HI HI everyone!
OK... third chapter. Not a lot of thing to say.
Ah only this, I wanted to precise it because I myself have almost made a mistake while re-reading this story: here Fran is still a child as the story is more or less an AU where Fran had chosen the Varia instead of Mukuro.
Yeah. Here we go.
Finally it came! The frightful, the unrecognized, the destabilizing first scan… Some welcomed it with laughs, some with tears, and some with gooseflesh. Lussuria had been rapturous, just like an old auntie which has nothing else to pet than her countless cats; Levy, at the very last, stopped doing the dead and only lugubriously waved a hand toward us when we left; Bel was ushi shi-ing and insisted for us to bring back to his majestic person a video of the baby; and Fran just asked what was a scan. No one answered.
Because of my singular "particularity" the family doctor sent us to a friend gynecologist of his in a private clinica (I vividly refused to go to the one the family usually used to treat their wounded or/and amputated members, who knows for what reasons). So that morning, both me and Xanxus, more involved than ever – this wasn't that great of a deal: he was following me out of curiosity, and the only fact was already a prodigious thing in itself – we were off of for the appointment.
We took the Varia's limousine. In normal conditions, the trip wouldn't have taken more than half an hour, besides our appointment still was by one hour… However we managed to get there with two hours of delay, and lose our way on our return trip.
This is the magnificent story of our epopee.
'I don't care what the fuck he's doing! Chi comanda in questa casa? Get the shark's fat ass in that shitty car! Right now!'
From the kitchen I could hear Xanxus' voice roar outside. Like hell would I be bothered by his usual ranting. No way, and I said no way in this god-forsaken world I was going to let some traviare dress me in a weird outfit, rub some weird substance on my belly and play as he like with a fucking catheter! What kind of kinky was that?
'Vooi, Xanxus! Chomp. If you do so much want to go see that Frazier guy. Chomp. Then go by yourself! Chomp. I'm not going anyway!'
'Trash. Don't fucking make me haul you to the car!'
'Huh! Chomp. I'd like to see that!'
'Stop filling yourself with shit and come here already!'
'Vooi. Chomp. That isn't shit! That's fried chicken maledizione! Chomp.'
'That's the same shit!'
We kept on like that for some time before I finally capitulated and agreed getting on the limousine, but not without a refilled pack of General Tso's fried chicken (Lussuria does the best ones). Xanxus nearly slapped himself when he saw me with it, but I assume that he was getting used to see me with gravy dampened chicken at any time of the day since the few last weeks.
'And quit telling I'm fat' I mumbled while entering in the limo, vaguely pulling on my XL shirt 'That's humiliating.'
'That's because you are fat, fat ass.' Xanxus smirked before closing his door.
So we were off.
The trip should have been pleasant. The weather was mild, flowers had blossomed on the avenue's trees, and wind was softly blowing in the leaves. Che arredo di favola. But there's why I said should have been pleasant, should have been.
The trip should have been pleasing or at least bearable left for the chatty blockhead that had been acting as our chauffeur.
'So this is your first one, huh? I remember when my wife was waiting for my first child, my cute Azzio; I think the one who had the most thrown up was me! Ah! Ah! Ah, the little joys of fatherhood… Like when he said his first word. It was something like "baa-boo". I think he meant babbo. God, where did he learn that… And when he's doing bubbles with his saliva! There's so cute when they're that little!... And my third daughter, she's called Concetta. A real angel…'
He didn't stop talking until the eighth daughter (Bianca, I think she was). Right from the mansion to the clinica he fucking didn't stop talking, and the drive did last for fucking two hours. At any rate I had my magic chicken to relieve me from my boredom one way or another.
Still, there was something ticking in my head, just like when you know you've forgotten something but you can't remember what. At some time though, I reminded it. I turned to Xanxus who was sitting next to me on the rear bench, arms crossed and eyebrows frowning as usual.
'Voi. I think I forgot something.' I said between two mouthfuls of sauced chicken.
The raven seemed more upset. 'What?'
'Well, wasn't I supposed to drink water, like one liter or something?'
'Yeah. So what?'
'I didn't bring water.'
'You didn't drink at home?'
'No. Chomp.'
Xanxus sighed deeply. No need to know him for years to deduce the brunette was trying with all his might to avoid a tantrum. He hailed at the chauffeur.
'And when my first daughter was born, you see…'
'Scum, shut it and drop at the next grocer's…' Xanxus ordered. Anyway both of us were greatly fed up with that man telling the story of his family.
'Chomp. And at the next Chinese fast-food, too. There's no more General Tso. Chomp.'
'Si, signore.' The chauffeur beamed.
'Fuck your general. Water is all you're getting.'
'Voi. I'm sure there's one at the next turning.' I leaned on the front seat and pointed toward the fast-food. 'Chomp. Keep on.'
'Fat shark, I swear I'm gonna…'
Oh shit. There was a fucking waiting line. And it was a one way street.
'You see? Chomp. We're through.' I picked another chop of chicken. 'And we've water.'
Xanxus was agitatedly tapping a nervous finger on his temple. A vein could be seen thumping under his dark skin. 'It doesn't make any sense buying it if you don't fucking drink it.'
'Aye aye.'
That had been Erebo opening under our feet.
We finally got out from the infernal street, but it made us do a big deviation on our way. Ten minutes later I was done with my bottle. Twenty minutes later, I started having some trouble staying still on my seat.
'Voooi.' I faintly tugged at Xanxus' shirt. For once, he looked as if he was a bit concerned by my state.
'What's wrong?' He uncrossed his arms and looked at me with a tad of anxiety. I wish he could stay like this 24/7 instead of being a complete bastard 24/7. It gives you the impression of not being only trash under his nails he quickly needs to get rid of. What a pity that what I was going to say next wasn't anything romantic or even deserving worry.
'Devo pisciare.'
As a result after half an hour lost searching for descent toilets in the whole city, we finally, very finally arrived at the Dr. Frazier's office. The man was old, more or less the same age as the family's doctor and, somehow, very kind. He didn't say anything about our late hour. Moreover the irony of the situation was that we were so late that there was no one else waiting before us. The scan in itself went on quite smoothly. The baby was in good health, the maternity should carry on without problems, which was a good thing. I sighed (and I think Xanxus too) with relief when he said that.
After we got the photos (Bel and Lussuria would have made a ruckus if we didn't), we left.
Oh, and how did we lose our way on the return trip? Well, let's say the whole car was reeking of chicken sauce, and that with all the poor chauffeur effort to get rid of the smell. Although I wasn't particularly bothered with it, Xanxus sure was. He said he didn't want to go back in such a "tanfo", nor would the fetid car cross Varia mansion's gate in that condition. So Xanxus and I took a cab while the father of the large family had to go to the car washer. The tragedy was that the driver just got his license and he was new in the town. Another hour lost in vain. That day sure had taxed Xanxus' patience to the highest degree, even if he has so little.
Fortunately I still had two full-packs of General Tso with me, and I already knew Lussuria was cooking some more at home.
clinica : clinic
Chi comanda in questa casa? : who commands in this house?
traviare : pervert
maledizione: goddamnit
Che arredo di favola: what a decor of fairy tale
babbo: father
Si, signore: yes; sir
Erebo: hell
Devo pisciare: I have to pee
tanfo: stink
