New Life
Three – Enter the savior, exit the savior
Those nice little caresses and the soft sound of his breath were far less than what Kagome wanted from Sesshoumaru. She knew he wasn't asleep, because he hardly ever slept around her, at least in the last months, it always seemed like he was tortured by some unseen threat, and he needed to stay alert all the time. She was cuddled next to him, his chest against her back, and a protective arm over her belly. She wore a long, silky night gown which – she made sure – didn't look too much like a negligee, but left enough to be seen. She really felt undesirable, now that she'd gained all that weight, and he wouldn't even touch her that way anymore. What was wrong with him? Was it that disgusting to make love to a pregnant woman, or what? Kagome sighed, and stirred a little in his embrace.
"Are you awake?" she whispered. Sesshoumaru didn't answer. Kagome licked her lips, thinking it must have been 2am, and she still couldn't get any sleep. He hadn't told her when he was going to leave next, or how imminent this danger was… he hadn't told her much. Yet, when they were together, Kagome felt like there was nothing they couldn't face. Just as long as he was there, with her. All the friends in the world couldn't make up for him being gone. There was an empty space inside her that couldn't be filled with anything else. She sighed again.
"Why are you so sad?" his voice sounded, close to her ear. Kagome bit on her bottom lip.
"I feel alone, most of the time. Like you've… become someone I don't know… anymore."
"Do you think you know me, Kagome?" she almost broke into tears. A sudden tremble passed through her body. He felt it, and darn it did he feel sorry for those words, but they were true.
"I hoped I did." she said, trying to face him. His grip didn't allow her to move much, though, so she gave up trying to out strength him. She buried her face in the pillow, praying to God she won't start crying. She hated when she cried, it was a magnificent display of how she failed to keep even her own body under control.
"I am…"
"Oh, please!" she cut his words, almost sobbing, her voice somewhat choked. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, as if doing so would keep his ears and nose from sensing his wife's unease, and his part in it.
"Am I different that what you expected?" he asked, afraid of the answer. Kagome didn't react at first.
"Different…" she said, slowly, one minute later. Sesshoumaru's heart was racing, and hitting her back in such a violent manner that he was sure she could sense his anxiety. Kagome was caught in her own thoughts though, and she could hardly focus on anything else.
"Yes, you are." she admitted. Nevertheless, her tone of voice didn't have the gift of offering the taiyoukai an answer. It could have been either that she found him more or less that what she had in mind he would be. It really hadn't been an answer.
"Are you disappointed?" he asked again, this time his heart seeming to stop beating entirely.
Kagome covered her face with her hands, crouching. He moved to fit her new position, and somewhat pressed down on her body. That weight was something she'd missed. She'd missed the scent of their contact, the feeling of his skin against hers, his hands, his beautiful hair brushing over her body… she just missed him. And she didn't know how to tell him, so that he would understand that she didn't only want him, but she needed him.
"No, I'm just…" she fought her tears, but it was no use, by now. Damn these emotional outbursts, she hated them! Sesshoumaru cleared the dark hair from the back of her neck, and kissed her gently a few times, passing his fingers through the short strands at her temples. Kagome just sat there, still, tears falling from her eyes, making thin paths along her nose. His kisses climbed up the side of her neck, where her pulse was hitting against the shallow skin, and his arm caught her tighter. Kagome wanted him to touch her more than anything in the world, her every thought flew in that direction. She had no other acknowledgement than the one of his body against hers, of his hot kisses, and his lips making their way to hers. She let herself be turned slightly around, and she allowed her head to be bent backwards, as he licked the small gap under her chin.
Then, she let him part her lips slowly, giving him her warmth and her salty taste, as he wiped away the tears. That kiss was so different from the others, because it wasn't just desire, mere lust between them now, it was love and dependence on one another, it was trust and it would soon be a blood bond, when their child would be born. The absolute silence inside her scared Kagome. There was no sound of waterfalls crashing down, as she used to feel before she knew she loved him, it was just her silent craving, and the longing for him to respond to her calls.
"Don't ever think I do not love you." he said, between two short kisses. There had never been a greater truth, nor a more truthful speaker than Sesshoumaru, at that moment. However, he lacked the general disposition to let her know it, at times. That was what Kagome needed to understand. By the look of her, she was indeed trying, but from time to time, it came so hard for her, that it was simply easier to fight with him than say it straight that she thought their relationship was in big trouble.
