Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Thank you for all the reviews, favs and alerts! Much love to MegKevin for beta'ing this for me, again!
A surprisingly well rested and freshly showered Kirk had just stepped out of his bathroom when his door chimed. Daring not to ponder who made be visiting so early in the day, the captain tugged on his black undershirt. "Enter." He had hoped that the crew had lost interested in the contest, but it appeared that was not the case. The door slid back to reveal his best friend, scowl and creased brow firmly in place already this early in the day. Whatever news Bones was bringing, it was not something Kirk wanted to discuss this early and without his coffee.
Stepping inside, McCoy nodded in greeting, with Sulu following behind him. "Jim, we would like to talk with you about this whole thing." He made his way to sit on the couch, not bothering to wait on being acknowledged or invited. Slapping his hand to his forehead, Kirk raked his hand through his mostly-dried hair. No doubt this 'chat' was going to take longer than it took his blonde tresses to dry. So it would be another bad hair day to add to the hundreds already acquired on this five-year mission.
Shrugging, Sulu smiled in an attempt to put Kirk at ease. "We just have a few pointers. McCoy is absolutely positive that you need to be reminded of a few things and he doesn't think it can wait any longer." His dark eyes sparkling with mirth, he took his seat next to the older man.
Sighing with defeat, Kirk knew he had no choice but to listen to whatever Bones wanted to say and he would be forced to do so without coffee. He just wanted this whole fiasco over so that his friends would return to normal, or as damn close to normal as they could get. And then after he had wined and dined his date, he was going to demand a policy that did not allow this to happen again. "Alright, fire away, Bones." Sinking into his chair, he closed his eyes for a brief moment and rubbed his temples, trying to fight off the growing ache behind his eyes.
Leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, Bones' face morphed into a serious, father-like sternness as he locked gazes with the younger man. "Jim, whoever your date is, she's going to be someone's little girl or sister or even mother. You have to treat her with respect, treat her like a lady, not like how you treated some of the girls you 'dated' at the Academy." He helped up his hand to stop Kirk's impending argument. "I'm not sayin' that you won't treat her right, I just want to state the obvious. Not only are you going to be representing yourself and the Fleet, but you will be a shining example of the Enterprise, of us, of me." With the raise of his eyebrow, the unspoken threat of malicious hypos hung in the air if he did something stupid.
With a nervous chuckle, Sulu spoke up. "We just thought we'd brush up your skills on being a dashing gentleman." Suddenly, the pilot was not as prepared as Bones had led him to believe. He had just been brought along as back-up and a historian of sorts on dashing knights on their whites horses.
Trying to keep his temper even, Kirk pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know you guys are only trying to help, but trust me, I know what I'm doing. This is not going to be some free-for-all orgy. I will be on my best behavior." He rolled his eyes. "It's not like I'm going to be dating your daughter, Bones." Glaring over at the older man, Kirk stood up.
Swallowing, all the color drained from Bones' face. "Joanna has entered an essay into this damn contest." He murmured.
Wide eyed, Kirk was unsure how to respond. "What? Why?" He took the seat next to Bones, shocked. Joanna had been a small little girl with a cherubic face and curly pig-tails last time Jim had seen her, of course that had been quite some time ago.
Letting his face fall into his hands, Bones mumbled his reply. "Because she is a thirteen year old girl that thinks Jim Kirk is … hot." The last word was spat out as if it tasted worse than Andorian jerky.
For several seconds, the men sat in uncomfortable silence until Kirk began laughing. Bones buried his head further into his hands, bemoaning the day he had met Kirk. The blonde laughed so hard he was hiccupping, and Sulu was even chuckling under his breath, but he had intelligently moved to stand several meters from the doctor. Finally, after several minutes, Kirk was able to regain some of his composure. "So let me get this straight, you are only concerned because you think Joanna might win the date?" He wiped his eyes.
Jerking his head up, Bones glared down at his best friend. "My daughter better not be the one to win this stupid contest, but if she does and I find out you have even said one inappropriate thing to her much less touch her with those grubby mitts, I will kill you with my bare hands and make sure you are conscious the whole time. You might be my best friend, but she is my baby! I can always get a new best friend." He leaned close, his eyes shining with a homicidal tendency.
Not entirely sure that Bones was not telling the truth, Kirk nodded in agreement. "If Joanna wins the contest, you can rest assured I will treat her exactly like the uncle I am. I'll fill her up with sweets and ice cream and send her home to Mama." He smiled and patted Bones' shoulder. "I wouldn't dare treat her or any other woman without respect. I promise." This seemed to appease the bewildered Southern father.
