Sorry for the lateness...I've been sitting on a half completed chapter for a while. I've actually written a lot ahead, so expect faster updates now :)


Chapter 3


There were three different types of terminal patients that every doctor dreaded. They were, in order of least to most frustrating: those who didn't want to die, those who did, and those who were already dead.

Shinra had, in his time, dealt with all three far too frequently. It came with the territory. He was an underground doctor; it was his duty to treat the rich and desperate. Neither adjective was complimentary as far as Shinra was concerned, but the combination of the two proved to be genuinely hazardous. Over the years he had been forced to reject a small country's worth of people who had come to him with incurable diseases and rotting bodies, hoping for a quick fix – or any kind of fix.

Similarly, there were only two different types of doctors: those who could deal with impossible patients, and those who couldn't. Shinra liked to believe that he belonged with the former, and he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Shizuo was one of the latter.

This did not mean that he thought any less of Shizuo's skill. No, he had only the highest respect for Shizuo as a doctor. But as a member of the medical society, Shizuo was...well...

It was safe to say that no one would ever refer a client to him if they could help it. Shinra was no exception. It had nothing to do with skill and everything to do with the man himself.

Shinra had been Shizuo's friend for five years, and his colleague for much longer, but he had always regarded the other man as some kind of reusable human bomb. Shizuo was just as likely to injure his patients as he was to heal them. He was temperamental, and fiercely opinionated, and violent.

And yet. And yet...

In a truly peculiar turn of events, Shinra found himself actually worried for Shizuo's wellbeing. It was disturbing. It was strange. It was...it was downright weird. Shinra couldn't even remember ever fretting over his friend's health – it was just something that he didn't do, because he didn't need to. But considering the circumstances of Izaya-kun's injuries, Shinra was starting to think that he had made a huge mistake in consulting his easily-angered colleague.

Why, of all people, did it have to be Izaya-kun?

At first, Shinra had been nothing but flattered when the Attorney General himself specifically recommended him for the job. He knew Tanaka well enough to understand that it was a statement of complete confidence and trust. Even though treating a siren – or any magical creature – was technically out of Shinra's field of practice, word had gotten around about his unofficial research on Dullahan physiology, a mostly unpublished collection of observations and notes that he kept in his library under lock and key. Every once in a while, when he wanted to cause a stir, he circulated a few pages around the underground community. He considered it his magnum opus.

Unfortunately, his reputation in research came at the price of his anonymity. Shinra firmly believed that there was no point in letting people know about his work unless they knew that it was his work.

It was not just a matter of pride, although pride was certainly a factor. The Dullahan were supposed to be extinct. No one could run independent studies to confirm or disprove his findings, so the only proof of credibility he could offer was his own name. It would have been insulting to Celty if nobody believed his research, so he made it clear that anybody and everybody was welcome to come discuss it over tea, as long as they made an appointment and paid him for his time. The same courtesy was – somewhat reluctantly – extended to the government.

He had a lot of pride in his masterpiece. Of course he did. Celty was just so – so precious! There was nothing in the world that he valued more. She was the best research subject ever, he was sure of it.

She was also part of the reason that it had been so easy to get him to cooperate with Izaya-kun's sponsor. Surrounded by a roomful of very important looking people, all of them strangely eager to praise his work on Dullahans, Shinra had been in the perfect position to be convinced. They wanted to get Izaya-kun medical treatment. He told them pointedly that he couldn't help them there, since he was only a specialist on humans and Dullahans and not much else.

Shiki-san assured him that he already knew that. And then, with a meaningful look, he asked, "How close are you to Dr. Heiwajima?"

Normally, Shinra would have kicked them out for trying to involve his old friend in something so shady, but...

But this time, this time was different. Despite his initial misgivings, Shinra ended up accepting the job, and it was all because of what he sensed in Tanaka's subordinates – fear. Genuine, raw fear. Not fear of reprisal, or fear of eavesdropping, but fear of the man who stood in their midst, calmly laying out the terms of Izaya's treatment. Shiki-san had that sort of effect on people. Shinra only capitulated because he knew that Shiki-san would've punished the Attorney General's men for giving him false expectations of Shinra's cooperation.

They were good people. Shinra would have felt terrible for bringing such a fate upon them.

Besides, he trusted Shizuo-kun to get out alive no matter what.

If he had known that Izaya-kun would turn out to be such a troublemaker, he would have reconsidered. The foolproof moral compass known as hindsight was not being very kind to him.

