A/N: I'm sorry this one took so long to get out! I struggled with some of the settings. I didn't want it to seem too forced. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. As always, please let me know if you have any critiques!


November 1978

Sunlight filtered through a gap in the velvet drapes, dust motes swirling almost tauntingly. Marlene groaned, willing the light to disappear so that she could remain swathed, undisturbed, beneath the bundle of warm blankets. The curtains hung heavily, shielding her from the rest of the dormitory and enveloping her in ruby-tinged darkness. Except for that damned shaft of light. Marlene rolled over and pushed herself into a sitting position, wiping the sleep from her eyes and stifling a yawn. And then she remembered her parents were dead.

That was how it had been for the last two mornings. She had awoken almost peacefully, with consciousness replacing dreaming in that hazy way that it does. And then she would remember. And then she would slump back into her pillows. And she would remain in her bed, hiding from the sunlight and the prying eyes of pitiful classmates.

From beyond her barricade of velvet, Marlene could hear the bustle of what she assumed to be her roommates readying themselves for a day of classes. But it was Saturday, was it not? Or maybe it was Friday. She didn't know. And she didn't really care. Marlene listened as her roommates exchanged words in hushed voices. They spoke for a minute, and then fell silent.

A timid voice spoke more audibly, coming from just beside Marlene's four-poster bed. "Marlene?" The voice belonged to Dorcas. There was a moment of silence as Marlene contemplated answering, and Dorcas prayed that she would.

"Marlene, do you want to get breakfast? You didn't eat at all yesterday and… and we're worried about you."

She didn't want breakfast. And while she was truly grateful for the support from her friends over the last two days, Marlene didn't want to talk to them either. She didn't have anything to say. So she just stayed quiet. The silence continued, until Mary bravely broke it.

"Marls, you need to get out of bed," she said firmly. Marlene wished the pillow she held against her face could drown out their incessant compassion. Mary cleared her throat. "It's not good for you. And you need to check on Leo. He's been getting into – "

"Mary!" Dorcas hissed.

"What?! She would want to know," Mary retorted.

"You'll just make her more worried. Just let her – "

Dorcas was cut short by the parting of the drapes around Marlene's bed. They stared, suddenly bewildered, their mouths still agape from their discussion.

"Where is he?" Marlene's voice croaked from lack of use, so she reached for a glass of water to dampen her cracked lips.

Dorcas shook her head apologetically. "I only saw him yesterday at dinner. He's probably going to Hogsmeade, though. I think I overheard a bunch of – "

"The trip is today?" Marlene interjected.

Dorcas nodded. On Marlene's bedside table lay a half-forgotten reply from Lily. It had arrived almost instantly after the first outbreak in the media of the news of her parents' deaths. It pleaded Marlene to meet with her at the first Hogsmeade visit, and of course contained a torrent of sympathy and kindness. Marlene had wept so much when Mary brought it to her that the parchment edges had started to crumble.

It seemed to take her friends by surprise when Marlene jumped into action. She threw on her robes, dragged a brush through her hair and splashed her face with cool water in a vain attempt to rid her eyes of that perpetual red tinge.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Dorcas asked tentatively.

Marlene shook her head as she pulled on her boots and retrieved her wand from beneath the mass of blankets on her bed. Before she turned to leave, Mary halted in front of her and pulled Marlene into a hug. She didn't say anything; she just wrapped her arms around Marlene's shoulders and held her tightly. It took all of Marlene's energy not to burst into tears.

"Thank you," she mumbled into Mary's shoulder. With her one free hand, she reached across and squeezed Dorcas' smaller one. "Thank you both for being there. You've been amazing and I've just…" Dorcas silenced Marlene's attempt at an explanation by joining the embrace.

"You have nothing to thank us for," Mary said as they broke apart. Marlene was overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude; without the two of them, she would have likely gone insane. "We'll walk with you to Hogsmeade."

As they made their way through the castle, Marlene was acutely aware of those students whose eyes rested on her for a little longer than usual, and who whispered behind their hands as she passed. She could feel Mary tense beside her, and she knew that the girl was using all of her energy not to hex the intrigue out of them. The thought of her fingers wrapped around her wand beneath her robes was almost enough to make Marlene smile. Almost.


