I chose to ignore her questions momentarily, but I promised myself that the next time she said anything I would not.
"Let's get you warmed up," I said, helping her into the shower. She didn't even flinch when the warm water made contact with her icy skin. She just stood there, letting the water wash over her.
Once I was certain she was warm enough I set about washing her hair. The sleeves of my shirt were getting damp but I really didn't care. I applied the strawberry shampoo and conditioner to her hair then rinsed it, finally turning the water off. She didn't say a word, didn't cry, didn't even move voluntarily. I got her out of the water and wrapped a small towel around her. It was far from the big fluffy towels that we were used to.
She just moved with me as if on automatic pilot, unable to think or do for herself. As I dried her off I spoke to her.
"Bella, Honey, you're going to be okay. I'm here and I'm going to make sure of it," I promised her.
I guided her out of the bathroom to her bedroom and searched the small space for her pajamas. I found some flannel pants and a T-shirt and I dressed her in them, forgoing underclothes for the time being. Once she was dressed, I sat her on her bed, bundling her in her quilt. I was just about to start brushing her hair when she started to sob.
Her gut wrenching sobs broke me. I could hear the sadness in her soul and I cursed Edward for not understanding the depth of her feelings. I grabbed her into my arms and rocked her again. Holding her tight to my chest, I ran my fingers through her hair and spoke softly to her.
"Bella, you are such a strong and brave young lady. I know you're hurting, but please believe me when I say that I will be here. I will not leave you," I said.
"He lied," she said pathetically, and I thought for a moment that she realized that whatever drivel Edward had spouted in the forest was untrue.
"He told me he would always love me. He told me he'd never leave and he lied," she whimpered. "And you are lying too, because you will leave me... Just like him."
"Bella, please," I said. "Sweetheart, I will be here for you whenever you need me. He is wrong, so wrong, and I will not make his mistakes."
"Alice doesn't love me either. She didn't even say goodbye," she said.
"She does love you. It is impossible not to love you. You are so sweet and caring. You love without question and with your whole heart. Never doubt what you have meant to us, all of us. And what have you learned about us, Bella? Think of some of the things you know," I pled with her. "I love you like you are my own daughter. I know I don't have the right to but I do."
"I love you, too. I always thought of you like my mom," she sniffled.
"Let's get your hair brushed before it ends up as a big snarled mess," I said, running my fingers though her damp hair.
"Okay," she said sitting up, struggling to calm the hitch in her breathing from all of her crying.
I grabbed a brush and started running it gently though her hair. She was tired, both physically and mentally and I wanted to make sure she got a decent rest. After I brushed her hair I tied it back in a single french braid and encouraged her to get some sleep.
"You won't leave?" she asked.
"I have to hunt, and make some calls. But I promise I will be here in the morning," I said.
"Oh. Are you calling him?" she asked.
"Only Carlisle. If he happens to be there, I may have some words with him," she said.
"Don't get mad at him. It isn't his fault..." she started, defending him still, even after he broke her heart.
"Bella. I am angry with him, and with everyone. I can't explain it but they are wrong so very wrong. You are a part of my family, a very important part," I started explaining.
"But I'm not anymore. Edward doesn't love me. I'm not his girlfriend so..." she muttered, sounding embarrassed.
"Bella, I didn't love you because of Edward. I met you because of Edward, but the fact I love you like a daughter has nothing to do with him. The same goes for Emmett and Alice. They both adore you. Alice has never had a friend until she met you. I guess Rosalie is her friend but Rose is difficult at best, and everything is always on her terms. You on the other hand accepted her, with all her quirks and demands, often going against everything you wanted to make her happy. And Emmett, I have never seen him as happy as he was when you are there. He is free to be the big goofball he is and you never judged him for it. Even Rose, as bitchy as she has been and as badly as she has treated you, you always treated her with respect. And Jasper, my poor son, even after he tried to attack you at the party, you defended him, before he was even pulled from the room. And he never sensed any fear from you. You knew about his past and never judged where he'd come from. The acceptance you showed us all has been unprecedented and that was all you Bella. You are beautiful, smart, loving, accepting, giving and understanding, plus so much more. You never judged any of us. Never gave a second's hesitation to enter our home, except I heard to worry about whether we would like you or not. And whether you believe it or not, and whether they have shown it or not the whole family does love you," I said.
"Except Edward," she said sadly.
"Tell me exactly what has happened since your birthday," I said.