However, no matter how much he regretted the terms they had agreed to, Shinra was not stupid enough to cancel the contract now. Tanaka would have left Shinra alone and found somebody else to badger, but Shiki-san was a different story.

Honestly, Shinra should have known something was wrong with the whole arrangement when he saw that the section about patient confidentiality was over thirty pages long.

There were many suspiciously specific things that he was prohibited from talking about, but the most worrisome was Izaya-kun's placement in the House of Arcane Research. When Shinra tried to get ahold of the siren's records to see why Izaya-kun had been there at all, he couldn't even get past the front door without being escorted out by security. Two full scale office raids and sixteen phone calls later, even he had to concede defeat in front of the bureaucratic wall that separated him and Izaya's files.

It was Shiki-san who finally provided him with pictures of Izaya's surgery and the briefest of summaries about his medical history. Shinra didn't know why it was so important to keep Shizuo in the dark, but both Tanaka and Shiki-san insisted – and while the latter might have been motivated by paranoia, the former could generally be trusted to know what he was doing.

Izaya-kun, meanwhile, was still a stranger without a real past. Shinra had no idea if the siren even wanted to be fixed.

"What should I do?" he wondered, mostly to himself.

Celty glanced up questioningly. He could tell by the angle of her neck.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking aloud."

She closed the book and laid it by her side.

Shinra rubbed his neck with a faint flush. "Could it be? Celty, you're worried about me?"

Moments later, a little piece of paper was thrust into his face. 'I'm worried that you're about to do something stupid,' was neatly printed at the top.

He sighed dramatically. "Ceeelty! If you aren't on my side, who is?"

'I don't know.' The Dullahan's long, delicate fingers wrote out the next line with absolutely no hesitation. Then she fell back to the couch opposite him and continued to read her book.

"So cruel...I am unloved...the world is so unkind..." Even though she had no eyes to roll at him, he could feel the sentiment practically radiating from her expressionless body. "I'm sorry that I'm not a better person, Celty," he said finally, looking and feeling rather pitiful.

'You're good enough,' she wrote, not unkindly.

"I hope so." Suddenly brightening, he began to rifle through his papers. "Ahhhh, why am I worrying about this? Today is supposed to be a good day! I don't even have work! Now, what should I do to make myself feel better?"

'Read?'

"I want something that'll actually make me feel better, Celty." At this point, he was willing to take anything as long as it didn't have to do with the incredibly illegal things dotting his to-do list. The act of reading reminded him of the background files on the Yellow Scarves that were waiting for him on his desk. He wanted to leaf through them before tomorrow. He needed to leaf through them before tomorrow. The Yellow Scarves weren't known for double-crossing their customers, but they were still young and reckless.

If they got caught by the police while carrying out Shinra's request, he had no doubt that they'd turn him in. Younger mercenaries were sort of unprofessional like that. Shinra had taken measures to protect his identity, but it was still risky because he had to meet the Yellow Scarves alone. If Celty found out, she would definitely tell Shizuo. The police didn't pose much of a threat to Shinra, but Shizuo would kill him.

Shinra pondered the situation for a bit. Maybe he should let Shizuo deal with his own business this time?

…Nah.

What was the harm in meddling a little bit? If he managed to get rid of the sphinx's owner, Kida would be able to stay at the clinic and keep everyone safe – Shizuo, the patients, even Izaya. Shinra figured that it was a win-win situation all around, and thus worth the risk. He was a good friend, after all.

'What's wrong with reading?' Celty asked with annoyed, brisk pen strokes.

With violent appeasing gestures, he stammered, "W-well, nothing! Nothing's wrong with reading. But, you know, there's not much worth reading in the house...Father's books give me nightmares, and I'm so tired of seeing the gossip in the newspapers. And it's not like medical equipment catalogs make for enjoyable reading..."

'What's wrong with my novels?'

"...they're novels."

'…' she seemed annoyed.

"That is," he added hastily, "I could go through any of my case files and there'd be more drama and intrigue and plotting than you could ever find in a novel."

She was surprisingly patient in replying. 'Shinra, the point is that your life has too much drama and intrigue and plotting.'

"Ah – perhaps you're right." He fell into a slightly depressed silence again. A sudden thought struck him as he glanced over at his companion. "Celty, don't you get tired of wearing the same thing over and over? I think it's time for a wardrobe makeover!"

'Pardon?'

"Since I'm not busy, we should go shopping! I've never taken you to the mall, have I?"

'Isn't that because I'm not supposed to exist?'

