"And what could be more frightening than a child with total power? A spear and sword are terrible, God knows. That is why the knight who carries them is first taught pity, justice, mercy, and only last-force." -John Steinbeck
Butler was puzzled by Artemis's behavior.
Now, this wasn't an unusual phenomenon. "Puzzling" was one of the nicer ways to describe the Irish prodigy, and the ten-year-old frequently went ahead and did whatever he wanted without explaining his actions to anyone. It was rather cute when he was a toddler, stumbling around the manor trying to accomplish tasks meant for those older and taller, but it was lately, it was a worrying trait. Artemis was going down a dark road fast, heedless of the consequences, and if Butler didn't know what he was up to, he couldn't do his job to satisfactory standards.
Everything had changed after that fateful day in the Bay of Kola. Mere childish carelessness had hardened into something resembling cruelty, mere devil's advocate remarks morphed into amorality. The young Fowl heir didn't get a charming coming of age story, he made the jump overnight. Taken all together, compared to the average, Artemis was odd.
However, Butler had been by Artemis's side growing up, and while he may not always be completely aware of what Artemis was doing, he knew Artemis. He knew that Artemis preferred Earl Grey to Lady Grey, that fantasy was his favorite genre of book, that music was his medicine after an irritating day, but a shower hot enough to fog the mirrors of an entire hallway was the cure for a stressful day. He knew his ticks, his habits, and how dense he liked his farls. He knew that Artemis liked the show as much as the planning, that Artemis didn't mean to be curt, it was just his way.
Based on the past day, everything taken together, compared to the average "Artemis" that Butler had come to know, Artemis was acting odd.
It all started in the morning. Normally, Butler made breakfast for himself, Juliet, Mrs. Fowl and Artemis startlingly early. After sending up a tray to Mrs. Fowl via Juliet, he left the spread on the table for everyone to pick at as they awoke and began their day.
Normally, Artemis came down to the table around nine. Having dropped out of school to homeschool himself after his father had disappeared and Mrs. Fowl had made it clear that she would not act in much of a parenting role in the foreseeable future, Artemis took advantage of his self-chosen schedule by sleeping in a few extra hours than his peers.
Today, though, Artemis was down before Butler had a chance to clean himself up from his morning workout. He had come into the dining room, planning to grab a small bowl of chopped fruit to take back to his room, when he noticed that his dark-haired charge was already at the table, peeking underneath one of the paper towels placed on top of the farls to keep the flies away.
"Good morning Artemis," the manservant, said, cautiously. "Early morning for you."
Artemis's eye did a slight twitch, which usually meant that he was mildly surprised. "Er, yes. It will be a long day, so I wanted to get a head start on it." He poured himself a steaming cup of Earl Grey into a mug from an intricately carved jug in the middle of the table, then stirred in a splash of milk, lightening the dark liquid into something resembled a cappuccino.
Butler's thick eyebrows furrowed. "You don't usually take milk in your tea." He craned his neck to take a better look at Artemis's plate. "Mushrooms? No eggs?"
Inwardly, Artemis cursed at himself. Of course Butler would notice changes in his schedule and diet. Active involvement in Fowl Industries, since he was believed to be nineteen in his proper time, had forced him to have an earlier rising time. Some of his tastes had naturally changed over the years, and his months underground had widened his palate in the ground-related food area. "Simply trying something new out. Expanding my horizons and such."
Juliet bounded in, Eiffel 65 blaring out of her headphones. Seeing Artemis, she pushed her headphones down to her neck and placed the Discman on the table. "Heyyy Arty. Rise and shine!" She elbowed him out of the way and made a grab for a pan au chocolat sitting in front of him. "Like the sweater. For my sanity, keep that instead of the suits. Makes you a bit less of a James Bond villain. Brings out your baby blues."
Artemis rolled his eyes. He was certain that regardless of the time period, every incarnation of himself was an avid user of that particular gesture. "Tell me Juliet, why do you care so much about my, oh, how did you phrase it, my 'baby blues' hmm?"
Butler focused all his attention on the bottom of his mug.
Juliet grinned. "It's not for me. It's for the lady ghost on the third floor. You know, the only female not related to you besides me that you've had contact with for a month."
Artemis pretended to consider what she was saying, then shrugged. "Tragically for her, I'd have to turn her down. I prefer my dates to be born after the close of the eighteenth century. Besides, I don't think she's interested. She knows where I live and still hasn't made a move."
