Chapter 3
Summary: Blair has a confrontation with Chuck and Serena, although it's more silence than anything.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
Warning: Language
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Her hair was no longer in its perfect bun. It was loose and tangled, sticking to the sides of her face. She had unexplainable sweat matted all over her visible body parts, and she was unhealthily pale. There were what seemed to be pounds of gauze covering the self-inflicted slash to her wrist. She caught the eyes of Chuck and Serena, but didn't say anything. Her mind was still a bit foggy, but she caught the smell of a hospital and groaned.
Serena cautiously made her way to Blair, as if she was walking on eggshells. Her eyes were clouded, staring at Blair. She examined her for few moments. She turned around, looking at Chuck, but he stood by the doorway, refusing to move any closer to the broken girl in front of him. Serena motioned to him, but he shook his head, just staring at Blair, with nothing to say.
--
"Blair, are you okay?" Serena put her fingers through Blair's hair, but Blair shakily lifted a hand and pulled Serena's away. She looked out of the window. It burned her eyes with a painful sensation but she wanted to ignore the two people watching her as if she was a spectacle for everyone to see.
"Blair, look at me." Serena's tone became more affirming, causing Blair's head to turn back to her. Serena examined her again. Her eyes were empty, as if Chuck and Serena weren't even there. "Talk to me, Blair." Serena looked worriedly into her best friend's eyes, but Blair still said nothing.
"Dammit Blair, talk to her." Chuck's voice boomed from the back of the room, causing nurses in the hallway to stare. Chuck turned to them and glared, and they scurried off hurriedly, as if nothing had happened.
Blair cleared her throat. Serena practically jumped. "Fuck you, Bass." That was all she had to say to make Serena feel sufficiently awkward, and to make Chuck finally walk into the room. Serena breathed heavily, feeling satisfied that Blair had talked but guilty for swearing to the person that saved her.
"Look, Waldorf, we're trying to help you," Chuck was also worried, but his hard exterior wouldn't let it show. He was already embarrassed from his episode in the alley, which he had already seen on Gossip Girl. Even if it was Blair he was crying for, he didn't cry. Shit, he didn't even cry for his mother.
"It's a little too late for that." Blair's harsh tone hushed everyone once again. Serena took her hand. "It's not too late, Blair," Serena suggested, but Blair pulled her hand away. "You're still alive."
"I believe I'm a little reluctant about that." Blair rolled her eyes. Chuck immediately reacted to this. "So, saving your fucking life was for nothing?" Blair got vicious, gritting her teeth. "Oh, that was you? I thought it was the pool boy."
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"Cool out, guys." Serena interjected, before things got further. "Look, the point is that you did this for a reason, Blair. We need to know why." Blair pursed her lips, annoyed. "Why, so it can be on Gossip Girl? No thank you."
"No, so we can help you." Serena was being gentle, but was quickly irked by Blair's sarcasm and harsh tone. "I believe the word help has been played out in this room already," Blair said drily. "You can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. I thought my best friend would know that."
"Okay, I'm tired of your shitty attitude, Blair," Chuck ran his fingers through his hair. "We're trying to get through to you, and your crappy sarcasm and wit aren't helping." Blair stiffened. "I'm sorry, but I do not plan to help you try to be my therapists," She narrowed her eyes. "Besides, you two are part of the reasons why I ended up here."
Chuck's guilt was reaffirmed. He gulped, and had nothing more to say. Serena was in complete shock, her eyes filling with tears as she finally learned the harsh truth that she was unable to handle. The silence was revisited again, the conversation growing more awkward as it spanned on. Blair was merely looking through the mirror again, forgetting that Chuck and Serena were even there. She did not want to be fixated on all that happened in the past that drove her to this pain and insanity that she was currently in, and she certainly no longer wanted to trust anyone.
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"I love you, Blair," Serena's eyes were red rimmed and puffy now, tears still flowing. "We're best friends. Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy?" Blair turned back to the broken blond girl in front of her, and simply stated, "Because you had a life that no longer included me." Serena was hit by those words harshly, more tears pouring down. She had made promises to Blair that she didn't keep because she was fixated on Dan and getting the stellar reputation she needed for a normal life in the Upper East Side. When she met Blair before her escape to France, she promised to be there for her. That promise was definitely not kept, considering that her days were spent at the Humphrey loft instead of the Waldorf penthouse.
"Why didn't you just tell me that?" Serena's voice got small, her words stumbling out. "You were busy having sex with Dan, getting good grades, and avoiding the trouble that comes with being an Upper East Sider. You should have noticed if you really cared about me. I don't need to tell you everything, Serena. It didn't take a genius to figure out that I was unhappy." Blair's voice got loud and bellowing. "Not only did Chuck screw me over, but so did Nate. Did you think that I was fine, and everything was peachy? Everything was a fucking shithole, and you knew. It was just like when you left for boarding school, except you were right next to me and paying absolutely no mind."
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"I left you alone," Serena weakly defended herself. "I thought you needed to be by yourself for a while." Blair rolled her eyes and snorted. "You're lying through your fucking teeth. You promised to be there for me, and you were lying then. You're the same slut that came back from Connecticut, even though no one can see it but me."
"Shut the hell up, Blair," Chuck finally spoke again. "I understand that you fucking cut yourself for a reason, but Serena isn't your psychologist. You need to inform here about some things before you go and slice yourself with a razor." Serena's mouth was agape. "Chuck, that was the wrong thing to say-"
"Chuck, get the fuck out," Blair yelled. "Fuck you, and fuck everything that you ever said to me. I can not believe I was ever in love with you."
Chuck's heart was stabbed. If she would have said that earlier, none of this would have ever happened. They wouldn't be in that hospital room, cursing each other out, getting their feelings out in the most unimaginable way. "I'm not leaving." He stood his ground. He wanted to say so many things to Blair that he was never able to say, so many things that he really meant.
--
Serena stood up, shaking her head at Chuck. "We're going to go, B." She wanted this conversation to end before things got even worse between former friends. Their relationships were nearly destroyed, and she didn't know if they would ever be repaired.
"Only my friends call me B," Blair snarled, her cold tone still unfazed. Serena had no response. She simply forced Chuck out of the door, and then closed it.
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"What a bitch." Chuck's words were empty, and both he and Serena knew he didn't mean them.
"Shut up, Chuck," Serena's tone was now as cold as Blair's. "We have to let Blair heal at her own pace. She needs to be alone. She needs to find her own way. Blair is not going to be happy if we keep on trying to force it out of her."
Chuck closed his eyes for a moment, to reminisce about the times when Blair was at her happiest. The ironic thing was that she was at her happiest when she was with him.
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Author's Note: I finally got this out there. I'm sorry that it took so long, but it was really difficult to write. Now, Chuck and Serena are going to back off, though reluctantly. I know you're asking, "Where's Nate?" That will be explained later on, but I'm going to try to take Chapter 4 from Blair's point of view to see why she chose not to let much out about why she fell apart. In the meantime, I'm working on a Jenny-centric fic. The small summary is on my profile, if you want to take a look. I have a lot of other ideas, too,
but I do realize that I haven't been updating as much as I should, so I'm going to get on that. Reviews are appreciated! Thanks, Cass