"I won't." she whispered back, stretching her neck a little to kiss him. Her thin gown was slowly pushed up her legs, and Kagome shivered a little feeling his cool fingers against her thigh. He pulled her leg back to him, so that her bottom would press against him, and she let out a small sigh. As his hand traveled higher up, Sesshoumaru took notice of her lack of underwear, and thought that was a nice shift, for a change. Kagome simply said they were somewhat uncomfortable to wear, because of her pregnancy. He continued to kiss her neck and shoulder, and Kagome arched her back a little to fit his form better.
Feeling his arousal, she smiled a little, but quickly bit on her lip, as his hand moved to cup her breast, pressing down on it, then in small circular motions. She just lost all the air in her lungs. The feeling was so sudden and so overwhelming, that she just stopped breathing for a few moments, her mouth agape, and her eyes wide open. Sesshoumaru decided to cover her swollen lips with his, and so Kagome found herself trapped against him. She thought there was no further control he could enforce upon her, but as it turned out she was dead wrong. Using her arched position, Sesshoumaru pushed her clothing all the way up to her waist, and slid his hand between her thighs from behind, making her jerk forward for a second.
His fingers found the heated spot which stated clearly that he was more than ready for him, but he didn't want to rush things, and thought, by the sound of her tiny whimpers, that he would enjoy just playing with her body a little. As he parted her legs, he slid his other arm under her, catching her shoulders, and making her head fall back against him. She opened her mouth and breathed in deeply, moaning as he pushed the tip of his finger inside her. Kagome's chest rose and fell rapidly, and he pulled her a little further back, to lay against him, and to give her a little space. She wanted to spread her legs, but there was really no room. He held her too tightly. So he had to somewhat force his way between her legs, entering her with his finger.
Sesshoumaru knew that his claws weren't easy to go around in these particular situations, and so he carefully thrusted in a few times, then slowly removed his hand, for fear that he would harm her.
"No, please…" Kagome mumbled, scared that he would leave her.
"Shhh… Don't worry." he said, momentarily letting her go, just enough to leave himself of his clothes. Kagome lost her breath once again, as she felt his naked body against hers, and his hands pushing up her own clothes. She raised her arms and let him undress her like she was a small child. His fingers ran over her bare back, and she tensed, arching and pressing against him again. This time, his excitement was even more obvious. A firm hand caught her hip, and pulled her back. Kagome was breathing heavily, wanting him closer, as close as he could get. That sudden need for him scared her senseless, she'd never felt anything like it in her life, like she would fall part if he was to leave her… like nothing in the world could ever make sense in his absence. She was burning to have him inside her, he couldn't breathe right, she couldn't think straight…
Her body seemed so fragile to Sesshoumaru, as she was shivering quietly against him, and his need for her grew by the second, seeing how completely she'd abandoned any trace of self preservation, and other need but the one for him. It was a rare view, seeing her so defenseless, and her strong will so utterly forsaken. And it was all because of him… for him.
Without being much of a bed-talker, he just needed to tell her that she was safe, that she would never be endangered again, that he loved her and she would not suffer from his past, and because of who he was. But he didn't manage to, he just repeated "I love you" over and over again. Kagome heard his husky voice as he caressed her shoulders, as he cast her hair away from her face, as he slowly entered her, deeper and hotter, and time sat still for a few seconds, when he was all inside her, and tears rolled quietly down her burning cheeks.
"I love you." was all she heard, and her body trembled shallowly as he pushed in and out so slowly, so carefully, that it made her cry, it made her lose herself entirely in that wild embrace that asked for everything she was, and she still felt like there was more to give. She wished she could see his dear face, look in his eyes and see that all he'd said was true, but as time slipped away, and his movement intensified, she felt it in his every muscle tensing, in his breath and his touch, she heard it in his growls, and felt it on his skin, sprayed with sweat.
It was a silent and consuming fire that burnt them both completely that night, like a closed flame that had never seen the blessing of an open space. Her tears never stopped, even after their bodies tensed violently against one another, his thrust inside her became blissfully painful, and she bit down on her teeth not to scream. His grip on her body never dimmed, but he held her close, for a few hours after their breath settled and their bodies relaxed. He barely convinced himself to pull out of her, she felt so good, and so belonging to him.
