A/N: Hello again! Now what's this? It looks like my updates come faster these days. That, despite the fact that I'm having a nasty (though thankfully fever-free) flue right now. Hooray? (grins, a bit nervously)

But first, of course… THANK YOU so much for those fantastic reviews! (GLOMPS) They're the fuel this story needs to keep running, ya know? So thank you! (gives cookies to each and every single one of you)

Awkay, because I bet you guys consider this enough stalling… Let's rock! (gulps) I REALLY hope you'll have a good ride!


CHAPTER 3: Leading a Dual Life


Spencer hadn't realized just how long it was from the last time he'd been in the BAU-headquarters until he entered the building, saw all the familiar desks – and people.

Even though he probably should've grown used to it already he shivered slightly when Penelope Garcia grinned and gave him a huge bear-hug as soon as she saw him. "Oh, boywonder, you can't even imagine how good it is to see you here!"

Spencer wished the feeling had been a bit more mutual while hugging her back.

It wasn't until they broke their embrace Spencer noticed that they were being watched. Stood a small distance away JJ offered him a small, warm smile. For a moment it looked like she considered giving him a hug as well but decided against it. "We've missed you."

It was around then Spencer came to realize that he'd missed them, too. And the smile on his face became a bit more genuine one.

Just then Emily Prentiss emerged from a nearby conference room. The brunette gave him a nod, along with a look that was probably supposed to be a supportive one. "Hey. Are you ready?"

Spencer felt uncomfortable pressure building up in his chest. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

Not having seen anyone approaching he jolted with surprise when feeling someone press a hand against his back. He glanced over his shoulder to see Derek. There was a great deal of understanding in the man's worried dark eyes. "Let's go and get this over with, 'k?"

Spencer nodded and allowed himself to be led into the conference room, feeling strangely numb. Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi were already there, the latter sitting on a chair and the former stood before a window, looking out with a thoughtful expression.

David greeted him with a nod, as though not entirely sure what to say.

"Thank you, for doing this." Aaron's voice was rougher and quieter than Spencer had remembered. He also didn't remember seeing those new shadows in the unit chief's eyes before. Or no, that wasn't true. He'd seen those eyes for the first time when he was saved after having been in the hands of a UnSub for two months. Since then the shadows had grown longer. "We wouldn't have asked this of you if you weren't the best option."

Spencer did his best to keep his mixed emotions from showing. The team needed his help. Why not give it when he could? "I know."

Aaron nodded. Something Spencer couldn't name lingered in the air between them.

Clearly deciding to break the atmosphere, Derek cleared his throat and spoke. "So… About that case…"
JJ stepped forward, looking like she'd just woken up from a dream. She pushed a set of photographs and documents towards him on the table. "The victims are Alex Thompson, Samuel Harvey, Jeremy Baker and Carlos Juentes."

Spencer felt a stab of shock and shuddered, most likely visibly. "I… knew Carlos." He felt slightly nauseated. Wasn't it only a day ago the kid spoke to him? "He started on one of my classes two months ago."

JJ gave him a look of sympathy that said more than any words, and went on after a pause. "The victims were all young, popular and athletic. They'd all been left to a spot where it was easy to find them, stabbed and…" She grit her teeth. "… brutally abused."

Yes. Looking at the pictures Spencer saw that much too clearly; there was blood all over the naked corpses. He then frowned when noticing another detail. Words, engraved to the chest of all four of them. "'Your turn'?" he echoed the words.

"The victims come from separate ethnic backgrounds, and according to our investigations so far they've had barely anything to do with each other in months. It's pretty clear these guys have done something to the UnSub to trigger rage like this", Derek continued. There was a moment's pause. "We're looking for a man of their age. Someone who doesn't draw attention to himself, who doesn't have a lot of friends. He's the type no one really pays attention to."

Spencer nodded, looking at the pictures and rolling what he'd just heard through his head.

Focusing on the case, on the information that team had gathered so far, was the easy part. Everyone else but he noticed how his eyes changed while he absorbed the information he'd just received. It was like he'd been pulled into some world of his own.

And suddenly something he'd previously pushed into the back of his mind floated in.


/ Almost seven months ealier Spencer was in the university much later than he should've, working overtime yet again. He was almost dozing off when something floated to his ears through his office's slightly ajar window.

"… 'can't believe Jax sent that online!" Carlos Juentes hissed in a clearly horrified, almost nauseated tone. The boy's exasperation could be sensed. "What if…?"

Samuel Harvey sounded a lot calmer while talking. In fact it was almost certain the young man was drunk. "Carlos, chill! It was just a joke, 'k?"