"Well - "

'Weren't you the one who warned me not to go in public without a disguise?"

"Well, that's easy enough. We can disguise you."

No response. She was tilting her neck skeptically.

"All you really need is something to cover your head...but I suppose that wearing your helmet would look odd in a store? Hmm, what else could we..." he crossed the room and disappeared into his bedroom for a few suspenseful moments before appearing at the doorway triumphantly. "Hah! Look!"

She did.

"It's not a bad disguise, right?"

'That's a burglar mask, Shinra.'

"It's a ski mask! We can go at night so that you won't stand out too much."

'...because I'll look even more like a burglar?"

"Now, now," he replied scoldingly, "I'm sure no one will suspect you of being a burglar. You're far too cute."

The silence behind him was all the reply he needed.

"Or...or perhaps we can go shopping on the Internet?" he asked hopefully.

'Internet?'

"Yes, perhaps a pink dress..."

'Shinra, I have to ride a motorcycle, you know...'

"Actually, no, you won't be able to do that until I can get you legalized. Which won't be for a while, fortunately!" His eyes were practically glowing at the thought. Oh, the outfits! Oh, the possibilities!

'Fortunately...?'


Shizuo lived alone, and thus, nobody ever greeted him at the door. This was to be expected. It was a fact of reality. Shizuo simply did not get greeted at the doorway, and the door was never bolted from the inside either, because he was the only one who lived there, and the door was broken more often than not...but that was another issue altogether.

Thus, having established these two very important facts, it should be quite clear why Shizuo was very, very confused when he came back from shopping for food and found himself in front of a closed, locked, bolted, and guarded door.

"Let's play a game – what is my name?" came the gleeful sing-songy voice from beyond.

Shizuo stared blankly, and suspected that either he was hallucinating from lack of sleep (damned nocturnal species...) or Shinra was playing a practical joke on him.

"I won't let you in unless you win!" What. Was that a giggle?

"What the hell?" he said, gripping the bag of meat from the butcher's so tightly that the plastic lining started to rip.

"Let's play a game! What is my – "

Shizuo dropped the bag, reached forward, and ripped the door off its hinges.

The blond boy on the other side actually squeaked, and vanished in a puff of yellow. Shizuo threw the broken door after him, resulting in a yelp of pain as the little animal was crushed under its weight.

One second passed. He got up, pulled the door off of the unconscious but otherwise healthy sphinx. Then he took a deep breath. "Shinra!"

"Yes?" came the all-too-cheerful reply from the kitchen.

Holding the sphinx by the scuff of his – its – neck in one hand, and the meat bag in the other, Shizuo stormed into the kitchen and let both drop to the floor. "What did you do?"

"I'm sorry," the doctor replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The sphinx is bound to my doorway!"

"Oh, dear. How did that happen?"

"Shinra," he hissed, getting far too close to the refrigerator for the other man's comfort.

Wincing, Shinra held up his hands. "Okay, okay, so yes, I did...but only because his contract sort of collapsed."

"How the hell is that even possible? He was only here for a week! It takes years of separation for a contract to spontaneously self-destruct!"

"Perhaps," he suggested slowly, "he was released from his duties by his owner?"

Shizuo snorted. "Why the hell would his owner release him? The guy's delusional and thinks that his pet sphinx is his son's reincarnation."

"Maybe..." Shinra's smile was just a little too sly for Shizuo's comfort, "somebody beat some sense into him?"

"What. Did. You. Do."

"Me?" Sweet, innocent blank look.

"Yes, you! I told you not to do anything stupid!"

"I didn't do anything, Shizuo-kun. Honestly." Shinra gave him a winning smile. "I've been booked with surgeries for the past week!"

"You liar. You're never booked. And how the hell would you be able to bother me so much if you were that busy?"

"Why, because I – unlike certain people – always make time for friends."

"...You weren't booked."

"Ask Celty if you want," he replied, earnestly.

Shizuo scowled suspiciously at the other man, but he had to admit that Celty was incredibly trustworthy, and if Shinra was willing to let him ask her... "Fine," he grumbled, shifting his attention to moving the meat to the refrigerator. He just didn't have the motivation to get upset. Some (not so) small part of him was glad that he didn't have to wait for the government to do something. Who knew how long it would have taken to get his patient out of that house?

Shinra breathed an internal sigh of relief. Disaster averted, for now. Then, tentatively, he stroked the sphinx's head, checking for blood. "I'm amazed that his leg is already back."

