Pain
By: KarmaAliceFowl009
Chapter 3: I Cut Myself Too
Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater! Also, this story contains instances of self-harm (as mentioned in the summary). You have been warned.
A/N: SELF HARM AND ABUSE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS CHAPTER! DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU!
A few hours had passed since the incident with Spirit and Soul was starting to grow restless. He just wanted Maka to wake up; he wanted to make sure she was okay. He loved her, damnit; he wanted to make up for the lost time and make sure to take care of her properly.
"Please wake up Maka," he whispered, holding her hand tightly and squeezing it affectionately. He laid his head against hers and closed his eyes, trying to relax and taking a small pleasure in the even breathing coming from her; a sign that she was still alive and that he hadn't completely failed her. He heard a faint groan come from her and he sat up, looking at her with hope in his features. Was she finally going to wake for him? Her eyes cracked open slowly and he couldn't help the grin that broke out across his face.
"Soul? Why is it so bright?" she groaned out, voice raspy as her head lulled to the side to look at him.
"We're in the hospital Maka," he said carefully. He didn't know what he should and shouldn't say to her. He didn't want to trigger her to go off again, he knew that all too well from experience. Her gaze darkened and she looked down, disgust on her features. "Maka?" he asked cautiously, placing his hand on her arm.
"Don't touch me," she spat, knocking his hand off of her. "You don't have to sit here, pretending to be sorry for me when you don't care. I'm just a piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live," she growled.
"I'm not pretending Maka!" he said through clenched teeth, trying to keep his composure. He didn't want to yell at her, that wouldn't help her at all.
"Yeah you are," she chuckled darkly and humorlessly. "When have you ever cared about me?"
"Damnit Maka!" he spoke in a raised voice, grasping her wrist. "From the beginning, the very beginning. I almost gave my life to protect you because you mean the world to me. I love you damnit!" he yelled, his anger getting the best of him.
"Love me?" she asked in disbelief. "Then why did you make fun of me all those years?" She was nearly in tears now, his confession too much for her to take in right now. She just had tried to kill herself and now here he was, confessing his love to her. This had to be a dream, didn't it? There was no way that this was for real.
"Yes Maka, I love you," he admitted with an embarrassed smile. "I was stupid, so fucking stupid. I didn't want to think I was falling for you. I was confused on my emotions; I thought it was just stupid hormonal lust and I didn't want to fuck our partnership up by that, so I said those things to try and cover my feelings for you. But as we grew closer as partners, I started realizing that my feelings were not just hormonal ridden. The turning point for me was when I threw myself in front of you to protect you from Crona. Yes, at first I tried to tell myself it was just because a weapon is supposed to lay down his life for his meister, but I knew that wasn't just it. The thought of you not being here anymore terrified me so I had to do something." His grip on her hand tightened as he tried to fight back tears. "W-when I felt our resonance link disappear and I came in and saw you broken and bleeding on your bed, I was so terrified. I thought I lost you for good," he cried. She was speechless. He actually had felt the same way about her.
"I-I'm sorry Soul," she cried, holding onto him. "I'm sorry I scared you. I-I just felt like nothing was going to get better. I felt like it was the only thing I could do to get rid of the pain," she sobbed, shaking as he held her.
"Shh it's okay Maka, I understand," he reassured her as he soothingly rubbed her back. "Things may suck and hurt right now, but it will get better, believe me," he whispered.
She looked up at him with teary eyes. "H-how do you know?" she sniffed. He gulped, should he tell her? The only person he every told anything about his past was Black*Star, and that was just barely. But as he looked at her teary green eyes, he knew that he had to tell her.
"Before I came to Shibusen, my life at home was hell. My father was an abusive asshole. If I didn't get the grades he wanted me to get, it was a beating. If I didn't play the piano just right, it was a beating. Everything from him was a beating. My mother tried to protect Wes and me one time; that is something I will never be able to get out of my head. Seeing her battered and bruised as she was screaming at him to stop and leave us alone shook me to my core. It still does to this day. I holed myself up in my room for days at a time, blaring music to ignore the fighting that was happening in the house. I needed an escape from it all. I ended up finding it in the form of pain," he shrugged his jacket off and showed her his arms, the scars lining his flesh. "At first, it was shallow. Just enough to draw a little blood and cause a sting. But as things got worse, so did the cuts," he pointed at a particularly deep one on his arm. "This was from the day my father beat my mother to the point she was hospitalized. I felt so hopeless, so I took the blade deeper until I almost passed out from blood loss. Wes was the one who found me; I had never seen him so shaken up before. He took me to the hospital, much to my chagrin. The doctors there got me all bandaged up and, after much pleading to not tell my father—thank god my family was influential, I agreed to go to therapy for the depression that I was suffering from. Just barely was able to get out of being admitted to the psychiatric ward; I had to agree to go to counseling at least once a week. Things didn't get better at home, however. The beatings increased but I couldn't bring myself to tell the police about the abuse. Wes and I, we were scared of what would happen. Luckily, father got what he had coming to him when mom finally left. The only down side was that that left me and Wes to his mercy. He began drinking more than he had before, which was a small miracle because he tended to pass out from it. It was the year Wes was getting ready to leave for college that my weapon powers became active. Finding out that I was a weapon was the best thing to ever happen to me," he said with a smile. "It gave me an opportunity to escape from the hell that was home. I had a new start and every day I am thankful for it. Meeting you was the second best thing to happen to me. You give me hope to keep going on," he whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"I-I never knew Soul," she whispered, tears streaming down her face from his past. She threw her arms around him, pulling him close as she sobbed. He rubbed her back soothingly.
"I never have told anyone what happened. It's okay Maka," he whispered, trying to calm her. "The only one who knows some small parts of my past is Black*Star, and that was only because he saw my arms when we played basketball. I tried to hide that dark past from everyone since it is my burden to deal with."
"Idiot, you know that I am here with you for everything," she whispered, swatting him lightly on the arm.
"I know you are," he smiled at her. "I promise I will be here to help you through this. I am going to be by your side through everything," he said seriously, grasping her hand.
"Thank you Soul," she whispered, lying her head on him. "And I will help you with everything you need. We shall be honest with one another about this stuff from now on." He nodded in agreement and leaned in to kiss her forehead.
"I'm so glad you're okay Maka," he smiled. "This will be a hard journey, I know, but we will get through this, together," he assured her. She smiled and started to fall into a sound sleep, Soul caressing her face and thanking every deity above that she was okay.
A/N: Read and Review Lovelies! Remember, negative feedback is to be PMed to me directly!
Sorry that this took so long to update, but the ball will get rolling again on this!
Also since I have had some PMs regarding to this, I figure I should get this out. Some people have been worried that I am currently struggling with a situation like this. That is not the case, however, I am basing this story off of past experiences I have dealt with. So, no need to worry, I am fine!