"A joke? Are you seriously calling what we did a joke?" Carlos swore loudly and kicked something, most likely a beer-can. "If Nicholas files a report we'll all go into a jail, do you understand that? We committed to a crime! And my dad… He's gonna kill me! What we did was so fucking stupid that I…"

Samuel interrupted the other man again. "Like I already said, chill." There was a somewhat chilling pause. "I'm gonna sort this out. So forget about it and chill."

There was a sound of someone being punched. "Don't you get it, dimwit? I'm never, ever going to just forget about it." With that someone, most likely Carlos, stomped away.

Spencer shivered a little and frowned, those words echoing in his head.

He reported the incident the following day, but it was only hearsay and Carlos came from a powerful family. The matter was buried in utter silence, and no one else but Spencer seemed to remember. /


Aaron frowned as Spencer finished telling of the memory. "Do you know who they were talking about?"

Spencer nodded, looking towards the window. Suddenly the sun that'd been shining brightly had disappeared behind a cloud. "Nicholas Blake is a student of mine, and he fits the profile perfectly. I don't know what that conversation was about, but…" He trailed off, feeling sick to his stomach. He was crucifying Nicholas, but…

"They mentioned some 'Jax'", Prentiss pointed out. "Who's he?"

Spencer shook his head. "I don't know."

Derek went on in a heartbeat, a dark look in his eyes. "But if he had something to do with whatever triggered this thing, we've gotta find him before Nicholas does."

Aaron grit his teeth for a moment. "I'm going to tell Garcia to trace Nicholas – even if he isn't the UnSub we need to ask him some questions." He looked towards Spencer with eyes that were impossible to read. "Thank you."

Spencer nodded, trying his best to smile just a little bit. "No problem." For some reason there were chills all over his body. Perhaps it was a sixth sense trying to warn him.


About half an hour later Spencer felt intense gratitude while gulping down a glass of ice-cold water, its taste effectively wiping away the foul taste that'd been lingering in his mouth. Little by little the almost squirming sensation in his stomach eased.

That was until he heard Derek's familiar voice. "Reid? Are you okay?" The man stood a couple of steps away, looking at him with evaluative eyes. "It's… been a while since you've been working on a case. So…" The man trailed off, clearly not wanting to voice the fact that the last time had started a nightmare that went on for two months. A nightmare that led Spencer to Shawn.

Spencer nodded, doing his best to make it convincing. "Yeah. I'm fine."

One of Derek's eyebrows rose, and Spencer had a feeling the man knew long before actually speaking. "Then why do you look like you're about to throw up?"

Spencer looked at Derek, wondering what was the best and most harmless way of announcing what was on his mind. It was incredibly frustrating, to feel like he was betraying someone all the time. He licked his lips before half-whispering. "I… got some news, yesterday." He took a deep breath, looking away. Funny. He'd never noticed that stain on the wall before. "It… looks like I'm pregnant. At first I thought the symptoms were caused by stress but…" He trailed off, straying into his thoughts. After three miscarriadges he and Shawn had given up, coming to a conclusion that they just weren't meant to have a child together. It'd been the hardest and deffinitely most trying time of their relationship, and as much as they loved each other it'd almost torn them apart. And now, being pregnant without Shawn'support… It was one of the most terrifying thoughts he'd ever faced.

Derek's hard, heavy silence seemed to stretch until all eternity before the dark-skinned man unleashed a quiet "Oh". It seemed to take another forever until Derek spoke again. "How… do you feel about it?"

Spencer shook his head, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I'm… still kind of trying to figure that out", he confessed. He fidgeted a little. "I'm supposed to go to the first ultra scan today."

Derek was quiet for a moment before speaking out. "And you're planning on going alone, aren't you?"

Spencer chewed his lower lip quite hard, focusing on his breathing. Last time he went to a ultra scan the baby had already been dead. He'd probably never forget how the empty, lifeless space inside his stomach had looked like on the monitor-screen. They joys of having a eidetic memory… Spencer shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. His eyes stung so he squinted them. "Yeah, I am."

"I could go with you, you know." Derek said it with such certainty, so unexpectedly, that Spencer actually shivered slightly.

He knew he should've said 'no', that he shouldn't let Derek get involved like this. But… He'd had it with loneliness. Was that a crime? He swallowed, loudly. "You don't have to." Honestly, he might find it a lot easier if Derek wasn't there, especially considering he was carrying someone else's child.

But if anything Derek was stubborn, and Spencer had a feeling the man would've slammed himself through a wall of bricks if he'd have to. The dark-skinned man gave him one of those looks he knew all too well. "You can cut that one right now, 'k? Just tell me what time we're going."

Spencer felt warmer than he should've.