"My patients are magical creatures, did you forget?" Shizuo snapped.

Shinra winced. "Well, no, but - "

"Makes my job easy. Usually." Unless the patient was a siren who had become mute for no reason in particular, who didn't have a traceable medical history, who had such a clear violent streak that he would never be certified cage-free, who was apparently cage-free in spite of it, who could not have been more annoying if he were a six year old kid being dragged away from the candy store...

"Have a little pride, Shizuo-kun," Shinra said sternly. "Your patients heal fast and heal well because you're a good doctor."

Shizuo gave an awkward half-shrug. "I guess."

"It's true. Don't you trust my judgment?"

He snorted.

"Perhaps that was the wrong word."

"Yes, it was," he said flatly.

"Okay. What about...professional opinion, then? Do you trust my professional opinion?"

"Sometimes," Shizuo admitted grudgingly.

"Well then, it's my professional opinion that your patients have benefitted from having you as a doctor. So! I think it's about time you learned to chin up and be proud of yourself."

"Don't care."

"Shizuo-kun, I'm just saying...being a doctor of any type is very admirable. People respect you."

"Easy for you to say," Shizuo muttered. "You've never had to spend the night in jail for shit that you didn't mean to do. Or shit that you didn't actually do."

Shinra pursed his lips but didn't respond to the obvious barb. Instead, he said, "I have a question for you, Shizuo-kun. No, no, rather...it's a question for Dr. Heiwajima."

"What?"

"Do you think," he murmured speculatively, "that, under the right circumstances, a dead magical creature could heal itself back to life?"

"Doubt it," Shizuo replied finally, after considering the question from every angle. To the best of his knowledge, controlled reincarnation was the closest any magical species could get to actually reviving themselves. He didn't ask the reason for Shinra's sudden curiosity. Sometimes it was just a random question, sometimes it wasn't, but it was never worth the effort trying to figure out which was which.

Shinra made a faint sound of disappointment. "I see."

Silence as Shizuo continued to unwrap the raw slabs of sheep, lamb, goat, and beef. No pork or poultry, of course. They were too bland and domesticated for his patients. "Why are you here," he asked sternly, "Shinra?"

The other man winced. "I suppose you won't believe that I just wanted to visit you..."

"No. You would've visited during a meal if that was the whole reason." Shizuo didn't consider himself the most observant person, but even he noticed obvious patterns like that.

Shinra glanced at the sphinx in his lap and took a deep breath. "How is – er, that is to say, is Izaya-kun still alive?"

A murderous glare took over Shizuo's face.

Shinra grimaced. "Okay." Well, with that reaction, Izaya-kun was most definitely still alive, even if he couldn't begin to imagine what had happened to make Shizuo so furious. Then again, wasn't Shizuo always furious...?

As if on cue, Izaya strolled into the kitchen, with a long blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a makeshift cape. It wrapped around his neck, but didn't quite hide the shortened edges of his black hair.

Shinra blinked. And stared. And then, tentatively, he asked, "Did you get a haircut, Izaya-kun?"

His words had the most curious effect. Not only did Izaya glare daggers at Shizuo, but Shizuo actually flinched. Then he glared back, and Izaya turned his face away, apparently to avoid looking at him. For a few minutes, they just took turns scowling at each other, batting around their animosity like a ball.

"Well," Shinra said blandly, "I'm glad that you're getting along."


Shizuo's bathroom was usually a spacious area with a single shower stall, a standalone faucet, and a large square of floor set aside in the center as his second bandaging station (the first was in the animal storage room, of course). The grout between the tiles was permanently stained with blood residue. Shizuo had never been comfortable with bringing patients to his personal rooms, but it was either the bathroom or the kitchen – and between the two it was obvious which one was preferable.

Besides, he rarely needed to use the room for cleaning up wounds. It was just a precautionary measure against his more carnivorous patients, who would spiral into a feeding frenzy at the sight and smell of blood. When they were around, it was safer to bring freshly wounded creatures to the bathroom to wrap their injuries. Shizuo was lucky that none of his most sensitive patients were with him right now, because there was no room left in his bathroom, what with the large inflatable kiddie pool that was planted right in the middle of it. That was where Izaya stayed.

Two days ago, Shizuo bought it at a garage sale on the way to the grocery store, partly because he had no bathtub for the siren to monopolize, and partly because he wanted to see the look on Izaya's face.

Disappointingly, Izaya had been perfectly unaffected when Shizuo plopped the deflated plastic pool in front of him and told him that it was his new bed. He was creepily emotionless about it, actually.

