Disclaimer: I own nothing but my car. Which is amazing, so I really can't complain.

Boot Camp

Chapter Three

Let Sleeping Pharaohs Lie

Bakura and his fellow Boot Campees snuck from shadow to shadow with their assorted weapons. Pegasus, who led the rag-tag group, brandished a candlestick, held in front of him like a baseball bat. Kaiba had somehow turned two candles into numb-chucks, while Joey was expertly handling a strip-of-fabric-turned-whip. A Dark Magician's staff was Ishtar's weapon, while the Blue Eyes was...well, Blue Eyes was Blue Eyes. Bakura was looking dangerously sexy with a stolen dagger and a deck of deadly poker cards hanging casually out of his back pocket.

But, the scariest of all was Duke.

He had somehow smuggled in a professional salon style arsenal of hair and beauty products, though Bakura wasn't sure he wanted to know how.

The others, of course, being manly men (with the possible exception of Pegasus and the Blue Eyes White Dragon) made fun of him when they saw his weapons. They had stopped, however, and now looked up to him with unspoken awe at how he handled a comb and hair spray. When they say "looks that could kill," that person was obviously talking about Duke's hairstyling skills.

Two of the invaders had been put down by Duke's "Mirror of Justice," while another was unconscious, hanging from the ceiling of the hall by a lacy black thong that pinned him to the ceiling. After disposing of the three men, Duke had nonchalantly capped his hairspray and twirled a wireless hairdryer in his other hand.

"Can you believe they didn't hire me as a hairdresser?" he said, looking at the frozen occupants of Boot Camp, all with their jaws at their feet.

He now crouched at the rear of the line, scissors and brush held erect.

Our heroes have, so far, almost made it to the Mess Hall, where, Joey assures them, the "boss" and enemy army will be waiting. He insisted that he was the authority on camp-takeover movies, and that it always happened that way in the films. He had also assured them that the good-guys always won.

"But, we aren't exactly what you'd call good guys," Bakura put in.

The group could do nothing but agree to that statement.

Our favorite albino (besides Ryou, of course) had been keeping tabs on how many of the invaders had been immobilized by their tiny procession. He had counted sixteen. If you just counted just those immobilized, though, there would be a few more. Bakura wasn't sure whether or not to count the Magicians Joey had attacked when he caught them touching his Hershey's...

Around the next corner Pegasus went, candelabra held at both arms length, stage-whispering an illegible war cry. After a few seconds, he motioned to the others around the corner.

"No one here," he said, "but the Mess Hall lights are on."

"Let's go, then!" Kaiba cried, starting off. "If they kill Yugi, I'll never be able to beat him!"

"At least your intentions are good," Bakura murmured. Ishtar and Duke snickered behind their hands.

At last, when the campers reached the building, the doors flung open, revealing the Dark Magician Girl in red and black attire. Behind her, all dressed in the same colors, was the biggest host of Monsters Bakura had seen since the Pharaoh marched into battle with the priest.

"Good evening, Boot Campers!" the Magician yelled. "I am the Dark Magician Girl, invited here by Yugi." Here, she gestured to the small and smirking Yugi Motou. "And these monsters you see behind me make up my band...The Raiders of Lost Crap!"


Ryou watched as the Pharaoh, upon being roughly shaken by Tristan a third time, struck out with his fist, giving Tristan another black eye. Serenity and Ryou winced in unison.

"I am so glad that isn't me," Serenity stressed.

Ryou nodded. "Me, too. I didn't know anyone could aim that well while sleeping."

Serenity and Ryou shook their heads, once again in unison, and looked towards the peaceful chaos by the Pharaoh's bed.

Tristan released the sleeping monarch, who promptly rolled over, muttering, "Mom, I don't wanna go to petty court..."

The Cloaked Figure shook it's head and sat down. "I guess we'll just have to let sleeping pharaohs lie then, huh?" Tristan, who was nursing a bloody nose, grumbled, "It's about time!"

"How about some more talking while we wait for Yami?" The Cloaked Figure asked. It lowered the hood. Long, raggedly cut brown locks fell out, and blue eyes flashed with intelligence. "It's the only thing we can do at the moment, anyway."

"Tea!" they shouted.

