A message from Lord Zing: Hmm… College and Deviantart keep Lord Zing busy… too busy.

A shout out from Lord Zing: There are too many of you to name individually so… thank you all! Your words are muchly appreciated!

Warnings: Lord Zing posted those in chapter one. If you desire to read the warnings… go find chapter one.

A WTF Day

Chapter Three: Smooches, Squishes and Seduction

The first action Lord Zing took when beginning chapter three of A WTF Day was to make sure the library gnomes hadn't done (completely) away with Xianghua. Because even though it's been months since A WTF Day was updated Lord Zing had given the gnomes strict orders not to rid the world of her annoying, if kinda-sorta required existence. Also, the author still needed her for some sort of plot device... thingy... majig.

The second thing the author did was glance over the list of reviews and reviewers. In a way Lord Zing was pleased. In another way Lord Zing was curious as to how the reviewers (or just plain readers) would react to the plotline once it was revealed. Insanity takes many forms. Such as Yoshimitsu - but that was not part of the plotline and therefore Lord Zing tossed it like two week old, mold-infested popcorn shrimp. At that, some crazy doctor in Alaska was screaming, begging for Lord Zing to recover the moldy breaded sea creature in hopes it could provide medicine. Lord Zing ignored the scream, knowing it was merely a hippie under the influence of too much moldy popcorn shrimp.

And so, life in the Sorel mansion continued once Lord-Zing stopped straying from the subject. Xianghua, who had been lying unconscious on the floor of Raphael's library, awoke to a rather unpleasant poking. It wasn't to be confused with the pleasant type of poking, which one usually receives from friends. No, this was a rude poking. It was coming from a small gnome named Joe, who wanted the wretched creature out of his reference section (Later he would be filing a complaint with Lord Zing for the leaving the stinky human in his library for months on end). Truly, Joe wouldn't have minded as much if the girl had enough sense to pass out ten steps away in the manga section.

When Xianghua's eyes focused on the short, bearded critter she sat up slowly, gaping at grumpy old Joe as though she were the descendent of a goldfish.

"I'm not real." said Joe, and began to waddle off. Xianghua shook her head and refocused her eyes, finding the gnome was gone. The continually unanswered question of "HTH (How The Hell) did he move so fast?", often asked when a person is viewing a movie and one of the characters is standing in plain sight about to get caught and is suddenly cleverly concealed, would continued to go on unanswered because Lord Zing is simply that cruel.

Chocking it up to her earlier blackout, Xianghua decided the gnome, along with her strange images of Raphael on top of Siegfried, were all bad dreams. Besides, there was no sight of Siegfried or Raphael. There was, however, a pretty red and white tablecloth lying abandoned on the floor.

Seeing as the author had suddenly become bored with Xianghua's laziness and refusal to move, the 'little bitch' was suddenly booted in the butt by an invisible force. She flew through a long, boring description of herself traveling toward another room. But, before she arrived, the author had to freeze frame her until the appropriate moment arrived.

Meanwhile... in another room...

"Is that better?" Kilik leaned back, pressing up on Maxi's spine and drawing out a dozen or so cracks.

Maxi, who was in some elated state, sighed heavily, "Yeah..." He felt better already. Now, if only Kilik would-

CRACK!

"Hi Kilik!"

- get the 'little bitch' off of him. Maxi wheezed in pain. Xianghua, who had been instantly unfrozen, was now sitting on the pirate's upper back and shoulders. Maxi's now abused back, not ready for the motion, felt like it had broken in half.

"Xiang..." Kilik blinked, afraid she may have seriously harmed poor Maxi, "Xianghua... you're... you're-"

"Glad to see you! I missed you!" She immediately attached herself to Kilik in a death lock that clearly said she didn't want him touching anyone else. Maxi, whose break in heaven had suddenly turned into a visit to hell, was growling. The string that held his temper together was fraying. His eye was twitching spastically like a hyperventilating moth and his body was beginning to tremble with increasing rage. Kilik, swallowing, removed the small woman from Maxi's back and set her to the side. After taking a seat beside the girl, he managed to unknowingly calm Maxi's rising blood pressure by rubbing his back. He was merely trying to sooth the pain he was sure the woman had inflicted upon his best friend, not aware he had stopped an atomic bomb named 'Big Maxi' from being dropped on city 'Xianghua'.

Kilik, still rubbing his friend's back, tipped his head in curiosity, "Xianghua, where have you been?"