With another great sigh, Bones stood. "Alright, I believe you." He straightened his uniform. "Well, I'm sure your shift starts any minute now, so we will take our leave." He lead Sulu towards the door; the Asian dared not disturb the shaky balance. Turning back, Bones sized up Kirk one last time. "But remember, I can kill you and make it look like an accident. I am a doctor." And with that hauntingly accurate line, he was out the door.
Relaxing back against the door frame, Jim shook his head. This contest was going to cost him his sanity.
The morning shift on the bridge had been utterly uneventful, which while it was rare for the Enterprise, it was welcome. Kirk had begun to think everyone had simply forgotten about the stupid contest. The ship was on course heading to Earth, which was always a good morale booster, and all departments reported optimum efficiency. The Captain and crew were relaxing back into their normal routine.
Strolling around the bridge, he checked over each station before stopping beside Spock. "Would you like to join me for lunch, Commander?" Kirk had chosen to ask Spock for lunch before someone else wanted to lecture him on his behavior with his 'date'.
Closing his work station, Spock nodded in agreement. "That would not be an undesirable engagement." He stood and followed Kirk into the turbo lift.
Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Kirk stretched his neck and shoulders. "You'll get to have a few days off. What are you planning on doing while we are on leave?" The two had become closer the longer their mission lasted. Kirk found it much easier to speak candidly with his First Officer when they were alone.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I have volunteered to assist with Academy tours. This 'contest' seems to have generated the desired interest in Star Fleet. As it would not be a logical idea to have you lead tour groups, I was the next most widely known officer and highly coveted because of my Vulcan heritage. Most of the crew have also dedicated one day of their leave to aid with the influx of new recruits." His voice was neutral as the two men made their way down the corridor. The seemingly unchanged persona of his Commander helped to further relax Kirk.
Kirk had always been proud of his crew, but knowing they were giving up their personal time during leave to help with this madness he had been tangled in by Command deeply touched the Captain. "That is very generous of them." A faint smile tugged the end of his lips. With his mind concentrating on his crew, Spock led Kirk into the private dining room. Deciding it was for the best to remain excluded from the crew, he replicated his food and sat down opposite his First Officer.
Before Spock touched his lunch, he once more addressed the younger man. "Jim, there are a several matters I wish to discuss with you." His voice held no emotion, no indication of anything out of the ordinary.
Swallowing his bite, Kirk wiped his mouth. "Shoot, Spock." He gave his First his full attention.
Raising an eyebrow at his choice of words, but making no comment, Spock turned his head slightly to the side. "I have filed a complaint with Command on behalf of yourself and the crew over this preposterous situation. No matter how many new cadets this 'contest' recruits, this is a waste of resources and a degrading experience for the Enterprise, and her Captain. I have requested that this never again be repeated." Even for a Vulcan, Kirk could tell Spock was passionate about his crusade. "While you believe yourself in no position to refute this mistake, I, as your First Officer and a former professor, am lobbying against such future humiliation. Thus far, the Command has promised to keep you separated from this entire situation until absolutely necessary. You will not choose the winner, as this may reflect badly upon you at a later date, and they will not pre-select your evening's destination. After you and the winner have left the grounds, you will not be photographed or recorded for any use by Star Fleet." If Spock ever considered leaving the Fleet, he would make a damn fine lawyer.
On one hand, Jim was upset that Spock had to step in on his behalf, but on the other he was visibly relaxed. "Well, Spock." He cleared his throat. "How can I not be grateful for that?" He smiled.
Turning his attention to his lunch, Spock unwrapped his silverware. "Indeed." He took one bite, before he spoke again. "However, you must make sure your image is not tarnished. The tabloids will no doubt follow your every move. Once you are headline news, it would only be logical for me to sell the pictures of you in your 'dress' as they will be in higher demand and thus yield a higher income." His brown eyes sparkling with humor, he watched as the blonde fumbled for a response.
Kirk's eyes grew wide. "That was a kilt! Scotty gave it to me and I was drunk!" He was being blackmailed by a Vulcan. "No one would believe you!" He hissed.
Shrugging, Spock lifted both eyebrows. "It is a bet I am willing to take. So perhaps you should strive to keep out of the public eye and act in a way becoming of an officer." He returned to his plate.
Staring at the top of Spock's head, Kirk blinked. Now even Spock was giving him advice, only his was more a lot more convincing.