Her eyes widened. "Shh! Don't draw attention to us! We don't want to let the invaders know we're here, do we? Not with him asleep, least of all," she finished, jerking her finger in Yami's direction, who had, up until that moment, been snoring peacefully. "Now, I heard that you've only done two people. Usually, it only takes two days to get everyone in, but, apparently, we had a special, two-day session." She glanced at Malik, who blushed a bright red. "I'm really curious about you, Serenity. What brings you here?"

Serenity stopped icing Tristan's eye for a moment when her name was called. She then handed him the ice pack and turned to the group.

"Well, Yami and Shaadi came over to talk to me and Joey to find out if we qualified. Shaadi took Joey away immediately, but Yami stayed to talk to me because he found something...interesting in my mind. I told him to butt out because it wasn't his business-"

Yami snorted in his sleep. Tea frowned and elbowed him.

"Go on," she said over Yami's initial gasp of breath.

"He said that I don't have enough courage to tell my brother about a problem I had, but that I should tell him, because it wouldn't be a problem then-"

"What problem is that?" Mary broke in.

"I'm getting to that!" she glowered. Then, lowering her head, she smiled. "I'm in love."

The initial 'aw, how cute' went around the room. Tristan clasped his hands in mock prayer and mouthed 'Thank you' to the ceiling.

"With whom?" No one knew who asked, but everyone was dying to know.

She blushed a bit more, stuttering. "I...um...well...K-I'm in love with Seto. Seto Kaiba."

The occupants of that room could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed that statement.

But all they heard was the sound of Tristan's head hitting the floor as he fainted.


"Raiders of Lost Crap!!" Kaiba cried. He looked at Yugi. "I thought they only existed in some corny old American movie!"

DMG rolled her eyes. "That's Raiders of the Lost Arc, idiot."

Joey looked from the DMG to Kaiba, then to Yugi. "What the HELL?!" he burst out.

"I know what's going on," Ishtar cackled. "It's a test, to see how much better we are after that alternate-universe-dimension-swap. That magic girl will read our minds and see if we've lost our marbles yet."

"You are right...in a way," Yugi chuckled not too nicely. "Line up! Alphabetical by first name! NOW!"

The inmates franticly scrambled into their lines. When they got there, Dark Elf was standing next to the DMG, eyes closed, but face upturned as though listening to what the floating girl was saying. But, strangely enough, neither of their lips moved. Dark Elf nodded anyway, seemingly unaware that there was no conversation. She moved to the closest person to her, who was also the last in line. Pegasus.

She touched her hand to his forehead. Her brow crinkled. "You have a lot of pain in your past. I can see that." Her face tightened, as though feeling the pain herself. "Your wife lost...claimed by a tragic disease, right before giving birth to your daughter. Your eye lost, twice, followed by a deep spiral into insanity. Well, we can do one thing for you. Do you know the identity of your only daughter, whom you abandoned all those years ago?"

Pegasus was weeping now, sobs shaking his body. "No," he answered, sounding resentful and depressed. "But I wish to know."

"You've known her for many years already," the Elf continued. "She is very close to you. Her name is Mai."

"Mai?" Pegasus gasped in wonder. "Mai Wheeler?"

The Elf smiled. "Yes. When you get back, make sure to tell her."

The white-haired billionaire collapsed on the ground, crying with pure joy.

The Dark Elf, eyes still closed, but now some-what smiling, framed Ishtar's face with her hands.

"You, my poor soul, have lost your mind. The only thing I can suggest for you is something I will give you last."

Ishtar nodded, looking absolutely infatuated with the Elf. "Yeah. Got it."

She stood in front of Kaiba now. "Hello, Seth Toivo Kaiba." Kaiba gave her a startled glance. "Yes, I know your full name. Don't be scared, I just need to see your thoughts. Please, open your mind to me."

Kaiba nodded, and she placed both her hands on his forehead, as though foreseeing what was to come. "Ah-ha! I've found your one weakness, and one thing that you will let me see. You need to see something yourself, then."

With those last words, the background warped, and the seven campers were faced with a completely different scene.


When the space before his eyes finally focused, Bakura and his fellows were standing in a dark room with brightly colored posters and beanbags lining the walls. But, they weren't the only ones there...

"Ryou!" Bakura exclaimed under his breath. Although it pained him to think it, he had really missed the boy. He noticed that his twin didn't turn when his name was called. Strange, Bakura thought.

