A/N: Some M-rated scenes here, you can skip if uncomfortable. The more important thing is the idea of what he's doing, you don't necessarily have to read the details. Anyway, it's not a very graphic scene but it is important for the plot to advance.
Hatsune Miku sighed, setting her pen down on her notebook. She couldn't stop thinking about the music score Len had composed. She knew there was something familiar about the piece of music, but she hadn't really gotten a good look at it – she just saw the first three bars and knew that it was similar to the song she knew, but it wasn't exactly the same. What did that similarity mean, then?
It had been a long time since she last came to this town. Her parents had moved away from here when she was ten years old, taking her with them, and for the past eight years she had been travelling around the globe, settling in all sorts of places. She had been to almost every continent – Antarctica was the only one they never visited, for which she was glad since she could not tolerate the cold – and during that process, she had learnt plenty about different people and cultures.
She was used to being the odd one out. Her hair alone made her different, but sometimes she felt even more of a stranger when they settled in the tropics, and her green eyes and pale skin made her look extremely different from the natives there. She had the kind of skin which simply couldn't tan. She just sort of reddened and, when her skin recovered, it would be as fair as it always was. After a while, once she was past the confusing turmoil of emotions and fear that was puberty, she found that there was no point in her trying to fit in anywhere. She would do better to embrace her differences and focus on what she really wanted to achieve, so she decided that no matter where she went she wouldn't distract herself from her studies. And now, she was back where she started.
Her parents were lucky. When they made the decision to move back to their hometown, they found that the house they used to live in was back on the market, so they had promptly snapped it up and now, she ran her fingers across the familiar, yet unfamiliar, walls of her room. Whoever lived in this room after she moved away had repapered her room, and now instead of her calming old blue wallpaper, the room's walls were plain creamy white, the furniture in the room replaced by glass, steel and sleek, minimalistic curves and edges. She guessed that the person who lived here was probably in their early twenties, just like she would be in a few years. The decoration was nice, she just wasn't used to it – but the rooms and the house were comforting, nevertheless.
After her lunch break, she didn't have any classes with Len so she didn't have any other chances to peek at his mysterious folder. He really did have talent, she couldn't deny that. All of the pieces he composed were sad, but remarkably compelling. He used no fancy directions, had no unnecessary embellishments. But his lines were graceful and the melody flowed in such a beautiful, natural way that she had to be impressed. It sounded like he was pouring his heart and soul into every composition, in a way she couldn't imagine possible for someone like...well, him.
After she moved back here, the first thing she had done was catch up with her cousin, Mikuo, who was the same age as she was. They had the same teal hair and green eyes, and people had often commented on their resemblance when they were younger. He helped her catch up with the latest gossip here, throwing out names which she had once found familiar. It was fun actually, laughing with her cousin and gasping as he told her about all the outrageous things her old friends and classmates had gotten up to. Most of those old friends had either moved away too, or gone to other schools in town to study, but it was entertaining to hear about them nevertheless.
Then he mentioned that Kasane Teto, the over-enthusiastic girl she remembered was in her class when she was younger, had just recently gotten her heart broken and was eating so much bread and chocolate that he actually worried about her. Miku then casually asked who had broken the girl's heart – Teto was fun and affable, she couldn't imagine anyone dumping her unless they were the quiet kind who disliked chatter. At this, Mikuo hesitated as though he had just remembered something, and it was only after a few moments did he say the two words, "Kagamine Len".
She thought she had misheard at first. "Len?" she repeated, not quite sure if her cousin was referring to the same boy she remembered. Mikuo made a noise of assent, and as she stood there with the phone pressed to her ear, her green eyes staring at nothing, her cousin dove into all the rumours and stories, the name the blond boy had made for himself the past few years, and she listened. She could hardly bring herself to believe it, for the Len she once knew when she was younger hadn't seemed anything like what her cousin described, but she didn't think that Mikuo was lying. The next day, she visited him, he told her more, and it was only then that she truly believed.