Kagome fell asleep, wet trails still on her still face. Slowly, Sesshoumaru pulled her on her back, covering her up to her chest, and looking at her face. She was so lucky she'd found a way to let her feelings out! His feelings were still scorching him, as he would have never cried. It was something he simply couldn't do. He bent to rest his head on her chest, feeling the space between her breasts smaller now. Kagome was well on her way to achieving some very provocative curves. Her pregnancy had made her a wonderful gift, aside from the obvious one of her child. She was even more beautiful now, her curves fuller and better defined, her eyes brighter and her skin smoother than usually.
Sesshoumaru's hand rested on her belly, and his gold eyes widened significantly after a few minutes, when he felt the baby move inside its small, temporary home. He spread his fingers on Kagome's abdomen, closing his eyes, and smiling in content. Whoever thought they could take this away from him had another thing coming. There would be no limit to what he could do to defend them. Absolutely none.
:---:
Her eyes had been open for a few good minutes, but she wasn't moving. She knew he wasn't by her side anymore, she could feel the empty space where he should have slept, and it made her feel deserted. Kagome way laying on her side, one arm over her belly. She sighed and got up. It was already 9:15 am. She'd slept in. She passed her hand through her dark hair and put a long, kimono-like robe on, and some slippers. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, all of which thinking that making love to him last night managed not to shed any light at all over their situation. She frowned at her own image in the mirror, and then got out of the room, giving the empty bed one sad look over the shoulder.
She walked the now familiar hallways of the castle to the huge library. She didn't want to go into the living room, or the room she was using for a living room, and see he had already left, with no word whatsoever. She wanted to delay it a bit… jut enough to do her damage. She was a self-destructive little thing, Kagome thought about herself. Just before she put her hand on the doorknob, she heard Sango's voice.
"… but I'm really getting worried about her. I wouldn't have dreamt of bringing this up with you if I wouldn't have thought it serious, I trust you know that." Kagome frowned as she focused her attention on the muffled sound of her friend's words, behind the massive wooden door. She remembered another occasion in which she'd eavesdropped at this precise door, and heard things beyond any imagination.
"I assure you there is no need for you to worry. We are quite alright. Kagome is merely passing through a difficult period at the moment." Her heart began to beat faster. It was Sesshoumaru. What in the world were they talking about? Her? That was really annoying. She got prepared to storm in shouting at both of them, when the sound of Sango's voice stopped her.
"I think you're taking this a little too lightly, Sesshoumaru sama. She's not…"
"She is not your wife, Sango san." Kagome could picture Sango biting on her teeth.
"I've known her since junior high. And you, Sesshoumaru sama, haven't seen her cry the other day because she thought you didn't want her anymore! So don't tell me I don't know her! I love her! She's been my friend for ten years, you've known for her five seconds, and you think you've got her. Well, let me tell you you're dead wrong. Something's happening to her, and it's not to be taken lightly!" Kagome's eyes were wide behind the door. She was smiling at her friend's boldness.
'Wow, go Sango' she mouthed.
"This conversation is over." She heard Sesshoumaru say, quite determined and a little annoyed, she could tell. Man, if he were to be disrespectful to Sango, Kagome would kill him! But she realized she didn't have any time to flee anymore. So she pushed the door open and saw Sango's red face, and her husband's callous posture. Just like she'd imagined them. Sango gave her an astounded look. Sesshoumaru just looked at her coldly.
"You really must shake this habit. It's getting quite upsetting, Kagome." He said, and Kagome grimaced. He'd sensed her at the door.
"And you should try to make it so that I don't have to eavesdrop at the door to hear things regarding my own person." Kagome retorted. Sesshoumaru huffed quietly on his nose. Sango was still red.
"Would you mind telling me what the big idea is? Or you may only talk about it when I'm not present?" Kagome had her hands folded over her chest. She looked… disturbed. Sango opened her mouth, but Sesshoumaru saw it necessary to unceremoniously tell her to leave them alone in the room. Kagome looked at him like he was the last dirty crawler on the surface of the land.
