I was lying in his arms on the couch all that covered us was a blanket, my back against his chest. I watched silently as the fireplace flames gently danced and twirled flickering against the wood. He kissed my neck.
"Evangeline I know this will be hard but we need to discuss this."
"I don't know if I can." I said honestly.
Godric pulled me closer his arms tightly wrapped around me. "How about we start from the beginning? I remember when we first met at the ballgame. I couldn't believe Isabel and Hugo talked me into that but I saw you in your little baseball cap. You were so beautiful. I remember thinking my life has just changed."
I smiled at the memory. "Yes, I remember seeing you and thinking I had never seen a more handsome man. I knew you were different your eyes were so kind. When I slipped on the stairs and you caught me and I looked into your eyes I knew I was in trouble."
He laughed, "Yes, I also knew. I remember thinking she is the one."
I closed my eyes for a moment holding back tears. He seemed to know this and continued.
"I remember I invited you for dinner with Isabel, Hugo and I. You came and I couldn't get over how happy you seemed. You radiated light and that is why I was happy when our relationship continued." He stroked my hair gently.
"I remember how sweet you were." I whispered back. "I was so afraid when I told you…"
"Yes, I know that I wouldn't want to continue our relationship but I did. I found it beautiful and I stood beside you watching you grow with new life inside you. I accepted him as my own I was always there for him even when you gave birth." His voice went softer.
I felt the tears begin. "I remember."
"I don't know if you completely understand the depth of my emotions Evangeline. He may not have biologically been mine, but I was there from the moment you found out you were pregnant on. I felt like he was my own. I don't know if you ever understood that losing him for me was also like losing a son."
I had never really thought about it that way. I mean I knew Godric adored him but the way he explained it made me look at it totally different. I couldn't help but think of all the things I had said to him, all of the things I had done.
"I should have listened to you when you said you didn't trust Liam. It's just he had been with my nest for years and I had no reason to doubt him. I know you felt betrayed by me and you had a right to. If I would have listened to you our son would be alive."
The tears were falling harder but I was still silent. He rested his head against mine.
"I can not undo my past transgressions. I do not know how you will ever forgive me for what has happened and you probably won't. I do not expect you to. He should be in your arms it is my fault he isn't. I can not tell you how sorry I am. It would never be enough…I can't explain how deeply I ache for you and the pain I put you through."
He flipped me so I was facing him and lifted my chin. My face was red from crying there were so many things in my head I had to think about. I just wanted it to shut down. I looked in his eyes and he gently stroked my cheek.
"I will not force you to stay with me I simply wanted to tell you that…needed to tell you that."
I broke down in his arms and he slid his hand into my hair holding me to his chest. It felt good to release all of this pent up frustration and to hear his thoughts. I was never ready before and to be honest had he not forced me I never would have listened.
Isabel was right it was not his fault and I blamed him unjustly simply because I was in pain. He was an easy target because I loved him so much. I pushed him away to cut off my emotions. It cost me everything but I don't know that I can reopen this book.
I leaned back wiping my face.
"It was never your fault Godric. You have a big heart and you trust that's not a fault you didn't take our son away Liam did. I blamed you because it hurt and I didn't want to feel. You made me feel so I pushed you away. I'm sorry."
He kissed my forehead softly.
"There is nothing to apologize for."
"Godric you have to understand…I don't know if I can go back. I can't…" I slid from him sitting up and took a deep breath.
"I can't deny my attraction to you, I never could but we aren't about that."
He sat up behind me and pulled me into his arms.
"I did not expect you to stay." He kissed my head.
I turned to see his face. He looked sad but he was telling me the truth. He stroked my hair and smiled.
"I knew you would leave. You will always be welcome here and you will always be protected. If you need anything call me please."
"Godric…" I looked down but he lifted my chin.
"I insist."
I met his eyes our passion was undeniable so was our love. I leaned back to his lips and his hand held my neck gently. It was meant to be quick but it quickly got heated somehow that always happened with us. I knew I had to break this kiss before we ended up back on the couch. I could already him shifting.