Dr. Nikita Taleir was a extremely gentle-looking fifty-six years old man with rapidly graying hair and gray eyes that always seemed to have a hint of laughter in them despite all they must've seen. Since Spencer's first miscarriadge the man, who reminded him chillingly of Jason Gideon for some reason, had been a great support despite his… unusual situation. He'd listened patiently to Spencer rambling facts in the aftermath of his second miscarriadge. Then the man sat beside him when he found out about the third loss, all alone because he hadn't managed to convince himself into telling Shawn about the pregnancy in beforehand. And the doctor offered him silent comfort after Shawn's accident. Spencer found the man's soothing tone and openly showing emotions comforting.

That early afternoon Dr. Taleir blinked several times when he entered the man's office with Derek. "Well hello", the man greeted slowly.

Spencer cleared his throat, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed. "Uhm… Hi." He gestured towards Derek. "This… is Derek Morgan, a friend of mine. He offered to come along, since…" He just couldn't bring himself to say the rest.

He felt a hint of relief when Dr. Taleir nodded, understanding. "Well, I'm pleased to see you didn't come alone this time."

Spencer didn't know what to say to that, so he nodded.

While both he and Dr. Taleir started preparing for the examination the man spoke again. "How have you been lately?"

Spencer shrugged, all too aware of the hint of heat on his cheeks when Derek saw him take off his shirt. This was getting very, very uncomfortable… "I've… been fine, I guess. A bit tired, and queasy. I've thrown up five times today."

Dr. Tireil gave him a look of sympathy. "That's one unfortunate part of the deal, isn't it?" There was a second's pause. "Now, why don't you lay down so we can take a look at who's causing all the havoc."

Spencer complied, something closer to terror swimming into him slowly yet surely.

"Reid, breathe." Funny. He hadn't realized he hadn't done so until Derek spoke. There was a hint of amusement mixed worry in the dark-skinned man's eyes. "Everything's gonna be okay, so relax and breathe."

Spencer nodded, wishing it'd been that easy.

Dr. Tireil seemed to work on his abdomen for a decade, frowning and making small unidentifiable noises. Then, so unexpectedly that he shivered, a sound he'd been longing from the bottom of his heart filled the room. He was almost sure Derek gasped slightly when the baby's heartbeat reached their ears, strong and stubborn. Spencer's own heart was sent racing while a familiar warm feeling spread all the way through him.

Dr. Tireil smiled at the screen. "There the little one is – almost managed to hide from me."

As Derek, most likely instinctively, took his hand and squeezed it Spencer fought to ignore how good and right it felt. Fought to ignore how much he wanted, perhaps even needed, it.

All of a sudden Dr. Taleir made a sound that was a lot like "Ah!", pointing at the screen. "Now how about this… Do you see that?" If he was fully honest Spencer couldn't see anything that could've caused such a reaction. But Dr. Taleir looked at him with a wide, slightly intimidating grin. "Congrats, it looks like you're going to have twins."

Cold filled Spencer while his stomach seemed to flip around. Derek was barely fast enough to offer him a bowl before he threw up.


Some hours later, after gathering his thoughts for a while, Spencer finally managed to gather his courage and once again headed towards the hospital with Joey. But no matter how painful it was for him to see Shawn in that condition it looked like the visit was even harder on Joey.

It was all too easy to tell how hard the little-girl fought against tears while sitting on Shawn's bedside, holding his hand while looking at his face intently. It looked like she'd been trying to make him wake up with the sheer power of will.

Spencer swallowed down the blockage in his throat, even attempted to speak. "You could try and talk to him. I'm sure he'd love to hear your voice."

Joey looked at him, appearing utterly lost and even scared. "What can I say, daddy?"

Spencer took a moment to make sure his tone wasn't off. "Whatever you feel like saying. It doesn't have to be anything special."

Joey nodded, then focused bravely on Shawn's face. At least five times she opened her mouth without being able to utter a sound. That's when Spencer decided that enough was enough.

Spencer's throat felt a lot tighter than it should've, and he swallowed before talking. "You know, Jo… I'm sure he'd like it if you read something to him. Why don't you go and pick a book? You remember where the library is, right?"

Joey nodded eagerly, clearly pleased to have something to do, then gave Shawn's cheek a tiny kiss and sped into motion.

As soon as his daughter had left Spencer took a deep breath before focusing on his husband and taking the man's hand.


/ Spencer gave a extremely rare, tiny yet warm smile when waking up slowly to someone kissing his neck. He wrinkled his nose with delight and shivered, making the brush-light touches intensify. In the end the lips on him managed to hit one of his most sensitive spots and he unleashed a moan he might've been embarrassed by in any other situation.

There was a chuckle he recognized very well. "Do you have any idea how adorable you are when waking up?" Shawn's soft voice, still a bit thick with sleep, inquired.

"Hmh." Slowly Spencer opened his eyes to see the dark-haired man's figure lay beside him. He sighed with contentment, snuggling closer without noticing it. "'Morning."

Shawn smiled, giving his forehead a kiss. "'Morning to you, too." The man leaned his forehead against Spencer's, looking at him with half-lidded eyes. "So… Any requests for today?"

