Never Again

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence and language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and MATURE THEMES (sex, swearing, violence, etc) and AU-ness!! Ye be warned; seriously, this is VERY mature people. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

Author's Note: Again, I'm shocked at the responses to this! I thought for sure there would be a huge pile of angry, rage-filled reviews in my inbox!! It's nice to see that you're all willing to endure and carry on through this for the end (which is coming!). Erm…this is probably the worst of all the chapters yet, but it gets better from here on in. And there's even some more smut! I'm an authoress of many talents XD 'Come what may…' Cheers!

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"You know there's nothing any of us can do about it, even if what you're saying has merit, Sirius," said Lily briskly, getting up from her seat and clearing away the last of the dessert plates. "So the only thing we can do is be there for him if he needs us."

Sirius frowned and turned to his best friend, in whose sitting room he was seated with a generous measure of Firewhiskey in the cup in his left hand. Lily and James had, as they so often did, invited him round for dinner and a drink, and Sirius had capitalized on the visit to expound his theory about their lycanthropic friend. He turned to James. "You believe me, don't you?"

James made a face as he poured himself another inch of whiskey while Lily's back was turned. "I dunno mate…it sounds like from what you've told us that you might be right, but I agree with Lily. There's not much we can do if he doesn't admit it to us."

Sirius cast his best friend a resentful look, sure that if their positions were reversed, James would have gone in hexing and asked questions later. Then again, as he hadn't told anyone he was in love with Remus, it wasn't as though James would be able to think that way. "I hate this!" Sirius growled, feeling surly.

"I know, mate, I feel the same, but it's like Lily said…"

A sudden thought hit Sirius. "What if he's bullied Mooney into not telling anyone though! Who knows what that bastard's done to him…"

Lily, who had reappeared, sighed as she resumed her seat, absently rubbing her stomach. "You're right, Sirius, but Remus can look after himself. I mean he's a wizard after all… But look, if it makes you feel better, I'll talk to him when he comes by tomorrow, alright?"

Sirius recognized that neither James nor Lily wanted to discuss the matter any more, and nodded gratefully, hoping Lily would be able to talk his friend round. "Thanks." He tossed back the rest of his drink and stood up. "I'm going to head out. Thanks again for everything."

James patted him on the shoulder and Lily hugged him before he Disapparated with a resounding CRACK. "I'm worried about him," James said as soon as the room was Sirius-free. "There's something he's not telling me but I can't think what. And he's really stressed about Mooney, more than he'd normally be… Or d'you think I'm just reading too much into this?"

Lily sighed heavily, her hand running again, apparently unconsciously, over her stomach. "I don't know James, but I'm worried too. About Sirius and Remus…what if Sirius is right about him?"

James didn't reply; he too was worried about the werewolf.

XXX

The sun was too jubilant in the sky the next morning as it filtered through the drapes over the bedroom window and jabbed at Remus' retinas. He froze, listening hard, but there was no telltale breathing from beside him, and no sound besides the ticking of the bedside clock in the apartment. Remus let go of his breath; Michael must have gone to work already.

Wincing slightly as he pushed himself up with his bad arm, Remus crawled out of bed and crept silently to the door, just to make sure. The relief he felt when he saw the empty couch was tangible, and it was with a much lighter heart than he'd woken to that the lycanthrope padded out to the kitchen.

There was still anger at what his lover had done (and tried to do) to him last night, oh yes, but it was marred with fear and disgust. He hated that his boyfriend had taken things the wrong way, blown them completely out of proportion, and then tried to make it Remus' fault; was disgusted that the man who told him on a regular basis he loved him had attempted to force himself on him. But he was also scared, because even with the wolf on his side, Michael had overpowered him like nothing. And who was to say it wouldn't happen again, only that time without the perks of the full moon to fall back on?