I pulled away standing quickly.
"I really need to go." I said catching my breath. "We could do this forever Godric and it would get us nowhere."
He looked down and I sighed grabbing my clothes. I had to do this I wasn't meant to stay here. This was no longer my home.
"What are your plans?" He asked me.
I sat beside him grabbing my boots.
"I think I'm going to get out of Dallas for a while. It's not like I have a job or anything. I need some air you know what I mean? I just need to get away for a few weeks."
He reached up brushing my hair back.
"Let me get something for you." He slid on his pants and was quickly back with an envelope.
"What's this?" I questioned as I opened it. I shook my head handing it back to him.
"I can't accept this." He wouldn't take it and pushed my hand back.
"Yes, you can you aren't working and I don't need it Evangeline please. The credit card is yours it has always been you can use it in an emergency. Please."
I looked at the envelope full of cash and a credit card and sighed. I didn't like taking anything from him and he knew this. He kissed my shoulder.
"You take it and go somewhere nice. You relax and get your head together and maybe I will see you when you return…if you decide to return." He smiled lightly.
I looked at him. I couldn't resist stroking his soft cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them back to look at me. I can never deny the way he makes me feel. I only wish there wasn't so much pain in the past. I leaned over kissing his lips deeply I wanted to needed to feel them one last time. He braced himself for a moment then gripped my hair.
I don't think he was expecting that. I love it when I surprise him. I released him breathing heavily. He stared at me intently not sure what to say.
"Can you let me out?" I questioned.
He nodded and stood. He walked me to the door and pushed the code in. I took one last look before walking out, "Godric I…"
He pressed his finger to my lips.
"No goodbyes."
"I wasn't going to say goodbye." I smirked at him. He raised a curious eyebrow. I leaned on the door biting my lip.
"I was going to say thank you for making me listen. I guess I never really wanted to hear the truth. I wanted to forget because it was easier than accepting the truth, somehow blaming you made it easier. I'm sorry for that."
He smiled sweetly and stroked my chin. "I do understand pain is very powerful."
"It doesn't make it right." I looked down a moment then back at him.
"Well I better go I have to do a little walking and thinking." He pressed against the door.
"I forgot you don't have transportation let me drop you off somewhere."
"I'd really rather you didn't." I replied back.
He thought for a moment, "Allow me then to call a cab. It is not safe please it would make me feel more comfortable."
I smiled at him, "All right."
I remained beside the door as he called. I didn't want to go back inside I thought if I did I might never want to leave. I wouldn't take that chance.
"It won't take long."
"If it's ok I'll just wait outside." I said turning to the door.
He sighed, "If you would rather then I suppose I can't stop you."
I didn't turn, "It's just easier."
I felt his hands on my waist. "It's never easy Evangeline and it never will be. You are my heart and soul and I have no idea how to get it back."
"Time." I whispered as if three years had not been long enough. I knew it never would be who was I lying to but myself. He leaned up to my ear.
"Eternity would not be enough time." I felt my breathing stop for a moment as I turned to his face. I stared into his eyes for a moment so many things left unsaid. If only I could say them but I couldn't and I don't think I ever will. The spell was broken by a car horn.
"My taxi." I said grabbing the handle of the door. He released me and I opened it walking out, but I stopped halfway down the driveway and turned seeing him leaning on the door watching me. I wish him nothing but love and happiness if only he can find it.
"Find peace Godric you deserve it."
"So do you." He replied back.
I smiled, "Maybe." I didn't know if I would see him again I had no idea what was in store for me now. I had not decided who knows. I got in the car shutting the door but before he could drive off I asked him to stop. I rolled down my window knowing Godric could hear me. He was still at the door but there was no need to speak above a whisper.
"I will always love you." I whispered. I saw him smile and I told the taxi to go. I don't know why I felt compelled to tell him that. Wasn't that just making it all worse? We were both having a hard enough time already without adding to it by confessing out feelings.
