A/N: ... I almost forgot to update...
Chapter 3
Bound for the Floor by Local H
Spending your time watching a movie and critiquing it until the movie has literally died in your mind and you hate it with a passion, is something that Lucifer does for fun. He's a movie critic and damn good at his job. He'll watch movies before they reach the theaters and give a simple critique over the entire thing, from plot to characters, from acting to scenery, from depth to themes, he critiques and critiques and most of the time he has nothing good to say about any movies he sees until the very last sentence where he adds 'but I loved watching every minute of it.' Whenever he puts that at the end, it means, sure the movie sucks with all this shit, but it's still pretty decent compared to half the shit out there.
Pamela Barnes loves him though, she loves every word he writes for her magazine and she tends to hound him till he's on the verge of a mental breakdown whenever he's cutting it close on a deadline. When he was growing up, he never dreamed about watching movies and writing about them for a living, he wanted to win the lottery and take his siblings away from the horrible life they were leading, he didn't want a real job; he wanted the responsibility of caring for his family. But he couldn't have that. Instead he's a college bum with a job he doesn't need, putting all the money in the bank, and playing the 'you left me, daddy!' card whenever he can to get more dough to pay for more college. His dad seems to be pretty proud of him, or he's too rich and too busy to care that he's blowing a dent of his fortune in giving his kid too much of an education.
"Are you going to write or do I have to force you to do it?" Pamela asked, her curly brown hair shining a soft orange color under the lights of her house. He hangs out here to write his critiques since the people at her office hate him with a passion. Apparently the fact that Pamela might fire all the other movie critiques and have him be their main voice has put a bit of a damper on his work relationships. Really, they only need one movie critique anyway but Pamela wanted to have many different voices in the beginning, she was a bit of a 'voice of the people' magazine editor, but her boss grew tired of that pretty quickly and lay off half the staff. Now a good five people might get laid off as well thanks to him being the favorite. He threatened to quit when he first found out but then Pamela beat him over the head with the stick end of her broom… which is made out of metal, so he quit complaining thanks to her threat about grabbing the bat.
"Oh honey… you have got to quit stalking people." Pamela sighed, placing her hands gently on his shoulders. When he started to write out his thoughts, occasionally glancing at his book full of notes on the movie he went off to see, Pamela began to massage his shoulders slowly, digging her fingers into his sore muscles. "He's cute though… I'll admit, but that doesn't mean you need to stalk the poor boy from class to class. Don't you have anything better to do?" Pamela sighed making him glare.
"Stop using your psychic powers against me!" He cried in annoyance making her dig her nails roughly into his flesh. "Alright, alright, I'm writing, see? The pencil is moving across the page and leaving some silver markings in its wake!"
Her house looks like the home of a hippy with strange music playing in the background and weird tapestries hanging over everything. She has a couple bean bag chairs and some lava lamps but that's just cool, not really hipster… he hopes. The fact that she has a homemade jewelry collection is weird as all hell. Half of them are pinned to the walls and every room is dimly lit, Lucifer personally believes it's so that her visitors don't see all the spiders, roaches, and mice but Pamela would hit him if he said that out loud. He's fine with all kinds of people though, so even though Pamela Barnes is clearly a hipster, he deals with it.
"I'll give you another harlequin novel if you finish the critique in the next ten minutes! But after that you have to participate in a psychic reading! It's been ages since I've checked your fortune." She whispered, wrapped her arms around his chest and teasing his ear with her mouth. She knows about the blood oath but she teases him anyway because Pamela Barnes is a bitch.
But yeah, Lucifer has a thing for harlequin romance novels. He prefers the ones with pirates but… well… he'll read any he can get ahold of, only problem is that he hates to buy them himself, but luckily Pamela caught him staring at one of hers so she buys them from time to time as bribery. It always works. He wound up finishing the first draft of the critique in eight minutes making her smile widely before handing the book over. It's called False Promises by Violet Hamilton. There are no pirates… which is disappointing but he can't complain. Thanks to Pamela, his collection has turned from three to twelve.
"Now I get to read your aura and all that shit you hate." She grinned and grabbed hold of his wrist dragging him into the back room where she keeps her crystal ball. It's just for decoration, she's told him that a million times, but he always looks at it expectantly, as though it'll do something or show him the answers he doesn't even know he's looking for. But he sat down across from her, allowing the velvet sheet over the circular table brush against his arms and legs. "Alright so give me your hands and think about absolutely nothing, if you think about anything, even how sex my hands are, I'll have to slap you then we'll start all over. Oh and close your eyes of course. If I catch you peeping, I'm going to get the bat." She says this every time as though he's going to forget, then again he does this about once a year so it's possible.
