Severus Snape: Oh how wonderful. The Pampered Prince Potter has finally deigned to grace us with his presence.

Scott the Wanderer: Damn, just a little more sarcasm and that could have killed someone.

Snape: If only. ~Rolling his eyes.~ I suppose you think you are terribly clever. I have seen stories like this before. Your Potter will make the brainless Gryffindors seem geniuses by comparison.

Scott: He might just surprise you, Snape.

Snape: I doubt it. Whatever brilliance that Lily imparted upon him has likely been buried under the Potter arrogance. Being raised as a pampered prince will only exasperate the situation.

Scott: Wow! And I don't mean that in a good way. How can one man be so…so…well bitter is the only word I can think of.

Snape: You try being friend-zoned as long as I have. If that wasn't bad enough every other Witch thought they could not compare and refused to date me.

Scott: Well, yeah I can see how would be upsetting.

Snape: I do not need your platitudes. Merely refrain from writing me as the pathetic dunderhead some other authors have.

Scott: I can try.

Snape: I expect you to succeed. Nothing else is acceptable. Scott the Wander does not own Harry Potter or Palladium Books Megaverse.

Scott: ~watches as Snape leaves~ Wow, that man needs to get laid…too bad for him I am not arranging it.


Thank you to all my reviewers, followers and the people that favorite this story.


"If we can convince Fawkes, there is the method of Phoenix Flame Travel. I fear walking the distance would take us nearly an hour." Dumbledore said after a moment, motioning to the magnificent bird in question. "It's actually superior to Apparation, but I am loathe to ask my friend to ferry me around. I would find it very annoying if my friends used me in such a manner.

Fawkes trilled a happy little song for a few moments, praising his human for being considerate. The song came to an abrupt end as he caught sight of Harry standing there. Gazing into the man's eyes for a few moments he started a louder even happier song. Unlike many of his other joyful tune this one seemed to keep going.

"A real live Phoenix." Harry mused with a grin. "I haven't seen one of them in the Three Galaxies ever. They were supposedly wiped out in the Dominator War. Oh, Aunt Talia would just kill to be here now. I'll have to make sure I get a holo of you just in case I ever see her again." As Harry spoke he raised his wrist computer up and triggered the holocamera as well as the audio recording. "Well, I am certain Fawkes could take you, but I am not sure he could bring an Atlantean along. It might be worth a try..."

"Atlantean? " Dumbledore murmured as he examined the younger man more closely. He was, of course, looking for signs of gills or webbed fingers, anything that would mark him as part mermish. "But you have no gills."

"Of course not, I'm Atlantean, not Lemurian." Harry chuckled as the older man blurted out his surprise. "Completely different continents. Lemuria sank beneath the waves, Atlantis just vanished into the Astral. Of course most of the clans left decades before that happened. I think only the Ale'eft clan had any presence at all on the continent the moment it disappeared. Don't quote me on that. I only received an 82% in Ancient Atlantean History."

There was a twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes as he processed this information. He'd read a few ancient passages of Atlantis and Lemuria, but he like so many magical scholars had assumed that they were the same place. Learning that the two continents had both vanished from the surface by completely different means was information that would rock the Arcanalogist's views on ancient societies. He would thoroughly enjoy his next meeting with that illustrious group.

"I will not take your recollection as absolute, but it is far more detailed than any information the Wizarding World has managed to unearth." Dumbledore chuckled. "And while I could happily listen to you regale me with what you do know, we should join the others before they think something happened to me. Fawkes?"As if just waiting for a signal, the majestic phoenix took flight from his perch and landed on Dumbledore's outstretched arm. "If you'll just grab my other sleeve Mr. Potter-Andrus…"

"Please, call me Harry." Harry chuckled as he took the man's arm. He knew he was being a bit trusting, but so far he had not detected any malice from Headmaster. Of course he kept himself ready to act just in case. "Here goes nothing."

Fawkes sang a few notes and then erupted into flames that engulfed both Dumbledore and Harry. There was a feeling of pleasant heat and then movement. A moment later the flames vanished and they had joined the others in the private dining hall.


Draco Malfoy was enjoying his student career at Hogwarts. Despite being only a fourth year he had unprecedented power inside of House Slytherin. While not the top dog in the House, there were only a few people above him in rank. What he said was almost law in House. Of course he knew he owed a great deal of it to his Father's influence, but he had built on that. He was the seeker for the Slytherin House team and he had a decent record of caught snitches. He was doing well in Potions as well as DADA tying for the fourth in the class in each. His charms and Transfiguration were not nearly as good, but he was still pulling EE in those classes. He was betrothed to Pansy Parkinson, one of the richest pureblood witches in the world and his darling Pansy had gifted him with a pair of consorts, the Carrow twins. All in all Draco was living the high life.

