Euphoria and Misery

Aizen was sitting in his chair, like always, completely alone upon his perch over Las Noches, smiling mildly to himself amidst his thoughts…

"So? How did it go?"

Gin approached just as callous as ever with that same grin of his: "You were right, as always. She has agreed to have her mask removed, but does request more time in her decision."

"I see… How long before she is ready to commit?"

Gin's smile would broaden if it could. "I have already issued the Helpers to prepare her in exactly seven hours. She wishes to be 'freed' on the eighth."

"Freed, huh? It would appear you hit the right button then," Aizen mused as he finally glanced back at his purple haired companion.

"As I said before, you were right. It did not take much to learn a little,"

"Oh? And what did you find out?"

"No more than Ulquiorra revealed, but she at least confirmed all of the more surprising details. I have to say, though, I'm still curious of what made her finally come to Hueco Mundo… and maybe even what happened afterwards."

Aizen met his gaze evenly. "You mean with Ulquiorra?"

Gin nodded.

"Hmm… I don't suppose it would hurt to ask him more, but… let's leave it for now. We shall perform the ceremony and go from there."

"Very well," Gin nodded in understanding.

"As for the ceremony," Aizen added quickly, before Gin could slip off, "let's keep it small. Just us, Kaname, and Ulquiorra."

"Ulquiorra?"

Aizen smiled to himself once again before turning back to stare off at the endless night sky. "Yes… It might be more interesting if we keep those two close…" And with that, Gin slipped off and Aizen was left to continue his musing…


Eight hours had passed, and the four appointed figures were standing around the semi-conscious Hollow, completely covered in bandages, confined within a glass case, standing limply in the center.

Triste's original bandages were still on, the new bandages simply doubling over it as it covered every inch of her, her senses dulled by an anesthetic that one of the Helpers had given her. She was awake, but almost completely unaware of anything going on around her. What little she could hear was muffled beyond comprehension.

Aizen stood before her, holding the Hougyoku tentatively in his hands. He loved this part of the job. To Triste's left was Gin, calm and smiley as ever, while Tousen stood on the right, calm and serious as ever. Further back, between Aizen and Tousen, Ulquiorra stood in bored silence as Aizen prepared to remove her mask. He had his thoughts as to why Aizen-sama wanted him present, but kept them to himself and did not ask questions. After all, there was something he was hoping to get out of this…

Triste, in the meantime, was lost in a dream of white mists, wandering aimlessly, unable to see or hear anything but distant echoes. The more she wandered, however, the more aware she became of some strange power – a presence that came closer and closer, its strength growing immeasurably.

Before long, she could see it: there was a radiant white light glittering in the mist, shining brighter the closer it came. Triste could not move under its intense radiance, overwhelmed by the power it possessed and the sensations that overcame her in its light. She respected this force and feared it for its immaculate vigor.

Possessed by its light, a voice suddenly came whispering into her mind…

… Triste… my beloved Triste… I give this gift to you, so that you may look to the future and stop dwelling on the past… let it be your guide… let it bring the light to your eyes…

Her heart trembled as the voice spoke, remembering these words from long ago. Though she had no clue why they came to her now, it nearly brought tears to her inhuman eyes…

The light… I want to see it! She thought desperately as she gazed into the magnificent brilliance before her, a brightness that would have blinded her under any normal circumstances, but now it was just too beautiful to turn away from…

Beyond her senses, the Hougyoku was just barely touching the glass above Triste's forehead, still warming up in Aizen's hand. Finally, when it had reached its peak, the small orb fastened itself to the tips of his fingers, and released a mighty shock through the Hollow's body.

In her dream, Triste was suddenly frozen with absolute fear.

Her soul panicked, matching the pain of a heart attack as the world around her suddenly grew icy cold, and the light before her – that wonderful glow that had sedated her troubled soul – suddenly changed. Through one eye she still saw the wonderful illumination, but through the other, that light bore a heart of darkness, a black spot that caused her whole body to quake… No!!

Her bandages went tight under the pressure, several ends flailing about in the winds that enveloped her changing body. There was a slight cracking sound.

All were calm as they stood around her, Aizen still smiling to himself. The process was far from new to them at this point. It was only a matter of time before her mask and the glass cage would fully break.

