Chapter 3 – Pranks and Angst

"Fanfiction?" asked Thranduil, "How would I know?" He turned towards the twins and Legolas, a quizzical look on his face.

The twins shock their heads in denial, Legolas said nothing. He had once discovered a rather bizarre story ostensibly set in Middle Earth, though it was not the same Middle Earth that he was used too.

This Middle Earth had been chock full of evil creatures, men, elves, orcs, trolls, goblins, wargs, spiders, ghosts, magical stones and other even odder things. Legolas was the last to deny that there were many evils in Mirkwood, but not that many, and not all out for his blood.

He had a horrible feeling that Erynel had just discovered more such tales and only the thought that the twins were apparently the first victims gave him any relief. The story had been an uncanny reminder of certain tales once spread about the wood elves in Minas Tirith. However kept his face appropriately blank of such thoughts and gave his father a beautifully confused look.

"Elladan and Elrohir, Twin Pranksters by Leglasswen Greenleaf" Erynel read again, "Let us find out."

Elladan and Elrohir looked slightly apprehensive, but nodded. All-unknown to the poor, innocent elves Leglasswen Greenleaf was a writer of a particularly vicious strain. Not only did she enjoy flinging beautiful and mysterious girls with her hair color and personality into the lives of unsuspecting elves, but she was also a firm believer in the unfounded rumors that the sons of Elrond liked dumping buckets of mud on Erestor, super-gluing Lindir's harp-strings and dying Glorfindel's hair pink with strawberry juice. She cheerfully ignored the fact that Middle Earth was happily lacking in super-glue.

"What does Leglasswen mean?" wondered Elladan.

"What kind of last name is Greenleaf?" added Elrohir, "Last name" he hastily added seeing the looks on the woodelves' faces, "It's a perfectly good first name."

"Enough" said Thranduil, "I will read."

"Summery" he began, his pleasant voice contrasting oddly with the poorly written words, "The Prankster twins of Ravendell have irrated Glorfindel for the LAST TIME. Elrond sends them to Mirkwood in hopes that they will learn better manners. But who is that blonde elfling that they find dying in the woods and why does the Elvinking seem so angry?"

"Ravendell?" asked Elladan, "Do they mean Rivendell, that is what men called Imladris is it not?"

Thranduil scowled ferociously at Elvinking and angry. But being the valiant and noble king that he was he struggled on.

"An Angry Roar sounded through the fair halls of the Lord Elrond. Lindir hid hastily as a blur of blonde hair and green robes dashed down the hallway.

"You little brats!" it yelled, "How dare you mess with my luscious blond locks!" Giggles sounded from the ceiling where a pair of indintical elves grinned down at the screaming lord. Suddenly Elladan lost his footing and crashed downwards into a thick red curtain…"

Five horrified exclamations echoed around the room.

"We never giggle" snarled Elrohir.

"Dye hair?" growled Elladan, "we have much better things to do with our time."

"Glorfindel screaming?" laughed Thranduil.

"Poor Lindir" said Erynel.

Legolas said nothing.

"Let us continue" said Thranduil, but he sounded slightly dubious. "Elrohir tumbled after him squawking like a plucked chicken…"

"Plucked chicken!"

"Squawking!"

"Hm…dumped in pond…rode hastily out of Ravandale…quick ride to Mirkwood…bleeding form under an oak… …called Legolas…tearstained cheeks… father beat me while drinking Dorwinion…WHAT!"

"I am thousands of years older than you two!" exclaimed Legolas surprised out of his silence.

"I would never beat an adult, much less a child and certainly not my son!" thundered the Elvenking smacking the laptop closed.

"Maybe it is just this writer" pointed out Erynel soothingly, "Let is try a different story, they can't all be that bad."

"No" said Legolas dismally feeling his time ticking away, "They could be worse…"

"Lasto Beth Nîn" by Tauriel2016" read Erynel, desperately trying to prove Elrohir right and not giggle.

Alas, Tauriel2016 was yet another firm believer in those despicable and wanton creatures known to their victims as "Mary Sues" and was a devoted lover of Tauriel, the red-headed Mary Sue from the Hobbit. Nor was that all, Tauriel2016 also enjoyed tormenting her characters in strange and gruesome ways with graphic details. She was the honorary president of an illegal elf torture group and ran a website called "Sapphire Depths" dedicated to the foolish devotees of a Barbie doll version of Legolas.

