AN/ Thanks for all the reviews!

FYI, rating's gone up. There is going to be a lot of swearing in upcoming chapters. And violence, I'd imagine.

:)

Oh and UnderworldVampirePrincess? You have your PM turned off so I can't reply to you, but yeah go right ahead :)

Vampire Academy is the property of Richelle Mead.

MJ

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We were directed towards a number of waiting cars and Eddie and I clambered into the back. The guy that had chased us – Belikov – slid into the driver's seat and grouch-face Alto got into the passenger side. After my revelation I had fallen into a sort of numb stupor and let Eddie dictate our next move. Without another option we had agreed to travel to Montana to set up camp at the school before we processed our next move. The...bodies...would be dealt with at a later date – they wouldn't be released for another week at least.

The pitying looks the two guardians kept shooting me in the rear view mirror should have annoyed me but my emotions appeared to have gone on vacation. Even Eddie systematically squeezing my hand and stroking my hair had little effect on me.

The car started and I watched the scenery wiz by. Everyone was silent, lost in their own thoughts. Another car was following behind us with the two other guardians and three empty seats. We were the only dhampirs found alive.

The sun became blistering as we approached midday and Eddie reached across me to wind down the window. I turned to look at him as my stupor lifted slightly and he smiled encouragingly at me. It was a nice sentiment but the worry and pain on his face ruined it.

"So much for your hot date, huh?" I whispered, finally breaking the silence after who knows how many hours.

He laughed tightly, the sound echoing relief and grief. I leaned over and buried my face in his shoulder, allowing him to wrap his arm around my shoulder. I sighed, my body relaxing ever so slightly at the familiarity of his touch.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

"No," I answered bluntly, truthfully. "I wish she was dead."

"She is."

The harsh reply came from the front of the car and my head snapped up, a glare already in place on my face. Alto was watching me over his shoulder, his face twisted in disgust. At me? Or at the situation? Either way it made my blood boil. Belikov shot him a warning look before getting out the car. I hadn't even realised we'd stopped.

"No she isn't," I hissed. "She's a Strigoi. There's a difference!"

The sneer on his face became more pronounced as he looked at me condescendingly.

"What is one without the other? She feels no emotion, her body is ice cold and her eyes glow with the heat of the fiery pits of hell. If that isn't the definition of a demon, then pray tell me little girl, what is?"

"I know she's fucking changed!" I shouted. "But she's not dead!"

Alto snorted and shook his head causing the fury in me to mount further.

"She's as good as. Honestly, she was better of a filthy bloodwhore. I guess the great Janine Hathaway has sunk to levels not even she thought she could reach. Not that she didn't try. Becoming a frequent Moroi chew-toy, it's disgusting."

Something snapped and, faster than even I could comprehend, my fist connected with his nose. There was a satisfying crack followed by blood spurting from the wound.

"You bitch!" He yelled but I was already gone. After forcefully yanking the door open I was off, ignoring the calls from Eddie and Belikov to come back. We had stopped and a filling station off the side of the road. There was tarmac on one side and dense shrubbery on the other. I headed for the countryside.

I knew they would follow me; I wasn't stupid. But I needed to get out of that stuffy little car with that insufferable dickhead. I just needed out. I just needed...I just needed...

My mom. I needed my mom.

"Rosemarie! Stop!"

I knew the voice. It wasn't Eddie or Alto, but Belikov judging by the Russian accent lacing his tone.

Automatically my feet slowed until I was walking. The footsteps pounding behind me also slowed until I could feel him right behind me.

"What happened?"

I snorted, I couldn't help it. I looked over my shoulder at him, giving him a clear are-you-serious look. He grimaced and looked contrite. It was then I noticed how young he was, early twenties at most. His whole manor was uncertain, as if he had little experience with emotional teenage girls. It created a strange feeling of comfort.

"Why did you run?"

There went the feeling of comfort. I scowled at him before collapsing in a heap in the dirt. He hesitated before lowering himself beside me. I could feel his eyes on me but I avoided his gaze.

"I know what you all think of me," I said quietly. Even to my ears my voice sounded dead. "That I'm a whore who'll trade her body and her dignity for her next fix. But I'm not. I'm not free and easy and either was my mother! You don't understand –"

"I understand better than you might think," he interrupted me. "I was raised in a dhampir commune before I entered the guardian course in Russia. I know what it's like to see your family used and abused by so many men, so many countless faces-"

"It wasn't like that! She didn't need it! She wasn't an addict! She chose to live her life that way. And I don't understand what the world's problem is with that! No one was getting hurt! And yet everyone looks down on us, calls us sluts, whores, disgusting, worthless..." I trailed off feeling the sharp sting of Alto's words all over again. Of the moment when I realised they might be dhampirs but they were nothing like me.

Belikov looked confused. I didn't realise I had lifted my head during my rant until I registered his expression.

"What do you mean you see nothing wrong with it? You much realise offering yourself up like that is degrading and-"

I cut him off again with a hollow laugh, not wanting to add another name to my list of insults today.