Bandages began to break and snap, the splitting sounds of her mask increased, as did the power that she gave off – she hadn't even be freed yet, and she was already releasing a power greater than some of the current Espada.

Even residents of Las Noches didn't have to be very far from the chamber to feel Triste's power leaking out. Grimmjow was one of those few, and he recognized it instantly… his fists tightened.

But just before she hit the climax of her evolution, Ulquiorra saw something the others didn't: a faint, blue flash of light.

Suddenly the glass shattered and her bandages all snapped and shot through the air like string of confetti, but it was anything but a party.

As soon as the bandages around her muzzle flew off, her mouth opened wide, releasing a horrific scream that echoed around the room deafeningly, traveling many distant hallways, leaving many stunned by the terrible cry.

It was then that the smug smile finally faded from Aizen's lips.

Her mask was covered with cracks, but only tiny portions chipped off amidst the screaming of bloody murder. Her body, mostly visible at this point, had just finished reverting to that of a human's, making her cry all the more bone-chilling: her scream was a terrible combination of her human self and the Hollow's painful bellow.

A pink aura was soon circling her body and limbs, filled with the same energy that burst from her breaking mask. After what seemed like an eternity, her mask finally shattered, just before the pink wisps could reach the bare Hougyoku.

As soon as the mask had erupted, revealing a head of robin-egg blue, Gin catching a glimpse of her violet eye, wide in pain and shock, her horrendous scream finally came to an abrupt end.

The air went dead and the pink, wispy aura dissipated in an instant as her eye rolled back into its socket; her body collapsed to the floor heavily at Aizen's feet.

A long silence filled the room as they watched her unconscious body lay perfectly still.

It was Tousen who finally moved, taking a step forward and reaching instinctively for her neck – because they were all technically dead, she did not have a heart beat, but by checking the same points, he could feel the soul just the same.

As he stood up, he confirmed that "She is unconscious. That is strange… none of the others ever passed out from the ceremony."

"It's unusual, but nothing to fear," Aizen replied as he slipped the black orb back into its protective case, back into his robe. "The removal took too long – she wasted most of the energy she was gaining."

"She used too much," Ulquiorra corrected him, speaking for the first time since joining them. "That is why that aura appeared – it was searching for food."

"That would explain why it tried going after the Hougyoku," said Gin. "Her body must have instinctively gone after the object giving off the most energy,"

"What do you suppose would have happened if she'd been allowed to connect with the Hougyoku?" Tousen dared to ask, leaving all curious.

"Hard to say… but it is a risk I'm not willing to make," Aizen replied steadily.

What would have happened? Would she have been allowed to drain its power? Would it relapse back into slumber if it had worked? Or was the black orb safeguarded from such an attack, possibly with its own counter measure?

"We're through here. Send in the Helpers to finish things up," Aizen commanded before leaving the room, slipping out a back door.

Following orders, Tousen went back through the common door, where assistants were already on standby, though many were shaken by the events that just passed.

Soon it was only Gin and Ulquiorra, who gazed upon her naked form for only a short moment before meeting eyes with one another, Gin's grin as out of place as ever.

"Pretty exciting, huh? I've always been curious: what is it that you experience under the Hougyoku's presence?"

Ulquiorra glanced back down at Triste as the assistants gathered around her, covering her with a large sheet as they placed her on a stretcher, her wild hair covering much of her face.

"Euphoria."

"Hmm… Then what do you suppose caused her to react like that?"

As Triste's body was being carried off, Ulquiorra turned to take the same door as Aizen: "Many would find it a gift… She calls it her curse."

Gin cocked his head curiously as Ulquiorra drifted off, knowing the Espada would say no more. Shrugging to himself, he slipped out the common entrance, leaving things at that. Aizen had asked him to have Ulquiorra check in on Triste when she awoke, but it was not necessary – Ulquiorra would go on his own.


Triste… my beloved Triste…

What are you…? Are you… going to kill me…?

You wretch! You're lucky to even be here! If he had any sense, he would devour

you! Or at least let us have your worthless carcass!

"Why? Why must you go now?!"

He is gathering the strongest Menos Grande in order to start a war

against the Shinigami!

That's impossible! Lies!!

"You can't! Do you really think he is fit to take your place?!"

