Devotion
by adalric
Chapter Three
…
The Dark Lord was silent and remained completely still and unmoving for at least five minutes. Adalric also was not moving from his position, lying on the ground with the lightsaber blade looming above. Then, when he knew the danger was over and Vader realized the truth in his words, as unwanted as that might be, he rolled from under the blade and got up, went over to the fire and threw in some of the wood he had collected.
Vader shut off his lightsaber but did not sheathe it. He just stood there, breathing hard. After half an hour of silence he started to sway on his feet and Adalric looked up, frowning. "You should sit down."
"It is not your place to tell me what to do!" Vader answered angrily but at least went over to the spot he had occupied earlier even if he did not sit down.
Vader paced up and down restlessly like a caged beast, limping slightly, wondering all the time at the absurd situation he found himself in. He was not used to giving in, to acknowledge that the other was right in what he had said, that he was dependent on him until they were able find their way back into civilization. But he recognized defeat when he encountered it. It need not be permanent. "How far away did my shuttle crash?"
"Why?"
Vader looked at Adalric questioningly, instantly suspicious and wondering if there was anything Brandl tried to hide. Then he mentally shook his head: if the other was to be believed and this whole situation was not some grand scheme of his to either put himself back into the Emperor's favour or blackmail his freedom, then Brandl had no reason to keep him away from his ship. He answered truthfully: "There are some items I need to collect."
Adalric did not look up from the flames. "Your ship's a complete wreck. I doubt you'd find anything still of use to you."
"Leave that to me", he answered shortly, then started to walk on in the direction Brandl indicated to him.
Yes, Vader needed to collect some things from his ship—nourishment he could eat in the suit, medication and medical paraphernalia, water supplies—but it was only half the truth. Primarily he needed to be alone, let it be only for a few minutes or maybe half an hour. He was not used to company, neither was he to not being in command. His whole body hurt from the various wounds he had collected—fresh or otherwise—and he was afraid to bare himself and his vulnerabilities in front of another. Out of habit and long years of practice in which he had never publicly displayed any weaknesses, were they of the mind or body, he was not ready and simply not able to overcome this long-standing habit now.
Vader knew Brandl was right: he was dependent on the other's help if he were to get out of this alive. Though he still maintained a healthy dose of suspicion—trust was simply not in the vocabulary of a Dark Lord—he did no longer doubt that Brandl had indeed nothing to do with the mysterious absence of the Force. Although this absence hurt, and a big part of him continued to long and yearn for the cool and calming power so much that it was a constant ache in his mind, he knew he had to accept that he was, for the time being, an ordinary, human being.
But I am not human! his mind cried with desperation and conviction, without the Force I am nothing more than a mechanically supplemented cripple! Vader tried to take a deep breath, remembered the Jedi calming techniques he had learned so long ago and in the past eleven years of his existence as a Sith had had no use for. Without the Force they were, of course, not nearly as efficient, but he succeeded in banishing these useless thoughts and concentrated on what he had to do now.
He had to survive. And in all the long years of living as a half-man constantly dependent on life-support, who had placed himself in the ways of countless danger and life-threatening situations and battles, he had learned at least one thing: the primitive, unconscious and almost reflex-like will to fight for a life he more than often did not consider worth living was a skill of his to be trusted in all situations. Even ones as absurd and humiliating as this.
…
Only a few hours later the sun slowly crept over the horizon but could not yet penetrate the thick forest and undergrowth and so they had to find their way in almost complete darkness. This posed, of course, no problem to the Dark Lord as his helmet provided him with facilities superior to those of the human eye and so he had taken, naturally, the lead. His injuries, however, were a different problem: they had already in the few hours since the crash continually gotten worse despite his efforts at first aid and reparations and precautions he had taken so far. They slowed him down considerably and already he was breathing heavily from the strain of a twenty-minute walk. Vader refused, however, to acknowledge this, even ignored the black spots that continued to dance before his eyes and told him that his ventilator was damaged and his body and brain were not getting enough oxygen. He focused on setting one foot in front of another, and again, and again, and again…
He was almost relieved when Brandl suggested to stop and rest for a while.
…
Adalric had secretly observed his companion, had recognized the stiffness in his movements, the wheezing of his breathing, the occasional stumble. And even if he had always despised the Sith and his stubbornness when both had got in his way, he now had to acknowledge his perseverance. Even gravely wounded and bereft of the powers that made him special, Vader refused to give in.
He was not sure what he felt exactly when he observed Vader slowly—too slowly—lowering himself to the ground after he had suggested a stop, but he suspected it was something akin to sympathy.
"You know", he started in between the bites from his ration bar, trying to sound casual, "you needn't hide you're in pain. There's no one to see."
Adalric was surprised by the hoarseness of the mechanical voice that clearly disclosed the state Vader was in. "It is a matter of principle. I am Sith."
He rolled his eyes at that comment. He should have, however, expected that much. "Yes, but you are also a human being. Humans hurt."
"If you knew what I am you would not say that."
Adalric was quiet for a few moments. What had that been, that brief hesitation in Vader's words? Self-consciousness? Shame? "What are you, then?" he dared to ask.
Surprisingly, Vader answered: "I am what the Force, and fate, made me. I am to do other people's bidding, never to be seen as …" He stopped suddenly, his breathing faltering shortly before it continued its rhythm.