Rain had started falling by the time they arrived in Hogsmeade. Dorcas and Mary bade their farewells and disappeared into the swell of warmth radiating from The Three Broomsticks. With her hood drawn over her face, Marlene rushed through the village, taking care to avoid the small puddles that materialised on the cobbled ground. She continued onwards until the buildings began to thin out, focusing on identifying the place that Lily had described in her letter. Marlene pushed open the door to the Hog's Head and stepped inside, shedding her cloak and running a finger through her rain-tangled hair. The quiet buzz of conversation from a nearby table ceased. One patron jumped to her feet when she spotted Marlene. Lily Evans' auburn hair fell in thick waves around her face, which was fixed with concern and sadness. She was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a simple green jumper. Lily rushed towards the doorway and embraced Marlene, her hands protectively cradling her younger friend's head. No words were spoken, because no words were necessary.

"Hey, Marls," Lily murmured as she pulled away.

"Hey, Lils."

The bar was dingy and dark and mostly empty, save for the man at the bar and the solitary figure seated at the rough wooden table that Lily was pulling Marlene towards. Remus Lupin climbed to his feet as Marlene approached, and he looked at her with sadness in his eyes.

"Marlene, I'm so sorry." His voice was quiet and unassuming. They had been Prefects together and Remus was one of the kindest people that Marlene knew. She dipped her head in gratitude and gave him a weak smile.

"Hey, McKinnon."

The familiar voice made Marlene's stomach jolt. She turned to face Sirius Black, who had returned to the group with a tray of drinks balanced atop his hands. The sight of his grey eyes, creased at the corners by his almost permanent-grin, sent waves of emotion through Marlene. She had thought she loved him, once. He had kissed her when she was fifteen, and for weeks she couldn't think of anything else. When she realised her infatuation was simply puppy love, her relationship with him developed into unwavering friendship instead. Sirius reminded her of warmth and comfort and safety. He placed the tray on the table and held out his arms. Marlene stepped into his embrace, crumbling against his torso.

"Hey, yourself," she murmured into his chest.

"I think," he said softly, pulling back an inch so as to look at Marlene's shielded face. "It's time for a drink."

The closest thing to a laugh that Marlene could muster fell from her lips. It was a noise somewhat between a chuckle and a cry, but it was driven by humour nonetheless. Trust Sirius to solve her problems with the offer of alcohol. Against her best judgment, Marlene gratefully accepted a vial of firewhisky from Sirius's outstretched hand, before shuffling on to the empty stool beside Remus. Sirius sat beside Lily and distributed the remaining glasses.

"To Eros and Ada McKinnon," he said, solemnly raising his tumbler in salute. With a lump in her throat, Marlene clinked hers against his. The others followed suit and echoed Sirius's sentiment.

"To mum and dad." Marlene whispered. Her eyes were unfocusedly trained on the candle stub on the tabletop as she took a gulp of the amber liquid. It slid down her throat, leaving a trail of fire as it went, and she shuddered in response. The heat spread to her fingertips before settling in her stomach. Lily reached out and squeezed Marlene's hand.

"James sends his love, Marls," Lily said apologetically. "He would have come, but he Dumbledore asked him to…" Lily trailed off awkwardly.

"I want to talk about the Order," Marlene said suddenly.

The graduates exchanged a look. They all knew that this was the reason they were there, but no one had wanted to broach the subject. It all seemed too raw.

"Marlene," Remus began hesitantly. "We don't want you to feel like you have to because of what has happened. We want you to be able – "

"No," Marlene interrupted. "I've made my decision. You all have your reasons for joining; this is mine."

"It doesn't have to be now," Lily added gently.

"No." Marlene said, a bit more firmly. "I want to do something. I don't want anyone else to feel like this. Ever." The silence that followed was full of unspoken words. Marlene swallowed a mouthful of liquid fire, relishing the warmth it provided.

"That's that," Sirius said finally. Lily shot him an exasperated look. "What?! She's a big girl. She can make her own decisions. I, for one, can't wait to see the scum suffer for what they've – "

"Sirius!"

Sirius shrugged, grinning, and downed his drink in one. Lily shook her head disbelievingly. Inadvertently, Marlene chuckled. This felt so natural. Had it not been for the traumatic circumstances, this would have felt like their school days together.

"So, how can I help?" Marlene said, tracing the rim of her glass with a fingertip.

"We need someone inside Hogwarts," Remus said carefully. "We need to know who Voldemort is recruiting."

The words that had plagued her for the last two days clawed at her mind with a vengeance. "Well," Marlene said quietly. "I can tell you one for sure. Just before I found out about my parents, Callista Selwyn had some choice words for me." Marlene hadn't told anyone about this encounter – not even Dorcas or Mary. She felt suddenly afraid to explain, because speaking it aloud confirmed that they had been involved. That her parents had been murdered, and school children were revelling in it. Marlene took a deep breath and repeated the words that Callista had mocked her with.

