A/N:So I'm aware that in the movie, Carson went through all this drama more towards the middle of the year, but I wanted to change that around, just an FYI.

Big thanks to colferobsessed for the correction!


"Someone you have to let in.
Someone whose feelings you spare.
Someone who, like it or not,
will want you to share a little, a lot,
of being alive."
- Barbra Streisand


Chapter Three

The air was warmer than usual with a bright blue sky and dry ground. I laid there, my hands behind my head and my earphones in my ears. I had finished my lunch earlier than usual, deciding to lay there and enjoy the moment of having nothing better to do than just lay there in the green grass of the courtyard and soak in the broken weather.

Carson sat Indian-style a few feet away, writing away in one of his notebooks as usual. He had his glasses on, staring pensively down at what he was writing. His half-eaten lunch sat forgotten beside his messenger bag.

The soft, melodic voice of Marina and the Diamonds rang in my ear as I watched the clouds up in the sky softly roll past me.

It had been this way for the past how many days, for Carson and I. We'd sit in each others presence, quiet and accepting. It became our daily school day ritual.

Oh we don't own our heavens, no, we only own our hell. But if you don't know that by now then you don't know me that well. All my life I've been so lonely all in the name of being holy...

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I hard a muffled voice that I knew was Carson's. I pulled an earphone out and looked over at Carson. "Hmm?"

He was looking down at me, a relaxed expression on his face. But all he did was shake his head. "Nothing," he answered softly.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I know you said something." I gave a half-smile.

His eyes trailed down my lips as I watched him smile in response. It looked natural.

Soon, his face turned grave, sad. It alarmed me.

"You alright?" I asked softly. I turned my iPod off and took my other headphone off, sitting up as my long hair fell behind me.

He had opened his mouth, ready to talk when the loudspeakers announced that he was needed in the Councilor's office. He got up, saying something about college and left. I was left alone, watching him walk away with a sigh.

When the bell rang, I headed to Creative Writing. By the second period of Creative Writing, Carson still hadn't shown up yet. I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong with him. I waited a while, sitting in my car and staring at Carson's empty red convertible.

Suddenly I got out of my car, taking only the keys with me as I hurried over to where the school's newspaper was based at, an empty classroom that was only ever used for the study hall periods.

I found Carson there, stuffing notebooks into his messenger bag. He was red-faced, rigid, and obviously upset.

"Carson?" I asked in almost a whisper.

He froze and looked up at me with a tightened jaw. "Why aren't you at home?" he asked me in surprise.

"I was worried about you. Are you...are you alright?" I asked sheepishly. It was odd to tell someone that – that I was worried, let alone ask someone if they were alright.

He said nothing. He just closed his bag and flung it onto his shoulder at an angry force. "Got any plans at the moment?" he asked me instead.

I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head. "Uhm, no?"

"Great. We're going on a little road trip," he said as he walked over to me. I walked out and he came out behind me.

"Where?" I asked, suddenly excited.

Road trip with Carson? Hanging out with someone outside of school?

"The beach. I've never seen it before."

The beach sat about an hour and a half outside of Clover. I've never been there before and judging by Carson's act at the moment, he hadn't either.

So I got in his car, making sure I grabbed my cellphone and jacket from my car. I put my jacket in Carson's back seat as buckled myself in, setting my phone down in the drink holder as he put the car in gear and we were on our way. I left a message on my dad's answer machine, letting him know that I was out with a friend and that I didn't know what time I would be home.

We were silent up until he he slowed down after passing the Clover sign. He stopped the car and backed up until he parked in front of it.

Confusion flooded through me. "Carson?"

I watched with sudden fear as he reached behind his seat and grabbed his umbrella.

"Carson," I called out as he got out and rounded the car.

I jumped when he swung the umbrella at the metal surface of the green sign with a grunt. Something was terribly wrong.

I quickly got out and ran over to him, grabbing his wrists and yanking on them with all of my strength. "Carson, stop!" I yelled desperately.

He took a few more swings until he stopped. I stepped back from him, my eyes wide and fear still lingering. I jumped again when he threw his umbrella to the other side of the car.

"Carson," I said as I grabbed his wrists again, trying to make him look at me. "Carson, please," I begged shakily.

Finally, his soft blue eyes met with mine. They were filled with so much sadness and disappointment.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He said nothing as he walked over and slid down to the dirt, his back against his car. He looked fragile and broken...and that scared me.

When he began breaking into tears, I had no choice but to fall to the ground beside him and hug him. I wrapped my arms around his body to let him know I was there and caring. He leaned into me, melting into my embrace as I only held him tighter to me. He buried his face into my shoulder, his body shaking with the silent sobs within my arms. I gathered the fact that I had never really hugged anyone before. Maybe occasional hugs from my father on birthdays or Christmas, but that was really it.

I ran my hand over the back of his head, caressing him as I felt myself getting choked up with how broken and pitiful Carson was at the moment.

This wasn't right.


I raked my hands through my hair as the ocean's wind ruffled my long waves when I exited the restroom. I stared over at the falling sun and the restless waves of the ocean. It was beautiful. It made me smile.