Grabbing hold of her hands he cleared his mind, it's probably the one thing he's good at other than attending classes that don't interest him in the slightest. He bought a book on banking yesterday just because he could, and he's going to read it too. He'll read it, take notes on it, then put the books with the rest of the random novels he's collected over time. Half of the time, Lucifer just does things to do them; he has no real purpose or reason. Michael told him several years ago that this mindset is going to get him into trouble one day. Lucifer really doesn't care.
"Good… oh wow. I should have done this to you again months ago. You always have the most interesting fortunes. You're going to find someone… it'll be the most important person you'll ever meet in your life. You've already met him but he didn't leave much of an impression. You'll meet again several times though and he'll change your life… oh God, Lucifer you're going to be happy. You're going to be so fucking happy, honey. But- oh, oh shit. Alright we're done. You're going to meet somebody and you're going to be happy, okay? Do you hear me? You better stay happy." She growled making his eyes open slowly. Pamela… is on the verge of tears.
He stood up instantly and wrapped his arms around her but she just pushed him away. "No… I'm not the one you should be comforting. Just… just go. I'll look through your critique and fix it up a bit then email it to you in an hour, make sure to be online and get it completed by tonight. Do it or I'll castrate you." Pamela spat, but it's hard to sound threatening when you're trying not to sob. He just nodded and grabbed his book and left. She didn't read his aura, and she didn't pull out her cards. All she did was a standard reading, something she does a million times a day. It's only when Pamela's very close to someone and has read them often that she can actually see their future. She can't see faces but there are thoughts she can read and situations she can understand but she never knows when it is exactly and how the future comes to be.
Lucifer isn't worried though. Yes, this is all real and it's going to happen, but he's handled hardship before, he's gone through some pretty deep shit, and he always comes out fine. He'll come out fine here too. He left her house swiftly, knowing she's going to need some space, and then looked around. Jose Avenue is a place he doesn't know too well, and even though it's close to the town square… he doesn't go to town much, he's only ever here for Pamela and she usually drives him. He really should have asked his dad for a car. Maybe the next time he calls, Lucifer will be smart enough to hint at needing one. Pamela had been really upset when she found out that Lucifer's using his father for money, but then she met the man and spoke to him for about an hour, after that she never complained again, she even encouraged it sometimes. He doesn't know what they talked about, and probably never will, but it really upset her.
It's a bright day today, several clouds scattered about but they're white and puffy, so no chance of rain and it's cool out. He could probably walk back to school if he wanted to. Shoving the book in his back pocket, he started to walk towards the square to ask someone for directions back to the school. He walked past five or six houses when an Impala drove past. Oh shit. It pulled over and sure enough, Dean stepped out and leaned against his car, staring at Lucifer with a bemused expression on his smug little face. "Hey Lucy, what are you doing out here?" He called making Lucifer roll his eyes. Dean isn't smart enough to come up with that nickname which means that he must be hanging out with Gabriel. Lucifer hasn't seen Gabriel in years… but he's not about to start now.
"I just finished work, what are you doing out here?" Lucifer answered just as Chuck hesitantly got out of the car as well.
"You have a job?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow as Lucifer slowly walked over to them.
"Yeah, movie critic for World Weekly and you work at the garage, right?"
"Yep, Bobby's thinking of leaving the place to me when he finally retires. You work for Pamela right?" Dean asked with a smirk and whistled long and low. "She's pretty damn hot for a cougar."
"Because thirty-six is definitely the age of a cougar," he smirked in response making Dean's eyebrows shoot up.
"Oh man! I had this fantasy going that she was in her fifties but managed to stay looking young for all these years. So dude, come on, seriously, how often do you get her?"
"I'm not getting with anyone lately thanks to Meg and her friends."
"Those crazy bitches… what'd they do?"
"Don't you two hate each other?" Chuck asked tentatively from the background making Dean and Lucifer glance over at him.
"I only hate him whenever he wants to see Castiel or mentions him at all."
"I only hate him whenever he's a dick about me seeing Cas."
"Oh… um… carry on, I guess." Chuck murmured and motioned for them to continue.
"Okay so I was screwing around with Meg, Lilith, and Ruby. I wasn't in a relationship with any of them but I was having sex with all three girls. Well, they found out and made me take a blood oath never to sleep with another girl again."