She sighed. It would be better for her if she started on her homework instead of thinking about this town's gossip stories. She was hardly interested in the sordid affairs of Kagamine Len, anyway. It was only her first day and she had enough homework on her plate – she did think about whether she ought to invite Mikuo out for dinner, since her parents were back in their old home still trying to sort out a few things, and she would be alone at home for the entire week. She knew her cousin would welcome her company, they were close as children and had kept in contact even after her family moved all over the place. But at the same time, she didn't want to intrude. She had taken up enough of his time yesterday, so it wouldn't be very nice for her to bother him again, even if it was welcome.
Still, she couldn't seem to get the idea of Len out of her head. She sat at her new cold, smooth glass table with her laptop open and humming before her, her fingers poised to type, and she couldn't think of a single word to write. She couldn't stop thinking about that familiar score and its composer. Her eyes closed as she remembered his face and the way he had looked at her, when she told him that she wasn't interested in him – he had looked so surprised, as though he never realised that there could be a girl who would turn him down. It just spoke for the kind of person he had grown up to be, and she didn't want to associate herself with someone like him, even if she secretly wished she could talk to him normally. It would be nice to catch up with him, though he had forgotten her…
No, she had to stop thinking about things that wouldn't help her achieve her goals. She wanted to do newswriting in university with a double major in Literature, so she needed a great GPA to qualify for such a rigorous course. Her current GPA, carried over from her previous school, was good enough but she couldn't slack off just because it was good enough. She had to be perfect, she had to be the best otherwise she might not get what she wanted. Her mouth set resolutely, she flipped open a book of Larkin's poetry and got to work on the assigned Literature essay. It would be a long night.
Len was exhausted, but in a good way. His stomach was satisfied and he was actually done with his homework, including that Larkin essay he had due next week. He knew he still had plenty of time to finish it, but since he was doing up all his homework, he figured he might as well do that too.
Now, he lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The black wallpaper on his ceiling was covered in silver stars and swirls that represented the galaxies and the night sky. He had done this ceiling when he was younger and innocent about the ways of life and love, and although he had redecorated his room since then, the ceiling was the one thing he never bothered to change. It was actually rather calming, looking at this piece of his childhood. Letting himself relax, he found a smile curving his lips as he thought back to the cause of his good mood tonight. He was rarely in a good mood at night.
He had gotten home early, just as his twin sister told him to do. She was busy setting the table by the time he was back – he had been held up by one of his teachers, who told him that he needed to come to class more often otherwise his participation grade was going to negatively impact his otherwise perfect scores. He nodded, acknowledging the warning, and the teacher then pulled him aside to talk to him about his future career options. By the time he was done with the interrogation, it was almost six, so Len had to hurry home as quick as he could, cursing the fact that his twin sister had merrily crashed his car last week and thus, travelling anywhere now took five times as long.
He reached the kitchen just as the clock showed a quarter past six, thankfully still fifteen minutes early. His mother was already home – she was a tall, elegant beautiful woman with blonde hair tied into a low bun and blue-grey eyes that seemed to pierce into your soul. His father was not home yet. "Mother," Len greeted as he walked into the kitchen, dropping his bag onto the floor so she could give him a light, one-armed hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. Her other hand was occupied by her phone and she was firing rapid instructions down the line, so all she could do was nod at him in acknowledgement and gesture to the table, where Rin was now setting out the forks and spoons.
Rin was not the one who cooked dinner tonight, thank God. She was a terrible cook. He only ate her food when he had no choice, and generally only trusted her to make buttered toast. His mother was the cook tonight, which he looked forward to since his mother was an excellent chef and could make dishes that, in his opinion, easily rivalled those of Michelin-starred restaurants in town. But of course he was biased, she was his mother. "Your father will be a little late, he's caught in a traffic jam," their mother called as she set her phone down on the counter, pushing a few plates aside. "But he should be home in ten minutes or so, and then we can eat," she swept her arm proudly across the counter.