Sighing, Remus tried to push these thoughts away. He was sure his lover would come home and apologize to him, and things would be just fine, like they always were afterward. So what if Michael had a temper? It was Remus' own fault for bringing the issue up anyway, and his fault that he hadn't made himself clear in the first place. Everyone got angry, he reasoned as he poured himself some cereal, and everyone fought. True, it had gotten a little out of hand, but there was no lasting harm done, so he should just forgive and forget.

He was padding out to the living room to catch some telly, when the front doorbell went off; setting his food on the counter, he went to answer it. "Hello?" he asked as a strange man with blunt features stood on the other side of the door.

"Remus Lupin?"

"Yes."

"I've got a delivery for you. Sign here." The man (clearly a Muggle) passed over a clipboard, and Remus jotted his signature before handing it back. The man then passed him a large bouquet of white and yellow roses, interspersed with baby's breath and greenery, before turning and heading back down the hallway.

Remus shut the door as a smile lit up his face, as he removed the card on the little plastic holder from the center of the luscious blooms. It was clear, as soon as he saw the handwriting, who they were from, and he grinned even wider.

Remus, I'm so sorry for last night. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose. I love you baby, forever. –Michael.

Sighing and still smiling, Remus sniffed at the lovely flowers, feeling a definite upturn in his mood, despite the fact that he still had the full moon tonight. Somehow, that little detail didn't seem very important in the light of getting flowers. Glancing up at the clock mounted to the kitchen wall, Remus hurriedly put the shapely blossoms into a vase of water and picked up his bowl again.

James and Lily were popping by to pick him up soon (as he'd overslept), and bring him back to their cottage for a visit before the full moon rose. He had a little over an hour left to him to eat, tidy the house a bit, shower and dress, so with a last look at the roses and a final smile, he turned and headed into the living room, deciding to watch television while he ate and before he threw in some laundry.

Remus had just finished packing a small bag for his stay at the Potter's when the doorbell chimed again, and Remus opened it on his friends' smiling faces. "How are you Remus?" Lily asked as she enveloped him in the cursory hug. The lycan didn't like the undertone of unspoken implications he thought he heard in her voice, and smiled brilliantly.

"I'm great!" He gave James a fleeting hug as well before ushering them over the threshold. "Just let me grab my bag and we can go."

James cast Lily half a glance as Remus disappeared into the bedroom, and the redhead sighed as Remus returned, carrying the bag with his good arm. "All set?" James asked, waving his wand easily so that the bag hovered conveniently before them.

Before Remus could respond though, Lily had caught sight of the flowers. "Oh Remus, these are gorgeous!"

"I know," he beamed, joining her at the kitchen table and admiring the blooms with her. "Michael sent them today. He's out of town on business and I guess since I couldn't wake up to him, he thought flowers might be a nice substitute." Lily leaned forward to waft in the heady aroma and sighed.

"You never send me flowers anymore," she teased James, who rolled his eyes. "Ooh a card!" Before Remus could think to stop her, she had plucked the little note from the midst of the roses and was reading it. Slowly, as each word sunk into her mind, she frowned. "What does he mean?" she asked, looking across at her friend. "'I'd never hurt you on purpose.' What happened?"

"Nothing," Remus said smoothly, snatching the card back from her. "We got in an argument is all, it's nothing." His tone was cool, but Lily could sense the pleading note in it and knew the lycan was hiding something.

Lily opened her mouth, intending to say she didn't believe for a second that it was nothing, but James cleared his throat and shook his head almost imperceptibly. "So," he said aloud to break the nasty silence that had sprung up between his fiancée and longtime friend, "shall we head out then?"

"Yes," said Remus, grasping onto the subject like a drowning man to a life ring. "Yes, we should go." They Apparated out and into the Potters' little back garden, and then trooped into the house.

