rewritten March 24, 2013
Before I could warn Maya she was soon confronted with a strange man with a tattered white shirt and a black pair of fat people sweat pants, she approaches him and asks if he saw our friend Axton and the guy just turns around and bitch slaps her twice in the face and then the bastard turns over to me and hits me in the chest I mean what the hell luckily Zero was around a to teach the guy a lesson in manners and by that I mean he just shot the guy in the face it was pretty bad ass of course is would be even more awesome if I wasn't covered in the guys brains ok I liked it, still was terrifying though I mean Maya was crying I mean she was crying in fact the only thing that was keeping me from crying was the fact that headshot was so epic but now I'm in a strange place and was all covered in blood still not complaining.
"Can someone help me up so we can get the hell out of here this place is just screwed up" Maya said nearly crying, I figured to myself Zero will get it but again Zero just disappeared again without a trace I mean what the hell I gotta get him to teach me to do that I mean wow here one moment gone another but anyway Salvador ended up getting her and then guess what my good friend the voices in my head showed back up, "Mister Torgue here telling you that apparently having half your staff zombified is bad for a company so here's what I'm going to do for every zombie employee you kill I'll give you 50 bucks but wait there's more if you kill a zombie in a bad ass way like blowing the guys head off I'll give you 100 and if I slice the zombie open with a Melee weapon I'll give you 130 buck now get out of here you bad ass mother fucker" me being pissed about the voices went a little crazy ok It was full-blown crazy I ranted something like this, "no matter day... the time... The place... ...I am there. Whether it be when the synthetic sun blazes overhead or sets beyond the horizon. Whether it be black as night with shadows of malice abound, before dawn sends then sodding off. My blade shall be drawn to join the fray. Whichever direction the freezing winds blow me, errr push me errr, direct me. I ride. The lush green groves of Sanctuary... The war-torn wasteland of the Heros Pass... or such as tonight the concrete jungle of Opportunity! I fear no enemy for my boundless might shall overcome all. My opponents, they await around every corner, and thus I shelve any doubts that a battle shall follow!"
"Uh...excuse me?" Maya said in a confused tone
"For it is my accustomed disposition that allows me to be ever vigilant against anyone who dares oppose the brunt of my sword! And if any assortment of foes shall try to best me, my friends..."
"err Gaige?"
"...my allies, my fellow warriors shall backeth me up... And save my leathery dragon hide from danger"
"Uh hello?"
"tonight shall be yet another night such as these I henceforth discribed and when my direction is influenced by the icy cold winds to which I have grown to cherish... That shall hear the woosh of my flashy red cape my matching green armor and my dashing good looks" Wooosh
"wait where are you going"
"for those who hath heard tales of the valiant knights of old who slayeth fierce enemies... I am the perfect harmony of master knight and dragon warrior for I am Gaige master of insanity"