Lily's sharp intake of breath was drowned out as Sirius spat out the word "Bastards." Marlene didn't look at his face, but she could see Remus' fingers tightening around his glass.

"You don't think – "

"Callista had nothing to do with this," Sirius said, interrupting Lily's horrified whisper. "She's a spoiled brat, and doesn't care for anything beyond her own vanity. Theodore, though…" Sirius trailed off, shaking his head. "He's dangerous. He spends all of his time with the Carrows. Nasty pieces of work."

"You think he was involved?" Remus challenged.

"No, not necessarily. But I think his father was, and I think his father is probably sculpting him into a good little Death Eater."

In order to still the shaking of her hands, Marlene folded them in her lap. "His father used to terrorise my mum. He made her life a living hell when she was at Hogwarts. I guess Theodore is heading in the same direction."

Sirius swore loudly under his breath. The desire for retribution rolled off him in angry waves as he leapt to his feet. "I'm getting more drinks," he announced before striding towards the bar. Remus and Lily seemed dumbfounded, stunned into silence by the reality that the war had clawed its way through the barricades of Hogwarts, and would slowly tear people apart, one school-child at a time.

The silence in the empty pub was broken by an apparently heated conversation that Sirius was having with the bartender. Marlene watched as he waved his arms around in anger; the barman listened to Sirius's hissed tones carefully whilst pouring drinks from a dusty bottle. When he was finished, the barman threw a rag over one arm, picked up a fresh tray of drinks and headed for their table, with Sirius striding behind him.

"So, you're the young lass whose parents were just murdered," the man said as he placed the tray of drinks atop the table, swiping at the empty one with his spare hand. Streaks of brunette that had presumably survived from his youth peppered his otherwise grey mass of hair and stringy beard. He surveyed Marlene from behind dirty spectacles with brilliantly blue eyes.

"Aberforth," Remus reproached sharply. "Sensitivity would be appreciated."

The statement hadn't actually offended Marlene. This bearded stranger was the first who hadn't trodden on eggshells around her. Lily shook her head incredulously as Aberforth shrugged. "Well, it's the truth, isn't it?"

"Marlene, this is Aberforth Dumbledore," Lily said swiftly. "Aberforth, this is Marlene McKinnon."

Aberforth wiped his hand on his dirty apron and extended it to Marlene. "Good to meet you, Marlene McKinnon," he said gruffly. Marlene shook his hand, feeling the hard, calloused skin beneath her own. "Hear you're our newest recruit."

"Yes," she said numbly.

Aberforth nodded his head, paused, and then added: "You kids don't stay in here too long. You'll drink me outta' all my best whisky."

"Thanks, man," Sirius said quietly as he retook his place at the table. Sirius without a grin was like daytime without the sun. It was unsettling. He used to be able to put on a front, but the state of the world was too much for even Sirius Black to swallow.

"We meet at Alastor Moody's place, most of the time," Remus explained. "But, seeing as you won't be able to get there until you graduate, Aberforth has given us permission to use the pub sometimes."

Marlene reached for another glass of firewhisky and took a sip thoughtfully, bracing herself against the inadvertent wince that followed. The stuff really was disgusting. But it was comforting and was giving her brain this light, tingly feeling.

"Have you spoken to Dorcas and Mary?" Lily asked.

"I have," Marlene said slowly. "They want to be involved. They always have done. But I didn't want to bring them here today. I didn't want them to feel obliged to make a decision based on me." Lily nodded empathetically.

"How is Mary?" Remus inquired.

"She's fine. But she acts braver than she feels."

"I'm still going to make him pay for that," Sirius growled. "Mulciber. One day."

"Would you stop with all this vengeance talk?!" Lily admonished suddenly. "It does not help the matter."

"Feels good though," Sirius muttered. "What about that Rosier kid? He's a shoo-in for evil, surely."

"He got Head Boy."

"You're kidding!" Remus exclaimed.

"Sometimes I think Dumbledore is a bit too ambitious with his whole "give-the-messed-up-kid-a-chance-to-change" approach," Sirius said with a disbelieving shake of his head. "Well, you'll be able to keep an eye on him, Marls."

"Lucky me," she grumbled.

"You gotta' start taking one for the team," Sirius retorted with a grin. "This is serious Order business, now."