I arrived at Liz's and paid the driver. Knocking on her door she opened it in shock and hugged me.
"Oh my god where have you been! I have been so worried! Not to mention how bad Jared is freaking out."
I walked in shrugging, "Long story."
"Well why don't you amaze me." Jared said angrily from the kitchen. I was shocked to see him there. He looked ticked.
"I've been worried sick and you couldn't even call your own boyfriend? What the hell Vangie!"
I sighed sitting down and shaking my head, "Jared you…it's to do with my past."
Liz sat beside me, "Was it…."
"Yes."
She ran her hand over my head, "Are you ok? I mean I woke up behind the bar it was wild. I don't even know how I got there."
"Stan." I groaned.
Liz looked horrified, "That crazy vampire touched me?"
"Ok, is anyone going to tell me what is going on?" Jared yelled. We both looked up. I sighed looking to Liz.
"Can we have a moment?"
She nodded and went to her room.
He sat beside me looking hurt. I knew this was a mess and he was going to get hurt any way I sliced it. I hated to hurt him he was a good guy.
"I'm sorry I scared you."
"Tell me who he is." He said bluntly.
"What? Who he is?" I asked confused.
He looked at me seriously, "Yes, the guy you were with. The guy from your past the one that keeps you from telling you that you love me…the one you are still in love with."
I looked down, "I'm not…he isn't in my life anymore."
He lifted my chin, "It doesn't matter Vangie he holds your heart. How can anyone get to it? The least you could do is tell me who he is." I did owe him that much. I owed him more actually but I would not tell him more.
"We broke up three years ago. What do you want me to tell you we were together several years and I loved him things didn't work out that's all."
He reached up running his fingers lightly down my neck.
"He's not human."
I knew Godric rarely left a mark but it was possible there may be a light one. I bit my lip.
"No."
He was silent for a long time.
"Vangie…he could kill you I don't…." He stood running his hands through his hair. "I don't even know what to say to you right now.
"You don't know him."
"It doesn't matter he is a vampire they are all the same!"
This was definitely the wrong conversation to have with me.
"No they are not! Jared you really do not want to have this discussion with me. He is not like other vampires. That is like saying all humans are the same."
Liz was quickly out of her room knowing where this would go.
"Hey, why don't we all calm down and get something to drink?" She said trying to calm us.
Jared looked at Liz, "You knew she was doing this and you didn't stop her?"
I shook my head, "I'm out of here."
She followed me.
"Wait, wait where are you going?" She was running trying to keep up with me.
"I'm getting out of Dallas for a while I don't know."
She frowned, "Your car. I mean Jared has it."
"He can have it. I'm not going to act like a teenager and argue with him about Godric. He has no idea what I have been through."
"You can't just go like this."
I stopped and turned, "Liz really I need to get my head together. I…" I looked off.
She looked at me funny.
"Something happened with Godric didn't it?"
I didn't answer. "I just need time."
"Will you call and let me know you are ok?" She questioned worried.
I smiled hugging her.
"I will, I'm going to grab a taxi run by my place and then get on a bus to somewhere."
She giggled looking at my face. "He got to you didn't he?"
"Who?"
"You know who Godric. He made you realize you still love him." She said smiling.
I sighed pushing her away playfully, "Unfortunately I never forgot."
I turned and headed for the nearby gas station to wait for a taxi. I didn't want to see Jared and chance another run in. I made it to my house and packed headed to the bus station and boarded the only bus headed out. It was going to Shreveport. I haven't been there in years. It's not at all like Dallas but I'll start there and see what happens.
I found I didn't like Shreveport much it was boring with a capital B and I was lonely. I got a job as a waitress at a local bar and grill because they thought I was attractive. It's sad when they hire you for your looks to amuse their clientele. I needed the money so I took it.