"Are you a complete jerk? She was just trying to help!" Kagome shouted at him. Sango wanted to say that it's alright, she understands and she'll leave, but Kagome began shouting again.
"I mean, isn't it enough that you bring that old hag here to tell me shit about my own child, now you treat my only friend like dirt! You've got another thing coming, mister! I suggest you revise your attitude, Sesshoumaru! You don't scare me anymore, you know? And…"
"Scare you? I never wanted to scare you, for God sake!" he raised his tone a little. Sango saw it was her queue, and headed for the door.
"Oh, no you don't! You stay right here Sango, you have some explaining to do as well…" Sango sighed and stayed put.
"Let her go, Kagome… you are being unreasonable."
"Am I now? Oh, I'm sorry dear, but gee, have you ever considered that if you'd tell me what the hell's going on in my own home I'd be less unreasonable?" Sango shifted her weight on one leg, feeling a little out of place. Kagome was really going wild. Sesshoumaru gave her a look that scared Sango. He was focused, tense, and trying not to do something irrational. He fixed his eyes on his wife's pregnancy, and settled down his temper. It was just the hormones… he told himself, but he knew all too well that she'd been a tempest long before she got pregnant. They would kill each other if one of them didn't keep it down. For the time being, he would have to be that person. However, that didn't mean he had to like it, too.
"Sango san was only concerned about you. That is why she approached me. You have nothing to reproach her, Kagome." Even his tone annoyed her. He was always so darn calm. She couldn't have a real argument with him, it was freakin' impossible!
Kagome looked at her friend, whose eyes were set on the carpet.
"I'm sorry Sango. This isn't your fault…"
"Just… try not to say something you'll regret, honey." The older woman said to her ear, before exiting the room in speed. It was ridiculous that she should take part at this, it wasn't her business, and she had just been concerned.
"I am glad you have finally realized it." Sesshoumaru replied, after the door fell closed. Kagome looked at him annoyed.
"You, however, have some explaining to do." She pointed a finger at him.
"I thought I did so last night." Kagome narrowed her eyes.
"Which part? When you let Kaede pour those horrible things on me, when you did the exact same thing, or when we had sex?" Sesshoumaru could feel irritability bite on his nerves. He clenched his fists.
"Sex?" he bit on his teeth, he wanted to howl, she was so infuriating. They really could not have a civilized conversation without her pissing him off. This woman was a pain in the neck!
"Yes, you know, sex! Like when…"
"Kagome stop!" he raised her voice. She closed her mouth nervously. She was mad as hell, she was angry with him, although she didn't know exactly why. Maybe because he was so calm. Maybe because he was there for her to be angry with him… who knew? She needed to piss him off, to see him lose it for once, to make him act out and not treat her co condescendingly. For God's sake, something! Anything was better than that composure he always put on.
"What do you want from me?" She looked into his gold eyes and couldn't get her thought in order. She didn't want anything but him. She needed him, and it ticked her off that he was so distant. She was mad at herself. As soon as the realization hit her, she wanted to throw something at him. It was all his fault. Why did he have to be so… so… oh, whatever it had been that made her fall in love with him!
"Nothing."
Sesshoumaru frowned for a split second, almost imperceptibly.
"Nothing?" He was disappointed, but as usual, she couldn't tell it in his voice. She didn't know him, she couldn't have if she acted like this.
"Add that to having sex and do you know what we've got?" he asked. He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake that idiotic stubbornness out of her. But he stood tall, still… Cold.
Kagome shrugged. Her eyes were glassy. She felt defeated by her own words, her own actions, her life was crumbling down on her and she could do nothing to stop it. She loved him, he loved her… but that wasn't enough. Somehow, it was far from enough. They couldn't understand each other.
"Kagome." Her name sounded so beautiful from his mouth. She looked at him with sad eyes, and he felt something, everything crush down inside of him.
"Things don't have to be like this."
"Well, unfortunately, neither of us know what it takes for things to change, so I guess…" she stopped, afraid of what she was thinking.
"What?" Sesshoumaru really hated what he was feeling. This couple life was all too complicated for him, he should have minded his own business and stayed a vampire if this was the alternative! He was hurting himself, and her, and now there was child on the way… Too complicated!
"Nothing. I can't deal with this right now." She turned to leave, but he made two large steps and put an arm around her, just below her breasts, holding her in place.
