Trials of The Old Republic

The Initiate Trials

For those who have actually shown interest in my writing, I am sorry for just dropping off the planet like that. Long story short… A bunch of things happened that I had no control of and I basically lost the time and energy to write…

SO… I delayed posting so I could write a chapter or two ahead.

Now that my excuses are done, let me continue on this here tale.

"There is no emotion…"

But what do I feel when I anger? What do I feel when I read about the injustices my own kin would do? Should I not feel a tinge of frustration when Meetra gets through my defenses? Should I not feel the satisfaction I get when I send my fellow Padawan Bastilla off furious? Or does it mean that there is no emotion period, and that it is all in my head.

"There is peace."

What peace have I achieved since coming to this Prison? There is but one person I have met this week in this place that has treated me with any sort of kindness. When was there a time that total peace ruled the land? Was there ever a time that soldiers need not be trained, Bounties never paid? Was there a time where a living creature's only fear was a death of old age? If there was PLEASE let me go to that time/dimension because it surely does not exist in my own.

"There is no ignorance..."

So what is the being that was taught nothing? Is he non-existent? Are we to assume everyone knows everything? That would only break the Jedi's own code seeing as this thought brings arrogance.

"There is Knowledge."

But how do we tell who is right and who is wrong? What I know is completely different than what a Mandalorian knows, but what makes either of us right? Are we both wrong? Am I right?

"There is no passion…"

Should I not strive to be my best? Should I not chase after evil? Should I not face the darkness? Is this implying that I should be weak?

"There is serenity."

Should I sit there and watch when wrongdoing is committed? Shall I watch as a planet is razed to the ground? Shall I watch as a Sith Lord kills Zhar? Kills Bastilla?

Kills Meetra?

"There is no chaos…"

Yet chaos is what makes life interesting. It wasn't order that I thought of when I saw the vids of Coruscant, actually, it was a sprawl of buildings and vehicles that had no direction…

"There is Harmony"

I'll believe that when the senate can make a quick and decisive vote that is in everyone's favor, and that will conveniently happen when Krayt Dragons fly… on second thought that would be the worst possible thing that could happen…

The universe would implode if the senate actually made an unanimous decision.

"There is no death"

But death is part of our everyday lives, more so for a Jedi seeing as we can sense the ripples throughout the force when a life is ended prematurely.

"There is the Force"

Yet in my head I ask what is the Force?

"Very good Padawan," Said my Master, "While you may have memorized our code do you understand what it means?"

Not even a little bit." I reply, No point in lying to a Jedi after all.

"Why do you think that is?"

I hesitate before saying "Every time I repeat the code in meditation, in my saber katas, in the spars, in practicing my force powers, I feel as if I am drifting away from the intended meaning behind it."

"This is to be expected, you are far older than our other initiates so it would be expected of you have doubts." Zhar calmly replied, "Now what are these questions you have?"

"The Jedi code says that things don't exist yet sentient beings deal with them every waking moment of their lives… how can I say that their issues don't exist?" I ask.

Zhar was quiet for a while, most likely thinking over how to answer my question. "The way of the Jedi is not spelled out, you ask a question that is best answered on your own." He finally answered.

"With all due respect Master, what is it with Jedi and cryptic answers?" The words were out of my mouth before I could hold them back.

Yet all Master Zhar did was smile "That is a skill that only comes in time Initiate."

I felt my eyes widen in surprise and shock, "… did you just make a joke!?"

"It would be best if you went to your next class Initiate," ignoring my comment, "Have you decided on a name yet?"

I scowled "All the names given to me are that of my own race, which was notorious for its brutality, seeing as no one wants me to corrupt the name of a well known hero that is also out. What did you think was going to happen?" I tried to keep my annoyance in check, yet my tone was not without reason. I have yet to find a single Jedi outside of my instructor and friend that can move past my… 'Sith' heritage. "Anyway, can't I stay with you longer master?" I whine, "I don't want to go deal with Vrook in saber practice…"

"Be that as it may, you still require the practice." He sighed, "Even more importantly is your unorthodox training under the Ataru form, it is rarely taught due to its aggression so you must-"

"Not be reckless I know!" I interrupt, "But Vrook hates my guts with a passion I know it!"

He smiled "Initiate, what is the first line of the code?"

"There is no emotion…" I asked, curious as to where this is going.

"What is the second line?"

"There is peace…" I say, the mantra cooling my raging emotions.

His smile widened, "What is the fifth line of the code?

Damn it "There is no passion," I respond dejectedly.

"And the line after?"

"There is serenity…" I prepared myself for a lecture.

"You do realize that Master Vrook has a place on the Dantooine Council correct?" I nod "Then that must mean that there is a true reason behind all of what is happening, correct?"

I hate it when he is right, "Yes Master, that was out of turn…." I reply dejectedly.

"You will meditate in your quarters over the code, perhaps that will clear your mind." I winced because meditating involved sitting still for hours on end, more importantly; it was something I wasn't good at.