"You're just the same as the rest of them. You might have been raised in a commune but you're as disgusted by us as the rest of them. And you think you understand! Is your mother dead? Did you watch her fighting for her life as the bodies of her...our...friends, family and neighbours lay dead around her! You don't fucking understand because you weren't there!" I exploded and leapt to my feet again as anger rages through me, igniting my bones.

Belikov jumped up beside me and reached out in an obvious move to restrain me. I batted away his hands and glared at him.

"I don't want your pity! I don't want your help, or you understanding, or your comfort! I want...I want..."

"Your family back," he finished for me, remorse shining clearly in his face. A sob bubbled up in my throat and I hated that my eyes were wet. Hated that I wanted Belikov to reach out and hold me, to offer me some comfort. Hated myself for not helping during the fight. Hating myself for not staying to die. Hating.

The whirlwind of emotions left me feeling lightheaded and exhausted. I wanted to go home, crawl into bed and pretend none of this ever happened.

"I know," Belikov said softly. I glanced up at him questioningly.

"I know you want to go back and change things," he explained. "I know you want everything to be different and I don't doubt that you are beating yourself up continuously but you have to know you did the right thing. If you hadn't had run, you would be dead. That's the truth of it and you need to understand that. You can't live with that regret, you'll drown in it. You have to let it go."

His soft expression and warm eyes were so out of sorts with his physique that I was momentarily stunned before reality hit home.

"I can't," I whispered brokenly. "My mother's a Strigoi; I can't just let that go. I can't just let her go."

"We have time," he replied. "You will in time."

I nodded holding in the doubt I felt. I couldn't ever see there being a time when I didn't hate, hurt or regret.

"I saw Guardian Alto's bloody nose," he changed the subject. "What did you do? Or should I say what did he do?"

I scowled at the slightly amused expression on his face.

"He insulted me and my mother. I won't let her be ridiculed, even if you don't approve of her life choices. He needs to learn some damn respect."

His expression flattened into a blank mast and he didn't comment. That just infuriated me more and I kicked the ground causing a small dust cloud to swarm up around us.

"Rose!"

My head snapped to the left and I breathed a sigh of relief when I was Eddie coming through the trees. He wrapped me in a tight hug when he reached me before pulling back and grinning at me.

"You broke his nose!" He exclaimed, a proud expression on his face.

I snorted and smiled reluctantly. Easily amused...

"He deserved it though. I would have slugged him too," he added more seriously before turning to Belikov. "The other car's drawn up. Petrov and the other one...?"

"Chase." I supplied helpfully. Eddie always was terrible at remembering names.

"Chase, right. They're waiting for us. Apparently they want to sort out arrangements for tonight."

"Arrangements?" I questioned. "For what?"

"We can't travel at night – it's too dangerous. It's going to take at least three days before we reach St Vladimir's. We need to stop for the night," Belikov explained. I couldn't help but notice his voice was completely vacant of emotion compared to the soft way he had just spoken to me. Maybe he was bi-polar.

I sighed but understood the logic of it. Slowly we headed back to the cars, Belikov leading purposefully with me and Eddie trailing behind. Eddie kept shooting me questioning looks but I just shook my head.

We entered the service station and I felt triumphant when I saw Alto holding a rapidly reddening cloth to his face. His eyes were murderous as they settled on me but I ignored him and grinned cheekily.

"Don't you like my reformation of your face? Thousands of women pay for nose jobs every year and you got yours for free. You could at least say thank you."

Alto's glare would probably send most people running but being brought up by my mom had hardened me against such things.

Eddie tried to cover his laugh behind me but ended up nearly chocking. I grinned as he squeezed my hand in praise.

"When you're quite finished." Petrov's voice brought us to attention. She was leaning against a car looking stern but there was a slight twitch in her lip that suggested she was finding this amusing as well. "We need to get going."

I nodded before a horrifying thought occurred to me.

"I am not sharing a room with him!" I exclaimed, pointing a finger at Alto's mutilated face.

Petrov rolled her eyes and huffed in obvious annoyance.

"We'll be sharing connected rooms between all six of us. We can sort it out later. Get in the car Rosemarie."

"Rose," I corrected her. Only my mom called me Rosemarie and even then only when she wanted to murder me. Or I hadn't cleaned my room.

"Rose," she repeated with a nod. "Get in the car."

I complied and we set off again before pulling up to a small motel. It was clean enough and thankfully there were no suspicious marks on the bed sheets so we settled in for the night, Eddie, Petrov and myself in one room with the others in the next.

The rest of the journey passed uneventfully. Most of the three and a half day ride was silent, with only talk of where we were going to stop and the murmured conversations between Eddie and me. Alto gave me a wide berth but glared at me continuously from a distance. His broken nose was now accompanied with two black eyes but I couldn't find it in myself to feel sorry. I just didn't.

The weather changed as we travelled north making me long for the heated warmth of home. Both Eddie and I were miserable and the weather only further dampened our spirits.

We pulled off the freeway and down a dirt road. The car lurched but that wasn't what caused the suddenly ill feeling in my stomach. I knew. Even before the tall gothic building came into view and our car slid through the wrought iron gates. I knew.

We had arrived.

AN/ Let me know what you think!

MJ

Xxx