Sorry for the wait. You should know I'm a cruddy update-ador. I don't own this idea (no one's perverted enough to claim the idea of a fuck-centered story)(I would though, if I owned it) and I don't own the characters. But, there are brownies on the counter that could be mine . . . I biked 6 miles today and almost passed out playing volleyball! I think I can take the calories . . .

And, I have a pole on my profile. Please vote! It's like reviewing (equally important and makes the reciever feel fuzzy inside), and it's for a one-shot/short multi-chaptered fic I may write. I think I'm going to add a manga fandom (Inuyasha, I'm a huge fan. But, it doesn't have a plot. Yet. That's where you come in. Please). So, please vote. And, NOTE- If it comes to a tie, my little Muggles, it'll be HP, and I'll try to become a Death Eater, and well . . . Let's see if Voldy's got the balls to deal with this Death Eater wannabe. Or balls at all. I have plans for Voldy . . . *cackles* It's not as dirty as it seems.

And it'll either be Bellatrrix/Voldy and Lucius/OC; or Voldy/Lucius and Bellatrix/OC. Depends on how gay I am that day . . .


It was common knowledge that there was at least one girl going around giving some. This was such a scandal (other then the obvious reasons) because field officers didn't have the time or the heart to be romantically involved with someone outside of work. So they rather fancied the idea of getting laid by a chick with a badge quite a bit. But, no one knew who she (or they) were, and, the victims stayed quiet. Kiss and tell, sure; but fuck your fellow officer and tell? Frond, no.

But of those who cared, many had theories. They thought they knew one was Lili Frond. But, they only thought they knew. Lili only did those who she was currently dating.

Most suspected a few sexy nerd techies. Some of those sprites were all long hair and longer legs.

But, after ten minutes of her no one even thought of Holly Short. Until, of course, they were screaming her name in ecsacty.

But, the previously mentioned Lili Frond, who was susicious of every creature with breasts. Female or otherwise. There were a few overweight fairies who thought she had a thing for them.

She was especially watchful of a Captian Short. It was the way she seemed to capture eyes. They always seemed to turn to her, even if she says no words and slips silently, her feet always as silent as a fluttter of an eyelash.

Being a bit smarter then she made herself out to be, Corperal Frond devised a plan to find her out and have a bit of fun along the way.

"Holly, could I, like, talk to you?" Lili asked, upping her bimbo a bit more. Even Lili, who was quite good at the spiritual "mumbo jumbo" she practiced for her cover person found it rather hard to summon more bimbo. It was sad, in a way.

"Gimme a second!" Holly answered the female she had little respect for, "I've got to get Diggums to Beetroot's or I may loose the pot!" Then turned a corner half dragging a dwarf who was calmly eating bugs from his beard and trying to make nice conversation.

Lili chuckled. By "Pot" Holly'd meant the bet going around of when Julius' heart will blow. Holly bet he'd go differently then a heart attack. Lili herself, had that he could go any time, but he'd go smokin'. This, she'd assumed, was too intelligent, so she would keep her money no matter what. When she looked up again the short red haired elf was walking down the corridor again, finger in ear. She stopped at Lili's cubicle.

"What do you want, Frond? I've got paperwork tall as a mudman to do. Root'll punish me . . . and it won't be pretty," Holly demanded, but the effect was lost with her ending with slightly glazed eyes.

"You'll want to come in, Captian," she answered. Holly obliged for once. She was curious. The dumb corprals tone had changed. Lili sounded smarter and . . . alluring? Holly waited.

"You've heard the rumors of a vixen coming and de-flowering our manly officers," she offered Holly a seat. Once Holly had sat, Lili then leaned close, "You wouldn't know who's doing the de-flowering, do you?"

Holly gulped inaudibly and thought She knows. And she's got you.

"Know the rumors, not the whore. Sorry," Holly replied casually, if not annoyed sounding, as though it hadn't killed her to call herself a whore. It was deragatory. She didn't do it for money. It wasn't for love either, but that's not the point.

"Oh, I think you do," Lili insisted.

Holly could of sworn she was arroused. Of course she wasn't. She was straight.

"I don't know who. Let me go, Corpral!" She had to get out of this cramped place. The smell of maca root (1) was overwhelming.

"I don't think so," said Lili, wrapping her arms in an embrace around Holly's waist, "I know you know. You're not leaving until you tell me."

"I'll have you acorns!" Holly sputtered.

Lili snorted. "What acorns? I'm a corpral remember?" Lili collected herself, and whispered sadly: "I don't want to have to torture you . . ." before resting her blonde head on the other elf's shoulder.

"Torture . . .?" Holly asked, neck craning from Lili's head.

Lili nodded falsly sadly, before continously kissing Holly's neck.

Holly moaned. Lili was so good . . .

"It's me," Holly said, before she could stop herself.

"Now, you only take whom you choose?" Lili inquired , breathing into Holly'd ear.

"Usually." Holly answered.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Lili asked, her whisper tickling Holly's ear. It felt amazing . . .

"You don't need to," Holly replied and twisted around to kiss Lili at the speed of light.

Lili was suprised. She wasn't gay. And, according to male elves galore, niether was Holly. But, like to brothers that I (the author) am reminesent of, they didn't care.