"And why are you still here?" Maxi murmured beneath his breath. Xianghua was oblivious, but Kilik proved he had heard by switching from rubbing to scratching the smartass. He chuckled lightly - a sound that would send an entire flock of fan girls swooning for a week.

"I've been talking with the girls but decided I should make sure you weren't getting into trouble." She tapped his nose in one of those grossly sappy, heterosexual moments that made Lord Zing cringe and then suppress lunch from making a round trip. This reaction from the writer may have been brought on by the fact Lord Zing's first impression of Kilik and Xianghua was that they were brother and sister. Therefore, Lord Zing viewed them that way for almost a year until Soul Calibur III came out and the lazy ass finally read their profiles to discover they were, in no way, related. Yes, the author had been scarred for life.

Many readers are probably thinking Lord Zing does not like Xianghua. However, this is not true. Xianghua can be quite entertaining and adorable to the writer at times... but those times are few and far between.

Kilik, clearing his throat as if to cue the writer to stop rambling, continued, "Why would you think I'm getting into trouble?" He flashed his sweetest smile. A small grade earthquake suddenly shook the continent as fan girls passed out simultaneously. Strangely, no one in the Sorel mansion noticed the quake. It was far too normal an occurrence.

"Because you're not allowed to get into trouble... without me." She batted her eyes before leaning forward to engage in a long, drawn out smooch.

Lord Zing had conniption fits. Maxi had twitching fits (And yes, they were fits matching the rhythm to the Alphabet song). So, for the sake of the writer's insanity, A WTF Day moved to the next subject. Since Siegfried was still passed out somewhere, having Lord Zing knows what done to him, Taki and Sophitia were automatically next on the list.

Taki's search for Mitsourugi continued. She soon located the samurai and darted around a corner, plastering her back to a wall. Sadly, her giant bust poked past the edge, defeating her efforts to remain hidden. No one could mistake those hooters.

The broom-haired man was laughing heartily, apparently drunk, and slapping an irritated Yun-Seong on the back. From the looks of it the young man was trying to peacefully eat some Pocky and the samurai was distracting him.

Drawing her blades, Taki caught sight of her window of opportunity. The Japanese man had turned around and combined with his drunken state, made himself an easy target.

Like a cat with a snapping turtle on its tail, Taki leapt. She landed with grace matched only by a... by a... by a...

Lord Zing searched the computer desk. Fierce author-eyes locked onto a half-eaten package of America's Favorite Cookie. Suddenly, Lord Zing had it.

Continuing...

She landed with grace matched only by a carton of milk-laden, soggy Oreos. This, of course, meant her boobs did most of the motion. She rose swiftly and pushed her top-heavy weight forward to instigate a run.

Sadly, she was never given the chance. Sophitia, who was now desperate for the 'beautiful' shinobi's attention, locked her lesbian/gladiator arms around Taki's ankles. This cut off the oriental woman's charge and since Taki was, as mentioned earlier, top-heavy, she fell flat.

Interestingly enough, the reaction was not a solid face plant like Taki-haters were hoping for. Instead, it resembled the reaction of those annoying, disrespectful and taunting kids' toys that inflate and have some sort of rocks in the base to keep them from remaining tipped over.

Taki clearly did not have rocks in her base, but she did have a rack the size of two overgrown pumpkins. So, when Taki's massive bust came into contact with the floor, the two pumpkin-like protrusions emitted a strange, never-been-heard-before squishing noise. Having been compressed far too much, both boobs propelled her back to her feet, then past her feet, and sent her crashing to the floor where the back of her skull made contact with the marble flooring (Lord Zing chose marble flooring for the sheer purpose that it was a tough surface. In truth, Lord Zing has no idea what people used for flooring back in the day).

Not surprisingly, the female shinobi was rendered unconscious. Now, two occupants in the Sorel mansion were sleeping.

Siegfried and Taki, both in la-la land, shared an interesting dream about sake-drinking rabbits with broom-like hairstyles and tight fencing pants. The combination of their dreams would later give them daymares (Not nightmares, because Siegfried specifically stated in Soul Calibur III that, "I'm done... with Nightmares." Therefore, the knight was a partial insomniac.).

Lord Zing decided to leave Sophitia to clean up the mess she had caused, including the blood eeking (yes, eeking) from Taki's head. Apparently, "eeking" was another not-word, but Lord Zing figured the readers were clever enough to figure out the meaning it was meant to bestow.