Shizuo felt like an idiot when he realized why: Izaya probably didn't even know what an inflatable pool was, so why would he react to the prospect of living in one?

Then he had to spend half an hour trying to teach Izaya how to blow air into the damn thing without biting the rubber stopper off. He eventually gave up, inflated the pool himself, and banged his head against the wall at the sheer absurdity of the situation.

And Izaya had been living in the kiddie pool ever since.

"I feel a bit like a stalker," Shinra said, rubbing his forehead to ward off the headache that he was sure would quickly follow. The two doctors were standing in front of the small bathroom window, looking through the ripped remains of the blinds that Shizuo had destroyed some time ago. They could clearly see Izaya drifting about in his pool. He had taken the blanket with him.

"You're the one who asked to see where he was living."

"I'm pretty sure that this is considered negligence, you know..."

"He's got water," Shizuo replied shortly. "Water and food and a place to stay. Hell, he's even got more privacy than I do."

"Begging your pardon," Shinra muttered, "But sirens aren't known for valuing privacy. They like...they like companionship."

"Right," Shizuo muttered, scowling at his patient.

Izaya was letting water drip through his fingers. He seemed to be a lot more relaxed than two days ago.

"Why did you put the pool in your bathroom? Isn't it weird to take showers with Izaya-kun there?"

"There wasn't enough floor in the animal storage room." Shizuo shrugged. "And I kick him out when I want a shower."

Shinra looked at them thoughtfully. "So nothing's happened yet?"

"...what do you mean?"

"I mean, he hasn't pounced on you yet?"

Shizuo snorted. "No, he's pounced plenty of times, but he's too light to do any damage. Why?"

The black-haired doctor stared at him and sighed heavily. "Shizuo-kun. Let me rephrase. He hasn't tried to seduce you?"

"What the fuck?"

"Well, you know."

He looked at Shinra with growing horror. "No."

"You don't? I thought it was common knowledge that sirens have, er, intimacy issues."

"No, I know that, I'm not stupid. I was just – god damn it, Shinra. I don't even want to think about..." The idea of being touched by Izaya was not so much disgusting as it was disturbing. He glanced at the siren, who was still stroking the surface of the water delicately with his pale fingers.

Fuck, he didn't need this.

Shinra poked him on the shoulder. "Shizuo-kun?"

"What?" he snapped.

His friend held up his hands appeasingly. "Woah, woah, touchy. I'm sorry, okay? It was just a question."

Silence. Then, Shizuo muttered, "He hasn't been eating, you know."

Shinra blinked. "Really? Nothing?"

"I told him to come with me to buy fish, but he didn't want to."

"Well, that could be for any number of reasons - "

"The point is that he's not eating, and sirens usually become hostile when they're hungry. This guy's just lethargic."

Shinra looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Have you done the biopsy yet?"

"No. He doesn't do needles, and he won't eat, so I can't sneak him drugs in his food."

"What about - "

"He's too fast for a stun gun. And he's so damn skinny that he slips right out of body restraints."

As if he sensed that they were talking about them, Izaya smirked and splashed a little, looking rather pleased with himself.

Shizuo growled. "And he's so fucking smug that I want to punch his slimy little face in."

"Please don't. That'd reflect badly on me. I have to return him in one piece."

"Don't blame me if that doesn't happen."

"Well...try your best to restrain yourself. This client is a very important person and I don't want to make him angry."

Shizuo narrowed his eyes. "You told me that Izaya was the client."

"For you, yes. For me, no. I signed you on as a proxy."

"Who the hell gave you permission to do that?" Shizuo clenched his fists, glaring at Shinra suspiciously.

"Well, that depends on your definition of permission, I guess..."

"Shinra, if you're about to tell me that this is a government thing I'm going to rip you to shreds."

"It's not."

He gave his colleague a perplexed glare. "Then who?"

"Does it matter?" Shinra asked, peering at Shizuo with a faint, business-like smile. "You agreed to do it. Plus, I got you a good cut of the payment."

"Don't care about that."

"You should. It's a lot of money. You're welcome."

"Been doing fine without your help," he muttered.

"But you have to admit that I've made myself pretty useful lately."

The blonde man snorted derisively.

"Besides," his colleague continued patiently, with a twinkle in his eyes, "your reputation kind of precedes you. It's safer to negotiate with me than with you."

Shizuo growled, but there was nothing he could say to that.

