Disclaimer: We don't own Kingdom Hearts I, II or CoM
Warnings: We shall all feel for Sora's hair. And Sora had cheese issues.
Author's Notes From Kira: Wheeee!!! Next chapter!! Not very funny… I think… I dunno…
I am having so much fun with this.
Especially writing Cloud.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sora smiled broadly as he helped wash up after another hectic dinner, causing Roxas to raise an eyebrow and wonder if his brother had finally lost it. He glanced back at the giggling girls who sat watching a cartoon on the kitchen TV, and over to the leering Cloud. Leon was reading some book – A Hundred and One Ways to Wear Leather – and everything seemed relatively… normal. Blue eyes went wide as he realised that hell had frozen over. He dropped the Barney the Dinosaur plate he had been holding, and clutching the side of his head, screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!"
Kairi, in turn, screamed back, "Nwooooooooo!! Barnwey!!!!!!!"
Naminé screamed because her sister screamed, and Cloud screamed because everyone else seemed to be doing it and he didn't want to stand out too much. Leon ignored it all, while Sora rolled his eyes and muttered, "I live in a family of mad people"
He drained the sink, and walked past the screaming group of idiots and up to his room. He flopped onto the bed, frowning when he felt a plastic Barbie leg sticking up into his stomach. He reached down and pulled it out, and his eyes went wide as he stared at the poor, poor piece of rubber. Her hair had been cut short and painted green, and half her face had been burned off. Her pink dress was torn and her right leg was missing.
"Oh dear God…" Sora gasped, feeling a shudder run up his spine. Kairi really was evil. Hell, Sora wouldn't be surprised to learn she was the Devil's daughter. Sora decided to bury the Barbie tomorrow, and he sighed. Oh, he was bored. He reached into his pocket to grab his phone, but his fingers brushed a sheet or paper instead. Blinking, Sora pulled it out, and he read it in interest.
Riku's number.
097-2581-22
If Rikku or Paine answers then HANG UP.
Sora blinked again, before a huge smile lit up his face. He grabbed his phone, and dialled. He listened to the credit lady tell him how much money he had left, and then the few beeps and clicks. Then it started to ring, and Sora squealed. Leon, who had been trekking past Sora's room to his own, paused, and looked at the boy's door oddly. Shaking his head, Leon continued on his way, pretending that his family wasn't insane. Yes, Leon was in denial. Deep, deep denial. Sora, meanwhile, was started to feel a little upset, seeing as how Riku had yet to pick up. Then,
"Yo"
Sora's breath hitched in his throat, and he squeaked, "H—hi… i-is Riku there?"
"This is he. Or did you want she? Sora?"
"Yeah" Sora smiled. He settled down into his bed, and twirled his neko phone charm around his pinkie.
"Hey! I was waiting for you to ring"
Sora's felt a lump rise in his throat. "You… were?"
Rich laughter filled the line, and Sora felt himself melt.
"Yeah. I was kinda hoping you would" A chuckle. "I was looking forward to talking to you again"
Sora flushed, and squirmed. He went to reply, but he paused when he heard a shout of, "MY ROPE!! KAIRI! YOU ATE MY ROPE!! NOW HOW AM I GOING TO GET TO WORK?!" echo up the stairs. Sora sighed, and chose to ignore it. Riku must of have heard it, though, because he said, "Rope?"
Sora nodded, before realising Riku couldn't see it. "Yeah. Rope. Cloud seems to think that having rope in the car will protect him from 'powers of evilness, meanieness and walking bananas'"
"… walking bananas?"
"Yes, walking bananas. Never let a hyped up Cloud watch strange flash movies with bananas that dance to 'Peanut butter jelly time'"
"You… have a odd family"
Sora snorted, "You think?"
"Yeah. I think… no, Yuna you may not… Jesus fuck! Paine! Get away from there—"
Sora winced when he heard a particularly loud 'BANG' come from the other side of the phone. Riku shouted something along the lines of, "Axel, can't you control them?!"
"Um… did I get you at a bad time…?" Sora asked. Riku replied, "No, no. Axel, the idiot – yes I meant for you to hear that, you redheaded pyro – can't baby sit to save his life. My parents are paying him $20 a hour and he can't even--- no, Axel!"
Sora blinked. Axel… where did that name sound familiar…?
Suddenly Sora bolted forwards in his bed as he exclaimed, "Roxas' horny stalker!"
"You called?" A new voice said on the phone. Sora blinked again, and said, "… what happened to Riku?"