I had money but I didn't want to use it. I didn't classify Godric's money as mine. I had been there three months and was deciding where to go next. I was staying at this stupid hotel that doubles as an apartment close by. It was within walking distance. I still didn't buy a car. Everything was close by.
"You know it's a shame you waste your time here." I jumped grabbing my chest and turning when I heard the female voice. A pretty blonde vampire was leaning on the wall of the building. I looked at her curiously.
"It passes the time." I had no idea what she wanted but I was curious.
"Yes, I suppose but you could do better. Wouldn't you rather be paid and not groped?"
I laughed, "Yeah well you find me job like that and you're on vampire."
I turned and started to walk towards my current home. She was suddenly leaning on the light post a little way in front of me.
"What if I could? You see I have an offer for you."
I stopped.
"Listen I don't play with vampires. I learned my lesson a long time ago."
She smirked, "I like a girl with some bite. I'm not here for a snack honey a serious offer. We'll just say my employer has driven by and taken an interest in you."
"Really?" I wonder who her employer is.
She smiled, "Yes, he requested I extend you an invitation of employment. Of course the pay will be much better than here. How about you come and see for yourself? It's still early."
I looked at my watch sighing. It was only midnight.
"How far is it?"
"Oh no worries darling I have a car."
I raised an eyebrow, "Yes, but I don't."
She chuckled. "Well I suppose we will have to figure something out won't we? Come along."
I don't know why I even went along with this woman. She could kill me on the spot if she wanted to. I guess that's why I trusted her she would have already done it by now had that been her agenda. Did I really want to get mixed up with vampires again?
I got in her nice car and admired it. She obviously liked to ride in style she grinned at me and started the car heading to our destination. I watched silently as the houses and businesses flew by. She finally pulled into a full parking lot. I was kind of mortified when I saw the club was named Fangtasia. She was kidding right?
I got out looking at all the strange looking people and she chuckled, "Don't worry they are harmless."
Yeah ok. I've seen weird in Dallas but I didn't hang with it. I followed her inside and looked around it was just as odd to me. It was like catering to people's every fantasy of a sci fi vampire. I think that was the point.
"I'll be right back." The woman said taking off you know I never did get her name. I walked around club dread curiously. I saw her talking to who I assumed was a vampire on a throne. He was cast in shadow but I could see he had blonde hair and was very tall. I sighed stopping when a vampire walked in front of me.
"You look simply delicious."
I groaned reaching up and grasping his jaw.
"Fangs to yourself buddy, not interested."
I would say he backed off because of me, but he looked up behind me then turned taking off.
"I can see you have no difficulty handling yourself around vampires. Why is that?"
I turned to see the blonde behind me. He was tall like I had thought, he was also very handsome and I could feel he was powerful.
I shrugged, "I guess I've been around a few."
He looked me over for a moment then turned taking my arm, "Come let's talk."
I followed him to his office and he shut the door. I looked around not really scared though I probably should have been. He sat down at his desk assessing me. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but I got the distinct feeling he was observing my reactions, my body language.
"Please, sit tell me your name." He looked at the chair behind me.
I sat down seeing just how blue his eyes were. They were light sea blue beautiful really.
"Vangie." I answered him. "It's Evangeline but most people call me Vangie."
"Hmmm, unusual. I am Eric and the woman who you met earlier is Pam." He leaned closer to his desk seemingly to inspect me closer.
"I find you most interesting."
"Why is that?" I questioned.
"You are not afraid of me at all. You show no fear of vampires this tells me you have been around them in some great capacity yet you are not willing to divulge why."
"Can't I have a personal life?" I said quickly.
He smiled, "Ah… I see." He leaned back watching me as if he knew some great secret.
"So you had a lover."
"I'm not here to discuss my personal life with you. You asked me to come here what did you want Eric?"
He tapped his fingers together for a moment watching me.
"I need a waitress. My previous one she…well she is no longer with us. I saw you one day and thought you would be perfect. Usually Pam handles the staff but when I saw you…well lets just say I wanted you."
"Why?" I questioned suspiciously.