Shinra was wise enough not to show his triumph at winning the argument. He opened the bathroom door and made his way over to Izaya's pool, only stopping when the siren began to inch back warily. "Hey, Izaya-kun, I'm just going to take a look at your throat, okay?"

Izaya gave him a look that said it was definitely not okay.

Shinra sighed. "How long has he been like this?"

"Like what?"

"Unwilling to let anybody touch him."

Shizuo snorted. "Ever since you brought him here."

A soft sigh. Shinra got up and squeezed water from the edge of his labcoat. "I'm going to get Celty. Maybe she'll have better luck."


If anyone asked Shizuo why he had given Izaya a haircut instead of beating him up, he wouldn't have known what to say.

It had been a stupid impulse. Shizuo didn't like being ignored, and Izaya spent way too much time twirling his goddamned hair instead of cooperating with Shizuo's attempts to fix him. Which wasn't really a reason, but...hell, why did he need a reason? He wasn't interested in any of that psychoanalysis shit; that was Shinra's thing.

Izaya's twitchiness only became worse after the whole hair-cutting incident. Shizuo felt oddly guilty about that.

The most annoying part about the aftermath was that every time he got within two feet of his fidgety patient, he ended up with a few new scratches and bite marks – not that Izaya had been the picture of cooperation before his new hairstyle. The injuries were always light and disappeared quickly, but after nearly losing an eye Shizuo decided to give the siren some space.

A long time ago, Shinra had given him a useful little scanner that detected fluctuations in body temperature and converted the data into a readout on a patient's vital signs. It was useless for Izaya, who didn't even register on the machine. To some extent, that made sense. Sirens couldn't regulate their own body temperature; the warmth of the Mediterranean meant that they usually didn't need to. It was entirely possible for Izaya to freeze to death if he spent too much time out of the sun, and Shizuo's office was in South side – hardly the subtropical climate that sirens thrived in.

Besides adding hot water every once in a while to keep the pool warm, there wasn't any way to solve the temperature problem without wrecking havoc on his electricity bills. Shizuo just didn't have the facilities to take care of a siren properly. It was just one more reason for him to hurry up and get Izaya out of there as soon as possible. Unfortunately, Shizuo couldn't even touch his patient without provoking a very violent response - which limited his ability to fix whatever was wrong.

There was nothing to do but wait for Izaya to let his guard down.

In the meantime, he did his best to take care of Izaya's basic needs, but it was difficult when Izaya didn't seem to have basic needs. It had been two days since the siren made off with that bucket of tuna, but he never even touched the fish inside. Two whole days, and he still showed no signs of hunger.

That was technically within the acceptable range for a siren. The low end of healthy, but still healthy.

From a medical perspective, what was more worrying was Izaya's behavior. He spent most of his time sitting on the floor of Shizuo's bathroom listlessly. Every once in a while he had a sudden burst of energy, pacing rapidly around the border of the room. Then he would fall into a stupor again.

And, of course, he never sang.

Shizuo had spent the last two days or so since Shinra's last visit buried in his books, searching for information on sirens. Mostly, he was trying to figure out what was 'normal' so that he'd be one step closer to finding what was wrong.

For a species that was so prominent and well-known to the public, there was surprisingly little information about sirens. The most promising sources were all in either Italian or Greek.

Shizuo wasn't about to learn a new language to deal with a patient that he hadn't wanted in the first place.

After coming across the same exact article on a typical siren's swimming technique in three different books, he threw all of the books out in a fit of rage – and decided to leave the rest of the research to Shinra.

Then he moved on to trying to figure out what to do about Izaya. So far, he had eliminated lung damage as a possible diagnosis. From what he had seen, there wasn't anything wrong with the siren's vocal cords either. He was still suspicious about the supposed gills on Izaya's neck, but there was no way he could examine them properly until Izaya was more subdued.

He was also reluctantly considering the possibility that Izaya's problem was not strictly physical.

If it turned out to be a psychosomatic injury, Shizuo had no idea what he could possibly do. It would take a lot of trauma to force a siren to silence, and magical creatures who suffered that sort of thing usually committed suicide.

And if the cause of Izaya's muteness was magical, well, that was even worse.

Shizuo had been trained to administer all sorts of supernatural remedies, but he was very reluctant to use his knowledge except as a last resort.

Even for experienced doctors, healing magic was equal parts effective, expensive, and dangerous. Strictly speaking, it was possible to cure any ailment, including Izaya's, but the methods to do so ranged from simply risky to life threatening. Slave contracts, spiritual regurgitation, partial reincarnation…even body-switching. He hated the idea of resorting to something like that, but if magic caused Izaya's muteness, only magic would cure it.