I then looked over where Carson was. He was sitting on the hood of his car, parked in the sand and secluded in the heavy distance. There weren't many people on the beach and those who were were either playing in the waves or running around the shoreline.

I crossed my arms to press my warm hands to my cold upper arms, jacket-less as I walked over to him. The ocean's wind was soft and warm, but still slightly chilling.

I leaned in and grabbed my jacket, putting it on and zipping it up as I looked up at Carson. He looked so focused on the ocean's water.

But I didn't say anything. I figured that he would talk to me when he was ready.

I got back in the car, lounging sloppily but comfortably, my arms crossed as I watched the sun set with Carson.

"It's beautiful," I finally said after a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence.

Carson said nothing.

I looked over at him only to find him looking at me with a soft expression, like he was trying figure something out.

"What."

He softly closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing."

There was a moment of silence, a moment where we just remained there, staring out into the ocean and enjoying everything as the sun slowly fell into the water.

"No one has...ever been here for me...like you have," Carson said slowly, full of meaning and sudden passion.

"No problem." I looked at him again, meeting with his eyes once more. "I've never had anyone to be there for," I replied softly.

"Did you know that I wanted to go to Northwestern after high school?" Carson suddenly asked me.

I rested my head back against the headrest as I continued to look back at him. "No."

"The only college I ever want to go to. The councilor says that I have to wait another two years to apply. Apparently I got accepted, but at first...I thought my letter had gotten lost some how," Carson explained to me, sounding so upset all over again.

"I'm sorry, Carson," I said apologetically, earnestly.

"And you know what the funny thing is?" He seemed to be waiting for my response.

"What."

"My mother threw it away," Carson then said.

My eyes widened as I put my hand to my mouth, sitting straight up. "Wait, what?" I shook my head as I rung my hands together. "What kind of person would do that? Oh my gosh, Carson. That's so horrible, I'm so sorry." I shook my head my eyebrows arched up together as I leaned forward and put my hand on his back.

Carson moved over on the hood, patting the space now provided. I got out of the car and climbed up carefully.

"My mother said she didn't want me to be disappointed with life, she didn't want me to try and live my dreams only for them to be ruined or something of the sort." He was shaking his head, his eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lip. "I can't remember the last time I had been this fucking upset."

I put my hand on his back, rubbing softly out of instinct. He didn't pull away, which was a plus. Over the past years, he always seemed to have personal space issues.

"My gramma says that...I'm sad looking, that I'm so angry with the world. And then my mother says I get it from my father." He shook his head, looking beyond me at the horizon. "I don't mean to be so...unhappy with everything and everyone. It's just the way I am," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. I took my hand back, sitting Indian-style as I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling so upset with the moment.

Carson never talked about his family...he didn't even talk about anyone else. We never...really had this much personal conversation before.

"My gramma doesn't even know that I'm Carson. She suffers with alzheimer."

I leaned in and rested my head against his shoulder as my hand went back to resting against his mid-back. He seemed tense at first, but I felt him relax again under my pressure.

"At least you have a grandmother. All that's left is my dad," I murmured.

At that, Carson moved his arm so that it was around me, pulling me close. It was a shocking gesture – I never even expected him to do something like that, but I literally melted into him and I had never been held like that by a guy before. I felt safe, wanted, visible. But it was then that I began wondering what it was that Carson and I have. Was it a form of friendship? Or what...

"My father doesn't give two shits about me. And neither does my mother. I was just the backup plan – worthless."

"Don't say that," I quickly told him, slightly sitting back so I can look at him. He hesitated before he turned his face so his eyes could lock with mine. The sadness I kept seeing in those perfect eyes were starting to eat away at me.

"You're special, Carson. And though others don't believe it, I believe it," I stressed to him as my free arm reached over and grasped a fistful of his shirt to stress further. "I was invisible, Carson. And you were the only one who saw me. In the few weeks I've gotten to know you, you've made a difference in my life."

He looked more confused and thoughtful than sad at the moment, gazing down into my eyes with softly-furrowed eyebrows.

"You can wait the two years, Carson. Trust me. Northwestern isn't going anywhere," I said as I sat up and turned my body so I faced him, my hand that once fisted his shirt now just causally resting on his chest.

"Two years wasted," was his reply. He looked away from me.

I bit my lip as I took my hands away, now resting them on my lap. "You need to be positive, Carson. You won't get anywhere being this upset with what has been happening."

He said nothing.

"My dad has always told me that no matter who you are or what you home situation is, there are always people who love you," I assured him. Who knows, maybe I love you.

Carson's eyes met with mine again, staring at me for a moment before sighed, as if giving up with the conversation. His shoulders that were hunched up relaxed lazily. He got off of the hood and landed on the sand, getting in the car.

"It's getting late. I should probably take you home," he told me as he started up the engine.

I hesitated before I got off and got back in the car, buckling myself up. He drove back onto the rode as I pulled my hair back into a low and lazy ponytail.