The sun waxed in the afternoon sky, finally sinking, blood red and breathtaking, into the horizon, and Remus knew the time was close. Lily had been exceptionally quiet (for her anyway) all day, and Remus knew that she was still thinking about the flowers and card, but he had more pressing matters on his mind at the moment, and he shoved the thoughts away. She could think whatever she liked, he told himself firmly as he descended the basement stairs with James. It didn't necessarily mean she was right. She didn't understand…he and Michael just had issues to iron out, and it wasn't a big deal. He frowned subconsciously as James clunked back up the cellar steps, leaving him alone in the semi dark, and Remus heard the murmuring of his longtime friend enchanting him in. Lily needed to realize that his life was none of her business, no matter how much she thought otherwise. Things with him and Michael were fine. His lover had made a mistake; that was it.

'Who are you trying to convince?' asked a snide voice inside his head, but Remus ignored it, disrobing hastily. The moon would be rising soon and he wanted to prepare himself mentally for his transformation, not argue with himself. He caught one glimpse of clouds scudding over the pearly white globe he loathed so much before he lost himself to the brutal agony of transforming and his mind no longer became his own.

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"How is he?" Sirius asked anxiously as Lily poured him coffee in the sunlight filled kitchen the next morning. There were dark rings under his eyes and he was fidgety from lack of sleep. "Is it bad?"

James sighed and grimaced. "He's been through worse, but…" He shrugged, and though it could have meant anything, Sirius knew his best mate well enough to understand. It had been bad.

The normally bubbly (to the point of annoyance) young man bit his thumbnail anxiously as Lily now served breakfast. "D'you think I should go? He doesn't know I was here last night, and maybe it would be best if-"

"You're staying, Black," said Lily firmly. "I know things with you two have been…rocky, but you're still his friend, and I have a feeling that after last night, he'll need you." James nodded his agreement and a wave of calm fell over Sirius and he began shoveling down eggs.

"Thanks," he muttered, and Lily smiled, but all too soon, the grin had slipped off her face and she bolted upright out of her chair. Both Sirius and James looked round.

"Remus!" the redhead cried in surprise. "What are you doing? Why are you walking around, are you daft? Here, here, come sit…" She waffled about pulling out his chair for him, and forcing him to sit, and piling a huge helping of food onto a plate for him.

"I'm not dying, Lily," said Remus softly with the ghost of a smile. "There's really no need to fuss."

"Hush. I'll fuss over you if I like, you need someone to fuss over you." There was a slightly tense moment, as everyone assembled recognized the unintentional jab at Michael, but Remus disregarded it and sought to gloss over the situation.

"I'm surprised to see you Pads, I thought you were supposed to be tailing your cousin Bellatrix," he said lightly, sipping at his coffee.

Sirius (who had in fact begged and pleaded and bribed Peter to take over this task for him last night so he could be near Remus) smiled. "Managed to pass it off. Peter says he's sorry he couldn't be here by the way."

For what seemed like the first time in forever, Remus laughed, and while his tender ribs ached from it, he couldn't hold his mirth in. Sirius was grinning back at him and even James had begun to chuckle. Lily looked bemusedly from face to face to face and merely shook her head. "You three are mad," she murmured, getting up to start on the dishes.

Remus spent an amicable and relaxing morning with Sirius and James, both of whom went out of their way to make Remus laugh and smile as much as possible, before the lycan insisted that he had trodden upon their hospitality more than long enough, and was going to go home and possibly take a nap.

"I'll come with you," said Sirius. "I have to get back to London anyway, and I want to make sure you get home alright." Remus rolled his eyes at this mother hen behaviour, but didn't comment. Truth be told, he rather enjoyed being coddled. He ignored that same snide voice from the night before that suggested he also would rather not face the empty apartment alone or, even worse, face his boyfriend alone.

They Disapparated after a round of hugs, and rematerialized inside Remus' living room. The lycan breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that no one was yet home. "You look like shit Mooney, no offence. You should go to bed. I'll bring you some tea," said Sirius, and Remus didn't balk as he shuffled into the bedroom, stifling a yawn.