Since Shinra was bringing Celty with him, Shizuo didn't expect them until after sunset, and he was right. It was eight by the time he heard the knock on his door. He stood up to open it, but a golden blur raced past him and practically pounced on the door, singing very loudly and discordantly, "Let's play a game - what's my name~?"

Shizuo had completely forgotten about the whole sphinx-door problem until now. He approached the boy and managed to hold his temper in until he heard Shinra laughing on the other side. This was definitely not funny. He ripped the sphinx from the door with enough momentum that the already broken door simply fell in. It almost fell on him but he knocked it aside as he reached forward to grab the neck of Shinra's coat. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

"With what?" Shinra asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This!" he jerked his thumb in the direction of the frantic sphinx who was trying to push his door back into place.

"Well, you've got a sphinx now, I think you might as well get used to it."

"I am not keeping him!"

"Why not?" Shinra asked patiently.

"Because it's a fucking sphinx! I don't want to come home to find my clients dead at the door!"

"Then tell them what the password is beforehand."

Shizuo snorted and looked pointedly at the broken phone in the hallway.

Shinra followed his gaze and sighed. "Oh, Shizuo-kun. Do you have any other phones?"

"One in the basement, but that's not the point."

"You're right, the real problem is that you keep breaking them."

"No, the real problem is that there's a sphinx attached to my door."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Shinra stared at the sphinx thoughtfully. "You're right, that could be an issue."

"Could be?"

Celty quickly laid a calming hand on Shizuo's shoulder. He glanced at her and took a deep breath. Shinra sighed in relief. "Yes, Shizuo-kun, could be. Is there any way to tell the sphinx to let friendly people through? That is, people who are friendly to you?"

"No," he snapped, "friendliness is too subjective. You can't write that into a contract."

"Okay, okay, what about this? Can you tell him to ignore anyone who comes with an injured pet or something?"

Shizuo shrugged. The fury was dying down quickly because of Celty's presence. "Maybe," he grunted. "But I don't want to keep a pet sphinx."

Shinra nodded understandingly. "I know, I know, but you understand that having somebody around to protect the animals is a really good thing, right?"

"...I guess."

"And if nothing else, sphinxes are very good at protecting things."

"...fine."

"Good. Then let's get that contract up and running, okay?"

Kida lifted his head curiously. "Contract? With Master?"

Shizuo felt sick. He hated that title enough when it was directed towards other people, but it was exponentially worse to be called 'Master' himself.

"That's right," Shinra said encouragingly.

Kida brightened. "Awesome."

Shinra's smile was so sincere and genuine that it was almost frightening. "Yep! No more playing house for you, kiddo. This is the big leagues!"

Kida looked at him and his eyes suddenly glittered. "Hey, are you the - "

"Shizuo-kun," Shinra interjected loudly, drowning out Kida's voice, "I'll take care of the contract. Don't worry, I've done this before. You can go see Izaya-kun."

Shizuo blinked.

"No, really, I got this!" He squeezed Kida's shoulder meaningfully as the sphinx gave him a confused look.

Shizuo turned to Celty. "Does he?"

She shrugged.

"Hey!" Shinra said, frowning. "Have a little faith in me."

"Should we?" Shizuo looked at Celty again, smirking. It wasn't often that he had the upper hand in a conversation with Shinra.

The Dullahan made a show of crossing her arms and looking thoughtful. Then she shrugged again.

"Nooooo, Celty, why have you forsaken me? And you too, Shizuo-kun – how could you be so cruel to your good friend Shinra? What a sad, sad world this is...all I ever did was try to heeeeelp, please forgive me! I don't even know what I did wrong, but please forgive me! Okay? Okay? Are we good? Are you still mad? I hope not...I'm a good person at heart, I swear!"

They looked at Shinra, fighting not to grin. Well, Shizuo was. Celty couldn't grin.

"What? Why aren't you saying anything? Are you still mad at me? Huh? Are you?" How the hell did his eyes get so big?

It started as a smirk, then it escalated into a chuckle...

"No one likes me," Shinra was pouting. He was so concentrated on self-pity that he was barely even looking at them anymore. "It's so sad! All my friends are so mean to me! They talk down to me and they don't trust me at all and...are you laughing? Why are you laughing?"

"Don't worry about it," Shizuo managed to gasp. Then he glanced at Kida and his good humor suddenly plummeted.