"Please stay." His voice was very low. It got to her every time. She felt his forehead lower and his hair fell over his shoulder, in front of her. Tears dropped from her violet eyes as she fingered the white strands. He had such beautiful hair…
"I'm afraid. I'm not fit do got through what I've gone through before you… before we got… I don't know, I think I'm losing it sometimes, and you're so… together all the time!"
"One of us has to be." He said, but there was no malice in his voice. She smiled sadly and leaned back on him.
"How can we love each other so much and yet…"
"I really have no clue." She laughed at his answer.
"We need to set some priorities."
"I agree."
"Well, I'm glad you do." Kagome snapped, removing his hand, and facing him.
"From now on, no treating my friends like shit." He closed his eyes.
'Patience. Patience…'
"I will try." Kagome rolled her eyes.
"But no treating my guests like unsolicited scum." She laughed shortly at his wording. It was fairly unusual for him.
"I will try." She echoed his words from before. There was a moment of silence in which neither thought of anything. Then, Sesshoumaru said slowly:
"I have to leave." Kagome tensed under his arm.
"For a short while." He added. She separated from him.
"Fine." She turned and gave him a short kiss.
"I'll go get some breakfast." Kagome left Sesshoumaru a bit dazzled. He couldn't follow her line of thought, more often than not. It bugged him. But now Kaede was here, and at least he would have a wife to come home to, and he needn't stay away from her with fear constantly biting him on the heart. He had to find out what his beloved Ventrues were up to this time. He passed a hand over his face. He had to admit it was tiring to deal with all of this at once. But he knew it was worth it. He took in air and exited the huge library.
:---:
"It's raining cats and dogs…" Sango said that evening, long after Sesshoumaru had left for his plane, long after Kagome had stopped crying by herself in her bathroom, long after Kaede had told them old stories from far away, from when they weren't even born. Kagome didn't say anything. She was seated in a large armchair, looking at the rain trailing down the glass of the window. Sango sighed. It wasn't that late, but the thick and dark line of clouds make it seem like it was no earlier than the middle of the night. Sango sighed again, looking at Kaede. The old woman was instructing Emma to bring her a special kind of tea, and how to prepare it. Kagome's face was as gloomy as they come. The weather was as stinky as it came… Sango sighed again.
A loud pound at the front door made the two young women jump startled. Sango gave Kaede a short look, Sango did the same to Kagome, but neither said anything. Outside, the wind howled and ripped branches from the trees, throwing them all over Muncaster's front entrance. Rain was violently splattered on the window at Kagome's side.
"Maybe it was just the…" she started to say, but just as she was finishing her sentence, another violent pound on the doors could be heard.
"Good God, isn't anybody gonna answer that?" Kagome snapped, and got up surprisingly fast. Sango watched her as she went out of the room, and towards the main entrance. She followed her, even if she had to admit she was a little frightened. It seemed like Kagome was really stoic.
The pregnant woman reached the door before anyone else could, she figured Ethan must have been otherwise engaged, or that he simply didn't hear the pound… although that was somewhat difficult to perceive. She unlocked and pulled by the doors, only to be presented with one hell of a sight. Just as she opened, lightning was spearing the dark horizon, and a seemingly wounded man could barely hold his feet, at her door. He was leaning on the side of the doorframe, and holding onto his ribs with his left arm. Her was wearing a long, dark coat and his right hand was bandaged with a dark violet cloth, over which he's wrapped some prayer beads.
'Prayer beads??' Kagome thought. But that didn't matter.
"OH, dear God, are you alright?" she shouted, so that he could hear her over the loud thundering.
He raised his face and looked at her. He was young; he couldn't have been more than 27 years old. His eyes were a light shade of brown, and his hair messy and wet, stuck to his skull in fairly long strands. Kagome reached for him and pulled him in just as Sango reached her.
"Kagome, what's… Oh God!"
"Is everyone around here saying that?" the man mumbled as the women were pulling him inside and closing the doors behind him. Sango gave him a better look, and noticed he was trying to say something.
"Outside… my staff…"
"Your what??" Sango shouted. The mad raised his chin and looked straight into her eyes.
"My staff. Outside, please…" Sango left him seated on the floor, while Kagome was yelling for Ethan, and went outside to find the man's staff. But the damn thing wasn't there. She looked around the doorframe, but still nothing.