It was quite the feast. His mother had cooked wagyu steaks with whipped potato and cream cheese sauce. She had also roasted a small chicken just in case the steak wasn't enough, and Len knew it wouldn't be enough – the steak was the size of his fist. It would be enough for his sister and mother, though. His mother had paired the steak with broccoli drizzled in oyster sauce and even had a light cheesecake for dessert, though he was sure the cake had been bought instead of baked. His mother was not a baker. Nevertheless, it smelled divine and he was looking forward to eating his share. It had been a while since he last ate anything cooked by his mother, since she was always so busy.
Rin sat next to him at their round table, and when their father was back they quickly exchanged greetings and asked about each other's day, before they all sat at the dining table and tucked into their steak. His mother had cooked his steak just the way he liked it – medium-rare, with a hint of blood – and it was now tender and succulent, the chunks of fatty beef melting in his mouth. He was enjoying himself; it had been quite a few weeks since they last had a family dinner, and his father's dry jokes about his company made for a light atmosphere. Len and Rin resembled their father greatly, though they had their mother's hair and her eye shape. They had their father's bright blue eyes and his strong, determined features, though naturally those features were softer on Rin.
He would like it if they had family dinners more often, or if his parents could talk idly with them for just a while longer after their meal. In the past, they often had time to spend together, and his family was very closely knit then. Actually, they still were very tight, but in recent months his parents' companies had encountered some trouble so they were still busy trying to fix it. His mother confided in him, telling him that it was very stressful but she was certain that they would have the issue resolved soon, while his father, as always, remained tight-lipped about his work but assured them that this pattern of absence would not continue for much longer. Those words did lift his spirits, though he knew both him and Rin were disappointed that they couldn't spend more time together as a family. But at least he had a nice meal, and he had a proper conversation with his parents.
Now, he had nothing to do but to think. It was only slightly past twelve, which was a little early for him to sleep – he didn't think he could sleep any earlier than one in the morning even if he tried to. His body was just much too used to sleeping at strange hours of the morning. His gaze slid over to his bag, which he had tossed next to his desk the moment he came up to his room, and reluctantly he rose from his bed, reaching out towards his unzipped bag. He retrieved his file of musical scores and opened up the page with his personal project, humming the tune softly to himself. No, it wasn't what he heard in his childhood – the piece was beautiful, but it wasn't the same. He frowned.
The hardest thing was that he couldn't remember exactly what the piece was. He could tell if it wasn't the exact song he recalled from his past, but he had nothing to guide him, nothing to help him tweak the piece into complete perfection. It was so aggravating – there was always something, something in the piece which was missing, and he couldn't figure out what it was. He was one of the best musicians in school but he had no luck with this composition, and there were quite a few days where he was tempted to quit and just leave the song as that. It was lovely enough by itself.
But an instinct within him told him that he couldn't give up on this. He could let go of anything else but he just had to keep trying for this song, and he would try different arrangements, over and over again until he successfully unlocked its secrets. There was something in this elusive tune which might hold a key to his past, to the memories which lay floating and shimmering just beneath the surface. He was certain that once he heard the right piece, he would remember something, and then maybe his life would make some more sense. Maybe he would figure out why he ended up so strange, why he did all these things normal people wouldn't do, even though he didn't particularly enjoy himself.
Carefully, he set the folder down on his desk, reaching up with his other hand and undoing his blond ponytail. Perhaps he could just try to lie in bed and fall asleep – maybe for once he would be able to sleep early. Changing quickly into a comfy pair of linen shorts and a white, well-worn tank top, he ducked out of his room and headed to the bathroom, determined to wash up and brush his teeth before his sister could hog the bathroom for her daily, hour-long beauty ritual. However, while he was creeping down the hallway to the bathroom, he heard a loud giggle emanate from her door and, unwillingly curious, he found himself going back to her room to take a look. There was a little crack in the door, and through it he could see and hear exactly what his twin was doing.