Celty was making consoling gestures in the air. When that wasn't enough, she got out her PDA and typed, 'It was a joke, Shinra.'

"Ce-e-e-e-elty that was a mean joke! I almost had a heart attack! I thought you were actually mad at me!"

"Hey, Shinra," he cut in, before the man could get back into his self-pitying persona, "Do me a favor – if you're going to make the contract, can you change his name?"

"My name?" Kida asked, baffled.

"Yeah."

Shinra frowned. "Why?"

"Yeah, why? I like my name."

Shizuo scowled. "Because that name is...because..." Because Kida, the real Kida, had been dead for years. But he wasn't about to say that.

The black haired doctor gave him a look of understanding. "I don't think that should be an issue, as long as Kida likes it."

"I do," the sphinx insisted.

Shizuo's scowl darkened. "Can't imagine why."

"Shizuo-kun," Shinra said gently. "You have to understand that sometimes the world looks very different from the outside looking in."

"Don't get all philosophical with me, Shinra." Shizuo paused before striding forward and ruffling Kida's hair. "Okay, fine, let's compromise. You can keep your first name, but I'll give you a second one, and that's the one I'll call you."

Kida scrunched his face up in thought, then he nodded. "Okay. What second name?"

Shizuo opened and closed his mouth a few times. He hadn't thought that far.

Shinra snickered quietly.


In the end Shinra told his friend to take Celty to see Izaya, because obviously they weren't getting anywhere with this whole second name business.

Shizuo had simply glared at him and marched out of the room, shadowed by an amused Dullahan.

He liked Celty, though – if there was anyone that he didn't mind talking to when he was angry, it was Celty. She was one of the few people who understood why he got so angry, and why he got so angry at himself for getting angry.

They walked companionably until she suddenly stopped him in the middle of the hallway and put her PDA in front of his face. 'Shinra's been worried about you.'

That got his attention. "Wait, why?"

'...I'm not sure. I was hoping you would know.'

Shizuo snorted. "No, but it's not like I've ever understood how his mind works."

'I see.'

"How do you know he's worried about me?"

'Well, I don't, not exactly, but he's at your clinic all the time and when he's not he won't stop fidgeting.'

"Dunno about the fidgeting, but he's probably hanging around to check on Izaya." Shizuo shrugged.

'Yes, I thought of that.'

"You don't think that's it?"

'I'm worried that it is.'

Shizuo frowned. "Wait, huh?"

'Shinra doesn't usually get involved with the supernatural, you know? He's a human doctor.'

"You got a point," Shizuo muttered, leaning against the wall. "Damn! I knew something was up when he brought that - "

She started typing, only to stop midway to hold him back from running back to the living room and shaking Shinra until he got some answers. He was flexing his fists and growling something unintelligible.

Celty thrust the PDA into his face again. 'Please don't do anything reckless. I'm still trying to get the whole story from Shinra.'

Shizuo shrugged her off. "Fine. But you let me know if he doesn't tell you." He cracked his knuckles.

There was quite a bit of hesitation before she showed him her next message. 'Can you keep an eye on him for me? Make sure he's safe?'

What kind of question was that? Shinra was one of the few friends he had left. Of course he would. "Yeah. Sure. No problem."

'Thank you,' she typed. 'So...Izaya?'

Shizuo realized that he had completely forgotten what they were there for. Somewhat embarrassed, he turned around and started for the bathroom. At the window, he paused and pointed Izaya out to her. "That's him." The siren didn't seem to notice them there.

Celty paused. 'What happened to your blinds?' she typed.

"Was trying to patch up a garden gnome. He wouldn't sit still so I wrecked a bunch of stuff while I was chasing him around. Had to destroy the blinds to get him off the windowsill."

'I see,' she said, but he knew her well enough to sense the scolding note in her words.

He grinned. "Yeah, I know. Probably shouldn't have done any of that."

'Probably not. How did a garden gnome get onto such a tall windowsill?'

"I threw him."

'...I see,' she typed.

He gave her a somewhat sheepish look.

She shook her neck. 'So that's Izaya?'

"You've never seen him before?"

'No, no, I have, it's just...Shizuo, why is he in a swimming pool?'

"Long story."

'I see. And why is there a blanket in the pool with him?'

"Long story."

'Do I even need to ask why his hair's so short?'

"Oh, that – I gave him a haircut."

'Why?'

"Well...that...uh..."

'Long story?'

"...Yeah, long story."