Harry Potter's Deepest Fears
Chapter 3 – In this together
Disclaimer: Not JK Don't make money for my writing.
Harry sat there his hand folded in Ginny's. He looked at her out the corner of his eye. She was so beautiful. The bright morning? Harry wasn't even sure what time it was. The sun was to high to be morning still. Whatever time of day the sun shown off Ginny's hair making it glisten. Her red locks looked golden in the light. Like fire Harry thought with only a bit of irony. Her hair was so straight, she had it clasped in the back with a clear clip. A strand fell across her face. Harry's vison traveled to her face. The most beautiful blue eyes. Staring out into the horizon looking at nothing but at everything as well. She was so beautiful. Her hands were so much smaller than his own. He looked down at them and turned them over in his. There were calluses on them from Quidditch. Harry smiled to himself, as he remembered all of them playing on brooms in the weeks after the death. Ginny was a very good chaser they were going to have a great team this year.
"Ginny..." Harry wouldn't look at her it would make this harder. He let go of her hand. "Ginny I've been thinking" he said it much colder cutting off the emotions and feelings he had for her.
"STOP!" Harry was so shocked when Ginny spoke that he looked up quickly and right into her tear filled eyes. He couldn't do this he couldn't watch the pain he had to get this over with. Quickly.
"Ginny I can't we need to" but what they needed to he never got to say because Ginny's hand made a deafening crack against his cheek. Harry looked up at her. His hand came up to his cheek and he rubbed it.
"I SAID STOP!" she shouted tears dumping over the edge of her eyes. She whipped a hand over them and shook her head. "I WILL NOT LET YOU PUSH ME AWAY!!" she looked right at him. Despite her best efforts the tears were reforming. "Don't try to push us away Harry. Please. Just talk to me. Talk to us." Ginny had grabbed his hand and with the last part Ron and Hermione came to join them on the wall. "You can't get rid of us Harry." Ginny held his hand tighter. Like she was afraid he might pull it away and run again.
"She's right you know. We are not going to let you pull away." smiled Ron as he sat down.
"Honestly Harry I thought you would have figured that out already." Hermione sat down with Ron. They looked at Harry waiting for him to explain himself.
Harry was befuddled. Didn't they understand. He couldn't protect them if they were friends. Everyone he got close to got hurt. His parents, Cedric, Sirius. He couldn't risk them.
"I can't protect you." he said looking at them each meaningfully.
"Harry why do you think you have to protect us?" Ron was looking at him worried. "We've told you before you don't always have to play the hero." With this Hermione kind of elbowed Ron.
"Harry" said Ginny pulling his attention away from Ron and Hermione. "Tell us about the dream." Harry looked at her for a moment remembering the look of triumph at the sight of him. Harry pulled her onto his lap holding and hugging her tightly.
"We were at school and I — I woke up on the astronomy tower.
He paused trying to fight the fear that was building in him even now. "And everything was...everything was burning and people were dead. McGonagall was dead.
He stopped to look at each of them as to coney the effect the death their beloved Head of House had on him. They each had looks of horror on their faces. "I couldn't find you. None of you and everyone was running the wrong way and they all wanted my help but I couldn't because I had to I HAD TO FIND YOU!" his voice broke. He was speaking much faster now he was trying to make them understand how helpless and scared he was. "No one would help me. They just kept yelling and screaming at me. The pictures, the pictures." Harry couldn't breath he was hyperventilating trying to tell them how even the pictures wanted his help.
"Harry! HARRY! Ron help him he's not breathing!" Ginny was holding Harry up. He could hear her screaming. He grabbed her shirt and pulled her face to his.
"Gi-nny. The –pic–tures!...Th–e PIC–TURES!" Harry's eyes were rolling in the back of his head. Everything was going black. He had to make them understand had to make them see how helpless he was. How he couldn't even save the pictures.
"RON!! Help Him!" Ginny was crying holding on to Harry and telling him she understood to just breathe. Ron was trying to get Harry to calm down and Hermione had gone to get a paper bag from Mrs. Weasley. They both came running back down the hill.
"Oh, oh God. HARRY!!!" Mrs. Weasley ran over to them and sat Harry back up holding the bag to his face and telling him to breathe easy. "Harry dear please small breaths. Easy now easy." He was slowly calming down. His eyes were as big as saucers and he was grabbing at Mrs. Weasley's hands. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were standing a few feet away watching. Ginny had her head buried in Ron's shoulder, sobbing. Hermione was watching in horror as her friend nearly choked to death. Ron's face was white he just looked at Harry.
"I... ahh... I can't – I can't...breathe!" Harry was pulling at the bag trying to suck in as much air. Tears were running down his cheeks. His lips were a blueish purple.
"Harry! Calm down take small breaths. Please small easy breaths. That's it That's it calm down. Shhh. It's all right. Shhhh. Just calm down." Mrs. Weasley talked to Harry for what felt like days. When he had finally started to breathe with out the bag she stopped. He was still taking small easy breaths and his lips were still blue but some of the color had returned to his cheeks. Mrs. Weasley conjured up a stretcher and with a very nasty look at the three others floated Harry back up the hill.
They followed Mrs. Weasley up the hill and into the house. She had set Harry in the living room. He was sitting on the couch breathing quietly. "K-I-T-C-H-E-N N-O-W!" she said each syllable slowly with her voice barely above a whisper. They walked into the kitchen and sat around the table. Ginny had stopped crying but her eyes were all red and puffy. "What on earth were you doing!?"
