Aaaaaand now? Back to the party, right where last we left it.
(for jo, 'cause I luff her.)
[yesterday, i had to choose between budgeting for coffee monies for the next week and purchasing the second season of LwD. i'm watching 'Middle Manic' as we speak. i thought i should get a cut of the proceeds, but ballon's lawyer didn't agree.]
::in which Derek makes a most inconvenient discovery::
"De-rek, that was my Developmental Psychology professor's husband! What did you say to him? I thought we agreed that you would keep your big mouth shut!" She's pulled him into the foyer so as not to be seen Being Casey.
"Chillz, Case, he was just venting about his marital problems." Her eyes get very, very big. (Uh-oh.) She's about to go Conclusion Jumping.
"Marital problems? Oh, god, Derek, you've ruined my professor's marriage?! What, did you remind him how rewarding the 'good old days' were, give him your rousing 'play the field' speech? She's going to know it was you, and that you came with me, and she's going to be so depressed and angry and I'll never be a research assistant now!" She makes a whimpering noise. "Oh, no." It's the face Normal People might wear in the wake of being notified that their entire family had been brutally murdered. "I'm going to become a social worker." He doesn't trust the look in her eyes, like she's about to cry and probably also rip off his face.
"Casey. I was just helping myself to a glass of wine. He came up to me and just started talking. Their marriage is not ruined; he's just having a mid-life crisis moment or something." She looks at him sharply, skeptically, assessing (he supposes) his sincerity (not that she'll ever really be able to gauge such a thing with him).
"…you're sure?"
"Yes, Basket Casey. Now put the Crazy down and back away very slowly…" After another moment or two, it looks like he's not gonna have to call the paramedics to insert a breathing tube, after all.
"Okay. Okay-okay. Okay-okay-okay. Deep, cleansing breaths. No harm done. Everything's fine. Perfect. Under control." (Oh, how he enjoys these moments of pure insanity.) "Sorry for freaking out on you, then." He is never going to understand how she can move so quickly from one extreme to another, because she's back from borderline hysteria and on to nervous-perky again in the space of a blink. It's damn disorienting.
"Now, now. What sort of social gathering would it be if you didn't have some sort of psychotic episode? You've given me certain expectations, McDonald, and I'm always disappointed when you don't live up to them." He dodges the heel of her shoe just in time, laughing when the narrow point goes sliding against the polished floor and she loses her balance. The flailing routine that follows is more hilarious still, but he eventually reaches out to steady her at the elbows, and thankfully she seems to be finished trying to impale his feet with the pointy weapons attached to hers (if for no other reason than to avoid actually wiping out).
While she concentrates on trying to compose herself, he lowers his mouth to her ear (he keeps his fingers wrapped around her elbows so he'll know if she makes any sudden movements which might indicate another attempt to cause him harm),
"My whole 'living dangerously' philosophy isn't meant to be taken quite that literally." His grin broadens impossibly (he feels the smile leap up into his eyes and doesn't even try to retrieve it) when she threatens to disembowel him with the dinner flatware in the next room. "Now, are you going to trust that I'm capable of being on my own without your constant supervision, or is this dragging me into the hallway thing going to be happening a lot tonight?"
"Trusting you would violate the very core precept of my ethically-fortified, anti-Derek philosophy." He pulls himself closer to her, his nose inadvertently nuzzling her cheek, and says something he hopes will throw her off her game for the rest of the evening.
"I was hoping you'd say that, Princess." He sets one hand carefully, so carefully, with just the whisper of pressure against her throat, and he feels her swallow (thickly) at the same time her eyelids start to flutter, possibly unconsciously, her mind apparently at odds with her body as one (perhaps?) insists that she Not Be Affected At All and the other sing-songs in syrupy tones that she simply close her eyes and feel—"'Cause I was hoping to have more alone time with my favorite sister…" His other hand abandons its former post at her arm, forsaking it for the enticing curve of her hip, smoothing effortlessly over slippery, water-soft silk until his fingers encounter the apex of her thigh and he realizes –with staggering, gut-churning certainty (having just verified the information for himself)—that she…isn't wearing underwear.
At this critical point, his mind comes wheezing back into his skull, apologizing breathlessly for being late (it invents some hare-brained excuse about being 'caught up in the middle of something important and babe-related'), then hurriedly assessing the situation for all of two microseconds before it starts firing off urgent, panicked instructions to his arms to (abort! abort!) push her forcefully away from him, and after she's been safely expelled from his embrace, he dedicates most of his brain function to constructing an extensive chain of uninterrupted obscenity.
She's already turned back to rail at him, fury embossing the brightness of her eyes, and he has to get this freak accident under control –fast—before anyone (namely himself) does anything they will later (probably-definitely-maybe-absolutely) regret.
"I'll be on my very best behavior, Casey." He swears, with as much sincerity as he is capable of mustering when telling a bold-faced lie (which is surprisingly a lot), temporarily defraying the disturbance, if only because she appears to be confused about the escalating absurdity of this…unfortunate glitch in the matrix. "I promised, didn't I?"
"Der—"
"So there's no need to be baby-sit me. You do your thing, I'll hang out with the food and the disgruntled spouses, and everyone goes home happy. Well, maybe not your Prof's hubby, but I doubt he ever goes home happy." Normally, he'd step forward, lay a hand on her shoulder, maybe give it a (condescending) squeeze to rudely, deliberately violate her personal space. But he's pretty sure he shouldn't be touching her anymore. (For the moment, anyway. Certainly not while she's wearing that…that…very shiny…abomination.) "Yeah?" She looks very much like she still wants to yell at him for pushing her, and possibly also for less specific reasons, such as his being generally: 'untrustworthy, perfidious, and emotionally broken' (some of his most favorite Casey slings), but he's called attention to the party she'd left to come lecture him in the foyer, and she appears to be deciding that he isn't currently as important as potential internship prospects.
Which is precisely what he'd wanted.
Which makes it awfully damn confusing that the achievement is so upsetting.
"…yeah." Casey says, finally, exhaling deeply and straightening, slapping her composure back into place for schmoozing. The Façade Application makes it easier for him to be excited about getting rid of her.
"Great. I'll be heading back to the buffet table now for some more of those whore's doovers."
"Hors d'oeuvres, Derek." He stares at her blankly until she throws a hand into the air in frustration. "Never mind. I don't how I keep forgetting that you have the sophistication of an adolescent chimp…I'll be back. Stay out of trouble." With a final warning glare, she turns away to leave him, and his sigh of relief mercifully washes the tension right out of his entire body.
…until he can't stop himself from checking out her ass (for at least the seven-hundredth time tonight) as she walks away.
(Oh, for fuck's sakes.)
Apparently, I'm not as finished with this fandom as I'd thought.
I keep trying to move on, but its hold is much stronger than I'd anticipated. ('I wish I could quit you!')
Ah, well.
(And just to let you know: *serious* writer's block for second half of 'prank wars.' I am working on it, I promise, but it is *not* happening at the moment.)
Ciao~