Ten minutes later, he was in his jammies, a large, steaming cup of his favourite tea cradled in his hands, a book lying unopened in his lap, and Sirius was tucking him in securely. "Thanks, Paddy," he murmured, sipping the hot beverage gratefully. It did wonders for his exhausted spirit and body. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed beside him and smiled softly; a less gaudy and less flashy version of his trademark grin, and one that Remus liked much more. "You look shitty too. No offence. Have you slept yet?" Sirius shrugged and looked away, a clear admission of guilt. The lycanthrope sighed, setting his tea on the bedside table. "What have I told you at least four dozen times?" the Animagus merely fiddled with the quilt. "Don't go getting yourself sick staying up with me every month! You shouldn't worry about me, Sirius, I'm fine, I can-"

"But sometimes you're not fine Mooney," Sirius said, looking up. His grey eyes were roiling and dark, like the clouds that blotted out the sun before a deluge, and burned with something indefinable and fierce. "You weren't fine last night, you nearly tore yourself to shreds. Prongs spent a good fifteen minutes down there after you'd turned back, just trying to get you to stop bleeding." Remus sat there, shocked into silence. He had a vague impression that last night had been slightly worse than normal, but he'd never imagined… "Lily told me about the note in your flowers," Sirius muttered, glancing up at his friend from under his lashes now, as though afraid of a tongue-lashing.

Remus' face went stony. "I don't want to talk about it," he said coolly, snatching up his mug and burning the tip of his tongue on the too-hot tea.

"Don't be mad at me Mooney, or at her. We just mean well," said Sirius earnestly, gripping Remus' free hand, which rested atop his thigh on the bedspread. "We only want what's best for you."

"Really?" said Remus with awful sarcasm. "Well then you can butt out, because I know what's best for me, and I have it already."

Sirius looked as though he wanted to protest further, but then a look of bittersweet acceptance came onto his face. "Alright, if you say so. I have to get back and see Peter. Don't be a stranger, Mooney." Sirius squeezed his fingers gently before standing, and then stooped to hug him gently. "And we're always here for you," he added in a whisper against Remus' ear, letting his lips brush over his friend's cheek before pulling away.

Remus nodded and watched his best friend Apparate out with the usual loud CRACK. He felt a surge of guilt for being harsh with Padfoot…he did only mean well after all… But still, it was his, Remus', life, and no one could live it for him.

XXX

"What're you doing in bed?" Remus woke suddenly and sat up too fast, his head throbbing angrily as he felt the giddy dizziness confuse his senses. It was somewhere between late morning and early afternoon if Remus was reading the intensity of the sunlight pouring through the curtains properly. He looked up, seeing Michael silhouetted against the doorway, an overnight bag beside him. Remus pushed away the trickle of fear that was his first reaction and smiled.

"What time is it?" he asked, getting up and putting his arms around his lover.

"Almost two." He had slept the previous afternoon away and all of that morning. "Are you sick, babe? Is that why you're in bed?" He held Remus at arm's length and scrutinized his face. Remus couldn't help but smile.

"I'm fine, just tired I guess. How was your trip?"

"It was really good actually," Michael said, letting Remus slip out of his grasp to move toward the bathroom and following him. He leaned against the doorjamb as Remus began brushing his teeth. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I missed you."

"I missed you too," Remus lied automatically, bending slightly to spit toothpaste foam in the sink. Michael came up behind him and pressed himself to Remus' backside. The lycan felt bile rise up in his throat and he was suddenly dizzy again as he attempted to master the impulse to throw up. He heaved in breaths as Michael's hands slid up his back, running underneath his t-shirt, trying to focus on brushing his teeth.

"How much did you miss me?" Michael crooned softly. Remus didn't reply on the pretence of scrubbing his teeth. Once he was finished however, there was nothing left to keep him from answering. He stood and turned in Michael's embrace, pressing himself to his boyfriend and trying to repress the shudder he felt building as images of their last meeting assaulted his mind's eye.