With that, he picked up his dark blue mug, sampled the contents with a small approving noise, gave a nod of thanks to Butler and left the room.
Juliet watched him go, then turned to her brother. "What was that?"
Butler was also staring at his charge make his way up the winding staircase. "That's the best mood I've seen him in, since…ever, I think."
Juliet nodded in agreement. "It was almost like he was a real human being."
"Juliet," Butler gently admonished. "He's going through a lot."
"Three punts he falls down the stairs."
"Juliet."
The rest of the day was much the same. Anytime Artemis was in the vicinity, something about him just seemed off. It was as if an excellent faker of physical feature and ticks was impersonating his charge but didn't bother to get every single personal detail right.
Butler just hoped that this wasn't a mood that only came with committing serious crimes. He had serious reservations about this lemur business, and didn't feel as if he had expressed it enough if Artemis was in this good of a mood.
Safely in his room, Artemis let out a long breath of air. Juliet was young. Butler had lost some age lines, yes, but his appearance hadn't changed much over the years. Juliet, though, from the start of his involvement with the fairies to the end, had gone from gangly preteen to professional wrestler to an official member of the Fowl household, not just one by proxy. Due to the jump in age Juliet had gained (from his perspective due to Hybras) and her increased geographical distance, Artemis had started to view her as a cousin, someone who he could go to for a (human) female's view on things.
Another thing lost. Another relationship dissolved as if it never existed.
Artemis Fowl gritted his teeth and began checking flights to Hamburg.
…
Holly had used the entire flight from Haven to Bavaria to consider her options. By the time she had gotten into Bavaria and adopted some human clothes in case her shield failed (standard protocol for all long term missions in densely populated cities) she still hadn't come up with anything. The trip from Neuschwanstein castle to Hamburg was in a ship set to autopilot, so she settled on listing known information.
1. 1. The Hamburg Incident was caused by the theft of her omnitool by Mulch Diggums
2. 2. The Hamburg Incident happened a day after the incident involving the Extinctionists in Morocco
3. 3. As long as she stopped the runner from locking herself in a human car, she should be fine
The elf gritted her teeth. She was excellent when quick-thinking was needed and handled herself wonderfully in a jam but had little patience for long-term plans. That was Artemis's area.
It's not like he's dead. Not like last time.
But he was. Until she was proven otherwise, the Artemis Fowl she knew was gone, replaced by a cold ten year old who would let the world burn without hesitation if it meant saving his father. He might as well be dead, or mind-wiped.
Funnily enough, their last real conversation before they drifted into lighthearted banter while making the trip to Haven to meet with the medical warlocks dealt with the subject of Hamburg.
The months after the Crash had been rough on everyone, fairies and humans alike, and after a few months of repairing Haven, some of the historians put forth the idea of interviewing the Fowl twins about some of the Berserker's memories that they had retained. Hopefully, stated the professors, the young humans could give some insight into a time in fairy history where the few known facts had long morphed into legend.
The idea had taken a few months to get off the ground, and by the time an actual proposal had been pieced together, Artemis had come back from the dead. One of his first actions was to completely deny the proposal, letting the professors know, in a tone that had once made Opal reconsider her actions, that his siblings were off-limits. Eventually, a compromise was made after appealing to the young genius's love of scholarship: the twins would be kept out of it, but Artemis and Butler would give testimonies, and an LEP officer would be allowed access to the grounds to take pictures of possible rune formations on the grounds. Artemis agreed, as long as the LEP officer was Holly, and he was allowed to veto and questions he deemed irrelevant.
Holly had escorted the Haven University's Doctor of Human-Fairy relationships to the Manor, and while the two had chatted, she went down to the kitchen to wheedle a workout smoothie out of Butler. The man knew his way around a smoothie and had access to all sorts of fruits unavailable underground.
Artemis and the professor ended up getting on much better than expected ("Tell me, are you familiar with the poem Tam Lin?" "No, is it similar in structure to your Beowolf?"), and by the time the two were done exulting in the quest of nerdy pursuits, Holly had rearranged his neckties, been introduced to Zumba (Juliet), been fed twice (Butler), offered a dirty diaper (Beckett), offered a cup of hot water with coffee grounds floating on the top (Myles), and glitter bombed (Beckett and Myles). The professor left to catch the late shuttle to Haven, leaving Holly to complete her scans of the ground.
"Finished forming a bromance?" she had snarked in Artemis's direction.