Ivy, who had been neglected so far, made a trip to the top story of the grand mansion. Her high heels increased her height from 5' 10" to 6' 1", making her the most intimidating woman on the face of the Earth. Anyone in their right mind would fear Ivy Valentine, especially if they had seen the E3 video on Soul Calibur III where she slaughtered nearly everyone and paid extra-special attention to Sophitia.

Yes, Ivy was the pinnacle of intimidation/sexiness in a woman. Entertainingly enough, she was also the pinnacle of inspiration to Lord Zing.

Reaching the top of the stairs without error, Ivy easily found Raphael's room. She entered, not bothering to knock, and found Siegfried sleeping on a large bed. Raphael wasn't in attendance, which she thought to be odd.

Siegfried's body was as limp as over-boiled noodles, minus the squishiness.

"Ivy," Raphael, who suddenly moved into the room from behind Ivy, nearly purred, "We meet again."

Turning, Ivy smirked and not only matched the demonic man's sexy glare, but surpassed it with ease. Raphael made a mental note to try and bribe Lord Zing with Oreos later.

"The guests are becoming restless. They want the toast out of the way and the feast to begin."

"Of course they do!" Raphael chuckled, "But as you can clearly see Siegfried is taking a nap! I'm sure his long journey wore him out, what with you failing to offer him a ride on your pony!"

"I see you've not only read chapter one but," Ivy's smirk grew, "You'll have to stay here until he wakes." Raphael had to summon all his demonic sexy-coolness to reframe from making whoopsie in his britches. He was quite proud when he held out until the woman had left and closed the door.

Cursing, Raphael went to take a shower.

Sometime later, meaning one sentence after Raphael went to take a shower, Siegfried began to stir. He first realized he felt lightheaded, which eventually led to his brain discovering he was also on a large, comfortable bed. He plopped back and muttered some pretty German words. They were words Lord-Zing didn't recognize, as Lord-Zing is not fluent in alien languages, but knew happened to be cursing. A note to wash the knight's mouth out with soap later was made.

As Siegfried rested, thankful for the momentary silence, he cast his thoughts to how he was going to wrangle one of those demonic horses in the stables.

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Outside the Sorel mansion stood one of the few invited guests. Despite the bright, sun-shiny day it was, an ominous shadow loomed around the figure. Eyes blazed with heated intensity, thick with a vengeance-seeking drive. Thunder sounded and a crackling followed.

With one casual step the three-legged deer exited the ominous darkness to have the sun strike at him with angry UV rays. The ominous cloud snarled and dissipated, having served its purpose.

Zasalamel's sickle shone blindingly in the sunlight as he approached the mansion. He would have his revenge on Raphael and Siegfried. Especially Siegfried. How dare the cretins make a fool out of him. He was going to rough Siegfried up and then hang his boxers from a battle tower.

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A WTF Day

Chapter Three Post-Interview

Since Lord-Zing took sweet time in updating Chapter Three of A WTF Day, it is only proper to include some extras for the readers. Therefore, this section will be composed of an interview.

Interview One: Kilik

"So," Lord Zing shuffled some papers as though to give the impression of reading important interview questions, "What do you think of your part in A WTF Day?"

Kilik, sitting in an elaborately decorated chair with legs crossed casually, responded, "Well, I think the boredom phase I'm going through is quite the obstacle. Think about it. So many young people now a day face the very same problem. I mean – imagine how many skipped over this interview section because they were too lazy to read it or thought it was not important!"

"Hm, I see your point," Lord Zing raised an eyebrow, somewhat agreeing with the unimportance of the interview, "But we'll prove to them that this interview is very important."

"Oh yes, most definitely."

"Kilik, do you find it odd that so many individuals in this word, namely the fanfiction world, put words into your mouth?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Lord Zing took pause.

"Could you better explain the question?"

"…No."

"…Oh."

"But I do want to thank you for this most un-enlightening conversation. Here, have this complementary word."

"COOKIES!" Kilik covered his mouth, wondering where his sudden outburst had come from (The word 'COOKIES' brought to you by The Random Word Generator).

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Poll #2

If you were a conniving yuri fanboy, which two girls would you have roll in the hay?

a. Ivy and Taki

b. Ivy and Sophitia

c. Taki and Sophitia

d. Taki and Setsuka

e. Xianghua and Talim

f. Xianghua and Cassandra

g. Ivy and Tira

h. Other (name 'em)

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1.20.07