Neckties and the Art of Getting Kicked Out of Galleries

Authors Note: I'm sorry if it took a while to get this next chapter up, but my updating might take about this time or longer in the future. If there's any sort of problem with that, feel free to contact me. On a side note, If you're interested in beta reading at all, I'm sure I'd appreciate another set of eyes on this thing. Send me a message if you have any questions or concerns with the story, and feel free to leave a review.

Chapter 3

By Theta Waves

"No…"

"Now, Karkat, let me explain…" John puts his palms toward you in defense

"No, NO!" You shout as you grab at the front of his shirt, "Tell me you didn't!"

"Come on Karkat, he's so lonely; we thought—"

"You thought WRONG you son of a bitch! You invited Eridan Ampora!?"

You push him against the fridge as you nearly froth at the mouth.

"Why would you ever even consider inviting that whiny, elitist, jackass?!"

"John puts his hands on your shoulders trying to calm you down. You think he might be about to pap you on the head, but seems to be afraid you'd bite his hand off. And he'd be right.

"Karkat, just let us-"

"NO. NOPE! Hear me, Egbert! I am going to throttle you! I hope that grand piano falls of your legs and cripples you! I-I-I…"

You let go of him, still steaming. You hear a door open, a few muffled greeting, and the shuffling of feet.

"John, I hate you so much. So very, platonically, much."

"No, Karkat, he's our friend. He just wants to be loved, man, and so help me god if you're mean to him-"

"He's a murderer, John!"

"So is Gamzee! Look, Karkat, we've all done things we're not admittedly proud of, but Eridan's changed! If you didn't avoid him like the plague you'd know that."

Oh there is no way…

"I'm staying in here." You pout and sit cross-legged on the floor."

"Karkat, this is ridiculous"

"Nope. Staying here."

"This is so immature of you." John buries his face in his hands.

"Like I care."

"Karkat, get out there or I will personally give Eridan your address. Do you want Eridan to know where you live? And how do you think Sollux would react?"

You retain a dignified silence for a moment as you mull it over. You really, really, don't want Eridan knowing where you live.

"Fine then, Karkat. Have fun with Eridan's future visits."

"Oh, fine!" You concede defeat on this one. "You've got me. I'll make nice with squid-scarf."

You take one last withering hate-gaze at John, spin on your heels, and stomp into the living room. Eridan has, sure enough, squeezed right between an uncomfortable looking Dave and Jade. Eridan, however, is just grinning that dumb grin he gets when he thinks he's making friends. And then he spots you, that jerk.

"Hey, Kar!"

Your mouth snaps open, and your brain runs it on a single impulse: "I hate you"

You didn't even say it particularly maliciously. However, hearing it took him aback, and he is visibly cringing and looking otherwise hurt. Instead of tending to his feelings like a more merciful-feeling you would, you just take your spot on the floor back. Why was there practically no furniture in this godforsaken place?

Now Eridan has a wobbly lip, and more than a few of your friends are looking at you as if you just shook the crib of a baby they had just finally gotten to sleep.

"Wwhy wwould you say that, Kar?"

The look you shoot him says 'Dude, are you kidding?' and your mouth says the same.

"Kar, I'vve done nothin' but lovve you."

You're about to shout all of the reasons why you're justified to hate him when Kanaya drives an elbow into your ribs. This makes you decide to ignore Eridan, even though he still looks like a kicked puppy. Until Jade tries to break the tension by striking conversation back up.

"So! Eridan, how is water polo going? You said they might be letting you go professional?"

You had no idea that professional water polo existed, but you've seen far stranger things.

"Wwhy, yes, Jade, those daft fools havve realized the raww talent they'd be passin' up if they let me go." Oh great she's blown his ego up. "In fact, they said they wwere blowwn awway by howw much of a natural I wwas out there. Fittin' though, that they should…"

You check out, as you're fairly certain the others do. You're amazed anyone can take him going on and on. But you'd probably be zoning out no matter what; you can only focus on Jade. While everyone else looks borderline catatonic, Jade is actually managing to look courteously interested, and frankly, you're impressed. She's sitting very slightly forward, picking at the hem of her flowing long-skirt, and you notice her glasses are perched precariously close to the tip of her nose as she looks down. You'd never say so, but you found her glasses adorable. For a brief moment she pouts at something in her mid, and you cock your head to the side because, by god, you've got to know what it is. When she catches you staring for a moment she grins and sticks her tongue out at you.

I was just spacing out, you mouth to her, don't flatter yourself.

She points at Eridan with her eyes, causing you to roll yours and nod.

Yeah, he can drone a bit, is her non-verbal reply.

In a moment when the lights played strangely around her, you saw a very clear picture of her in your mind. You saw her, in one of your sweaters, at your table, reading a newspaper, all the while sipping your secret recipe coffee from your favorite mug. Big reveal, your secret recipe is actually just piss poor coffee, because you can't make a pot to save your life.

Reality snaps its head back to you when Terezi gets up to exclaim that she left the gas on at home, or something equally ridiculous, and that she should probably go turn it off. As she nearly jogged from the apartment, ignoring several stares (even from its own tenants) that said 'Please don't leave me', a cackling laughter was reportedly heard.

"Goodbye Tez! It wwas so good to see you!" Eridan was the only one with verbal parting words. You were definitely not starting to think that maybe he wasn't as insufferable and hate-able as you remembered. "Noww, wwhere wwas I? Ahh yes, -"

"Uh, the cake! I, uh, I didn't bring out the cake!" Nice save by John. It is with this smooth move that he temporarily shut Eridan up, and absconded to the kitchen. You can feel the air of 'I want to get out of here; this is so uncomfortable' permeate the room. Damn you, Terezi, why did you have to be the smart one and leave? We've all received more than our daily dose of Eridan.