She sighed and I could see the pain in her eyes radiating all the way to her soul.
"Let's get cozy first and then you can tell me all about it," I said. She nodded and I sat back against her headboard and set her pillows up for her next to me. She settled in and started talking.
"I knew something was wrong right away," she said quietly. "I thought he was angry and that he'd feel better in a day or two. But no matter what I said he just seemed to slip further and further away. I hoped he was just brooding, that it would get better. I almost felt like he was avoiding me. Then today he finally stopped...." she said, breaking down.
I didn't say a word, I just wrapped my arms around her and let her cry. When she finally calmed down
"After school he asked to meet me at my house," she continued. "I though he was feeling better. When we got here I was going to take my bag inside and spend some time with him, but he said to leave it in the truck and asked me to go for a walk with him. I was so excited, Esme, I thought that he was finally getting back to himself. He held my hand and we walked into the woods, then he stopped. I could still see the house and I wondered why we were stopping there. We hadn't really walked far at all. Then he told me you were leaving, that people were getting suspicious of Carlisle at the hospital and that you needed to go. I assumed that when he said 'we' need to leave that he meant me too. I thought he still wanted me and was worried how we would explain this to Charlie... But then he made it very clear that I was not included in the we. I knew it had to do with the attack and I told him it didn't matter. He told me that the attack wasn't the problem, that it was just another thing that proved we didn't belong together. I thought that maybe he was doing it to protect me, and I told him that it didn't matter. Then he explained... I wasn't what he wanted. I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't love me anymore..."
She couldn't continue and it was all I could do not to scream in frustration. He knew that she wouldn't let him leave unless he crushed her. He assumed that she would forget eventually so he crushed her, played her weakness and crushed her. I was absolutely seething at this point. A foot sized dent in his ass was the least of his worries. At this point I was willing to rip him limb from limb and hide the pieces! The stupid boy, not only did he break her heart, he ripped what little self confidence she had to shreds and used the rest of us to help. I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't stayed. She would have been completely destroyed.
"Bella, Sweetheart," I said, soothing her. "I am going to tell you this, even though I am going against the whole rest of the family. He lied. He lied, Sweetheart. You were right. This was all just to protect you. He didn't want to turn you because of his belief that it would ruin your chance at heaven and he saw how dangerous it was for you in our world as a human. He tried to sacrifice his happiness for you, not realizing he was hurting you in the process."
I did it. I did the one thing that I swore I wouldn't do. But, damn it, he left me no choice. I could not allow Bella to believe for one more minute that she wasn't enough for him. If anything she was too good for him.
"But, Esme, he said that he didn't love me. He said he'd be fine, that he'd never forget but he'd have distractions," she said.
"I guarantee there will be no distraction for him, Bella," I said.
"He promised I'd forget him. That it would be like he never existed. I bet he took my stuff! My pictures and my CD," she said, popping out of bed.
She went to her CD player and opened the lid. There was no CD inside, then she grabbed her photo album off the shelf, opening it up. No pictures of the family anywhere, only a few blank spots where they had obviously been.
"Why, Esme?" she asked.
"I can't explain, Sweetheart," I said. "I simply don't know. I rarely understand his reasoning for anything."
"So what now?" she asked.
"Now," I said. "You sleep and I have some phone calls to make. Then tomorrow you have some decisions to make. He made some choices for you that he shouldn't have. You need to decide how you are going to deal with them."
"He still loves me?" she asked.
"With everything he is," I said, guiding her back to her bed.
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep," she said as she lay down.
"No matter," I said. "You lie there and think about it. I'll convince Charlie that you need the rest of the week off of school and you and I will spend the time together and discuss what needs to happen. Okay?"
"Thank you, Esme," she said. "I don't know what I would have done without you."
"I don't know what I'd do without you either, Sweetheart. You are as much my daughter as any of my other children and you and I are going to stick together until we figure this all out."
"Can you do me a favor?" she asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Don't tell him I know yet. I don't know what I want to do about it and if he doesn't know I know...." she said.
"I won't tell any of them. I will tell them about finding you in the forest, but the rest will be our little secret," I said to her. I could be angry at them without revealing the rest. I would leave the next step up to her. It was the least I could do.
"Thank you. I love you, Mom," she said.
I kissed her head and left her room, closing the door behind me. I would convince Charlie to let her stay home, hunt, then kick some vampire ass, at least on the phone for now.
