Title: and all the lovely angels sing
Rating: M
Summary: You are born in a body that's wrong, in a world gone wrong. It's a disaster from the very beginning. [OC, AU, heavy warnings]
Warnings: Violence, gore, disturbing elements, etc. Additional trigger warnings for future coercion, sexual abuse, descriptive violence/body harm. Please note that certain views/actions of the characters portrayed in this story are not necessarily reflective of the author's own beliefs, and are not socially acceptable in any way, shape, or form.
AN at bottom.
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and all the lovely angels sing
"3. for tears unshed and laments untold"
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You are not in the habit of using your purple flames, instead preferring guns and knives and swords in your hands rather than fire. Higuchi thinks it's because you want to make a statement: You might be his youngest Guardian, but that does not make you any less dangerous than the others. Even without your flames, you are lethal.
This is untrue.
You dislike using your flames precisely because of Higuchi. Because of Higuchi's flames, twined around your own, rooted so deeply in the core of your very being that it makes you sick even just thinking about it. Or it would, if Higuchi hadn't scrambled your mind and subsequently ruined any and all sense of perception and judgment you once had.
Otsuka claims that Higuchi's flames are comforting. For you, that has never been the case, and you wonder how anyone could ever think otherwise.
Unbelievable.
Even more unbelievable is the way Higuchi now makes a habit of casually invading your personal space and stroking your face as one would a lover, even in public settings, directly in view of the other men under his command… who more often than not collectively fix their gazes to the ground and pretend to be statues oblivious to the world around them. Good to see some affirmation that you're not the only person in this building who thinks that Higuchi is sick for doing this to you. To the body of a young boy, barely out of his pubescent years.
His fixation on this body means that he calls you to his bed, multiple times, often with fox-eyed Otsuka at his side in the evenings. It makes you furious, incandescent with rage–
That's a lie. You're incapable of experiencing any sort of harsh, burning anger; Higuchi has long since wiped any traces of anger out of your personality in these past few years.
But there is a different sort of sensation that simmers in your chest when his hands grasp at your body and his lips mouth at your skin, and you hold onto it with all the strength of a dying man, even though you don't know what it is, because at least it's something, and there is no way for Higuchi to take it from you.
… Well.
The only way he could make it disappear is if he died, and you will work to ensure that he does.
.
.
Patience, is what your late sword instructor had told you, back when he'd first pressed a wooden shinai into your hands. Bide your time, wait for the best opportunity, then strike. Lashing out foolishly will accomplish nothing.
Patience.
.
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"We've received reports of the Hanajima-kai making a move on our territory! Higuchi-sama, what are your orders?"
.
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You kill Otsuka first, as a trial run. Also because you nurse a grudge the size of a mountain against him, for his part in bringing you to Higuchi's bed that first night, and it's something you'll never forgive him for; Higuchi's second can repent for his actions in hell when he's dead. Otsuka's never liked you much, and the feeling had always been mutual on your end, even before it escalated into hate.
The man dislikes you, but not to the point where he wishes you dead, because Higuchi is fond of you, and Higuchi is Otsuka's entire world. Unfortunately for Otsuka, the same cannot be said of you.
Higuchi's Rain's fighting style has always been something rather sneaky from the sidelines. Jump in at the best moment, one-hit-kill, while others take on the brunt of the fighting and provide him with cover. Usually you. Not this time, though.
"Tsuki-chan, I'm sure we can talk this out–"
You almost manage to kill him using nothing but your skill with the sword alone, Demon Blade that you are, but Otsuka is just as skilled at evading. However, by the time he finally realizes that you're serious, when the lazy, indulgent smirk on his face slips away into startled shock instead, it's already far too late. Few men in the Morningstar are ever a challenge for you in close combat nowadays; more fool him, for allowing you to come so close, and strike. Otsuka tries to disengage, leaping clear to the other side of the room–
And is promptly skewered in midair by the end of your Cloud-extended blade. It's a little tricky, changing the size of your blade with your flames like this, but it's a very interesting technique. Useful, too, for all that the taint of Higuchi in your flames makes your stomach roil.
"… why…?" Utter incomprehension. Indignant rage. Otsuka coughs, the same lips that had covered your own in Higuchi's bedroom now flecked with blood, and you find it a much more pleasing sight than the alternative. "How could you… Ryuu-kun's Mist, you shouldn't…"
You shouldn't be alive in the first place, and yet, here you are. 'Should' isn't a very strong word.
"… Ryuu… kun…"
You watch your fellow Guardian die, Higuchi's name on his lips, and it should be so very satisfying, killing this man, but all you feel is nothing. Your victory, snatched away by Mist-laden kisses and brutal conditioning.
No matter. You're sure that you'll start feeling much better after you've killed Higuchi.