Michael dipped his head to kiss him and Remus sighed softly at the warm gentle lips, coaxing his own apart. "Lots," he murmured against his boyfriend's lips. Michael reached around and gripped his arse, rubbing his hard-on insistently against Remus' own half-hard cock.

"That's what I like to hear, baby… Now I think bed is in order, no?" Remus swallowed thickly and mustered his Gryffindor courage.

"Definitely." His boyfriend pulled away and the lycanthrope allowed himself to be pulled gently back toward the bedroom. Michael seemed to know what he needed. He was soft and easy and slow, stealing gentle kisses (eerily familiar for some reason, though Remus couldn't recall from where) and murmuring sweet and erotic sentiments against the shell of his ear.

Soon Remus was sprawled shirtless on the bed, his breathing heavy as Michael ravished his torso with fiery kisses. It was bliss, all heady and intoxicating, and Remus felt closer to Michael than ever he had before. Maybe it was the after effects of the full, but he felt he might even love this man at that moment.

His lover pulled back and frowned confusedly. "Babe, I must be going insane, but is this new?" He was pointing to Remus' stomach and looking up at his boyfriend enquiringly. If he'd had his wand on him, he could've Obliviated him, or Confunded him or something, but as the item was currently still in his overnight bag, tucked away in the back of the closet. He didn't admit the thought consciously, but he would be hell damned if he let Michael find it. Instead he had to cover over things using only his sex clogged brain.

"No, I don't think so. As I recall that's from the accident." He'd simply told his boyfriend that the reason for his scars was that he'd had an accident as a child and Michael had never pressed the issue.

"It looks pink though…like it's new…" He looked somewhat suspiciously at his lover.

Remus forced himself to grin. "Maybe that's because you've got me so hot and bothered."

Michael grinned lasciviously now; the sticky moment was forgotten in light of more pressing wants and needs. "Mmm… I hope you got lots of rest, because I'm going to make love to you all night. God, Remus, you've no idea how much I missed you…"

Their mouths met, hungry and hot and before Michael pulled away and let his fingers slide into Remus' mouth. The lycan suckled them and his lover grunted at the sight.

"Jesus Christ, I'm going to lose it if you keep being so fucking sexy, babe." Remus nipped playfully at the fingers as Michael pulled them away, pressing them hurriedly against his opening.

Remus moaned in pleasure as his boyfriend's fingers rubbed ceaselessly over his prostate. "Ohh fuck, I'm going to lose it if you keep that up…OH-ohh…God…" He squirmed as Michael's tongue teased the weeping head of his cock before his greedy mouth closed over the organ. "Unh…yesss…" he hissed. It was too much, he couldn't hold on anymore.

And then Michael said those four words he needed to hear at that moment. "Come for me, baby." Remus lost himself to the exquisite, burning, all-consuming pleasure his lover wrought upon his body, and he arched impressively as Michael swallowed compulsively.

He loved this man. There was nothing more he could think as he drifted leisurely on the bittersweet clouds of contentment and his boyfriend began kissing his way back up his stomach and chest. He still felt that heady feeling of love or lust or whatever it was, and as Michael's mouth met his, he fervently hoped his boyfriend's promise of making love to him all night would be upheld.

Remus recovered slowly in secret from the worse-than-normal transformation; whenever his boyfriend was at work or in another room, he'd allow himself to rest or wince in discomfiture as his tender bones and joints got back into synch with his human body. When Michael was around, however, he put on a mask of carefree adoration (one that Michael seemed to like) and he hoped that they could turn over a new leaf in their relationship. But Remus' hope was as short lived as the roses that wilted steadily in their vase on the kitchen table, and soon enough, Michael's moods had become blacker and uglier than the twisted, rotting remnants of the blossoms sitting at the bottom of the garbage can.

Remus was standing at the stove, stirring absently at a pot of boiling spaghetti, and he jumped, not having heard Michael come in, as arms slid around him from behind. The blond frowned, looking displeased. "Why d'you always do that whenever I touch you? Flinch like a goddamn woman or something."