"… they made you do a blood ritual…"
"I swear they were just trying to summon a demon or something."
"Hey man, do you need a ride someplace? I was just about to drop Chuck off at the campus but you've never seen my baby before." Dean grinned and opened the driver's side making Lucifer glance inside with a grin. "Yeah, she's beautiful, she belonged to my dad first but then he gave her to me when I turned eighteen." Chuck's staring at Dean as though he's shocked about something but Lucifer couldn't care less about that as he rand his hands over the dashboard.
"You're pretty damn lucky. I got nothing when I turned eighteen." Lucifer said but he's still smiling. After a couple minutes Chuck got into the back and Dean and Lucifer were in the front. Apparently Dean is a huge Metallica fan which is something Lucifer honestly didn't know about him. He prefers Nirvana but Metallica is still good.
"Why didn't you get anything when you turned eighteen?" Chuck asked from the backseat once Dean started to drive.
"It's a long story and it's not nearly as bad as my brothers and sister so not really worth telling." He shrugged. No one ever asked so Lucifer never had to say, but just because Chuck asked him doesn't mean Lucifer has any obligation to answer him. Chuck is just some punk freshman who's friends with Sam and Dean Winchester.
"Yeah, Cas had it pretty bad." Dean nodded.
"If you ask about Castiel, I'm going to jump out of the car and walk to the dorms." Lucifer threatened making Dean nod, looking a bit pissed off but not like he's going to argue about it.
"What happened to Cas?" Chuck asked, obviously being a little bitch and going around Lucifer's threat.
"Castiel was raised by Zachariah along with Anna, Gabriel, and Balthazar. That means that they were screwed, basically. You only know him as chairman or whatever of the board for school, but he's a strict Christian and took everything from them. All their pictures of their parents, every present they ever received, everything was thrown away except for their bibles and workbooks for school. Failure wasn't an option; they had to be the best." Lucifer said softly, staring out the window at the trees as they whooshed past them.
"What about you?"
"I was taken away from them to live with my older brother Michael and our mother. They wouldn't let me stay with the others, and Zachariah didn't want someone named Lucifer under his household anyway."
"Did you get to visit them?"
"Share time is over, Chuck. Thank you for showing an interest in me but really, being nosy isn't cute." Lucifer smiled pleasantly making Dean glare at him once they hit a stop light. But by this time they were close enough to the school that Lucifer calmly stepped out of the car and shut it before waving goodbye and walking towards the guidance office. He shared too much, and frankly, he's just happy he didn't share more.
…
"Lucifer, you're here! Are you going to see Garth? Or are you just here to hang out?" Becky asked from the reception's desk. When you enter the guidance office there's a small room that can sit about fifteen people, obviously not many people come here on a regular basis other than the counselors and the occasional student who needs help or guidance.
"I'm here to see your beautiful face, of course." He smirked, leaning against the counter. There are chairs that line the walls and a tacky welcome mat in front of the entrance and in front of the help desk that Becky works at on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Tuesdays. Other than that she attends her classes on every other day and enjoys her life as a student, but she has it pretty easy here with her computer for being the guidance secretary playing Buffy reruns constantly while her laptop is next to it so she can either read or write fanfiction. She's a bit of a multitasker, but everyone here loves her so there's no worry of her getting fired for this.
"Very funny, but you know, I have been thinking about it… Willow and Buffy would be cute together! It would make how upset Willow was, when Buffy ran away to be Anne, so much more moving!" She beamed making Lucifer smile. The office wallpaper is a disturbing pea green but no one ever mentions it, not even the lavender tiles. Lucifer wouldn't be surprised if Zachariah picked the colors out himself. He seems like the sort of bastard who would ruin the daily lives of hundreds of people by doing such a dastardly thing.
Garth walked out of the entrance doors to the guidance counselors' office/room/area with a content smile on his face, obviously he's going out to get drunk, which means he'll have one bottle of beer and then become so intoxicated that the bartender will have to call his mother or Dean Winchester to pick him up. "Oh, it's you. I've been meaning to call you actually, your file's gone, poof. I'll find it later but just thought you should know. But your file on my computer is still there, so don't worry about it. Garth's got you covered." He said with that stupid smile of his that makes him look high. Lucifer nodded and watched his counselor leave before banging his head on the front desk.
"God, why have you forsaken me? Garth is stuck managing my file! He should be fired; he should be burned at the stake! He should rot from the inside out! He should get high and forget where he parked his car! There are so many unspeakable things that should happen to him immediately, but I just can't name them all." Lucifer sighed making Becky laugh.