Maybe that practice with Vrook isn't that bad at all.

"Yes Master…" It was hard to keep the emotion from my voice.

Darkness covered my eyes, the surprise gave way to curiosity. "So Initiate… No Name, how have your studies have gone?"

"Meetra!" I said in surprise, "I didn't sense you sneaking up behind me…"

My one trusted friend removed her hands from over my eyes, "You weren't looking hard enough, obviously." She said with a smile.

"Your timing is terrible, as much as I would love to learn about your mission, I have to go saber practice." I say with a sigh, "Excuse me master." I turn and exit the little room, and it was when Meetra jumped next to me that I noticed a wicked grin in the eyes of Meetra. "Force… I am not going to like this am I?".

"I asked Vandar about letting me handle your training today instead of him." I stopped walking, "He agreed."

I can never get a break can I?

"I have to wonder what I have done to receive a punishment like this…"I mutter under my breath.

"It won't be that bad," Said Meetra, we began to walk at a faster pace.

"… You can drop the act, I have had enough training to know when someone lies and when someone holds back." I say to her.

"I have no idea what you could possible mean by that," She replied.

"Oh sure, you sound sweet and innocent but I know I am going to wake up in the med bay with bruises in places I didn't even know I had." I noticed that I had begun to grip the training sword I had on my back, something I did when I was nervous.

"Could be worse, it could be a duel to the death."

"I think I would actually prefer that instead of you testing me."

We were finally at the old tree where I normally took my classes with Vrook, "How did you kn-" she started before I interrupted her.

"Well its obvious," I say as drawing my blade, "A full fledged Jedi Knight returning from a mission and goes straight into a sparing match with an Initiate, that and you just told me." I raise my eyebrow. "Now stop staring at me like I just grew a second head."

She continued to stare at me, her expression of shock was almost comical, "You missed your calling as a politician."

I snorted, "Yeah cause they do so much good, now are we going to spar or are we going to debate whether or not I should be the first Jedi senator."

"Which do you prefer then?" She asked. I flourish my sword, "I should have known...

She drew her sword and gracefully entered the Soresu Stance, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

Now why would she be doing this? I raise my sword, and placed my feet shoulder-width apart with my knees slightly bent.

Form IV, Ataru Form, Aggression Form.

This was the style I used when saving that little…. Err… 'Padawan' Bastilla.

We stared at each other, our blades held steady.

"Here we go" I whisper to my self as I used the Force to propel me toward Meetra, and as my blade descended she simply pushes my blade aside, which forced me to roll in order to avoid the attack I knew was coming. After jumping to my feet I attacked with a stab, then when my attack was deflected I spun into slash that was blocked. I had been training this whole week and I still couldn't get through her defenses, it was annoying to say the least. We locked our blades against each other, when I stared into her eyes I noticed something odd….

She was smiling…

Was she mocking me?

Stop! Focus!

I jumped away from the locked blades in order to keep my rising temper in check, I finally understood the downside of using the Ataru form that Vrook warned me about these so many times. I remember his lecture so clearly now…

"Listen Initiate, and heed this warning well! The Form you use is rarely taught to Padawan and it has never been taught to an initiate because of one reason, can you guess this reason?" Came Vrook's annoyed tone

"Not a clue master…" I respond

"The main focus of this form is to keep a constant offensive on their, and if you are a Jedi, there will always be a constant battle with your emotions. Keep this in mind Padawan…."

I take a breath, my eyes never leaving Meetra.

"There is no emotion, there is peace." I say softly to myself as I immersed myself into the Force.

In front of me there was a bright light surrounded Meetra, her smirk telling me she was still strong enough to fight me. I lifted my blade over my left shoulder and swung my blade to have it parried to the side. I ducked under her counter and I pointed my blade at the center of the light, lunging to my feet. I saw my blade approach the light; victory would finally be in my grasp. Yet since my mind was so completely focused on my blade, I failed to notice the hand that was placed on my chest.

It was a mistake that I hope to never make again.

I felt something ram into my chest and I was thrown and held against the tree in the center of the courtyard, pushing away the focus I had on the force. I struggled to move against the pressure holding me to no avail; there was nothing I could physically do that would release me from my trap. In the end I stopped moving and simply stared at Meetra, a smile on her lips even though I could see the strain in her eyes.

Calm down, Focus, Escape

I centered my mind on these three tasks tried to find the connection I had with the Force. I closed my eyes while taking a deep breath; the lights I saw in the force flickered into existence. I saw the power behind what was keeping me held against the wall, and with a glance I knew even though she seemed strained that she did not put all her might into the move. Two of the three tasks completed, I was free to put all my attention on the final task.

Escape!

With a yell, I pushed with what I could against the Light that was Meetra. When I felt the pressure on me lessen, I planted my feet against the tree and launched myself towards Meetra. When our blades locked I open my eyes and saw Meetra's ever-present smirk on her face, I pushed her blade away and bashed my shoulder against her as hard as I could. With my blade in my right hand, I spun in order to take advantage of Meetra's lack of balance. After she blocked my blade I jumped whilst bringing the sword high over my head, I fell swinging my sword down onto Meetra.