"You startled me is all," said Remus equably. "Hungry?"

Michael made a disparaging noise, his frown becoming more pronounced. "Not for that shit. You made pasta four fucking nights in a row, I'm fucking sick of it." This, strictly speaking, wasn't true. Remus had cooked shepherd's pie the night before, pasta salad and sandwiches the night before that, fettuccini in Alfredo sauce topped with strips of grilled chicken the night before that, and roasted ham the night before that. Remus, however, didn't bother trying to correct his lover's assumptions, not wanting a fight or the horrible outcomes they generally created. Not to mention half of the nights that week, Michael had come home and gotten so completely shit-faced it wasn't really much of a surprise that he couldn't recall the menu.

"I'll make you something different if you like," he said in a voice of forced politeness. Michael pulled a beer from the fridge; the first of what would undoubtedly become many over the course of the evening.

"Fucking right you will. I want a steak, nice big fuckin' steak, with chips and gravy."

Remus felt a stab of anxiety. "We…" he murmured weakly as Michael went out into the living room. He faltered and cleared his throat before trying again, louder. "We don't have any steak," he said calmly. "I haven't been to the grocery store."

"Fucking Christ! What the fuck are you doing all day Remus, while I'm working my ass off? Sitting around doing jack shit, most likely." Remus felt as though he'd been stung.

"Maybe if you'd let me use magic, I could Transfigure you a fucking steak," he muttered bitterly, but unfortunately, Michael overheard him. The sound of the glass beer bottle smashing against the hearth was like a gunshot in the tense silence.

Remus jumped, head whipping round so fast he thought he might have gotten whiplash. "What the fuck did you just say to me?" Michael whispered in a deadly voice, his face devoid of emotion, except for his eyes, which glinted maliciously.

"I-I…" Remus was incapable of speech. He was trapped against the counter as Michael stood up, menacingly tall, and moved toward him. Instinct kicked in and Remus glanced around desperately for something, anything he would be able to use as a weapon. There were the twin pots on the stove; one filled almost to the brim with boiling water and cooking spaghetti the other filled with simmering, aromatic sauce. Then there were the lids to the respective pots, and the wooden spoon he'd been using to stir the sauce. Not much, but enough if he needed them.

"You better hope to fucking god you were joking," Michael growled. "Because I told you once and I'll say it again; if you pull any of that hocus pocus shit in my house I will not only snap that fucking stick of yours, but I'll snap your fucking neck too, do you understand me?"

Remus' knuckles were white he was gripping the edge of the counter so hard, pure, unadulterated terror rendering him immobile and mute. Michael was in swinging range now; his lip curled back from his teeth and the lycanthrope caught the blur of movement before the sickening thud of fist colliding with flesh interrupted his unspoken answer.

"I said do you understand me you son of a bitch!" Michael screamed, flecks of his beer-flavoured saliva spattering Remus as he used his death grip on the counter top to remain standing. He glared at Michael, tasting blood in his mouth from where his cheek had been nicked by his teeth and the force of the blow. Even if he could have spoken – could've unlocked his jaw enough to speak – he wouldn't have been able to. Michael backhanded him as hard as he could and not even his grip on the counter was enough for Remus to remain upright anymore.

The cheap linoleum came up to meet him and the breath whooshed from his lungs. The blond reached down, taking a fistful of sandy hair in his fist, dragging his lover up before hitting him again, this time in the stomach, and letting him hit the floor again. Remus stopped thinking, stopped reacting. He retracted into himself, knowing that nothing he could say or do would calm Michael down. Not now that he'd gotten into the stride of his anger. There was the deep, bellowing roars of his boyfriend's displeasure, cursing at him, calling him names Remus' brain didn't want to try to decipher, the infernal ticking of the kitchen wall clock, and an odd keening sobbing that he finally realized must have been coming from him. Once he realized this, the sound stopped and only the sound of the clock, ticking out his torture, penetrated his mind.

XXX