Dave doesn't even announce where he's going when he gets up and wanders into the hallway, but when Kanaya calls his name in the form of a question he simply calls out, "Bathroom!"

"So, Jade," Eridan starts, and you immediately wish he would stop, in your livid not-jealousy, "If you wanted to learn howw to play the sport, I'm sure I could find time to showw you." He's trying to be smooth, but comes across as punch-able. Jade looks like she's trying to distance herself.

"Jegus H. Christ, what's taking Dave so damn long?!" your outburst seems to break Eridan's attention on Jade, and she volunteers to go check on him, but before she could get up and away from fish gills, Gamzee, oblivious to the awesome distraction you set up for her, assures her that he's got it and slinks into the hall.

"Well guys, I hope you like the cake! Frosted by our very own Karkat Vantas. Ain't she a beaut'?" Egbert emerges from the kitchen with a pink cake that is all too familiar. John seems to have fixed the frosting, though, and starts distributing slices. Eridan accepts with some visible disdain; sometimes human food still makes him sneer. He's not fooling anyone, the pretentious dork loves the stuff.

When Egbert hands you your plateful you thank him, as well as distribute a choice expletive, and begin scarfing down. Not ironically either; you absolutely shovel the stuff in.

"Karkat, don't eat so fast! Are you even tasting it?" You look up, cheeks full of cake, to respond to Jade, who's been eating rather delicately. You decide to furrow your brow and tip the plate in order to dump the remains into your open chute.

"Damn it, Karkat…" She says as she lifts her glasses to rub the bridge of her nose.

"Jade, I eat my food the way it pleases me. And I change that for no one." You squint with determination at her and she returns the sentiment.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Hell no."

"I think it was."

"You'd be wrong to think that."

"I accept your challenge."

"What?"

She leans back smugly, "You all take witness that I, Jade Harley, have accepted the challenge issued by Karkat Vantas, to change his eating habits."

"No, no, none of you confirm that, you hear me?" As soon as the words leave your mouth the room resounds with confirmations of Jade's behalf.

"You can all go to hell." You cross your arms in a huff. "And where's Gamzee? Gamzee, get the hell back in here!"

He emerges, visibly unfazed, without Dave, and grabs a slice. He doesn't grab a fork, though.

"Sorry bro, just got a little turned around. Spaced out admiring the view from John and Rose's window."

"It overlooks the alley."

He has no real response, and Rose turns to him.

"Where's Dave? Weren't you checking on him?"

"Oh, Dave-bro? Didn't see him. The bathroom was empty. Also, the fire escape outside your window is down."

"*Urp* Jade? Jade?"

"Yes, Karkat?"

"Jaaade…"

"What do you want?"

"Why'd you let me eat so much cake?"

Following Dave's sudden and stylish departure, you had all decided that the now surplus cake shouldn't go to waste, what with Dave and Terezi gone and all. Plus, with abundance of cake already present… The Great Eating began.

And now your insides hurt.

"My insides hurt, and I feel like you all should know."

Jade giggles at you from her sprawled position on the floor. "Shut up."

You lay on the other side of the coffee table, but by turning your head, you could see Jade opposite you.

You scowl at her response, but it's really just an excuse to look at her some more. Gog. The carpet had one of her cheeks pushed up. Her smile made it just as cute. Her hair fell in every way, except, miraculously, in any way that would cover her face. You wish she would look at you like that all of the time, with the light playing off her face in the exact same way. Despite the selfishness of it, you couldn't help but wish that she would only look at you that way, and it made you feel rather bittersweet. As hauntingly beautiful as it is, it has to be bittersweet, you guess.

"No, you shut up, Harley."

She wrinkles up her nose and giggles helplessly; squealing, one might even call it. You change your mind, this is the moment you want to live in.

"Karkat, you're the most adorable thing."

"I am not."

"Oh, but you are."

"Blar."

You had been beginning to think that maybe the moment would spin on into eternity, but, alas, the universe enjoys to frown upon Karkat Vantas' wishes. A literal shadow fell across Jade, and a figurative one your spirits, as you both look up to see Fish-Butt McHopeyoudrown standing over her.

And he's looking unusually pompous and proud.

"*Ahem* Madam Harley?"

"Yeah, Eridan?"

"I heard of a convversation that occurred earlier here today, pertaining to twwo extra tickets for a recently opened gallery. As I am a connoisseur of art, evven of the inferior human vvariety, I think it may servve you wwell to accompany me."

Jade's physical expression doesn't change much, but you can tell she's apprehensive.

"Oh, Eridan, I-I'm sorry, but I'm already going to the gallery with a friend." You'll have to ask her how she can sound so empathetic, but also not condescending.

"Oh, really," Eridan seems suspicious, and Eridan, what the hell, you have no right to ask anything like that. You're starting to get nervous enough to consider intervening. Eridan doesn't take rejection well.

"And wwho are you goin' wwith?"

"Well," she drops her head sideways to smile at you, "Karkat's coming with me."

You adopt an expression of surprise, like that of the current Eridan. "Karkat's coming with you?" Wow, referring to yourself in the third-person feels weird.

"Yes, idiot-troll, Karkat, being you, is coming with me," she confirms.

Eridan looks at you and asks, "Is this true?"

You switch your gaze quickly from her, to him, and back before shrugging.

"Karkat's going with her."

Post-script Author's Note: For any fans of Eridan out there who read this and were horrified by Eridan's portrayal here, I'm sorry if I butchered him. All of the hateful things were from Karkat's mind, I hope you know, as the story is from primarily his eyes. It was meant to be a more humorous approach to Eridan's neuroticism, and didn't mean to offend.