Unfortunately, one of the things Draco had loved the most about his life was now in jeopardy. He was no longer the only viable heir of Lord Black. Not that his second cousin actually wanted him as an heir at all. With Harry Potter missing, the Black headship would have been passed directly to him as the only Black male alive. His father had made sure of that by arranging the death of Ted Tonks before he could sire a son. Unfortunately, with the return of Potter, Draco knew his demented second cousin would pass the vast Black fortune to the HalfBlood. It made Draco's blood boil.

"I need an incurable poison." Draco muttered to himself mostly, though given Pansy was sitting in his lap and nibbling on his ear, she heard. "Something that will take out Potter."

"Well, there is Stone Draught." Pansy released the earlobe she had been nipping. "Just mix it with Vibration Venom and the statue with vibrate itself apart. Even the best Healers would not be able to restore him."

"Perfect." Draco said after a few moments contemplation. "Where would I be without you?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'd have come up with it on your own." Pansy chuckled and went back to what she had been doing. Internally she hoped the little bastard got caught. The only thing that was making being near the pompous ass tolerable was the fact he was half way decent kisser and he fastidiously clean. That and the Carrow twins took care of most of his needs.


"I believe I shall take my leave. As much as I would love to stay, I find I have an amazing amount of paperwork to go over considering the inclusion of the Fourth Champion." Albus gave a sad smile as she stepped away from Harry. "Harry, in the next few days I hope you can visit me. If not, I do understand. There is much for you to learn if you are going to be interacting with the public. Do please let myself or Mr. Crouch know who you choose to be your Judge in the Tournament. Each participating school needs representation."

"It will be one of the things we discuss, especially after I read that contract last night." Harry offered a smile. "I'll make sure to bring it to you. I'd rather not be tempted to see how far Crouch bounces when I throw him."

"I will speak to him about how he treated you. I dare say he should be more pleasant when you next meet." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled for a moment before he twisted in place and disapparated out almost silently.

"Well, now that it is just the extended family, can we eat?" Harry turned back to face the table and people seated there. "My stomach is beginning to think my throat has been cut." As if to punctuate that statement his stomach did indeed growl loud enough to be heard. "Shush you, food is coming."

"By all means." Sirius chuckled. "From the sounds of it you have a dragon rumbling in there."

This of course garnered smiles from Remus and Andromeda, while Tonks chuckled.

Nodding, Harry took a look at the spread on the table and smiled. He had feared he would not recognize the dishes but there was toast, sausages, blood puddings, fried eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, and bacon. While it was a fair bit heavier than his preferred breakfast, he was not about to complain. After all, he could just work it off if needed.

"Dwarven cooking? I haven't had this since my Hades Twelve." Harry said as he began filling up his plate. "Though if I am not careful this will go straight to my belly."

"Hades Twelve?" Tonks asked first as she could see the others were just watching Harry fill his plate with enough food for a Quidditch team.

"I may have fast-talked my way into training with the Warlock Marines. Twelve months of learning about every aspect of warfare. We trained in nearly every environment including hard vacuum. A light day's calisthenics was a 20km run downhill to the lake, 5km swim and 20 kilometers uphill for warm up." Harry shrugged as he looked in the pitcher and shuddered. The orange brown liquid looked a little thick, and nothing like coffee. "Is it possible I could have some strong coffee?"

"Bloody hell, I thought Hitwizards and Aurors trained hard." Sirius muttered as he remembered his days back during the first Wizarding War. His sentiment was matched very well by Tonks who had just completed her training a year ago. "So you served in the military?"

"Nah, I'm an Undead Slayer. Putting me in Power Armor is just wasting my potential." Harry shook his head as he noticed a small creature resembling a brownie put a pitcher of coffee on the table. Giving it a nod, he continued on with his explanation. "Warlock Marines and CAF Troopers are soldiers, I'm an exterminator. I just trained with them because some of my cousins enlisted. Happy to say they survived the Hades Twelve and earned their Power Armor. And I got a sweet Plasma Cannon out of the deal."

"Every answer I hear just leaves me with more questions." Sirius shook his head. He noted that Remus and Andromeda were too quiet. A quick farseeing spell let him know the couple were playing footsy. Leave it to the wolf to finally let hormones take over when he had a fiancé. "Let's start with the most important. Did you have a good childhood? Did you have a family that loved you? Friends?"