Ginny looked at her mother. "Mum, Harry had a really bad dream last night. He woke up crying and so scared. He was just so scared. He was telling us about it and I guess got over come by the fear it installed in him."
Mrs. Weasley slumped into a chair. Her face in her hands. She looked up at the three of them. "So what was it about?" they looked at her the fear in Harry's eyes in theirs as well.
"An attack on the school." said Ron quietly. Mrs. Weasley's shoulders slumped even more. Each dream of Harry's could either be just that a dream or it could be a glimpse of something that either was happening or was going to happen. Now the fear laid in the place that was suppose to be safe.
"Go– Go talk to him. Just remind him to take it easy it was just a dream." Mrs. Weasley began to busy herself with a meaningless chore.
They walked into the living room and sat down around Harry.
"You ok Harry?" said Ginny hugging him. He hugged her back.
"Yeah I'm OK." his voice was ragged. "Sorry guys. I just – I don't know what came over me." Today was shaping up to be the worse day ever. Harry pulled Ginny to him and hugged her again kissing her gentle on the lips. "I love you so much Ginny" he whispered.
"So do I, Harry you don't have to finish. Just please" Harry just her off with look and a half smile.
"No, I need to now. Er- were was I" he said looking around helplessly. They were all afraid to say pictures. Ron was the brave one after numerous pokes from Hermione.
"Pictures." he said quietly waiting for the best.
"Yeah, um they were asking me for help but, all I could think of was finding you. I had to find the three of you." Harry squeezed Ginny's hand and refused to look at either Ron or Hermione for the next part. "I found Hermione. She – er – was under a bookcase and I – I thought she was dead. I took it off her and held her praying I was wrong. She died in my arms." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Then I found– I found Ron." Harry looked up into Ron's eyes. He reached out his hand and pulled Ron into a tight hug. Sobbing Harry continued. "I found you dead mate, and I couldn't save you. I just walked right past you to find Ginny I – I" Ron stopped him, pulling away. He held Harry an arms length from him and Harry saw that Ron had tears in his eyes.
"Harry I'm not dead! I'm right here mate." Ron smiled at Harry and Harry just looked at him.
"But don't you see Ron! You could dieat any moment. Then what. You're my best best friend. With out you there is no reason to live. You're my brother." Harry was pleading with him to understand. But Ron just smiled.
"Harry you're the one that doesn't see. YOU could die at any moment too. And then were would I be!" Ron was looking at Harry and in the next second they were hugging each other so hardit looked like they were going to hurt each other.
When he let go Harry look at them and sort of smiled. "After that I think I kind of lost it – in the dream that is. I just didn't want to find Ginny because I knew." He looked pointedly at her "I just knew. But then" Harry's face lit up.
"--There you were up on a desk surrounded by Death Eaters. But you were ALIVE! You were alive Ginny and I had hope. I had a reason to fight, to live. For you!" Harry held her hands looking into her eyes. "YOU Ginny you were my reason to live." Harry's face changed to an extreme sadness as quickly as it had become happy. He looked at his hands holding hers just like the dream. "But then you were gone. They took you away too." Harry's voice broke he looked into her eyes. Then into Ron and Hermione's. "I CAN"T lose you. I can't do it." he said looking at each of them frantically. His breath was catching again. He took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. "You three are my family and I couldn't bare to know I had – that I was the reason for you all — being – er — if you were to die I couldn't live." Harry took his hands away from Ginny he needed separation. They needed to get away from him NOW! Harry stood up to walk away.
"Harry Potter SIT!" Ginny looked mad. Harry on instinct turned and sat down. "I already told you" she said grabbing his hands. "I am not going to let you walk away from us. I won't allow it." she smiled at him and giving a quick look to the other two she stood up and said. "Now that that is settled how about some late lunch. It's almost 4 o'clock Harry and I know you're hungry, then maybe we can have a nice game of Quidditch." They all stood up. Harry couldn't believe they were just going to brush this off like this. He had to make them understand.
"DON'T YOU GET IT!! I CAN'T PROTECT YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THIS AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT!" Harry stood their staring at them. They all looked like they were about to laugh. "WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY. WHAT IS IT THE FACT THAT I WORRY ABOUT YOU OR THAT I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYONE ELSE AS FOR THE FACT THAT I'VE ALREADY KILLED ATLEAST 4 PEOPLE. OR WHAT IS IT THAT ITS JUST SO FUNNY WHEN THE BOY WHO LIVED GETS PISSED AND FLIPS OUT! WHAT TELL ME WHAT IS IT!!!" Ginny and Ron started laughing first then with a glance at Harry Hermione started too.
"It's not that mate it's just that. Well we didn't know how to act when you were crying Harry but now. Well angry Harry we're use too. Come on mate, let's eat. Ginny was right doesn't matter what you say or do or how much you scream at us. You're stuck. You can't get rid of even if you wanted too." Ron walked into the kitchen with Harry just gawking at him. Hermione smiled and nodded then joined Ron. Ginny however walked over kissed him lightly and grabbed his hand pulling him into the kitchen for food.
"Harry dear, all done shouting I hope. I made Ron's favorite Corned Beef. Sit down and I'll make you a plate." Mrs. Weasley smiled but as Harry looked at her he felt the pain in her eyes.