Marlene showed what she thought of Sirius's teamwork with a swift kick to the shins beneath the table. "Ow!"

Marlene smiled playfully and proceeded to finish her second drink. Maybe it was the company, or maybe it was just the alcohol; either way, her heart didn't feel quite so heavy.

"I better get home before James sets fire to the kitchen, again," Lily said with a sigh, climbing to her feet. "The man can produce a fully-fledged patronus, but he can't work a stove. Go figure." She swallowed the last of her drink and pulled a face. "Marlene, write me soon, okay?"

Marlene nodded, a grateful smile atop her lips. "Thank you, Lily."

Lily brushed off her gratitude by circling round the table and giving Marlene a tight squeeze around her shoulders. "You take care of yourself." She headed towards the door, pausing only momentarily to throw back over her shoulder, "And, boys, James wants you round for dinner tomorrow night, if you can make it."

"Thank you, Lily," Remus said warmly. "Tell James we'll be there." And, with a final wave, Lily Evans disappeared into the street beyond.

"Come on, McKinnon," Sirius said. "We'll walk you back to the castle."


Walking alongside Remus and Sirius through the village, hearing them banter with one another – with the occasional admonishment from Remus every time that Sirius said something offensive –, felt so right. And, yet, it filled her with unspeakable sadness that something so innocent could be marred by that omnipresent threat. The unspoken terror. The violence. It loomed over them like an impending storm. Is this how it was always going to be? Was Marlene really going to spend the rest of her days on the brink of smiling, to then catch herself and remember what she had lost?

For now, Marlene thought, as she looped her arm through Sirius's, she would smile and enjoy the company.

Dark clouds had knitted themselves across the sky, threatening a further downpour. Despite the foreboding weather, the lane was choked with students as the trio approached The Three Broomsticks. And there was a reason. Pinned to the wet ground by a seventh year Slytherin sat astride his chest, was Marlene's brother. His nose was bloodied by the fist that was raining down across his face. "LEONARD!"

She flew towards the scene, grabbing the unknown assailant by the shoulders. She barely made a ripple against his attack; instead, the boy's elbow smashed unforgivingly against her cheek. Before she had time to react to the pain, a jet of sparks lifted the boy from his knees and slammed him into a bench a few feet away. Sirius's wand was drawn; his eyes were furious and his lips were peeled apart in a snarl. Marlene fell to her knees beside her brother and helped him into a sitting position. Puddles of blood emerged from grazes across his face, and bruises like smudges peppered his skin. Leonard spat out a mouth full of blood before wiping his lips with the sleeve of his cloak. Remus hurried over and dropped to the ground, grabbing Leonard's chin with his fingertips; he muttered a quick Lumos and began examining the damage done.

"Are you okay?" Marlene said desperately.

"I'm fine." He retorted bluntly, wincing as Remus manoeuvred his face.

"His nose might be broken," Remus said matter-of-factly. "We should get him to the hospital wing."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" came a snarl. Sirius had grabbed the assailant by the collar of his cloak and was pressing a wand threateningly into his stomach. Elijah Travers smirked back at him, seemingly unconcerned by the fire in Sirius Black's eyes.

"Sirius," Marlene pleaded. "Leave him."

"You heard the girl," Travers panted, struggling to overcome having the wind knocked out of him.

"Padfoot," Remus said warningly, after helping Leonard to his feet. "Don't."

With something akin to a growl, Sirius released Travers. The boy smirked and smoothed down his cloak. He was either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid.

"Everyone move along," Marlene shouted angrily at the amassed crowd. She jumped to her feet and began dispersing the swarm of mesmerised students. "Get inside, or make your way back to Hogwarts. Now."

The order from the Head Girl seemed to catch everyone's attention. The crowd thinned, hurrying over one another to re-enter the Three Broomsticks or scurry out of the village. Only a handful of people remained. Besides Travers stood Evan Rosier.

"Are you kidding me?!" she shrieked, whirling on Rosier. "You were here the whole time and you just watched?!"

The corner of Rosier's lips twitched into a smile. Marlene's blood boiled.

"Marlene, stop it," Leonard called hoarsely. The napkin he was holding to his nose was growing steadily more crimson, and frustration was replacing the embarrassment of having his honour defended by his big sister in public.

"Sirius," Marlene said through her teeth, not taking her eyes off Rosier. "Could you and Remus escort my brother to the hospital wing?"

The two men exchanged a look. "Please?" she added forcefully.

With unease etched into their faces, Remus and Sirius steered Leonard up the path. On his way past, Sirius paused, towering over Travers. "You so much as lay a finger on either of them," he breathed. "I will kill you."