He stood moving to lean on the desk in front of me.
"Are you single Vangie? Don't you feel lonely here?" He asked watching my reaction.
I looked down at the floor.
"I hate it here actually but I haven't decided where I want to go yet."
"You wouldn't have to go anywhere. Perhaps I could change all of that." He said softly.
I looked up meeting his intense gaze.
"Eric what exactly are you proposing?"
He reached under my chin forcing me to lift myself up so I was standing in front of him. He smiled looking deeply into my eyes. He ran his hand through my hair.
"I think we both know what I am proposing. You're a beautiful woman I'm not immune to human charm. I want you and so I make a proposition you can stay with me and be my companion for a while. In return I'll take care of your needs. I can promise fun and lots of satisfied smiles if you are a very good girl."
"What will I be doing?" I questioned.
He chuckled, "You my pretty will be taking care of my needs."
I swallowed hard thinking of all that entailed. I didn't even want to imagine, not that he wasn't gorgeous because he was but to have sex just to do it? I'd never been one to do that. I couldn't do that could I?
He lifted me to stand on the couch. "You are tiny this could be very interesting." He smirked at me.
"Maybe you are just tall." I said back. I didn't want to know what he had in his little head.
"Perhaps I can convince you?" He said leaning down. I couldn't believe he was going to kiss me and I didn't even know him! What kind of girl did he think I was? I mean seriously!
His lips met mine and I still couldn't believe this was happening. He pulled me to him forcing the air out of my lungs and when I opened my mouth he took full advantage. I can't deny he could kiss and my hands soon found their way to his hair. I knew I would hate myself later.
He moaned and smiled pulling away, "Yes, I think you will do very nicely."
I pulled away.
"I can't do this I belong…" I jumped down and grabbed my purse.
"I thank you for the offer but I can't."
He stopped me from opening the door.
"Are you someone's human?"
I looked down, "Not anymore. Not for a long time."
He bent close to my ear, "Then why not be mine? Let loose a little stop being so serious and play."
I shivered as his hand trailed my side. He leaned back, "Vangie I won't hurt you. I will protect you if that is what you are afraid of but I don't sense fear. What is it? What holds you back?"
I met his eyes, "My heart."
"And will you follow your heart?" He questioned looking at my lips.
"No. I can't."
"Then why linger alone…be mine at least for a little while. Let me help you forget you need to relax and have fun don't you think? After all the heart is overrated."
I didn't respond. He smiled at me.
"I'll let you think it over, but Evangeline don't take too longer I am not always so generous."
He opened the door for me and I quickly walked out and headed for the door.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
He returned to his desk and Pam came in shutting the door.
"So did she bite?" Pam asked sitting down.
"No, and I have to wonder why would Sophie Ann want me to keep this human occupied so badly?"
Pam shrugged, "Maybe she has powers?"
Eric shook his head, "No. She isn't one to give in easily either. She has a past and something tells me that is key. I did find out something interesting."
"What?"
"She has been and still is in love with a vampire. It leads me to believe whoever this is could be the reason Sophie is so interested." Eric pursed his lips. "He must be powerful. She wants her out of the way."
Pam sighed, "Well do you think he is in love with her?"
"From the way she spoke I would say yes. I don't think they are out of love it's more like something drove them apart. I get the feeling they were pushed apart. I don't know. I couldn't even pick up his scent and they are bonded. She has been tainted. Sophie knew I would try and figure this out."
"So you'll just have to grill her." Pam suggested.
Eric nodded, "Perhaps. I'm not playing any cards until I know who I am playing against. She seems quite innocent."
"Why Northman are you growing a heart?"
He frowned, "No, but I'm not getting involved in a game when I don't know who the players are. See if you can find out where she is from that might help."
"I'll do what I can."
He looked off rubbing his chin.
"What is it?" Pam asked.
"I don't know it's as if she reminds me of someone. Her presence seems familiar somehow."
"Never mind just find out."