"Aqua is busy reining in his… six brothers and sisters at the moment. So I'm here to keep you company and try to leach Roxy-poxy-woxy-loxy's number offa you until he gets them all to sleep"
"…"
"Hello? Heeelllooo? Shit. Aqua, I just scared your boy toy off! DON'T SUE ME!!"
"I'm here!" Sora yelled, flailing his arms around.
"Oh. OK. Anyways, Roxy-moxy-toxy-qoxy's number. Please and thank you"
"There is no way I'm giving you Roxas' number! Ever heard of twin support?"
Sora paused. Blinked. Smirked. Cackled.
"Actually, it's 689-2009-66"
Ah, sweet, sweet revenge.
"Oh, hey! Thanks! Aqua, you done yet?! I wanna go stalk Roxy-joxy-foxy-soxy's phone!"
More yelling, and then Riku was back.
"Sorry. Rikku, Yuna and Paine decided to revolt"
"Who?"
Riku laughed again. "My three little sisters. They're eight. Hayner's five, Pence is six and Olette is four"
Sora smiled. "Seems we both have big families"
"Yeah. I have an older brother, too. Zexy. We're both adopted"
Sora's eyes went wide. "You're adopted?!"
More laughter. "Yeah. Zexy found me when I was three walking around the shopping mall. No one knew who my parents were. He was seven. He decided to take me to his new parents, and mum and dad fell in love"
"Oh"
"Hey, don't go feeling any pity, OK?"
Sora smiled again, and went, "Yeah. No pity"
For the rest of the night the two boys' talked, both chuckling when Roxas came bursting into Sora's room, looking highly traumatized and waving his phone about while babbling on and on about how Axel now had his phone number and the world was coming to a end.
By the time Sora had hung up, he had discovered that Riku's favourite colour was blue, he liked vanilla pocky, he liked hard rock, and had a deep love for Sailor Moon. Sora had laughed at the last one and had almost choked on his own spit. That night, as Sora fell asleep, he dreamt of Riku and himself, dancing with the power rangers.
---
It was one of Kairi and Naminé's favourite past times. Smirking, Kairi positioned the plastic snake on Sora's chest, while Naminé started to play 'The Nutcracker' on her CD player. Blinking blearily, Sora opened his bright blue eyes, and dragged himself from the hula-dancing cows that now inhabited his dreams.
"Smeh…" He mumbled, wondering what on earth that noise was. He looked to one side, and then to the other, before looking forward. His eyes fell upon a ready-to-strike cobra that sat on his torso.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sora screeched, leaping backwards and banging his head on the wall. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!" was then added. Kairi and Naminé grinned, and they also yelled, "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!"
Sora paled, and reaching down slapped his hands over both girls mouths. He ignored their licking tongues that continually brushed against his palm, and stared at the door. Heavy foot-steps, and Sora whimpered sadly.
Then the door burst open, and Leon stood there, eyes wide and wild.
"THEY LEARNT IT OFF YOU!!" Sora wailed. Leon snorted, and hissed, "I do not swear in front of the girls, you fucking moron!"
Sora felt he should point out that Leon had done just that. Leon called Cloud.
Who had had two bowls of ice-cream, nine sugar cookies and fifteen cans of pepsi.
Sora mourned for his limbs, hair and right ear.
---
"Wow…dude… shit, look at that!" Tidus gushed as he stared at Sora's hair. Sora sobbed silently, and muttered, "He melted cheese in it! CHEESE! And not good cheese, either! He melted tasty cheese in it! Why not parmesan? Something expensive?"
Wakka snorted, and kicked a pebble as the three boys walked towards school. Roxas was trailing behind them, ducking in and out from behind bushes and mail boxes, looking around furtively for Axel.
Tidus shrugged, and stopped. "Hey. Look at that! Isn't that that emo senior that Demyx likes?"
"Tidus, your brother likes Z-E-X-I-O-N. Please, remember that. Not Riku" Sora mumbled, not really paying attention to what was happening. He then stopped, too, and looked up. Sure enough, Riku was walking towards them, Zexion next to him. Oh. So Riku meant Zexion. Not Zexy.
Huh.
Riku then looked up, and a huge smile lit up his face. Sora blushed, realising that that smile was directed at him, and him alone. He rushed forward, not really looking where he was going.
Which is why he ran into the conveniently placed lamp-post.
And then when he pulled back, he realised his cheesy hair was stuck to it. Probably left over glue that Kairi had added to Cloud's cheese.
Bother. At this rate, Sora would end up bald by prom.
Sora screamed at the thought.