"What kind of title is 'Hear My Voice?'" wondered Elladan aloud.

"Silence, O Prankster Twin" laughed Erynel purposely skipping the summery, "Lily was a beautiful girl, as a child she had been called angelic by her beloved parents. But, alas those happy days were long gone. Her parents were died, killed in a gruesome car crash…"

Erynel was not a squeamish maiden by any stretch of the imagination, she had grown up in a forest called Mirkwood (by strangers) and had unfortunately had to prove her courage and strength on more than one occasion. Even so the description of the mangled remains of Lily's hapless parents was too much for her and she conveniently edited it to "their bodies were buried with all due respect."

"Unfortunately her Aunt Cely and Uncle Thrandy were less than kind. Lily's was a miserable existence, despite her beauty and cleverness she was unappreciated. Teachers scoffed at her answers and tormented her with essays and papers, fellow students made fun of her in their jealousy for her incomparable gorgeousness. But all that was about to change…" Erynel ended the paragraph in a tense whisper.

"Indeed" said Thranduil sarcastically, he was about to put an end to the story when he saw his daughter's face. Her eyes were twinkling and her mouth puckering as she tried not to laugh. Thranduil decided that another couple paragraphs would kill no-one.

How wrong he was.

Erynel began again, "Far away in another place and another time a fair being lay in the utmost agony beneath the cruel hands of orcs. Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, incomparable in his gorgeousness and brilliance was a prisoner of his people's worst enemy!"

"Daro!" said the real Legolas in his most commanding voice, the voice that had led the woodelves into battle and terrified countless foes. It was masterful and unassailable in its authority to all save the royal family of the Greenwood. Alas, for the fair elven prince, his foe was no orc or vile goblin but a teenage writer's cruel words read in the sweet voice of his royal sister.

Nevertheless, Erynel faltered for a moment before continuing, "The orcs parted as a tall figure stepped forwards, the prince's second cousin Thorngil had come to finish his vile work. Forever jealous of his cousin, he wished to see him die painfully and slowly. Slowly he lifted a gleaming elven blade made in the lost city of Yandil. Silver tears fell from the prince's sappherine eyes as he beheld his death.

The blade dropped slowly, splitting the tortured body in two…"

"That isn't possible!" exclaimed Elrohir, "I could barely split someone in half with a swift stroke, no one could split anything in two in slow motion!"

"You have tried splitting people in two?" asked Erynel.

"No son of mine cry because he was about to die!" said Thranduil dangerously, sending Legolas a comforting glance. Erynel felt slightly ashamed, she had known it was going to be quite that silly…

Legolas stood with the greatest of dignity. "I must see the stars" he said, with a glance at his sister, "And I believe a little quiet conversation with Fangorn is necessary after that nonsense."

And the true Prince of the Greenwood sprang lightly from the window and into the trees.


Oh, dear the elves are out for revenge...

Maybe they will read some good fanfiction sometime. It's funny, I stumbled on Mary Sue after Mary Sue when I first started reading fanfic, I nearly gave up on it before I found stories worth reading.

Also, Erynel has NOT fallen in love with Mary Sues, she is just being a younger sister and enjoying seeing her (almost) perfect big brother squirm a little. I apologize if it seems that I have insulted/copied anyone's stories. I pulled all of that nonsense, spelling mistakes and all from my own head.

To Reviewers:

nyxthranduillon: Nope...not well at all. They would stumble on Mary Sues...the Legolas-obsessed brand.

FandomFangirl100: May you continue enjoying...

LOTCER: Yep, rather. Though I also dislike the boneless Legolas that melts when he discovers silly stories about himself. No melting Legolas here...

Lilyssy: You giggled! most un-elven...

PegasusWingsVW: Oh, I am so glad I helped your day. Writing this is so much fun...

Just A Reviewer: I am still not sure about them reading my stories, I didn't want to use real stories...unless people volunteer them. Also, because I am not cruel enough to leave you wondering, all is forgiven, I was not really insulted to begin with. More amused, and felt the need to be sarcastic. I honestly love your reviews...and that last one for First Impressions made me laugh for about 10 minutes...So don't feel bad!

Optymistika: When Elf Lords are insulted...

earthdragon: I am still debating Glorfindel..maybe next chapter...

1356-2478: No, just clear his mind with the free air and starlight. Thranduil on the other hand...

till next time

Shire Rose