Why don't we invite our new friend here to Las Noches and see for herself what

is offered before making a final decision?

Pathetic.

"… Please… somebody kill me… I just want everything to stop…"

What do you know of this power?! You're too scared to try it for yourself!

Look to the future…

Are you here to take me to heaven?

A violet eye slowly blinked open, the room spinning around her. As it comes to a stop, Triste finds she is still very confused, her memory muddled, her body tingling.

What… what happened? Where am I? I…

Her thoughts faded fast as she went to brush some hair out of her face, remembering everything in the instant she laid eyes on a human hand – her hand.

She brought both hands to eye level shakily, her body stiff but compliant; there they were… two, human hands with human fingers and arms attached, her skin on the verge of a tan.

She was lighter than she remembered.

Very slowly, Triste managed to push herself up from her bed, sitting straight up in a position that was impossible before, due to the existence of her tail. My tail…

She glanced back, her hand feeling around on the sheets before caressing the flesh on her lower back and even along her buttocks, unable to find even a trace of her once precious tail.

Triste removed the sheets from her completely, taking a moment to look over this new body, a body she didn't even have when she was alive.

When she died, she had skin the color of wet send and hair as black as a raven; not only this, but she hadn't even reached the double digits when she passed on. She did not have this long, slender yet muscular build, nor the breasts that now protruded from her chest.

Very carefully, she pivoted to the side and allowed her ten, individual toes to touch the floor – it was smooth and cold.

Testing her strength, she slowly managed to push herself to a stand, weaving to and fro in her battle to gain equilibrium, to adjust herself to the balance of a bipedal. After running around on four feet for so long, to suddenly be on two legs again was beyond mind blowing. The only thing that did not bother her was the height, for she couldn't be more than an inch or so taller than her Hollow form.

After a few minutes, she was finally able to walk – it was sloppy, but she could move, and only practice could make it easier.

Getting better and better, she finally decided to walk across the room, with nothing to catch onto should she stumble. But where could she…?

That's when it hit her. There, on the far wall, was the decorative mirror that had caught her attention before, and now proved too great of a temptation. Her face… what did it look like?

Still adjusting, the work seemed easier now, but her determination to reach the mirror made her face increasing speeds – a new challenge.

Finally, she reached the wall and followed it to the mirror, her anticipation growing with every step. This was it… this was it!

With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and felt her way in front of the mirror, placing herself head on so that it would be one great surprise… Ready… now!

"No, child, I'm afraid I can do no such thing."

Oh… but… I'm so lonely here… I can't find my mommy or daddy… Do you

know where they are?

"Sorry, but I do not know…"

Well… what about them? Would they know?

Triste turned away from the mirror with all her strength, panting terribly, her head swarming with images and voices: the boy's innocent face, his sweet voice, his sorrow, the approaching danger…

Regaining control, Triste realized she would have to be careful this time.

Raising her right hand, she covered up the remains of her eye, the one that had been hidden until now.

Tentatively, she came to face the mirror one more time.

My face… my human face… so this is what I've become…

Her face was heart shaped, with a proud nose, rounded chin, and plump lips, her eye possibly her best feature amongst it all. At this point of her eternity, she had no recollection of her parents, and so had no idea if she resembled them – to remember one's previous life was extremely rare as it was, so to be able to recall as much as she could was nothing short of miraculous.

Her one good eye was a rich violet with just a hint of crimson around her iris while her thick, wild hair was light blue – major changes since the time of the living, but then again, these were the same features she bore as a Hollow. Speaking of her old form, like the other Arrancar, there were remnants of her old mask still attached, all along the right side of her face.

Starting at the middle of her chin came the bottom jaw of the mask, following her jaw bone all the way back to her cute little human ears. The two bottom spikes were still there, frayed beneath her ear lobe, while the rest continued along the front and top of her ear; part of the sleek, bare bone was still attached to her skull, hidden amongst her hair, that provided the anchorage of her two large spikes along the top of her skull, that reached back similarly to Ulquiorra's spike.

With her free hand, she ran her fingers along the jaw line, feeling its slick, smooth texture that had never been feasible to her in the Hollow form, which was mostly made up of rough hide and scales.

