the best of times, and this was far from the best of times.
"I don't care about that, and I'm not leaving you alone…not like this." He insisted.
He was having a hard time holding on to his outrage, especially when he saw the tears welling up in her eyes. This was his Abby, and she was crying. His heart clenched in his chest at the sight of her tears.
"Just go, before I do something worse." She pleaded.
He usually gave in to her, but not this time. He loved her too much. He would take anything she threw at him, but on this he would not back down.
"No, I can't. I was all alone…and I'm not doing that to you." He avowed fiercely.
Abby was angry again, her mood shifting and ever changeable; her eyes flashed and her lips formed a snarl. She advanced on him and he had to fight back the reaction to flinch. She saw it anyway. His jaw clenched as he tried to stand firm in the face of Abby's anger, but a hot tear slipped down his cheek, and then another. He'd not let her go through what he had. No matter how furious she was, or how cutting her words became.
"Why?" She cried out, frustrated and angry.
"Because I love you!" He choked out.
He froze; he didn't mean to say it. Not like this, when they were screaming at each other. Abby was staring at him, shocked into silence. She took another step towards him, closing the space between them. She was close now…he felt her breath on his skin. She looked into his eyes, reached out her hand to his face. He trembled as she brushed her fingertips over the bruise on his jaw, and then dug her hand into the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him softly at first, and then Connor wrapped her tightly into his arms and deepened it.
Need and pain rose up in him; he crushed her small body to his as desire and instinct took over his logic. Abby responded in kind, losing herself in him. He broke away finally, gasping for breath. Abby was crying…why was Abby crying? It damped the desire that had swelled up inside of him like a bucket of ice water.
"What's? Why? Did I?" He stammered, trying to understand yet another sudden shift in mood.
She buried her face in his chest, clung to him and cried helplessly. He held her there, rubbing circles on her back and pressing kisses to her hair once again. He sank down onto the bed, pulling her into his lap. She allowed it, and wrapped her arms around him to hold on to him tightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Abby murmured.
Connor shushed her and held her close.
"It's alright. I understand…" He consoled.
At this, Abby started crying harder.
"Why did you never tell me?" She asked softly, when her sobs subsided.
"Did you ask?" He chided gently.
"No." She admitted.
"But I was afraid if I asked you, I would have to tell you about my family…I don't like to talk about it." She divulged.
"You don't have to, Abby." He replied softly.
She nodded against him.
"Connor? Would you tell me about them?" She asked.
She had tilted her head up to look at him; he still found it hard to deny her anything. He didn't want to talk about it, but he thought maybe it was what Abby needed right now.
He sighed. "Yes. I'll tell you."
She slid from his lap self-consciously and began to gather the papers on the bed and place them back into the box on the floor. He began to gather the pictures; his hand stilled over a family portrait…the last one they'd ever taken together. He usually avoided looking at the pictures.
"You don't have to, Connor." She said, an unconscious echo of his earlier words.
He nodded silently. It meant something…that concession from Abby. She knew that he could hardly refuse her anything. He continued gathering the pictures, and this time he avoided looking at them.
"Connor…all those things I said…I didn't mean them." She apologized.
He nodded again. She snagged his hand.
"Look at me." She demanded.
"I don't think you are pathetic…" She begun.
He gave a derisive snort. Most days he felt pretty pathetic.
"Connor, you are the strongest man I know, the sweetest, and you have the best heart…I'm the pathetic one for attacking you when you were just trying to help me. I'm sorry, Connor." She said softly.
He gaped at her, trying to understand the words. He nodded, finally. She was still holding his hand. She pulled his thumb out of the hole in the seam of his shirt sleeve so she could see his bare hand. She traced her fingertips over his palm; he shivered.
" 'S okay…" He replied.
"No. It isn't. I'm…I'm not good with feelings. I got scared…and I pushed you further and further away the more…" She paused and swallowed hard.
He stopped breathing. She was holding his hand, tracing her fingers across his palm and looking at him with something in her eyes that he never thought to see there. Hope and fear and love filled him…so full it hurt. And he was scared to move, scared to breathe, and scared to stop her from saying what he thought she just maybe might be saying to him.
She closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again.
"The more I fell in love with you." She finished softly.
He saw fear in her eyes, and it didn't seem right. Abby was fearless…nothing scared her, but this admission did. Even knowing that he loved her too…it scared her. He bent his head to hers slowly this time, giving her time to move away. She didn't…she tilted her head towards him, invited him in. He kissed her softly, trying to show her that there was nothing to be scared of…not from him. He wouldn't take more than she was willing to give. When they broke apart again she gave him a fragile smile.
"Mum and Dad, they died when we were real young. I don't really remember them." Abby said softly.
It was an offering of sorts; an attempt to give him something in return for what she had taken without asking…without thought, really. He understood it. He understood Abby better than she knew. Connor leaned back on the bed against the pillows and pulled Abby down with him. She rested her head in the crook of his arm and continued, as if allowing Connor to hold her in his arms was the most natural thing in the world for them. He wanted it to be.
"We didn't have other family to take us in…we went to foster families. We stayed together though…but some of them…they were not good. Some of them were bad…violent. Some people should never be around kids." Abby explained.
Connor squeezed her shoulders gently. "You don't have to…"
"Shh. Let me finish." Abby argued, but there was no real recrimination.
"A couple of times they tried to separate us, but I always ran away when they did. They had a hard time of it, finding families that would take us both. Jack was…troubled, and I suppose I was, too. Bad temper…I broke things." She related.