"It's not here!" she shouted back. Ethan had arrived, and was sustaining the man's head. She looked again, this time stepping out of the castle.
"Oh, man… I'll get soaked." She didn't have time to finish her sentence, that a powerful blow of the wind brought enough rainwater on her to soak her to the skin. She closed her eyes, much like one would when a car passes by and splashes you with water from the side of the road. But she had to find that darn thing… As she looked around, she could hear Kagome yelling at her to come inside, or she'll get killed by those lightning bolts. Truth be told, Sango was shivering with cold and fright. Why was she risking her physical integrity for this man?
"Stupid… stupppiddd…" her teeth were clenched. Ah, but there it was, a few feet from the entrance. A tall staff with six large rings on top. Sango picked it up, and even with all the rustle from the storm, she could hear the rings hitting against each other. She froze, looking up at the strange thing.
"Sango, what are you doing? Come on!" Kagome yelled at her from the door frame. Sango looked at her like she'd just climbed down from the clouds. She hurried to get inside, and closed the doors behind her. She was dripping wet, but she couldn't take her eyes off the rings.
"What in the world were you…"
"Where is he? Where did you take him?"
"What? Ethan just took him in the kitchen, to get him warmed up. Why are you acting like this?" Kagome tried to look into Sango's eyes, but they were out of focus.
"Sango?" a few moments of silence passed.
"I have to see him." Sango passed by her friend. Kagome raised her arms, and then dropped them helplessly, not understanding anything.
:---:
"Ethan? Ethan!" Sango screamed, entering the kitchen. No one was there. The room was warm and filled with delicious smells. Sango stood in the doorframe, her hands on each side of it. She was panting from having run along the hallway.
"Ethan!!" she yelled down the corridor.
"Yes Miss Sango." The man appeared out of nowhere in the kitchen. Sango frowned, confused.
"Where did you take him?"
"One of the bedrooms Miss, just next to the kitchen. It was the cook's sitting room, up until recently." Sango didn't care. She rushed across the kitchen, and pushed the bedroom door open, obsessed with the image of that man in the doorframe. She didn't stop to think he might have been changing clothes. She heard Kagome talk to Ethan just behind her, telling him to call a doctor. There were little chances than any doctor could come at this time though. Sango felt her head light. She had to see him, she had to see who he was, if he had… She stopped at the sight of him laid on the large sofa.
His long coat was dripping wet, making a water spot on the carpet next to the sofa where it was hanging off the side. His eyes were closed and his face livid. His right side was obviously wounded, and his right arm rested… rested… Sango put a hand over her mouth. The prayer beads. The violet cloth…
She stepped towards him slowly. The muffled sound of the storm made her even more nervous. He laid there still, not even…not even breathing, it seemed. He couldn't be… he couldn't have died! She rushed and knelt by his side, feeling his pulse. He was so cold… he had a pulse, a faint one, but a pulse nonetheless. She looked at his still face, and dared remove a wet strand from his cheek.
"Can you hear me?" she whispered. No answer came from him. She moved a little closer.
"Who are you?" she whispered again, very close to his face. Her heart was bursting out of her chest, and her breath was stupidly fast. His eyes shot open and she almost fell on her butt with startle. She stiffened, while he gave her the most intrusive look anyone had ever given her. She couldn't breathe right. She couldn't think. She couldn't move…
His eyes fell closed again, and she let out her breath, taking in air again, and settling her heartbeat.
"Sango? Is he awake?" Kagome said, from the doorframe. Sango looked at his still face.
"No."
"I've called for a doctor, but I don't know if he'll make it all the way out here tonight."
Sango could barely hear Kagome.
"Uh-huh." She said, just to say something.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." Sango stood up and put the staff against the wall, then exited the room. Kagome took a look at the tall stranger, and called Ethan to take care of him until the doctor showed up. They had to take him out of those clothes, and get him warmed up. And Sango too.
:---:
AN: Hello again. Have you forgotten about me? I wouldn't blame you. Well, here it is, I've started writing again. I'm sorry for the long absence; it wasn't really by choice. Anyhow, I hope you won't ignore this fic just because I'm a bad updater.
Kissez as usual,
Gesserit.