"Yes, yes and yes. There was a scare when I was four, but that was not Dad's fault at all." Harry said after he took a moment to enjoy a blood pudding-egg sandwich. "Hell, if he wasn't who he was, I'd be dead. But I digress. I'm the adoptive son of the Andrus Clans' most experienced Undead Slayer. He wasn't too keen on me choosing the same life, but he respected me enough to let me choose my own path. My Mammes on the other hand fully encouraged what I was doing. According to Mamme Julia, it was obvious that no matter what they said I would do as I wanted. They said it was better to support me so they could be part of my life."

"Mammes? As in multiple mothers?" Remus Lupin arched an eyebrow at that statement. "I'll assume Clan Andrus does not practice monogamy."

"The Clan Elders do not meddle in romance." Harry chuckled after he had swallowed what he had been chewing. Taking a long drink of his coffee he continued. "As long as those participating are adults, it's just not their place. Of course the Priests and Priestesses of Hera, Aphrodite and Eros meddle as much as possible, but that is their prerogative. But my Dad was already married to Mamme Helen and Mamme Argent when he found me. Helen is a Pleasurer and Argent is a Machine Person, so it's not like they could have kids. When I was four, Dad married Mamme Julia and now I have two little sisters, Brianna and Astra. I have too many Aunts and Uncles to name and so many cousins I could probably form a full mercenary company with just cousins." Harry chuckled. "I was homeschooled but was tested by independent sources. I have a Masters in Demonology, Deevilogy, Faerie Lore, and Innecrology. I read and speak a dozen languages, though I am told I have a terrible accent in Euro. Mamme Argent thinks I have quite a gift for drawing, though I am not nearly as good as her. I also like to tinker around with my gadgets and weapons, at least the normal ones. I love riding whether animal or my hoverbike. So don't think I concentrated on just the fighting skills."

"I'm sorry. Pleasurer? Machine Person?" Sirius could not help but home in on the real oddities in the statement.

"Alien races. Pleasurers are shapeshifting emotivores who feed off pleasure, joy, happiness and excitement. Most free Pleasurers work on the Pleasure Planets which are basically hedonistic resorts." Harry explained. "Mamme Helen was one of those free Pleasurers who didn't want to be just an escort. Machine People are just as alive as you or I, despite the fact they are literally made of tiny machines themselves. The consume metal, excrete waste, have real emotions, and even reproduce sexually with other Machine People. Yes, they have two genders. Mamme Argent said she fell in love with my Dad and Mamme Helen during their adventurous days. Since she'd already had half a dozen children, she decided it was okay to marry them."

"Shapeshifters?" Tonks brightened a bit as she heard the hunk across the table had positive experience with shapeshifters. She prayed he was not one the insensitive idiots would think asking to see her 'true form' would get him some action. "What kind of shapeshifters?"

"Complete body transformation. As long as it's humanoid and relatively close to her normal mass." Harry shrugged. "According to Mamme Helen, most Pleasurers have a semitelepathic method gleaning just what someone would find most attractive. Of course she also said Dad was slightly infuriating as he never asked her to take other forms for fun until she made him sleep on the couch for a month. I've been warned that if I date a Pleasurer I better take full advantage of her gifts or I'll find out what a plasma enema feels like."

"Wait. Wouldn't that be rude? I mean I know I would find it odd if some bird asked me to shag her as Padfoot." Sirius blurted out. "Wouldn't the girl think you were just dating them for their abilities? I mean wouldn't a girl want to be asked to take her True Form. Not that I ever dated a shapeshifter, because I know I'd be asking for all my fantasy shags."

Harry almost went to answer, but was cut off by an unlikely source.

"I would actually think it more insulting by far to assume a shapeshifter would prefer their base form. It shows lack of imagination and creativity. Unlike the Animagi skill, being a shapeshifter is a large portion of who that person is." Andromeda shook her head. "Ignoring such a large part of someone in a relationship is just cruel. That isn't to say that someone should just assume the shapeshifter will change on a whim, but it never hurts to politely ask."

"Yep, that's about my feeling there. I dated a Pleasurer for a few months, was a great relationship all around." Harry shrugged. "If she hadn't wanted me to give up my calling, I would probably be married to her today."