I felt her sword bounce right in front of my foot.

I redirected my sword so that it barely touched her right shoulder and I vaguely felt the sword cut into the ground. For the longest time I simply stared at my sword, after that time had passed I felt shock register on my face. Yet this surprise soon gave way to anger as I raised my eyes to Meetra, letting go of my blade.

"SithSpit Woman!" I growl, vainly trying to hold onto my anger. "Why the kriff would you think it would be a good idea to try THAT?"

"Emotions Padawan…" Meetra said mildly, the smirk was gone and replaced with a stoic expression.

"Space your Jedi-speak Meetra, I could have killed you!" I snapped back "Why did you hold back?"

"I didn't think it would be fair for a full Jedi Knight to go all out against an initiate, even one in the situation you're in." She said calmly, "It seemed I have underestimated you."

"Meetra…" I said, finally calming myself down. "What would happen if I had killed you?"

"Well I imagine there will be a funeral pyre, obviously" She replied with her signature smirk. "There will be flowers, weeping initiates I have never met…"

"I meant what would happen to me." I interrupted. "Because the first thing I thought of would be the fact that every Jedi Knight and their mother will be chasing me to beyond the edge of the known regions…" and I would have killed the only person I can trust.

"But you didn't, and that is what made all the difference." She said, "In my experience, you can learn a lot about people by paying close attention to how someone reacts.

"So what did you learn from me almost killing you?" Came my snide remark.

She holds up her hand, "First thing," she said bringing up her calloused index finger, "You have a remarkable control of your emotions considering you have been doing this for about a shorter period of time… Also consider the fact that the time you took to get this far less than the Years Initiates take. "

"But it was so hard too keep calm…" I argued.

"Who ever said it was easy? If it was easy to hold back your emotions then why do dark Jedi exist?" she answered, "The second thing is that you know how to use that."

I looked down my blade, "Yet Jedi are only supposed to use their sabers as a last resort.", I put a mocking emphasis on the word.

"True, yet no Jedi has ever complained about too much Lightsaber training." She shrugged, "besides, I was more focused on the potential you showed in the spar." I gave her a blank look. "Referring to the brief moments in how connected you were in the force.

"I don't understand…"I say.

She walked towards me, our faces only inches apart as she peered into my eyes. "Everything you did was instinctual, without thinking, even how you pushed back my hold against you."

"That hurt by the way." I say while backing up, I had finally calmed down.

"It was supposed to, a dark Jedi isn't going to not use the force." She replied.

"So what? Am I a Jedi yet?" I ask while crossing my arm.

"You will be… after a decade or so of practice.", damn it! "A better question would be what in the force were you?".

"What do you mean?" I answer.

"You fight like a Jedi should and have eyes corrupted by the Dark Side…. But there isn't any corruption in you." She paused. "I actually don't know what I sense from you."

"Believe me, if I knew I would tell you." I sigh, "Anyway, what was the test for anyhow?"

"The test was to prepare you for the next test of course!" she said cheerfully.

My jaw dropped, "Allow me to get my funeral plans ready before we move on, all right?" I had a bad feeling in my gut I wasn't going to enjoy what was to happen. "What makes you think I'm ready anyway?"

Meetra stopped smirking, "You're not, but this lets a Jedi Master keep an eye on you at all times, and also lets you get off the Council's mind.

The seriousness behind her tone took me back, she had never shown me this side in my faded memory. "So how many of these 'tests' are there?". I ask in the end.

"Well… this one doesn't count since it was more like a pre-test." She says, her hand on her chin.

Kriff!

"Do you know the Code?" she asks.

There is no Emotion,

There is Peace.

There is no Ignorance,

There is Knowledge.

There is no Passion,

There is Serenity.

There is no Chaos,

There is Harmony.

There is no Death,

There is the Force.

I repeated the code for the thousandth time… Believe me, I counted.

"Well that's one trial by itself." Meetra replies.

"What of the others?" I ask slowly….

"It's a surprise!" She says, the spark in her eyes returning.

"Yeah so where can I prepare for a cremation? I want to have my ashes kept in a can of-" I begin to say.

"Would you look at that! Its time for the Initiates to return to their quarters!" She says cheerily.

I sigh, "…and all initiates must go to the rooms in order to prepare for training, I know, I know! I can't wait till these kirffin' trials are over."

"Someday I'll learn where you heard those words." She mutters barely out of hearing, "Oh and don't mention what I am doing to the council, alright?"

"Meetra!" I whisper in surprise, "Are you really breaking the rules?" This truly was news to me.

She smiled over her shoulder as she walked away, "nope… only bending them ever-so-slightly."

I turn around and also begin walking to my quarters, yet when I finally reached my destination (my bed) I couldn't sleep. I simply laid there, going over my recent lessons and trying to break through the mental wall that contained my memories…