Rin was evidently on her phone, and from the faint blushing and the high-pitched giggles he inferred that she was talking to Kaito. She was dressed in some very sexy black lingerie – he hadn't even known that Rin had underwear like that – and, while she listened on the phone, she leant back against her pillows, and he could see her hand creeping down her flat, pale stomach towards her black lacy panties. He was mesmerised by the sight, rooted firmly to the spot as his sister's blush deepened at whatever Kaito said on the phone. Suddenly, her slim fingers dipped beneath the hem of the black lace and she let out a soft, breathy moan, her hips bucking against her fingers.
He was horrified by what he was watching but he couldn't stop looking either – it was like watching a car accident in terrible slow motion. His sister was still on the phone, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted in ecstasy – he could see her fingers dipping and moving through the semi-sheer lace and felt a sudden, almost overwhelming urge to storm into her room, tear her panties off and plunge himself into her body. He could feel himself twitching and getting hard, the bulge in his pants increasing in size as he heard her soft giggles and her breathy moans. He could see the pleasure on her face and hated that it was Kaito's words which made her look this way instead of him – he had no doubt that he could make Rin feel much better than her own fingers could. His shaft throbbed.
He whipped away from the crack in the door, hurrying back to his own room. Almost feverishly, he slipped his pants down to his ankles and grasped himself, ensuring that the door was firmly locked before he proceeded with what he wanted to do. Holding himself tightly, he closed his eyes and leant back against the wall, bringing to mind his sister's face as she moaned and squirmed in her bed. He imagined that he was on top of her, plunging himself into her wet, slick warmth, and his hand pumped faster, a soft whimper escaping his clenched teeth. He imagined himself pounding hard and fast into her tight, firm body and it didn't take him long before he groaned and found his release, making a mess all over his hands. Shaking from the raw pleasure, he slumped down on top of his desk and scrabbled for a tissue, wiping his seed up with trembling fingers. He hated himself.
What did he just do? He had masturbated to his sister. Like it wasn't bad enough that he had seen her touching herself – now, he was so horny that he wanted to watch more, he wanted to touch himself again. His shaft twitched, clearly still eager, and he looked down at himself in disgust. He shouldn't even have been spying on Rin. He shouldn't have been watching Rin doing something so private, especially not while she was talking to her boyfriend…the thought of Rin with another boy was like cold water being splashed across his face, and he looked down at himself as he suddenly went limp, his body clearly not enjoying the idea as well. He gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. Well, he certainly didn't like his sister being with another guy, but what else could he do?
After all, Kaito was his friend, and Len, being Rin's twin, shouldn't even be liking her in the first place. He was not supposed to be having any romantic feelings whatsoever for his twin sister – she was born with him and he had seen her his whole life, for God's sake. He ought to be sick of her face by now. Looking at her was like looking at himself. His earlier satisfaction from the family dinner having dissipated, he hastily grabbed a pair of track pants and a black hoodie, intending to go out for a quick stroll around the neighbourhood. He wasn't going to be able to sleep after this, and he wasn't in the mood to lie restless in bed until he fell asleep, the memory of Rin's gasps still in his head.
His mother was downstairs, working in the living room. His father was sitting next to her, his laptop resting on the coffee table, clearly abandoned for now, while his head lay on his mother's lap. His mother was on the phone again, her free hand stroking his father's hair. It was a sweet sight, and Len took a moment to watch them with each other. They were clearly so at peace, despite the stress they had been facing at work lately. He wondered if he would be able to find such peace. That small pause at the staircase was enough time for his father to notice him, and the man sat up, glancing at Len in clear surprise. "Len? You're going out? At this hour?" he asked, loud enough for Len to hear him but not so loud that it would interrupt his wife's phone call. Len glanced at the clock.