"Well, some women are like that, Harry." Sirius said after a few moments. Truth be told he wanted Harry to give up Vampire hunting, but was not dumb enough to tell him so. Sirius Black may be a Gryffindor, but he was not stupid. "Now, I do realize you have had a happy life. I can see it in how you talk about them. I'm just hoping to you have been curious about James and Lily."

"Of course I have been. I mean, Hades told me they were definitely not in Tartarus and hinted they might be in the Elysium, but that only tells me they were good people and died heroes." Harry replied. "So anything you can tell me I would love to hear."

"Well, I will start with the story of how James Potter got shot down by Lily Evans a record nine hundred and fifty eight times in a row." Sirius started with a smile. "You see, James fell in love with Lily Potter Halloween of our Second year at Hogwarts. Completely head over heels as a matter of fact. The problem was by then Lily pretty much only saw James as an arrogant berk who picked on her best friend. I'll admit the last part was true. James and I would prank the hell out of Severus Snape, but only because he started the insults and gave just as good in return. So…"


"This Crumple 'Orned Snorkack sounds suspiciously like the African Rhinoceros, if not for the crumpled 'orn and the fur." Fleur observed as Luna escorted her to the Great Hall. Despite having a light breakfast, her impromptu studying had made her ravenously hungry. Of course Luna came with her as she rarely turned down a meal. "Do you think they could be related?"

"Hermione Granger asked the same thing when I brought it up to her." Luna shrugged as she replied. "After going with her to a muggle zoo and seeing the rhinoceros I would have to say yes. I expect they are related the same way horses and unicorns are. My Father wants to wait until we find the Crumple Horned Snorkack before we publish our hypothesis."

"That would be wise." Fleur nodded. "This 'Ermione is another Ravenclaw?"

"No, and believe me the 'Claws are very put out over that." Luna laughed. "Hermione Granger was sorted into Gryffindor, putting the top student of her year firmly in the hands of the Lions. Though there is stiff competition: Padma Patil of Ravenclaw, Susan Bones of Hufflepuff, and Daphne Greengrass of Slytherin. I almost envy Hermione Granger. She has so much competition to drive her forward. I, myself, do not." Luna pouted for a moment. "Ah well, can't have everything. If we could, Harry Potter would be fourteen and I could join his harem."

"Qui? 'Arry 'as a 'Arem?" Fleur's head whipped around so fast the ends of her braid almost cracked the sound barrier.

"No, but if he was fourteen, half the fourth year girls would pursue him almost religiously." Luna said with a shrug. "As it stands he is the hot older guy they have no chance with. Not that some of them won't try, I imagine. Sort of like the boys who take Professor Sinestra's Astronomy class."

There was very visible relief written all over Fleur's face as Luna denied the existence of a Harem. While the young woman had no proof, it still reassured the Veela. After all, the girl had accurately guessed so many other impossible to know facts. Fleur would deny being interested in snaring Harry if asked. She would tell anyone she just found him interesting and she wanted to know him better. If he had girlfriends or wives, then it would make getting to know him hard. Only a rare few women would allow a Veela anywhere near their man.

"That is good news. I do not want to chased off by jealous wives or girlfriends." Fleur sighed heavily, being who and what she was could be a pain. "It is tres impossible to make friends with a man 'ose lovers 'ate on sight."

"Well, I doubt you'd find it all that hard with Harry." Luna nodded. "Though, you might want to work on keeping your Mother away from him. I'm not sure it would end well, considering her vocation."

"Oui, that much I know." Fleur barely kept the edge from her voice as she spoke. While she did love her mother, it did not mean she liked the woman. "I 'ave no need to another friend 'disappearing' without a trace."


Harry was trying his best not to snort coffee out his nose. The lengths his Birth Father had gone to win the love of his Birth Mother were hilarious. He was reminded of the cartoons of a coyote chasing a road runner by all the tales of James' stunts backfiring on him. It was obviously only the intervention of Sirius and Remus that kept the tales from being spread around the school. Of course Harry wasn't alone in his laughter, Tonks had laughed so hard she fell out of her chair and Andromeda was much like Harry, struggling to manage some semblance of self control.

"…and finally James just throws up his hands in defeat, raises the white flag and the next time he sees Lily he formerly surrenders. I think he said something along the lines of: Merlin woman, what do I have to do to show you that you are the only woman for me? I've tried everything and even invented a few new ones while I was at it. Would it have killed you to just go out with me once? It doesn't have to be Madam Puddifoots. In fact I would much rather than nice bookstore with the coffee shop." Sirius broke into full imitation of James' rant, complete with wild gesticulations. "At this point she has this truly puzzled look on her face." At this point Sirius pauses a moment to properly do his Lily impression before continuing. "You mean this was not a prank war? Oh, James I was having fun, but if you wanted a date you really should have just asked me, not performed all these grand displays. So this Hogsmeade weekend I expect you at Laurent's at noon sharp. I expect you to dress nice but not formal and you will be buying me something you've read that I have not. Understood?"