Connor traced small circles on her shoulder as she told him about her life…he stayed silent, although he wanted to tell her to stop. She was right; some people should never be around kids. Actually, it was more along the lines of that some people should be killed for laying hands on children. Connor would volunteer to do the killing. Her story woke something primal and protective in him. He knew he could kill anyone that hurt Abby. He knew it. He felt the tension in her body as she worked out what she was going to divulge next. He got the feeling that she hadn't talked about this before, maybe not with anyone.
"I think that's why I…" She paused.
She turned to look at him and her eyes were shining with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to speak again but nothing came out. She just reached up and brushed her fingers over his bruised face, and then his lip where it was still slightly puffy and swollen.
"…did this." She finished, her voice breaking.
Connor grabbed her hand, stilling it. He brought her fingers to his mouth and kissed them. He would have never dared this before…any of it. Something between them had shifted, realigned…and she had said she loved him. Well, she said she was falling in love with him, but it was more than he had ever hoped.
He searched for something to say, but it was not his strength. He usually ruined things when he opened his mouth, and he never seemed to know when to keep it shut. He had to try, before Abby pushed him away thinking she could never be with him. He knew Abby, and he knew that's where her thoughts were leading her now.
"I let you hit me, Abby. I didn't stop you." He said, finally.
"Connor, that doesn't make it right." She argued.
He sighed. He was rubbish at this.
"Have you ever struck an animal?" He asked softly.
"No." She whispered.
"A child?" He asked.
"Oh god, no." She answered, her voice stronger.
"Anyone besides me?" He asked gently.
"Jack…once." She admitted.
"Did you hurt him?" He asked carefully.
"No…I was only ten." She answered.
He smiled. "I don't think that counts."
Her brow wrinkled. "Then no...but…"
"I could have stopped you Abby." He asserted.
"You shouldn't have to." She argued.
He nodded, conceding her point. "Perhaps not."
How could he explain it? That he knew that if she didn't hit him she would direct it inward? That he had almost had a neighboring room with his mum because of what he had done to himself out of grief and rage? How could he explain it to her; that she wasn't like that? She wasn't going to turn into one of the monsters that had raised her and her brother just because she lost control. She wouldn't have done that to anyone else but Connor, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that...but he knew it was better than what she would have done to herself.
"Are you planning to do it again?" He asked, finally.
"No." She answered immediately.
He pulled her down gently, and she settled back down on his chest.
He told her his story, every part of it. It hurt, the telling of it…but it felt good in a way. It loosened something inside of him to share the story with Abby. She knew the pain intimately…the guilt…the helpless rage. She listened to him silently, paying him the same respect he had shown for her. He paused as his shirt grew damp under her head. She was crying for him?
He kissed her hair and told her it was alright, it was long ago and she shouldn't cry for him.
No one had ever cried for him before. He pulled out the ring threaded onto a leather cord that he always wore around his neck, watching as the metal caught the light.
"This was Dad's. Mum can't…she can't bear to look at it so she gave it to me. She can't bear to look at me either…it upsets her. I stopped trying to visit. I love her, but…she's gone, you know? She's not in there anymore; she's just existing. I think it's 'cause she bottled it all up when they died. She didn't even cry. I found her, the first time she tried to kill herself. The next time they took me away. The third time they took her away." He finished.
"I'm sorry." Abby whispered.
He shrugged. He didn't want to lie and say it was alright, because it wasn't…but lying here with Abby soothed the sting of it. He'd told her his story to help her, but it had probably helped him more. All he knew was at this moment, lying here with Abby, he felt peaceful.
She began tracing her hand across his chest. He felt the warmth through the thin t-shirt and relaxed into Abby's touch. She trailed her hand lower, over his stomach and suddenly he wasn't so relaxed. His breathing hitched, his arm tightened around Abby convulsively. She made a startled squeak in reaction.
"Sorry." He rasped, his voice coming out lower and rougher than he intended.
She rolled so she was facing him. She licked her lips; he stared, fascinated.
"Don't be." She replied, her voice just as low and raspy as his had been.
When she lowered her mouth to his this time, there was no hesitation and no fear. She gave her heart into Connor's keeping, secure that he would keep it safe. He kissed her back with a fierceness that belied his sweet nature and tender soul…he wanted…he needed her with an intensity that scared him. He broke away and pressed his forehead to hers and tried to breathe.
"I love you, Connor." She murmured.
His eyes flew open. She loved him? She did?
"You love me?" He had to ask.
"Yes." She answered softly.
He swallowed. It was hard to just say it, but he needed to. To say it into the silence of the room, not shouting at her, not thinking she was about to die…
"I love you more than anything Abby." He whispered.
She smiled and kissed him again…there would be no more breaking away. Their bodies said what their hearts had known for a long time.
END
A/N: Sooo…I will be doing a Missing Reel for this one (The M-rated chapter 4). *Update* It's called 'Let Me Love You' and is lemon flavored and an M rating. Please read? (if that's your thing...) Oh, and new update... I'm doing this story from Abby's point of view. I think it reads very differently from her end. Called "He Is Here," and I hope you read it. :)
You know, I wish you could set the option to not filter the fics by default to a T rating. Annoying.
I hope you liked this…if so please do review? Feed my poor muse? Make her fat and prolific?
(Side note, I recommend the glorious iEvenstarEstel and her current Primeval fic Le Belle Le Beau….et al. (AND it has a couple of lovely smutty cut scenes published as M fics…*grins*)