But now it was time to face her despised secret, one she had taken great lengths to hide. Very slowly, her fingers began to move away from her lost eye, remembering every little detail before it was even revealed in the mirror.

With a deep breath and stern concentration, she removed her hand completely.

Her breath was shaky, afraid that if she faltered more haunting visions would come back, all because of that blasted eye!

A loud knocking sounded at the door, distracting her from her own visage.

Realizing she was still nude, Triste fumbled her way back to the bed where she wrapped the blanket around her, taking a quick moment to brush as much of her hair over her right eye as possible, feeling around to make sure it had been concealed just before the door opened.

In came a single, female Arrancar of small stature with a rather sullen look about her, putting on a fake smile as she met eyes with Triste.

"Ah, you're awake."

"H…How long… w-was I out?" she stuttered, her voice unusually crackly and hoarse.

"A few hours, at least. Most unusual: no one ever passes out after the transformation. But I suppose with all the energy you were releasing, it was only natural," she replied easily, becoming a little more friendly the more she talked.

The nurse was several inches shorter than she, with scarlet red hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, dressed in one of the many black and white ensembles – Triste noticed none of them were the same. Her eyes were a lighter red, as were the twin streaks that crossed over her nose and right cheek; there was a very small amount of her mask remaining, just little pieces following the left border of her face, including two downward spikes on her jaw.

Triste had little idea what this nurse was talking about, but, somewhere in the back of her head, she faintly remembered feeling her energy running amok… and then she remembered the fear, the screaming… the black heart.

"I've brought some clothes for you. Please put them on so that we may have a short checkup on your status."

"I… don't understand…" her voice was beginning to return.

"Well, if you have no complaints or worries about your body, all you have to do is put these clothes on and several nurses will assist me in checking your vitals and everything. Aizen-sama requests check-ups on all new Arrancar to make sure the transformation was a success, and then you can move on."

Triste was a still a little skeptical about all of this, but decided not to fight it. Taking the clothes, she waited until the nurse stepped out before releasing the blanket. With no other choice, Triste slipped into her new clothes, not at all surprised to find it was mostly white with black detailing.

Covering her legs were a pair of white pants, her feet adorned with the only thing that didn't change in design between everyone else: the shoes. Her top was much like a dress in the fact that after it reached her waist, there was a train that flowed down the right leg, covered in strange, symmetrical black markings. As part of her top, the neck and around the short sleeves were black, a black belt wrapped comfortably around her midsection, while a white cloth seemed to drape from her left sleeve, following her arm past the elbow.

Ah, clothes… another experience long forgotten.

It was a peculiar outfit, for sure, but at the same time, she could not help but like it: the markings on the 'skirt' were interesting, the color balance seemed to fit, as well as the balance between the train on her right and the sleeve on her left, which also, in her opinion, matched up very well with the large spike coming from out of her head.

Checking herself out in the mirror – and making final adjustments on her hair situation – she welcomed the knocker at her door in, assuming it only the redheaded nurse coming back to perform their checkup.

When the door opened, however, what cheeriness she may have accumulated was instantly wiped away. It was Ulquiorra.

There was silence between them for several seconds, neither moving, simply staring eye-for-eye, Triste's a bit more of a glare.

"The medics are here to check on you," he finally spoke up, walking further into her room to allow the nurses through the doorway, the red head at their lead. "Do not give them any trouble."

"Please have a seat on the bed," one of the nurses called, Triste hardly hearing them amidst her trance on Ulquiorra, but with a 'hmph', she walked over and sat down easily, allowing them to perform their check up, confused by the strange electronic devices they brought with them.

"So they convinced you?" he finally spoke up again after a while. "I would have thought you needed more than a few hours."

"I have not entirely given up my freedom. I had my mask removed, but I told them beforehand that I still haven't decided."

"Please hold still," a nurse whispered gently as she checked on the condition of her soul (again, much like you would for a living heart).

As soon as the nurse finished, Triste glanced up at Ulquiorra, almost timidly; "Tell me… did it really work?"

He knew she was referring to the removal of her mask. Hell, without ever being told, he knew the reason why she agreed to having it done at all – he simply thought it would take them longer to discover her weakness.

"It's hard to say," he replied as indifferently as ever. "Your mask is gone, but you had a bad reaction to the Hougyoku."