"To be seen as what?" Adalric prodded, his curiosity clearly sparked now. He had heard Vader never talk like that before. It was disconcerning. Maybe this Force-less place had some strange effects on the other's psyche, making him talk about and reveal things he normally kept to himself. Maybe without the Force he was no longer able to hide behind the strong and fiercely guarded walls he had built to protect himself.
"It is of no consequence", Vader answered and tried to distract himself by going through the box he had collected from his ship. He took out a big syringe filled with some grayish fluid and then fumbled with his suit until he had pried it open, found the correct tube-ending and injected the syringe's contents. That done, he wearily leaned his back on the tree and closed his eyes.
Assuming the plastic syringe's contents was nourishment designed to be consumed while Vader was still in the suit, Adalric asked quietly: "How many of these do you have?", trying to sound not too intrusive in what he thought to be a touchy subject with Vader. It was.
"I…" Vader stopped. He never, never, talked to anyone about his body's deficiencies or special needs. Never. It filled him with a deep shame, and also regret. He sighed wearily. Brandl had a right to know, however, what he was getting himself into. "It … will be sufficient for two more days."
"Two?! And after that?"
"After that I have to trust in the Force."
…
As it was, Adalric was surprised a second time this day by the behaviour of the Dark Lord when Vader, after two hours of silent walking, started to ask questions.
"Why did you leave the Empire?"
When he was reluctant to reply, Vader stopped suddenly and turned to look at him. "It is only a question, Brandl. Not an interrogation."
Adalric kept his lips in a tight grimace. "I figured out that much." They continued walking. After some time he answered: "I think it was more like leaving the Emperor than leaving the Empire. I was … not content with the way he managed … certain things", he added, rather vaguely.
"You did not realize that when you joined him?"
"Did you? I was young and impressed by his powers. That is no excuse, of course, but I thought I'd learn how to use my powers, that he'd teach me."
"And that did not happen?"
He snorted at the obviously stupid, or more exactly: superfluous question, especially coming from Vader who had been in Palpatine's service longer than any other. "Of course not! You know what I am. Just another puppet on one of his strings. He constantly held me back, refusing to credit me with any real power. It was a tight leash." Adalric was quiet for a few steps, then he looked up at the back of Vader, the long, black cloak covering his shape from neck to floor, now dirty and worn but in a way still a manifest of his magnificent, powerful and untouchable presence and appearance. "He keeps you on a leash, also. Don't you resent it sometimes?"
"He is the master. It is not my place to question him. Neither is it yours", Vader added with some significance, then fell silent once again.
Adalric only shook his head. He could not believe that. Vader had doubts, of that he was certain. He knew of Vader's sometimes idealistic nature, his strict adherence to his own code of honour, even if that sounded ridiculous in the face of him executing those who had failed him without trial, right on the spot. But the Dark Lord never expected more of others than he himself was willing to give. He always preferred the straight way and loathed the duplicity and hypocrisy politics involved. At least that was the impression Adalric had got over the past few years combined with the information he had gathered on Darth Vader, and he had observed him long enough, collected his various reactions and rare comments on some of Palpatine's decisions or other ongoings at the Emperor's court. Vader was not more approving of Palpatine's rule than he himself was.
All he wanted was a confession. For what purpose he did not know.
…
In the evening before darkness fell completely they set up camp, if two blankets for sleeping and a fire against the cold sufficed for that term.
After making sure the fire was alive, Adalric unwrapped another ration-bar and critically eyed his water supplies before he took a liberal swallow of it. Vader only shook out his blanket and then stretched out on it.
"I think we managed ten kilometers today. The forest is denser than I thought."
Vader gave no reply to this. He only lay there on his back, unmoving, his head turned backwards in a strange angle to allow for the flaring dome of his helmet. It looked uncomfortable. When no other comment was forthcoming after an hour, Adalric also lay down and fell asleep almost at once, wrapped tightly into his blanket.
He was roused from sleep a few hours later by strange, singing sounds nearby. He came awake instantly, sitting up and looking around. The fire had almost completely burned down, only providing a diffuse, orange glow in the dark. He was alerted even though he knew nothing of any predatory animals on this planet; but his information was neither complete nor had he given his studies much time before his decision to come here.
Adalric looked over to Vader, but he had not moved from the position he had fallen asleep in earlier.
Then, in a split-second's time, howls could be heard surrounding their 'camp' and small, brown animals leaped forth, baring their teeth and whipping their tails with strange, whistling sounds.
Adalric ignited his lightsaber and advanced on the nearest beast, which was quickly cut in two and followed by the next one attacking from behind. They were, as he observed, not attacking him but instead focusing on the Dark Lord, who had finally stirred from his sleep. Probably hindered by his injuries, his defences came too late and one of the animals had already sprung on his breast, clawing at Vader's suit and trying to bite through the protecting armour with its sharpened teeth.
Only as Adalric managed to cut two more of them in half, wounding one another seriously and Vader, with his one hand searching for his lightsaber at his belt while with his other trying to shake off the beast, finally impaled his attacker on his red blade did the other retreat. Howling all the way, they disappeared into the dark.
Adalric remained in a defensive position for a while longer, trying to catch his breath and realizing how weak and slowed down he was in combat without the assistance of the Force. Only when he was sure the danger had passed did he focus on Vader who had got to his feet after the attack for defence and who now was swaying on his feet.
He collapsed even as he watched.
…
…tbc
…
Author's note: I hope you liked it and would welcome any criticism and reviews.