"And forgetting where he parked his car is the most important, obviously." She said sympathetically making Lucifer nod.
"Yes, he should forget where he parked his car after he returns to his mother's house, and then he should never come back again until he finally finds the damn thing, or maybe he should just lose his keys… although that situation is much easier to fix. It's harder to buy a new car then it is to call a guy to get you back into your car and give you an extra pair of keys." Lucifer grumbled.
"You are an interesting man, Lucifer Novak." Becky said with her eyes shining as she smiled at him in amusement.
"So I've been told."
…
He has fifteen minutes to get from the guidance office to Sam's interpretation of law class; if he doesn't get there in time then he won't get to see Sam for the rest of the day because after that he has to prepare for the party at Crowley's house. He already sent the invites two days ago and tomorrow is the night of the party. Well it starts at noon and ends at midnight so… it's more like twelve hours of fun! Crowley already has his best scotch and brandy taken off the property along with all his valuables. He's only allowing this because it means that he'll get to spend the entire time at Castiel's dorm without Lucifer interrupting them. The idea of Lucifer being such a major cockblock for Crowley is absurd of course. Lucifer is busy every day doing all sorts of things all the time! He doesn't even have enough time to pursue Sam properly.
When he finally got to the classroom he was five minutes early which gave him time to sit at a bench nearby and breathe, since apparently that's become a difficult problem for him since running here. As soon as he sat down, Lucifer looked up to see Chuck walking over to him looking furious. "You're doing it again! You're stalking Sam!" He cried, grabbing the attention of a few students as they walked past.
"What?" Lucifer asked making sure to look confused. He's taking a few theater classes right now and will be in the play Christmas Carol, but they're barely even starting the auditions yet, apparently the school is still trying to decide who's going to direct it.
"Sam is in there taking Civil Law right now, he's about to get out. I saw you run down here, Lucifer. Don't play dumb with me. I'm not an idiot." He growled.
"Huh… so on Tuesdays Sam has a Civil Law course here that ends at eleven forty-five? That's good to know. Thanks for telling me." Lucifer grinned making Chuck roll his eyes.
"Don't think for a second that I don't know you have his schedule for the year memorized by heart."
Chuck… is amusing, and this is the second time Lucifer's seen him today, it can't just be a coincidence. Maybe Chuck is stalking him. "You're a very strange man." Lucifer informed him making Chuck smile. That's when Sam left the classroom. Lucifer's eyes followed his every step until Chuck moved in front of him.
"And you're insane; I should have Sam get a restraining order. God knows you stalk him enough as it is." Chuck sighed and ran a hand through his hair making Lucifer laugh loudly at the situation in general. Here he is trying to get his last few minutes of seeing Sam for the day in but then there's Chuck, this guy that Lucifer only just met last week who seems to be the biggest cockblock on campus.
"Okay so what if the restraining order makes Sam go to a different school? And what if Dean decides to follow him because he doesn't want to lose his brother? Will you follow them? I'm just harmlessly watching the object of my desires, but you're having a sick fling with yours. I think you're crazy and I'm harmless. Sam won't get hurt because I'm constantly watching his life, but Dean will get hurt if you let yourself become any more involved then you already are. Stop lecturing me, Chuck. Lecturing me isn't going to make yourself any less of a creep, even though I don't think that's what you are at all. To me, you're just a sad man who wants a little more time with the person he loves." Usually Lucifer doesn't go on these big long spiels but he's tired of Chuck projecting onto him. Lucifer has enough problems without this lonely writer trying to make him into something he's not.
Chuck stared at him, his face slowly growing red from anger but then he stopped and soon he took in a deep breath and sat down beside Lucifer. "You're a fucking dick, and I don't see what everyone likes about you."
"No one really likes me." He answered easily. Chuck just rolled his eyes.
"Hey, what are you doing today? Can I tag along?"
"Sure… but since you ruined my chances with Sam, we're going to have to do what I had planned next."
"What's that?"
"You got my party invite right? Well I've have to set up for it of course, which means we have to sneak into a friend of mine's house."
"Why do we have to sneak in?" Chuck asked suspiciously.
"Because Crowley is probably having sex with Castiel and will continue for the rest of the night and he wouldn't appreciate company during his love-making session."
"Castiel dumped Dean for Crowley?!"
"I don't know what happened! I was hoping you did!"
They both glared at each other then finally looked away, but Lucifer could tell from the look in Chuck's eye that he's having fun.