Higuchi, who's a little busy dealing with the Hanajima-kai matters right now. Better make good use of the time you have remaining; flame bonds are a two-way street, and there's no way Higuchi didn't notice his Rain's death.
.
.
You leave a clear wide trail of blood when you leave Otsuka's room, killing anyone who gets in your way. This includes Higuchi's Sun Guardian when he tries to stop you, and fails. Ah, what was his name again?
Unimportant.
.
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"Who is it? Can't you see that I'm in the middle of… Tsuki-kun?" By the time you finally reach Higuchi, clearly your Sky has just finished a fight of his own –disheveled clothes, blood-splattered skin, a wild light in his eyes, but he still musters up a smile for you. "There you are, Tsuki-kun. What happened to Ren? Earlier, surely you must've felt something as well; I–"
For the first time in all these years, you cut off Higuchi's words before he finishes speaking.
"Otsuka is dead."
Higuchi freezes. His flames do a funny twist, dropping and churning –before flaring up again with a vengeance.
"... Say that again?"
You'll say it as many times as you need to; good news deserves to be shared, even with poor company. Plus, you're mildly interested in seeing how Higuchi will react to this. "Otsuka is dead."
Hm. Grief is an emotion that you've never seen Higuchi wear. It suits him well.
"We've been played. The Hanajima-kai, they –they must've planned this. Taking out one of my Guardians while keeping me distracted… we'll see who gets the last laugh."
Higuchi is usually calm and immaculate; very rarely do you see him so agitated. Otsuka loved him. Did he perhaps love Otsuka, too? … Is Higuchi even a creature capable of love? What a strange thought.
"Come, Tsuki," Higuchi commands, voice cold, as he heads for the door. "We have much work to do. I want you to–"
Silence.
So quiet you could hear a pin drop. Lovely.
Higuchi stands in the doorway, frozen at the sight before him. The sight of a hallway drenched in blood, decorated with bloody limbs and rolling heads, corpses of his men that are still warm, bleeding sluggishly into the carpet.
"… Tsukiya?"
A question. A demand for an answer, an explanation as to what happened. Isn't it obvious?
"Otsuka is dead," you tell him blandly, for the third and last time, because: "I killed him."
A heartbeat passes. One. Two.
There is no warning; you barely manage to muster up your own defense against the overwhelming torrent of Higuchi's Sky flames bearing down on you, mad with grief and ugly emotion.
"You dare to betray me like this, even with everything I've given you?!"
Wrong. It's not betrayal if he never had your loyalty in the first place.
.
.
The ensuing fight with Higuchi is brutal. He is leagues beyond Otsuka in terms of skill, and there is a reason why it's Higuchi who leads the Morningstar, his claim unchallenged, his rule undisputed.
But even as broken as it is, your body is a weapon, and you use it to score a bloody gash into Higuchi's chest, savagely carving out his still-beating heart, before crushing it in your fist. You proceed to cut off his head for good measure, and on impulse stab it through the forehead, directly on the spot where he's kissed you so many times before.
In the sudden silence of the room, there is only the harsh, ragged breaths of your own panting to keep you company, and it's deafening.
Is it over?
Is it all over now?
Higuchi will never hurt you again?
You can finally have your life back?
…
Higuchi's blood stains your hands and the leftover rush of adrenalin beats a staccato rhythm in your chest, but you wonder why it is you still feel so cold and empty even though you've claimed your vengeance for the wrongs he has done you. Even colder and emptier than before, and you realize with a start that, all this time, it's been Higuchi's flames keeping you warm. Your Sky is dead –by your own hand– and this means that you no longer have to suffer the revolting, sickening sensation of Higuchi's flames curling beneath your skin–
But your Cloud is cold. Hoarfrost, ruin and rime. It's so, so cold. Has it always been so cold?
You sit atop of Higuchi's dismembered corpse until his blood cools, unable to muster up the strength to move. Higuchi took away any reason you had to cling to life, but he replaced it with himself instead; now that he's gone… what are you supposed to do?
You know that you want Higuchi dead, but perhaps you should've thought about the aftermath a little more.
You can't muster up the motivation to move. Higuchi is dead. Does anything else matter? Maybe you should just sit here until you die; it's not like you have anything else better to do, and Higuchi is dead.
Higuchi is dead.
Higuchi is dead.
… What are you supposed to do, now that Higuchi is dead?
.
.
"Did you kill him?"
A voice. Suddenly, a voice filters in through your ears, and you open your eyes. How much time has passed? Minutes, hours, days? Nothing has changed. Cold corpses, coagulating blood, absolutely nothing has changed about the room where you killed Higuchi at all, except for the girl.
There is a girl standing before you. A young woman, maybe only a few years beyond your physical age. She would be pretty, were it not for the misshapen scar scoring a deep gouge down her face, red and mottled and angry, but in contrast her eyes are cold and clear.