"Damn blood traitor," Travers hissed, as soon as Sirius was out of earshot.

"Travers," Marlene said quietly. "Leave. Now."

Travers took a step forward so that he was blocking Marlene's line of sight to Rosier. "And what are you going to do without your boyfriend to protect you, McKinnon?"

"On top of putting you in a week's worth of detention?"

Travers snorted at the threat. It was all Marlene had, really. She could feel his warm breath on her face, and it sent inadvertent shivers to her shoulder blades. His eyes were dark and full of malice; fingers of fear clawed at her stomach.

"You're not even worth it," he said softly. "Are you coming, Rosier? I've wasted enough time on this family."

Rosier had surveyed the interaction with something akin to interest. "No," he said simply. "You go on."

Travers shot him an incredulous look. "Fine," he said moodily, before turning on heel and disappearing after Sirius, Remus and Leonard.

They were alone. Despite only being mid-afternoon, the angry rainclouds cast a shadow over the village, swathing it in gloom and greyness. "How could you let him do that?" Marlene's voice was small. It wasn't accusative, nor was it angry. It was a genuine inquiry as to how one human being could let another be treated so awfully without doing anything to stop it.

Something flashed across Rosier's face. At first, Marlene thought it was fear. And then she remembered whom she was dealing with. As quickly as it arrived, it disappeared. His face hardened as he stared stonily past her. And suddenly: "Do you want a drink?"

Did she hear him right? Surely not. But before she had the chance to process the words she had clearly missed, he turned on heel and strode towards The Three Broomsticks. Marlene was left, her jaw hanging open, in complete confusion. And then anger replaced the confusion. He was not getting out of this. He would answer her, and he would apologise for standing by and watching her brother get the crap beat out of him. Fuming, Marlene stormed after her Head Boy.

"Rosier!" she hissed.

But he ignored her and disappeared inside the pub. Seething with incredulity, Marlene followed Rosier into the inn and watched as he approached the bar. The place was warm and cosy – a stark contrast to the Hog's Head – and was occupied by many a smiling patron. Most of the students had disappeared, however. It was getting late and the curfew was drawing nearer. She couldn't do anything but wait lamely until Rosier returned with two vials of liquid. He thrust one into her hands. "It's gin," he said, before swallowing his in one.

"I am not drinking with you Rosier. Are you trying to drive me insane?"

Rosier raised his eyebrows. "Well, if you don't want it…"

In what she had intended to be a one-up against Rosier, Marlene chucked the contents of the vial to the back of her throat. It was bitter and warm and she spluttered after swallowing. Rosier smirked as if satisfied by her poor display of drinking.

"I'm not thanking you," she said bluntly.

"I wasn't expecting you to."

She snatched the vial from his hand and slammed them both down on the nearest table, before storming out of the pub. The alcohol was spreading into her fingertips, and on top of what she had already drank that day, Marlene was beginning to feel a bit woozy.

Rosier was laughing by the time he fell out into the street. He began sauntering up the path, in the direction of the castle that loomed in the distance. Marlene strode furiously after him. And then she forgot why she was even angry. The frustration melted out of her, and she just walked. They walked in silence for a while, side-by-side, and not clawing each other's eyes out. Until the words tumbled from his mouth.

"I'm sorry about your parents."

He said it so bluntly, so brusquely. Marlene's heart jumped into her throat. "No, you're not."

Rosier halted. His face betrayed a mix of emotions: indignation on the one hand at Marlene's challenge, and anger on the other for letting such a sentiment slip. She turned to face him, and his eyes bore into her own; when he looked at her like that, Marlene felt like her mind was on display for him to peruse.

"You're not sorry, Rosier," she said quietly. "None of you are."

"You think I had something to do with it?"

"I think you all had something to do with it. As far as I'm aware, you are all responsible. You keep hanging around with those people and, soon enough, you'll be murdering someone's parents all by yourself."

Rosier flinched as if he had been slapped. Marlene wanted him to lash out. She wanted him to hex her or curse her or scream until he was red in the face. But he just watched her.

"You're not even going to deny it?" her voice was suddenly choked with emotion. She could feel her throat closing up and her eyes prick with tears.

"I am sorry they're dead," he repeated.

And then the tears fell. Hot and fast. "Well, I don't forgive you." And before he could say another insincere word, Marlene turned on her heel and fled towards the castle, with Evan Rosier's agonising apologies ringing in her ears.