…
"Crowley lives in a mansion?! What the fuck does he do to get a place like this?!" Chuck demanded looking severely pissed off as though cruel and insensitive men like Crowley shouldn't have beautiful mansions like this. It's true, but something Lucifer gave up being upset about ages ago. There are statues and portraits of Crowley all over the mansion and there are a few of Castiel as well, the only reason why there aren't more is because Castiel hates to pose for them and Crowley doesn't want different versions of the same pose all over his house. Lucifer knows for a fact that he's trying to get up to twenty paintings, portraits, or statues by the time Castiel leaves him though. Crowley's not a fool; he knows guys like Castiel won't stay for long.
They walked through the hedges and slowly made their way to the back, there's a window to get into the wine cellar but that's a trap and it's also Crowley's sex dungeon so Lucifer knows better than to go through there, especially since the door upstairs to the rest of the house is locked and there's no way to get back up to the window. Considering the fact that Castiel hates that kind of sex, Crowley probably won't be down there much and they'll die of starvation or thirst before he comes to check on the idiots who tried to break into his home.
"So how are we breaking in?" Chuck asked, looking excited as he glanced from Lucifer to the house then back again. Lucifer just looked at him oddly then pulled out a key and unlocked the back door. "Didn't you say we were breaking in?"
"No, I said we have to sneak in. Crowley would kill me if I broke in, that would interrupt his love-making session." He looks disappointed that they're not going to break in. What sort of a person would be excited at the idea of breaking into Crowley's home, especially with all the security he has. Crowley isn't just rich for show; he actually uses the money to protect his assets.
They walked through the back door and into the kitchen where Lucifer immediately began to go through the fridge and pantry to see what all he needs to buy for the party. "You're a writer so you have a notebook and pen on you at all times right?" Lucifer asked making Chuck huff but he started looking through his pockets anyway.
"I've got a pen… but no paper. What about you? What's that in your back pocket?" Lucifer reached into his pocket and pulled out whatever it is that was inside but as soon as it was out in the open his eyes widened and he instantly shoved it back inside. It's too late though… Chuck saw it. "Was that…"
"No."
"But I saw the cover. There was a man running his hands up and down some girl."
"Okay so there's a harlequin novel in my pocket, no big deal." He shrugged but by the look on Chuck's face… if he tells anyone, Lucifer will kill him.
"Why do you read harlequins?" He sighed; as though he's constantly having to put up with Lucifer's shit even though this is the first time they've ever really hung out. Lucifer slowly pulled the book back out and opened it up to the back page. He ripped out the page about the author then shoved the book back into his pocket. Grabbing the pen he began to write down random things, they need beer, potato chips, dip, pizza, sour candy, chocolate, skittles, and starbursts, then they need gummies, and then they need to find out what movies he can sneak out of Pamela's office, the ones that haven't even been released to the theaters, and maybe some more CDs since Lucifer's almost positive that Meg has been swiping from his collection again.
"I read them for reasons I don't want to talk about right now. Why are you so curious about me anyway? Ever since this morning you've been asking me extremely personal questions. I don't like it." Lucifer informed him idly then threw the pen in his face and walked out the back door, if Chuck didn't have such fast reflexes, Lucifer might have locked the door on his way out and turned on the alarm. But that would be cruel, and exactly the kind of thing Lucifer would do when slightly annoyed at someone who keeps asking personal questions.
But of course his life doesn't work like that and Chuck was right behind him on his way out. He locked the doors then sighed and checked his list. "I'll buy this stuff tomorrow, but now it's… what? One in the afternoon, so that means lunch, we should definitely have lunch. Is there any place you want to go to? I'll pay no matter what so anything you're hungry for is fine." He grinned as he walked around the mansion. It's a bit of a walk from the campus to Crowley's place but Chuck never complained, and this is right next to the town so from here everything will be easier from here.
"Do you know about the Roadhouse? It's run by Ellen Harvelle and her daughter Jo, it's a bar but they have some decent food there." Chuck said slowly, looking a bit uncertain.
"Alright, we'll go there. I've been dying to meet Jo anyway. Becky talks about her sometimes and I know Andy's her guidance counselor."
"Are you stalking everyone..?"
Lucifer blinked in surprise then realized what he'd said. "No, I hang out at the guidance office just about every day; I know most of the people who work there, so that's how I met Becky." He explained quickly.
"You seem to do a lot every day… how do you have time for everything?" Chuck asked looking a bit lost.
"I forget to think about reality and just do whatever comes to mind." Lucifer answered with a sigh.
