Greetings, lovelies!

I hope the holidays are treating you all well. Sorry it has taken me awhile to post this chapter, honestly I've probably re-written this about five times in the last two months. It began as a chapter in two parts, in both Jake AND Leah's POV, but that pushed it over 5,000 words, so I decided to split them up, meaning I'll be posting two chapters today! YAY! (Now if only I had this much creative inspiration to write papers for school...bahaha ughhh) I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. PS. A BIG thank you to all who have followed/favorite-ed/reviewed, I can't express the joy it gives me to know people are enjoying this story! Till next time xxxx

Jake's POV

He watched the waves as they crashed along the shore in dark grey swells. It was hypnotic, the way their frothy fingers stretched toward the bonfire's glowing embers. Part of him wished they were powerful enough to wrap around his ankles and pull him down into the ocean's frigid depths. He stood just far enough away from everybody that the buzzing of his friends and family's chatter drowned in the roar of the sea.

They had drove for three days straight, taking turns at the wheel and only stopping for food. Arriving in La Push last night, Bella had insisted that they stay at Billy's house and it wasn't until two hours previous that his father had informed them of Leah and Sam's engagement party. It was a no-fuss occasion, just a bonfire, grill, and coolers of beer to warm the bellies of all the friends and family who had shown up. The couple had yet to arrive, and Jake doubted whether they even knew of he and Bella being back in town. So here he was, hiding from his friends and family, standing at the precipice, waiting for her. Scenarios were flashing through his mind of things he would say, things he would do when he'd finally see Leah soon-to-be-Uley- ignore her, kiss her, scream at her until he was blue in the face. He couldn't decide on just one.

He took a final swig of his beer then poured the dregs out onto the sand. The sky was darkening, but clear. A cold breeze blew in from the water, fast and hard, ripping through his flannel. It made him regret leaving his jacket on a lawn chair by the fire.

A mirage of her flashed before him, a time when they had been on this beach on a night similar to this. It must have been early September, the weather slowly changing from long, bright days to dark, stormy nights. The sky had been grey, the wind a tornado of icy air around them. They had stood there holding each other. She had clung to him, her breath warm on his neck. The smell of her surrounded him and he buried himself in the aroma of warm sweetness that clung to the locks of her long, black hair. At the time he couldn't imagine her being anywhere else but in his arms.

He chucked the empty beer bottle into the crashing waves.

Thinking about her was what he imagined overdosing on heroin would be like. Jake had spent the last two years trying to remove every trace of Leah from his conscious mind, wrapping every smell, touch, taste, sound, feeling associated with her into an airtight box that he threw into the endless depths of his subconscious self. But that fucking voicemail had ruined him, her name on Sam's lips had him spinning into a relapse that led his every thought to the sound of her voice, the way she felt beneath his fingertips, the taste she left on his lips. And he basked in it- the addiction of her he'd fought so hard to overcome- knowing it made him weak, knowing it made him a fool. Because Leah had chosen Sam. It occurred to Jake that maybe he had been a drug to Leah also, but unlike him, she had had the strength to forgo the addiction and choose the cure- Sam Uley.

God, he wanted to forget her. Didn't he? It didn't feel good relishing in memories of her, of them together. It wasn't reality- what had passed between them. It was a figment of the past, a translucent, filmy wisp of time in which the two of them had lived against the universe. Because the universe wanted Sam and Leah to be together. They were soul-mates after all. Leah was meant for Sam. At least that's what everybody in this town seemed to believe. But the memories continued to haunt Jake, they lurked in every bend and curve of his mind.

God, he was turning into such a girl. What the fuck was wrong with him?

A pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind.

"Hey, you."

He jumped, then spun around in her arms.

"Fuck, Bells. You scared the shit out of me," he said as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

A shiver raked through his body. He felt like he'd been caught, as though Bella could see that his mind and heart were betraying her. Waves of guilt flooded his heart. Why was he thinking of Leah when he had this- a friend, lover, companion- who for some reason seemed to love his stupid ass.

Bella was swaying, her arms still wrapped around his waist. "What are you doing down here all by yourself? I've been looking for you." The words came out slurred and her soft, brown orbs danced hazily in her small pale face. A burp escaped her parted lips. "Whoops," she giggled, her hand leaving his waist and covering her mouth.

"Bells, are you drunk?" He chuckled, pushing his guilty conscience aside.

"Maybe," she replied coyly. Her thick eyelashes grazed her cheeks as she gazed up at him.

"Jesus, already?" Jake laughed, his throat burning with the craving for something stronger than beer. He wished he had some whiskey, maybe then he could drown the thoughts of Leah out of his head.

Bella giggled, running her cold hands up Jake's chest.

"Leah and Sam are almost here," she breathed.

Oh Christ, this is it.

He felt like a pubescent teenager about to see the older-popular-sexy-as-fuck-cheerleader of his late-night fantasies. Fucking pathetic.

Jake looked down at Bella, his dark eyes focusing in on her face- the face he'd come to depend on, the face he'd woken up beside for the last two years. He felt the need to conjure up all the love he'd had for her when they were teenagers, so many years ago. The love he had for the girl who he'd known since kindergarten, the girl he used to sneak sips of wine with at their families' thanksgivings, the girl he'd lost his virginity to.

"You're my best friend, Bells. You know that?"

She looked taken aback, her eyes trying to focus in on him. "Of course, Jake. I know you love me," she slurred, her mouth lifting in a soft smile.

"I do." I love Bella Swan. Of course he did. They'd been on and off since they were both fourteen, more than nine years ago. He felt overcome by the need to hold her, to hold onto the moment and this night. He'd never expected to be with Bella forever, but he couldn't imagine them not being together like this. Maybe it was being back in La Push or maybe it had been evident for awhile now and being back home illuminated it for him, but he could feel the frail bonds of their romantic relationship giving way. He didn't love Bella like she deserved, if he did he wouldn't be reminiscing about a span of time spent with another woman. No matter how certain he felt that ending things with Bella was the best for them both, the idea of letting her go sent waves of ice-cold terror coursing through his veins. There was a certainty inside him that knew that this breakup (when it happened) would be the breakup, no more getting back together every few months or so, no more tipsy-just-for-tonight-onlys. And if he didn't have Bella like this, like he had her now, who would he have? No one.

As much as he hated to admit it, to even think of it, the woman his heart wanted- or at least thought it wanted- didn't want him, didn't love him and was getting married to Samuel Uley.

He pulled Bella to him, resting his chin on the top of her head.

Looking over the crashing waves, he wished that he could jump into their eternal depths and fade into the blurry grey nothing of the horizon where the earth's edge melted into the skyline. Maybe there their wouldn't be a Leah Clearwater.