The afternoon shift was as uneventful as the morning. No one else made any more comments to the Captain or requested his audience. The contest was closed that afternoon, shortly after lunch, which had been announced with a mass message. However, no one smirked or even glanced towards Kirk. They were all just as glad as he was for it to be nearly over. It was turning into a lot more work than initially anticipated.
The Enterprise had docked at Earth's space station roughly eight hours later in the middle of the ship's night shift. Kirk had not been present on the bridge; Spock had the con while docking. The moorings were firmly in place and the ship was in a geo-synchronous orbit around the artificial satellite. Those who were not absolutely necessary for vital functions had already began their descent to Earth for their short shore leave.
In the morning, Kirk had not been assaulted before his breakfast or given any strange glances in the Mess. Nor had the Captain been further approached by any more of his crew concerning the contest. In fact, those left on board had been too busy to even notice their Captain at all. Thanks to the ever changing world of electronic devices and computer technology, the Enterprise was now obsolete only three years after her maiden voyage. Every department was due for an update.
Taking some time to himself, as he was not essential during the upgrades, Kirk had slipped off to his quarters to update reports. His entire shift was spent catching up with things that should have been done many months ago. Not willing to risk distraction, he had eaten his meals in his room. Slowly the stack of PADDs in his 'in' box were dwindling. It was shortly after the end of Alpha shift when someone, once again, requested entrance. Expecting it to be Spock for their weekly chess game, Kirk did not move from his desk. "Enter." He called while stretching back in his chair.
As the door opened, Scotty stepped in. He scratched the side of his head as he made his way towards his captain. "Good evenin', Jim." He took the seat in front of the desk as Kirk had motioned.
Surprised by Scotty's unexpected arrival, the younger man smiled. "Well, my good man, what brings you around this time of day?" Scotty rarely left the Engineering department before Uhura personally escorted him to their quarters. He would have no doubt expected to find Scotty down in the heart of the ship even longer tonight with all the upgrades, and knowing that Communication's Chief had her hands full with the new translator system.
Chuckling, the CEO blushed slightly. "Well, Nyota and I have been talkin' and she decided that because your date might not be from San Francisco, perhaps you would need ta make suggestions on where ta eat." Talking about delicious cuisine always relaxed Scotty, so he brought one ankle to rest on the opposite knee as he sank further into the seat. The blush was fading from his cheeks, only because he had stopped thinking about Uhura and turned his mind towards his other great passion – food. "I must say, there are some really good restaurants in the Bay area. I've made a list of possibilities an' will send them ta your PADD, if ya want. If there is anythin' I know more about than the Enterprise, its food." He winked.
Kirk had to laugh. "True, I would love to have help and a list of places we can go. I'm kinda not on the up and up like everyone seems to think that I am. Not to mention everyone who keeps coming in here giving me 'pointers' and reminding me of all the things I shouldn't do. I think Uhura and Bones believe I have never been on a real date in my life and that I'm nothing but a trained monkey in a gold tunic who can not to be trusted alone with a pretty girl." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. He had not meant to say any of those things aloud. "I'm just ready for this to be over." Smiling wearily at his friend, Kirk shook his head.
Standing, knowing that his Captain would need to rest before the following morning, Scotty smirked at the blonde. "Well, you know I was chosen for this first." He raised an eyebrow.
Perking up, Kirk's whole face lightened up. "Really?" Having Scotty to be the one up on the auction block was much more appealing to the Captain.
Laughing, a full rich belly laugh, Scotty shook his head. "Surely ya know that you are the only one they want! You are the best, and besides, Nyota would have blood on her hands then!" He chuckled letting himself out of the Captain's quarters.
Sinking back down into his chair, Kirk let his head fall on the back of the chair still laughing to himself. He could always count on Scotty to lift his spirits. His PADD beeped with an incoming message from the CEO with a list of the best places in San Fran to eat. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Pushing himself up from his desk, he tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. Knowing he needed to get out of his quarters, he changed into his running shorts and stepped out into the corridor.
Laying the fate of his peaceful slumber on his nightly routine of exercise, Kirk ran his customary five miles and completed the machine circuit twice. His mind was racing with all the details of his duties and his crew's expectations. He would have a few hours to rest before he was due for the fitting of his tux that Uhura was going to help pick out and before the breakfast and photo-shoot with Command. Uhura was also helping him with the corsage and boutonniere, that way he would be prepared for either a male or female. She had even talked him into get a facial. All in all, twenty-four hours before the final announcement, for all pretenses, Jim Kirk seemed to have everything under control.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
I'm not so sure I like this chapter, but the fun stuff is coming up!