Remus who had heard the story a dozen times still laughed heartily at his long gone friend's discomfit. Andromeda who had never heard the story before was now reduced to full on giggles. Tonks was now rolling on the floor tears streaming from her eyes she was laughing so hard. Harry for his part was bent over the table trying to keep his laughs below a dull roar. He should have expected that his birth parents had just as an interesting story as his adoptive parents.

"Of course James was insufferable for the next week, alternating from stunned disbelief that he had been pranked and delirious joy that he finally had the date he wanted." Sirius was barely keeping himself from laughing. "Slowly, Lily fell in love with James, though she did admit she always thought he was attractive. They spent sixth and seventh year attached at the hip when they weren't attached by the lips. They married on Samhain and from your due date, conceived you then. Oh, they were unbelievably happy, Harry. Even with the War in full swing they almost always smiling."

"Wait, wait, wait? I was conceived on Samhain?" Harry raised his head as something struck him as odd about that. "According to Fleur and the History books I perused last night that was the night Voldemort's attack as well."

"Bloody Hell, you're right!" Sirius' face quickly went from jovial to nearly ashen. "Remus, could that be the missing variable?"

"No, even the boost in power from using the conception and wedding date, the ritual would still not have worked the way we thought." Remus was now just as serious. "Even factoring in Samhain…no…not against someone of Voldemort's power."

"Would you two kindly inform your audience just what you two are talking about?" Andromeda had recovered from her chuckles enough to adopt a stern countenance. She knew her cousin well enough to know he were far from the idiot Sirius pretended to be. As for her fiancé, she knew Remus rivaled Lily Potter in brilliance. "Before I decide to make sure both of you get cut off."

Tonks watched the sudden change in demeanors and knew something important was being discussed. Hearing her Head of House and Stepfather-to-be volley questions and answers she started putting her mind to the task. She had missed being Headgirl of her year only because of the discipline problems she caused. "The Protection Aunt Lily gave Harry, you've been trying to puzzle it out."

"Yes, yes we have. We thought we had it, but the power requirement even with a willing sacrifice is astronomical. Lily was a bright Witch, but only just above average in power. James was a bit more powerful, but not much." Sirius sighed. "Actually as a baby, Harry was more powerful than both of them together. Still, Harry's power could not be used in the protection or he'd still be dead."

"To stop a Killing Curse from the average wizard you would need to be as powerful as Dumbledore and willing to sacrifice yourself in order to save the victim." Remus explained pinching the bridge of his nose. "On Samhain, one of us might be able to stop the average wizard. If we used an important date like conception of the subject we wish to protect, it raises us to perhaps stopping the average Hitwizard or Death Eater. Against someone of Dumbledore or Merlin forbid Voldemort's level it would be as effective as pissing in the wind."

"Damn, I really hoped we were on to something here." Sirius scowled as his moment of eureka was dashed. Seeing the puzzled looks on Andromeda's and Tonk's faces, Sirius let out a slight sigh. "Remus and I are researching the possibility of Amulets that would blunt a Killing Curse. The thought was using those condemned to death to power the amulets. However, the arithmancy is not working. We can't make the ward work the way it seemed to for Harry here. There is something missing from the journal."

"Lily's Journal?" Andromeda asked and when Sirius and Remus nodded. She shook her head. "It's likely a dead end designed to trick Death Eaters into killing each other off for the protection she described. Remember, Lily was a match for the Marauders when it came to pranks and cunning."

"Bugger." Remus muttered in a completely uncharacteristic display of profanity. "We are back to the drawing board. Bloody hell, we don't even have an inkling of a direction to look in if that is true."

Harry almost spoke up. A twenty one year old memory flashed in his mind. He debated for a moment on whether to speak of it, but squelched the impulse. There had to be a reason his Birth Mother did not leave behind notes on what she had done. Instead he took another drink of his coffee to cover his momentary indecision.

"Wish I could help you." Harry finally spoke up, but I was only fifteen months old. Despite unlocking my limited psychic abilities, I can't remember that far back. So, to change the subject before people get frustrated with lack of progress: where can I go to get clothes? All I have is this Cloak of Change, and I'd rather not wear it every day."