"It's only half past twelve. I couldn't sleep," he answered, walking towards his father and keeping his voice low. His mother glanced at both of them, but didn't break her conversation on the phone. She sounded mildly annoyed, and Len didn't want to know what incident the unfortunate person on the other side must be reporting was. "I'll be fine, I'll stick to the lit areas and be back before one," he promised, though inwardly he smirked. He had walked the dark streets of this suburb more times than he could count, and he knew perfectly well how to defend himself here. Besides, nothing ever happened in this sleepy place. The inner city was dangerous. The suburbs, not really.
"Well, all right. Be sure you're back by then," his father whispered, holding his gaze. "It's a school night, and I won't have your teacher calling me to report your tardiness yet again. You understand me, Kagamine Len?" Len nodded, and his father went back to resting his head on his mother's lap. Len quickly slipped out of the house, not forgetting to grab the keys from the hook behind the door, and found a cool breeze caressing his face, the dark velvet of night wrapping around him like a glove. It was familiar and peaceful, especially now that the neighbourhood was quiet and most lights were switched off. Len liked this place at night. It was the kind of quiet peace that let you hear your own thoughts and think about the things you did in the day. It gave you the chance to contemplate.
He started to walk. It wasn't the first time he was taking a midnight stroll around the suburbs, and whenever he went out so late he always took the same route through the place. Up and down the streets and then, when he reached the last street, he cut across through the junction until he was back where he started. It didn't really matter to Len where he walked or what he saw – he liked the process of walking without having to think about a destination. It helped him to sort through his thoughts, and he knew that right now, he most definitely had to think about what he just did.
It was wrong, it was definitely wrong, and he was stupid. He was stupid to have given in to the urge to touch himself, just because he saw his sister touching herself. It wasn't even his name she was moaning, and he knew that technically he shouldn't want her to think of him that way at all, but he had been living with this dark, perverse desire for so long that when he saw his sister masturbate, his will just crumbled entirely. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, utterly disgusted at himself, but there was a small part of him that most certainly did not regret his actions. He hated that part of himself. It was the same part which convinced him that sleeping with girls was fun, was good, would help him relax…would help him find himself. Now he was just a hopeless idiot who had gotten himself into a vicious downward spiral. What the hell was he even doing with his life, really?
He walked along the streets with his hands shoved in his pockets, putting his hood up against the breeze. It got stronger the further he walked. He looked up at the night sky, seeing the stars scattered across the inky black, and thought that they didn't really look much like his ceiling anymore. His artistic talents as a young boy hadn't really been up to par. Or maybe it wasn't that the stars had changed or moved. Maybe he was the one who changed, and because of that everything he saw changed too. He must have changed in some way; something must have made him change because he knew there was a point in his past where Rin was truly nothing but a sister to him. When did the sibling affection change into something different? He really couldn't remember anything.
This was why he was so desperately trying to unlock the secret of that music piece. He couldn't help but think that the score was the piece to that puzzle, the key to the elusive memory he had been trying so hard to retrieve. If he knew why or when he fell in love with his twin, surely that would give him a clue as to how to stop. He wanted to be normal. He didn't want to feel any attraction to his sister, be it romantic or sexual. If only there was a way to unlock the music score as soon as possible. But he couldn't just let anyone help him; he had such a private reason for why he wanted to finish the music piece, and to just let someone he didn't know well help him with it seemed intrusive.
He looked up from the pavement, aware he had walked quite a distance already. He found himself in front of a house, the ground floor completely dark while the first floor had a single window lit up. He blinked in surprise – he remembered seeing this place just last week, and back then the "For Sale" sign had still been stuck on the front yard. Someone must have just recently moved into the house then. He wondered who it could possibly be, when he caught some movement from the lit window on the first floor. He saw a girl walk towards the window and stare out at the night sky for a while, thankfully never looking down to the opposite street to see him standing there, gaping at her. He couldn't see much of her features since she was standing with her back towards the light, and all he could see was her silhouette, but he could see the curve of her figure and knew it was a girl.
