The Meeting

I felt defeated. The months that followed were uneventful.

I tried to focus on my family as before but it was harder than it should have been. I still wished I could help Edward somehow, in finding his mate. My heart broke a little each time I caught him watching any of the other couples. It was a good thing that Carlisle had to be away at work most of the time. I focused all my attention on Edward then. It was even harder to not think of the forbidden path Carmen had told me about those times.

Carlisle surprised me with a trip to our island for our anniversary. Alice had helped him plan it and pack our bags; and so we left. Edward told me that Carlisle was concerned about me before we left, so I worked harder to act normal and place my worries for Edward at the back of my mind.

"I meant to talk to you my love. You have been distracted lately, and before then you had us travel much of the world seeking others out and seeing old friends. Is there something that is unsettling you?"

Carlisle startled me out of my thoughts. We were getting off the speed boat on the island.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't realize my behaviour worried you." I soothed.

"Esmé, you know that you can talk to me about anything. I will listen, even…even if it's hard for me to hear."

His face was masked in pain. I was immediately alarmed.

"Carlisle what do you mean? Of course I'll talk to you first, always first."

He was suddenly in front of me, searching my face. His fingers caressed my cheek and his lips crashed onto myne. The kiss was needy and desperate. I pulled back to ask what was troubling him to be acting this way.

"Alice has raised a concern. She doesn't see you clearly sometimes, even when you are right in front of her. She was worried what had occupied your thoughts at the time and asked Edward. Edward couldn't tell, he said you were blocking him. Jasper sensed a great sadness and desperation from you those times. I waited to give you time but you never came to talk to me. Alice…Alice thinks you may be thinking to take yourself away from us."

His words were barely above a whisper.

"Carlisle, I am here. I will always be here dear husband. I am touched that you all worry for me, but I assure you, there is nothing wrong."

The words he had said replayed in my mind over and over. I wondered what it all meant. Had someone caught up with what I had been doing? Could I be taken from my family because of it? Would Carlisle be alone because I was desperate to keep my son and see him happy?

"Esmé, I must know; do you have regrets about this life – that I took away your peace in death?"

This was the first time Carlisle ever asked me this outright. I knew he wondered if we all harboured resentment against him for changing us, especially Edward. Rosalie had made her feelings known on the matter as soon as she opened her new-born blood red eyes.

"No my husband, I have no regrets. Carlisle, you have given me much more than I could have found in death. A beautiful well lived life and five children to love and care for. Your love is more than I had ever hoped to have."

I reached my arms behind his neck and pulled him to me. I wanted to convince him to accept the assurance of my words through the kiss. As his desperation took hold, he tore off our clothes and took me right there on the floor of our hallway. I felt his need to be gentle and caring battle with the need to claim and possess me. I let him lead, obediently following until we broke apart. His eyes still showed his vulnerability. I hated myself for making him get to this place – if only he'd talked to me sooner.

We unpacked and left for a quick hunt inland. Carlisle never let go of my hand. I understood he needed to keep me near. Once we found our kill he let me go reluctantly. I drank fast and waited under a nearby tree for him.

"Do not make any sudden moves. I am here because you called. Meet me here at midnight, alone."

A soft voice spoke from behind me, followed by even softer footfalls as the vampire disappeared.

I was too frozen to even turn around.

Carlisle raised his eyes in my direction with an obvious hunger. While I would normally be thrilled and give in, I didn't respond. My mind was a filled with questions, and I was a little concerned that we were not alone. He mistook my actions as refusal and growled in anger.

He left the carcass of the big cat he had drained and stalked towards me.

I stood still. Any movement would be interpreted as a challenge. He tore my clothes off roughly, leaving me exposed in front of him. He circled me slowly, stopping right in front of my face. I made the mistake of meeting his eyes with myne.

Before I could drop them again I was on my knees.

He had my hair tied in his fist, pulling at my head and pounding inside me. I did not fight him. I understood his raw need too well. We are at our most uncontrollable and primal state while hunting; and I had behaved like a disobedient mate. This wild side to him frightened and excited me the same. There were only a handful of times that Carlisle had been like this in all our years together.

Time passed slowly. We had flattened a patch of grass and two trees before Carlisle stopped and returned to himself. I sensed the change in him when he realized what had happened. He held me tight to him, facing away and stood still as stone.

I guessed it was just under an hour to go before midnight.

My mind raced with uncertainty over what to do. Did I dare stay to meet the stranger? What of Carlisle, he couldn't be there. Who was the stranger and what did she mean that I had called? What would happen if I didn't stay? What would happen if I did stay?

There were no answers. Indecisive panic rose in my chest. Carlisle became animated immediately, filled with concern.

"Esmé, I-I"

I placed my small hand against his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw.

"It is I who should apologise my love. I should have known better. Please forgive me for provoking you."

He kissed the palm of my hand, accepting the apology.

"We should-"

"Carlisle, may I have a moment please."

I asked knowing he would give into anything I wanted at that moment. Carlisle never liked expressing his dominance over me like that; even when provoked.

"Of course" He agreed, like I knew he would.

"I'll get us changing clothes. Perhaps we should spend the night in the city."

He offered. I knew it was hard for him to leave. He passed me his torn shirt which no longer had buttons. I wrapped it around me. It covered enough.