"Did you kill Higuchi Ryuuya?"
Higuchi. Higuchi is dead. Dead, dead, dead–
"Answer aneki's question!" Another voice sounds, and it's accompanied by a sudden spike of intent, deadly intent. Higuchi taught you how to deal with threats.
Eliminate any threat that stands in your way. Clear my path for me, Tsukiya.
A startled cry, clashing blades. Your sword is deflected by a knife that the other man pulls out from his sleeves, but he is off-balance, it would be easy enough for you to–
"You're Youtou, aren't you?"
It's the girl. Ebon-dark hair, glass-clear eyes that gaze at you calmly. There is no hidden fear, no twisted desire. Your blade stops mere inches from her throat, where she stands protectively in front of her subordinate.
Why did you stop? Higuchi always said… said…
"Higuchi was a monster, and he deserved to die," she tells you. "I'm glad you killed him."
"Aneki, what are you doing?!"
"Hush, Teru-kun."
A beat of silence. Slowly, you lower your blade, and the girl smiles, taking a step forward. For some reason, this makes you automatically take a step back, and the girl laughs.
"Are you afraid of me?" she sounds delighted. "The Demon Blade, afraid of a harmless little girl who can't fight to save her life?"
You're not afraid, because you don't feel fear. Higuchi made sure of that.
Slowly, you're backed against a wall, but the girl doesn't follow, stopping a respectable distance away from you. By this point, you've deduced why you instinctively wish to keep your distance from her –she is a Sky. Just like Higuchi. Her flames are thinner, more airy and wispy than the heavy, oppressive weight of Higuchi's flames, but this doesn't change the fact that she is a Sky, and you–
"You're going into Discord," the girl informs you factually. "I know the symptoms, and you're textbook. At this rate, you're going to die."
Die.
… Yes, die. That's fine. Death sounds good. Death sounds–
Suddenly, the girl extends her hand towards you, palm up in a conciliatory gesture.
"Come with me," she says simply, eyes serious. "Come with me, Youtou. Come beneath my Sky and let me stabilize you. Higuchi may have deserved his death; but you don't need to rush to follow him just yet."
"… Why?"
Your voice comes out a hoarse, guttural croak from lack of use, but you don't care. You don't understand. You're broken. Higuchi broke you. You killed Higuchi. Dead. Why should you live?
"Because I'm weak. There are many things I want to accomplish, but I can't do it if I don't have the power to back it up," the girl explains, voice truthful. "You need a Sky. I need a strong Guardian. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. Isn't this reason enough?"
Reason?
Higuchi told you he was your reason for living. But Higuchi is dead. There is no point in living without a reason. But… but you still have a reason?
"I need you," the girl tells you, eyes strong and clear, looking straight at you, unflinching. So unlike Higuchi. You hate Higuchi. Higuchi broke you. She is…
You don't know anything about her. Her face is an unfamiliar one, but you recognize the crest on her clothes as one of the nearby small-time yakuza groups, like the many groups that Higuchi has sent you to 'clean up' before. She's probably a local one, to arrive so soon after you've killed Higuchi. Brave, to step into the Morningstar like this. Her Sky is not as strong as Higuchi's, this much is clear, but you want nothing to do with Higuchi.
You want to be free of Higuchi. How can you be free of Higuchi?
"Aneki, get back!" The girl's bodyguard has finally found his voice again. From his frozen position at the other end of the room, he finally regains control of his limbs again, and runs towards you. Towards you and the girl standing in front of you, patiently waiting for your answer. "He's dangerous! Youtou is not someone to be trifled with, all the corpses we've passed on the way here –that's all his handiwork! He turned on his own family, the very ones who raised him and taught him everything he knows! How can you even think about taking in someone like that?!"
It takes you less than a second to knock out the blubbering man, and you let him drop to the ground in an undignified heap, before turning back to the young girl. "What he said. Do you trust me?"
She had only brought the one bodyguard, a bodyguard who is no match for you. One whom you've thrown out of the picture, by knocking him unconscious. And yet, there is still no trace of fear in her body.
"I need you," she repeats.
It's not an answer.
But it's enough.
.
.
This time, you willingly bind your flames to another Sky. Even though Tanaka Akari made it clear from the very beginning that she only wants you for your strength, at least she understands, if only a little, and for that reason, you think you can allow yourself to finally hope.
(It's a mistake.)
.
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…
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Author's Notes:
Again, speedy progression of the plotline here. Yayy, Higuchi is finally dead! Three cheers for that, I guess.
Also: Double update! ocean waves has also been updated, please head over and check it out if you've been keeping an eye on it. I promise that it's much lighter than this fic, which is probably a good thing.
For angels: We'll probably touch on canon here sometime? Idk yet we'll see. Canon characters should start appearing soon, maybe? Either in the next chapter or the one after that.
-XxZuiliu