He had merely smiled into his cup of tea. "I enjoy the odd epic poem. It's quite the novel experience to explain the relevance of famous ones to someone who had a deep understanding of literary symbolism but no awareness of the most famous ones."
Holly decided to change the subject as quick as possible. "I got you something for your birthday."
Artemis raised a single eyebrow. "Oh?"
Holly tossed the soft mass she had been hiding behind her back at him. Characteristically, he didn't catch it, and it smacked him in the face. He made a small noise of protest and he unfolded the shirt and got a good look at the logo. "Does Commander Kelp know you're giving this to me?"
Holly shook her head happily. "Thought you could use it for casual Sundays."
For Christmas, Artemis had asked for his gift to be that he only had to wear casual wear one day a week. He chose his day to be Sunday, since the first half of the day he was required to wear nice clothing for Mass.
Artemis grinned as he overturned the dark green pullover sweatshirt in his hands, admiring the golden LEP logo emblazoned across the front. "Mother will not be pleased," he said, referring to Angeline Fowl's mixed feelings regarding the fairies' involvement in Artemis's life. "I'll wear it to supper," he decided.
Holly grinned, throwing herself into the deep cushions decorating the couch. "You better take good care of that. They don't make that particular sweatshirt anymore. They stopped printing that design around the whole Hamburg thing."
Artemis zipped up the jacket over his pressed white button down. "What even happened with Hamburg? After so many veiled references, I feel compelled to ask."
"Eh, it wouldn't have been a big deal if my omnitool hadn't been stolen. A smuggler was trying to sell LEP tech to humans. Human law enforcement stepped in-they had been tracking the human end of the operation and handcuffed the since they had no idea what he was. I found him, and planned to get the handcuffs off, sneak him out, and mesmerize the only human that had seen him." She signed in frustration at the memory. "The omnitool wasn't there, and in the confusion and the perp escaped into a human car. It ended up causing a thirteen-car pileup, and entire squadron of police cars showing up, and a nearby news crew showed up the record the chaos."
Artemis winced. "If you could, would you undo it?"
Holly thought about it for a moment. "Nah. Hamburg sort of set off the chain of events that led me to being in Italy, which led to me being beneath the oak tree that night, which led to a partnership that stopped Opal Koboi. Overall, in terms of helping the fairy people, it's probably a good thing that Hamburg happened." She took a sip from Artemis's proffered tea cup. "That's not bad. I do wish though, that the news crew had never shown up."
Holly was shaken out of the memory by Foaly's whinny in her ear. "Your target just got his dumb self arrested by human authorities. "Just slip him out of those handcuffs and get him back to the shuttleport. Retrieval will deal with the cop. Think you have it Captain?"
Holly nodded, even though Foaly couldn't see her, and lifted a few feet into the air. "Affirmative. I'll buzz you if I run into anything."
Foaly nickered in response and switched to a more pressing line.
Holly switched on her shield and crouched behind on of the stalls in the market. There!
The cowed elf was sitting handcuffed behind one of the vehicles with a single officer guarding him uncertainly. A buzz came over the officer's radio, and Holly could hear a panicked voice erupt from it the minute the officer accepted the call.
"There's a truck full of human feces that just ran a red light and tipped over in a parade full of elementary kids. Nobody's hurt, thank goodness, but how did that even...no, the news crews have shown up...WHAT IS THAT?!"
Everything after that was unprintable.
A long black car drove up to the police barricade, and quick as a wink, a pale boy jumped out, tranquilized the shocked elf from a distance of a single foot (about the only distance he could shoot accurately from) and tossed him in the trunk.
Holly turned off her helmet. She'd say it was flares. "Well if it isn't Artemis Fowl the second."
Artemis grinned. "It's about time. I believe we have a lot to discuss."
AN-Thank you to everyone who is reviewing! It's so heartening to know people are reading it. Merry Christmas eve to all! A few notes: Artemis Fowl, the first book, based on the line "It was the dawn of the 21st century" takes place in 2001. Since this takes place around when TTP should have taken place, I am using the Irish form of money that was eventually replaced by the Euro. Also, based on a few comments made by Artemis throughout the series (Deciding not to argue with St. Peter, and having some belief in an afterlife, his comments about evolution) and the fact he's part of an old Irish family, I'm running with the headcanon that Artemis is probably Catholic. Since I'm a Protestant from America's heartland, feel free to correct me about anything I get wrong about Europe/Catholicism-2whitie