Spencer's eyes lit with hope. "How about some coffee at first?"

Shawn rolled his eyes, clearly holding back a groan and a smile. "How many times do I have to tell you how unhealthy the amount of caffeine you consume is?"

Spencer frowned in a nearly childish manner, until his brain switched track. "Did you know that caffeine causes changes in the chemicals of human brain…?"

Shawn interrupted his upcoming rant with kissing him in a manner that stole absolutely all his breath, and he found himself responding happily. Once they broke apart Shawn yawned a little and pulled him closer. "This is our first morning as a married couple, and it doesn't look like we'd have any rush. What do you say if we sleep in?"

Spencer most deffinitely had nothing against that plan. Giving another sigh he closed his eyes, then leaned closer to his husband's body and rested his head against the man's chest, so that he could hear the other's heartbeat. In moments he'd drifted back into undisturbed sleep. /


In present Spencer found it was harder than he'd expected to produce the words. "I… wouldn't have wanted to tell you this soon, but… If this helps bringing you back…" His body shook, just a little bit, as he licked his lips. "I… went to a doctor today, and… Well, it looks like you have two more reasons to come back." Almost instinctively one of his hands found its way to his stomach. "I'm pregnant, with twins. So I… I need you, okay? I really need you. We all do."

For a moment, just a moment, Spencer's heart stopped when he was sure he felt Shawn's fingers move slightly. He also could've sworn the man's eyelashes fluttered. But then, as though a switch had been flicked, it all disappeared, leaving behind a empty shell.

And for some moments Spencer felt absolutely everything inside him grow still and hollow.

That was until the room's door opened. He realized the moist on his cheeks just in time to wipe it away before Joey took her place beside Shawn's bed. The look on her face was so sad and serious that it shouldn't have belonged to any six-year-old. She looked at him, showing him a book. 'The Chronicles of Narnia' again. "Do you… think he'll like this?"

It was a small miracle that Spencer's face remained at least relatively steady as he nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "Yeah." His tone was hoarse. "I bet he will."

Joey nodded as well, relaxing just a little bit. As she began to read Spencer closed his eyes, laying a slightly tentative hand to his abdomen. For a little while he could imagine that their family was whole.


Meanwhile Aaron, Derek, Emily and David were already stood behind Nicholas Blake's door, prepared for absolutely anything.

Aaron raised his fist with a grim expression and knocked firmly, one of his hands remaining on his weapon. "Nicholas Blake? We're with the FBI, and we want to ask you some questions. Come and open the door, right now."

Heat bubbling in his veins Derek looked around. His eyes were quick to detect the house's shabby appearance and all the dead flowers in the yard, as well the over-grown lawn. "It doesn't look like anyone's been here for a while", he pointed out through grit teeth.

After a one more firm knock and unanswered barked orders Aaron made his decision and kicked in the door. They all had their guns raised as they made their way into the house. As soon as they entered they had to cough at the unbelievable, rotten smell that hung thickly in the air.

"Shit…!" Emily sputtered, covering her nose and mouth. "What is this smell?"

Derek grit his teeth, having a much too clear idea.

In the end they split to pairs, Derek heading upstairs with David and Aaron going through the rooms downstairs with Emily. The stench that seemed to enstrenghten by the minute, thick layers of dust, the floral patterns on the walls and ancient furniture made it look like time had stopped in the house. Derek found it deeply disturbing.

His thoughts were cut when Emily called out all of a sudden, her tight voice giving a loud warning. "Get down here! There's… There's something you should see."


The team couldn't possibly know that Nicholas stood in the cover of trees on the other side of the street, observing the commotion with narrowed eyes.

He remembered, quite vividly, that the dark-skinned man who entered the house second was the same who'd come to visit Spencer the day before. Those people were with the FBI, and now they were on his tails. Spencer had betrayed him, led those people to him. That would not go unpunished.

He'd show Spencer his wrath, and he'd find the fifth and final member of the group that'd pushed him into his own personal hell. Maybe then he'd be able to sleep without nightmares…

By the time the team emerged from the house with grim, almost shocked expressions Nicholas was already long gone.


TBC, no?


A/N: Oh dear… So now the UnSub's pissed, Reid's pregnant with twins… (sniffs) Is this drama I smell?

BUT, before I tune out… PLEASE, leave a note to let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Or heck, tell me about your day. I love hearing from you guys! (gives puppy's eyes) Pwease…?

IN THE NEXT ONE: Fate pushes Reid and Morgan even closer together when the team tries to make sure he and Joey are safe. But Nicholas Blake is out for revenge, and once his wrath crashes in nothing is the same again… The story continues in 'The Most Fragile of Lives'.

Until next time, folks – I REALLY hope I'll c ya guys then!

Peace out!