He saw the slope of her shoulders and suddenly remembered his gaze tracing over the exact same slope just this afternoon in music class. He frowned – surely it couldn't be that coincidental. But before he could look again to confirm his suspicions, the girl disappeared from the window, and he was left standing there and watching her house intently, weighing the odds of Hatsune Miku moving into the house just a few lanes away from his. He was really very curious, plus his self-disgust at his actions earlier propelled his reckless decision – he walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
After the echoes of the knock faded away, there was nothing but silence, and after a while Len began to think that the person inside the house was not going to answer the door. He thought about whether he ought to knock again, but the heady recklessness was fading from his system and he was now thinking about what a stupid thing he had just done. There was no way the girl inside would just open the door for a random stranger. Shrugging, he decided that it would be best for him to head on home, but just as he turned away from the door, he heard the wood creak and he whipped back around, searching the gaze of a very, very surprised Hatsune Miku. She was staring straight at him.
He didn't know what to say, so for a while the two of them just watched each other. She was dressed in a thin white nightie, one of the silky straps slipping down her pale, bare shoulder. Her long hair was loose and flowing, no longer in the tight braids he saw this morning, and her eyes were even more droopy than usual – she must be preparing to wind down for the night. He forced himself to speak first. "Well, hi," he managed, "I saw that this house was finally sold and I was just curious about who had moved here. I…I live a few streets down from here. Didn't expect that it was you."
"Kagamine Len," she said softly, her gaze still darting from feature to feature of his face, studying it. He was beginning to fidget, the awkwardness of their situation getting to him. "Well, now you know who lives here," she said abruptly, backing away and preparing to close the door, "you should go back home now, it's late and we have school tomorrow." But before she could fully close the door, he stuck his foot in the gap, stopping the door from shutting. His arms shot out, trying to prevent her from retreating inside, and she opened the door again, mild annoyance mixed with curiosity in her expression. She clearly wanted to know what he was doing here, and to be honest, he had no idea. But he didn't want to go home so soon, so he would stay here for as long as he could.
"I…I decided that maybe we can work on the score I have," he blurted out, that being the first thing he could think of which would probably pique her interest. She raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued, and he went on, almost babbling in his haste. "I know I can't do it alone, and you seem like you're pretty good at music too. So I guess I don't mind having a partner. But…" he hesitated here, his mind having finally caught up with his mouth, making him realise the gravity of exactly what he was saying. "You have to promise that you won't tell a single soul about what I'm composing, not even your parents or your boyfriend or anyone close to you. This is just between you and me, okay?" he held her gaze firmly. "It's really important to me, I hope you understand," he added.
She pursed her lips, clearly thinking over what he was saying. Some part of him still couldn't believe that he had stumbled across Hatsune Miku's house – the girl which, only this afternoon, he had decided he would attempt to seduce – during a midnight walk to clear his head. This night had just been a whole series of strange coincidences. He also thought about what he was proposing here, and hoped that he wouldn't regret his impulsive invitation. "All right, I won't breathe a single word about your score to anybody," she finally said, green eyes glancing up to meet his gaze. She looked almost defensive. "What's so special about this compared to your other songs?" she asked him.
He looked at her, then looked around him, one arm absentmindedly reaching up to rub the other – even through his hoodie, he was starting to feel cold. The night breeze was picking up a little, and the air went from pleasantly cool to mildly chilly. She noticed. "Oh, I'm sorry! Do come in. But let's make this quick, I wanted to turn in since we have school tomorrow," she stepped aside and he slipped past her, a corner of his mind awed at how no-fuss she was and how well she handled this whole encounter. He was sure any other girl would have overreacted about someone showing up outside her house and suddenly throwing out an offer to collaborate on a musical project. She must have really wanted to see the score he had hidden. Why was she so interested in this one work?
But he didn't let any of those inner thoughts show up as he walked into the living room, turning back to smile at her knowingly. "Oh, don't worry," he blinked innocently as she closed the door, turning around to face him with narrowed eyes. "If you want me to be quick, then quick I shall be."