Holly's arms wrapped around Lili's neck, as she leaned over the chair. Lili's hands stayed at Holly's waist a she spn her back around and "attacked".

Lili began to walk around the chair, so Holly was kneeling, but leaning against the back of the chair, as Lili leaned over her.

Holly moved her hand to the zipper of Lili's suit.

"Do you want to do this?" Holly asked, slightly breathless.

"Do you?" Lili replied cheekily. It took two to tango.

Holly answered by unzipping Lili's suit. Lili, ever the the planner, had gone commando. Once it was gone, Holly just loooked for a moment. She wasn't gay, but she would be for Lili Frond. She had dark blonde hair to her thin, but muscled waist. Between the two, was a beuatiful face and unnaturally (but natural) large breasts. Following this was a yard of legs. But, when you're only a meter tall, a yard is a lot. Near all of this as covered in the brown shade of brown wood, freshly polished.

"Whoa . . ." Holly muttered, appreciatively. Also, in shock. She'd never really seen what males saw in her. But now . . . whoa.

After a moment, Lili couldn't take the waiting any more, and attacked Holly's Lili's frustration, she'd worn undewear. Holly stood up to quicken the removal, and Lili removed the underwear in three swipes, and took in the form of the elf before her.

Holly had auburn hair to the jaw of her uncommonly pretty face. It was a different kind of beuaty. Her face was thiner than usually considered attractive, but it fit her lithe body and her entire being gave of an aura of a danger to it. (2) If you gave in, there'd likely be something to pay. In Lili's eyes, having a first look at a female partner, saw her as beuatiful.

Lili, having taken a minute to observe, and all together check out Holly, began to kiss on breast, while fingering the other. Holly moaned and braided her fingers through the blonde tresses.

Holly turned around slowly, and then liad Lili into the chair in an instant and straddled her. Lili shuddered at the feeling ofd a certian part of Holly, warm and wet, leaking on to her leg.

Then Holly kissed her neck, grinding her hips onto Lili's leg teasingly.

"Holly . . . That feels so . . ." Lili moaned as Holly began to lick at her collar bone.

It was Holly's revenge for the delicious torture Lili'd put her through. Holly then kised down the valley between Lili's breasts and down her stomach stopping only to nip the navel once, getting a wonderful gasp in return. Then Holly licked a small trail down to her prize destination.

Holly spread Lili's legs and bashfully looked inside. What she saw nearly made her cum. The core of a woman who sought her out, soaking wet, and aching for her.

Maybe she should go gay.

Holly, at this point, didn't know what to do. She fingered Lili's clit, and grew a bit of audacity from her moan. She lowered her mouth to her core, only to kiss it twice, from the force of Lili's bucking hips.

Lili shrieked queitly at the sensation. Her hands threaded through Holly's hair, bringing her lips closer.

Holly had an idea. It wasn't exactly "genius", but it was a dang good idea in her opinion.

Holly's tongue swirled around the whole teasingly. A moment later (convinced via Lili's hands in her hair) plunged the organ as deep as possible inside her. Lili screeched Holly's name as Holly retreated, and plunged back in again.

If Holly could have grinned, she would have. Though she wasn't in the most profitable postion, she could definatley see herself cumming from this. She brought a hand down from Lili's hip to tease herself, while she continually thrusted her tongue fast into Lili. She knew how she would have wanted it, and sent it all hard and fast into her.

Lili, meanwhile, had never been done by a girl. It was an . . . interesting experiance. And, by interesting, she meant hot.

Lili was very close to her orgasm, she could almost feel the pleasure already. Holly, still pleasuring herself, was too, so close. She gave one last thrust into Lili, a casual anti-climatic flick to her clit (which sent Lili over the edge), one last thrust into herself, then came.

Holly trembled from her toes to her tongue. It was that organ that brought Lili to her own silently screaming release moments before. Holy leaned back against the desk to catch her breath.

Still feeling the after shocks of her orgasm, but also her curiousity, Lili asked: "So, you're Her?"

Holly, who thouroughly enjoyed her "status" as "Her" replied "I would have thought they'd have come up with a better name tha-"

"Actually, they call you Mystery Whore," Lili interrupted.

Holly raised an eyebrow, "That's me. But, where does this leave me? I'm straight. Or, I was. And I didn't know you were . . ." Lili shook her head no.

Lili thought for a second, "Only gay for each other?"

Holly loved the idea. "Agreed."

1) maca root is one of thos funky herbs that help in the lust department. Origanally, it was the scent of lillies, but that seemed silly.

2) The descriptions of Holly that stuck with me is "dangerously pretty" and "black widow pretty", so my mentaql imagine of her is a bit more sarcastically sinister then most people's (I.E., the dude who made the manga), but if you fall into the trap of the black widow, there'll be hell to pay, so I figured the same thing with Holly's appearence in this. I'm sorry if I got all funky with this. I view the Holly-of-my-mind's-eye as one of (if not the most) attractive in the series, so I wanted to incorperate my view of her. She looks no different here than in the books.

Please tell me if you found any grammar, spelling, something totally anal I got wrong or if you just liked it =). I also need suggestions . . . Please?