I don't own CATS. Of course I don't. I do, however, own this piece of writing.
I'd also like to mention that I adore constructive criticism. Please leave some for me, as it can only help to make the story much more enjoyable.
I am starting this after having received 2 very generous reviews, praising me gloriously. If I could give those two a great big 'thank you' (you know who you are), and then follow that by dedicating this chapter to you both.
Oh yes, and please do be aware that everything that you read from the title down represents the FICTIONAL view of a FICTIONAL character. I may share the view of the character on a certain subject, but then again I may not. Bear that in mind while reading.
Now on with the story...
PS- You can stop thwacking me with lemons, now. I get the point...
Pouncival'sTale
Chapter Three - "Square 2.44 Recurring"
So there I was, lying in bed, watching as Jenny liberally told me about how dangerous it was for a cat my age to play about on a chair. At least, that's what I assumed she was talking about. I could care less about her rants, as they always have a moral to them, and that moral always makes me think. I always like to think that she is talking rubbish all the time, but the annoying fact is that she's always talking the truth, and that her rants always have a purpose. I always -
The writer of this fanfic would like to formally apologise for the complete over-usage of the word 'always' in the previous paragraph. It was wrong of him to do such a thing, and he thus says with the most deepest of regrets- "Sorry". The previous section will now be re-written, with something else replacing each instance of the word 'always'.
So there I was, lying in bed, watching as Jenny liberally told me about how dangerous it was for a cat my age to play about on a chair. At least, that's what I assumed she was talking about. I could care less about her rants, as they something else have a moral to them, and that moral something else makes me -
The writer of this fanfic would like to formally apologise for the complete and utter poorness of his last joke. He realises that he isn't funny at all, and thus shouldn't try to cause humour to occur through such pathetic paths, and then add in bits that have nothing to do with the story, just to fill up space. He also.. Wait a minute...
Darn it. Back to the story...
I always -
Watch it...
I believe that Jenny really enjoys looking out for me. She tends to be quite a caring person, and it wouldn't be going too far to say that I do idolise her. Slightly. Well, I mean, aside from the wrinkly skin, greasy fur, lack of a mate and the breasts... I idolise her. She's a nice lady.
Actually, scratch that last bit. The breasts sound like a nice perk.
At any rate, she soon finished off her rant and sat down next to me. I looked up at her, to see her give me that motherly smile that she reserved only for me.. she leant over and kissed my forehead, then spoke in a soft voice.. "Don't go scaring me like that again, dear... you had me worried sick!" She wrapped her arms around and hugged me close; I returned the favour, purring. All hopes of me acting cool were totally lost at this moment, but I felt the need to allow Jenny to hug me. She needs the attention, I'm sure..
ahem. So anyway, we hugged. After a good few minutes she finally let go of me and drew back, still with that warm smile pasted over her otherwise motherly face. My eyes drew down to look over her body.. I totally take back what I said earlier. For an older queen, she's not that bad looking. In fact she's rather attractive. I checked over her body again, leaving my eyes to hang on her chest... and I soon found myself on the receiving end of a painful slap. And It hurt. A lot. Just to give you an example of how much it hurt, I can tell you that I was rubbing my cheeks for a long while after that... No, not those cheeks. That's just disgusting.
Actually, that's really quite disappointing. You laughed at that, I bet. I am telling you this story in the hope that it would bring across some form of clever, witty humour. You've gone and spoilt that now. It disappoints me.
And so anyway. After the painful slap, Jenny rushed out of the infirmary. I was later informed by Tumblebrutus that she had been blushing quite profusely, but I wouldn't know. I can't see the colour red, you see. I see it as clear as water, and also just as uncoloured. Sadly, this means that I constantly get confused and get scared when the tap is bleeding or when my nose is dripping water. I think it all goes back to my childhood days...
..((For the sake of the reader, this story from Pouncival about his childhood has been scratched, due to it's sheer dullness and being of an extremely boring nature))..
..and that is why they invented television. Sorry, got stuck in a rut there. Got stuck in a rut there. Got stuck in a rut there. The key is repetition. The key is repetition. The key is repetition.
Ugh, sorry. Those three jokes up there were just plain awful. I apologise.
SO ANYWAY. I thought it best for me to get up and out of bed then, as I found myself unable to catch another wink of sleep. Not a wink, anyway. If I had tried extremely hard, I might have been able to force myself into a quick blink of sleep, but... it wasn't worth it. I got up, and headed outside for my den. On my way back, I shot a look across the 'yard, to see Tugger calling ordering to a cat in his den. I couldn't see who was in his den. He did it in a foreign tongue, so that nobody else would know what he meant.
"Zieh dir was an!" I heard him shout. Sadly, the only German I ever learnt was how to say 'Pimp'. It's 'Zuhaelter', by the way. Just so you know that I'm not lying. Pounci learnt the German for 'they built a monument', but... well... whatever.
After hearing his bizarre words, I continued walking onwards towards my den. The walk was a long and tiring one, in which I must have stumbled many times. That could have possibly been attributed to the medicine Jenny gave me, as it did leave me feeling pretty funny. It was the most weird of things, for as I was about to collapse to the floor, Etcetera caught me. Yes, the Goddess herself caught me before I fell to the ground. Before I could say anything, I felt her stroke my headfur. 'Just one word,' was what she said, purring softly as she said it. She later told me that she learnt the phrase from an old friend of hers named Aurelie, who... hold on.
Ah. That was just the lawyers on the phone. They said 'Quit it with the Wir Sind Helden references, or we'll sue.' I guess I'll just have to go for a different band to get my jokes from.
'Hey, Etcy..' I whispered, looking up at her. 'I wanna hold your ha-a-aaand...'
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And so it is over! You have just finished reading the long awaited third chapter... and don't I feel good having gotten it out of my system? I assure you, it was the reviewers that drove me to write this chapter. I'll be trying to write more as the days go on, but i'd adore some more reviews! Tell me how I could improve.. tell me if you love it or not! That's all for now! Ciao! Sayonara! Byeeeee!