"Hougyoku…?"

"The device Aizen-sama uses to rid us of our masks and give us new power."

Triste went silent to these words, wondering if that is what she felt in her dreams? Could it have been that light she'd seen? The one she had been so attracted to? But what about that black spot, hiding within it? Was it part of the Hougyoku, or something else…?

"I saw something… when I was in there I saw a light, but… it was 'cut in half'…" she said, giving Ulquiorra a peculiar look.

"… What happened to the other half?"

Her eye glanced around at her surrounding nurses, making sure they weren't paying as much attention as her paranoia would leave her to believe: "It had a black spot."

Ulquiorra did not respond, nor give any indication that words had even been spoken between them, simply staring back as callous as ever.

As the nurses began finishing up their work, Triste felt she could no longer hold back: "Tell me… why are you here with these people? Why are you helping them, and to what end?"

No answer ever came from his cold gaze, and she knew he would not give one.

"All right, we're all done and you seem to be in perfect health!" the red head smiled at Triste, still trying to be friendly. "All that's left is your face. We just need to…"

"No!" Triste jerked away from the nurse's hands as they reached towards the hair that dangled over her hidden eye. "That is enough!"

"But we…"

"I said no!" Triste exclaimed yet again, causing them to take a step back in apprehension, her reiatsu flaring for just a moment. They knew of her strength – they had felt it during the change – and knew she could kill them if she felt like it. And considering how most of the Espada were, the smallest things are what got most of them killed. "Mark what you see and nothing else – let me have some dignity left in tact!"

The nurses hesitated, knowing they would get in trouble from their boss, or facing the fact they might get killed on the spot rather than later.

"Leave it. You are all dismissed, on my orders," Ulquiorra suddenly spoke up, as if reading their thoughts.

Nervous, the red head nodded before turning to her fellows and ushering them out. She glanced nervously back at Triste and Ulquiorra, who were once again staring at each other with less than pleased expressions, before slipping out of the room. On her chart, she wrote down what Triste had hoped for: missing/disfigured right eye.

As the two were finally left alone, Ulquiorra questioned her secret:

"Why do you hide your gift?"

"It is no gift, it is a curse to forever bind me in my own misery… My past, present and future… my innocence… my sin…"

"I'm surprised you're still alive – suicide seemed probable after you acquired it."

"You would have liked that, wouldn't you?" she glared. "Though my life is wretched and worthless, I am not so cowardice as to take my own life. Besides, as much as I hate the blasted thing, I could never bring myself to get rid of it, to let it simply die…"

Ulquiorra simply stared yet again, "You always were a sentimental fool."

To his surprise, she smirked at this remark – he was expecting a glare and retort.

"Yes… just as he always said… it's one of the reasons I was given my name after all,"

"Yes, because you could not remember your true name. Not after all the mental breakdowns you'd been through."

To this, he finally got his glare, but where a retort should have been, she only confirmed it: "I suppose so. It's kind of funny to think that after all the time I spent with you and the others, none of you ever accepted me. Even now, you make the effort to insult me at every turn. Why is that?"

There was a moment's hesitation before Ulquiorra gave his half-assed answer: "Why not?"

Triste did not reply, leaving things at that as she remembered arguments long since passed, and one particular word that always popped up when Ulquiorra was involved: "Pathetic."

"Come – it is time to give you a decent tour of Las Noches since it seems you're going to fall into their hands like they want."

"What?! I told you, I…"

"Believe what you will, but I know you. Show a little compassion, and you're a puppet before you know it."

"How dare you!!" she yelled, jumping to her feet hastily, but barely taking a step before collapsing to the floor, her body still too new.

Ulquiorra just stared at her fallen form, "Just as pathetic as ever," he commented, confirming her memories. "You always thought the King took you in out of good will, but you were just another one of his puppets."

"Shut up!" she cried out, now standing on hands and knees, her fists balled up tightly.

"It's the truth – you were just too blind to see it for yourself. That's why he gave you that eye, and that's why you should you use it, to prevent it from happening again."

A simple gasp was her only response this time. Had he… was he actually trying to get her to leave? To keep from falling into Aizen's hands unlike himself?

"Why…?"

"Come; it's time for your tour."