"They can't hear us, 'Kura," he heard Ishtar say. "It's just an Illusion, though we are seeing what's really happening."

Ah, that's why he didn't answer. Good for him, the little brat.

"Thank you for the explanation, Ishtar." The Elf's high tones almost floated in the Illusioned air. "But, please. Quiet. Listen to what is being said, and you will know why you're here."

Bakura listened, unconsciously hoping to hear his hikari's mellow tone.

"...getting to that!" the fiery-haired Wheeler sibling cried. Then, calming down, she blushingly added, "I'm in love."

"With whom?!" Joey almost yelled. His sister looked nervously around the room, and, not seeing her brother, answered.

The fool Tristan was doing a victory dance behind her, and looked even more foolish sporting a bloody nose and two black eyes. Which he probably got by making a move on the girl, Bakura thought. He had no idea why, but this idea made him almost cheery.

"I...er...Seto. Seto Kaiba."

Bakura did a double—no, triple-take. Kaiba? The Wheeler girl was in love with Kaiba?! He stared unabashedly at the girl fiddling with her fringe in the silent room, and barely registered Tristan collapsing on the floor behind her. However, he did notice the foreground fading, being replaced gradually with the front of the Mess Hall. He turned to try finding the Elf to explain this, but Joey got his opportunity first.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, KAIBA?" he screamed. "YOU SEDUCED MY SISTER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

Dark Magician Girl, who, until recently, had been standing against the wall, floated above Joey and shoved her staff in his face. "No, you won't, unless you want pain."

Joey sat down. "Fine." She turned away. Joey muttered a cruel insult behind her back, and she bared down on him once again.

Kaiba looked from Joey to the Dark Elf several times before clearing his throat. "Um, why did you show me that?"

Dark Elf looked at him, managing to roll her eyes while keeping them shut. "You love her also, am I mistaken?" Kaiba hesitated, looking at Joey, then nodded solemnly. "That's what I thought." She smiled widely. "After Joey is done speaking with me, you two may go into a private room and discuss your future plans."

She moved to the man now. "Hey, Wheeler," she said, voice mimicking Tristan's easily. "Give me your hand." He did, and she held it to her heart. "Do you feel this?" He nodded. "It is a heart. And, although you may not believe it, your father does have one, and he does love you. You are his son, Joey, and he adored you since the moment you were born. Trust me. Just talk to him when you get back." She dropped his hand and started gliding away. "Oh, and congratulations to you and Mai. It's a girl!"

Joey looked stunned for a moment before pumping his fist into the air. "Yes! Mai always wanted a girl..." Then it hit him. "I'm a Dad!" He began dancing around, hugging Kaiba before skipping back off to his cabin.

The Elf was closing the space between herself and Duke, who hurriedly backed away and told her repeatedly that he didn't need to be healed. She frowned, but nodded, saying, "Okay, if you insist..."

Bakura frantically noted the Blue Eye's absence. Panic set in as the Elf moved closer, cutting off the path of retreat. Oh, crap, was his last thought before the Elf grabbed his face, and stared directly into his brown eyes with her glowing white ones.


Ryou looked shocked, disgusted, then just plain confused. What did Serenity see in Kaiba, anyway?

All the patients stared at Serenity with a mixture of shock and horror evident on their features. "No friggin' way," someone murmured.

"So, Tea," a flustered Serenity calmly asked, "you asked me why I'm here. Now that I've completely embarrassed myself by revealing my innermost secret, could you tell us why you're here?"

"Very much the same reason as yours, Seren," Tea answered with a mask of calmness. "Except for the fact that I was here for last session that Yami led, and I was asked back as a councilor."

"Tell them the reason you were here the first time, Tea," said an annoyed but awake Yami. "I assure you that they will agree with me."

Everyone turned, surprised to see the pharaoh alive, let alone awake.

"Okay, Yami. I will tell them. But, no interruptions, okay? None!"


Next Chappie: Tea's story, what the Dark Elf saw in Bakura's mind, Ishtar's cure, a new enemy, the boy's stories about their trip in the first chapter, a new war, and the good-byes from the Raiders. (Or shall they be dubbed Crappers? You decide in your review.)

Much love,

kitty