Another chapter! Woohoo! So I couldn't resist any longer...I had to put a little juicy goodness in this one. I hope no one minds that I use some of the lines from the show, I feel like it's a good connect to keep it true to the actual story. I of course don't own any of the characters or lines I stole from the show :) Or song lyrics I use for that matter!
Kurt POV
The last couple days have been a bit awkward between Finn and I. That night at his house...wow...I still haven't quite processed it. I know that I've always talked the big talk about wanting Finn, but I guess I never truly believed he would come around to my side of the field. It all happened so quickly that I just panicked. I stole a glance across the lunchroom to the football table. Finn was chatting animatedly to one of his goonie 'friends'. He must have felt my eyes on, because he turned to look at me almost immediately. One of those big warm smiles spread across his face and I directed my attention back to my food. Okay...so it was me that was making things awkward.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hey you," Finn spoke softly leaning down to my ear.
"H-h-ey Finn..." I choked on my words at the feeling of his warm breath on my neck.
"So how do you feel about this Madonna stuff this week, Puck and I were saying that we should be able to sing something else. I mean...Madonna is all about women empowerment." He slid into an empty seat next to me.
"We should all be empowering the women Finn. Being able to sing Madonna will show the girls in the club how much we respect them not just as individuals, but also as women."
"Yea, I suppose your right. You're sort of a girl...so I guess you understand them better."
He did not just say what I think he said.
"Finn Hudson! I may have some feminine qualities, but I am NOT a girl in any way, shape or form. Not to be crude, but I have a dick just like you." He better not think that he can explain away his attraction to me by calling me girly.
"Dude, sorry. I know you're not a girl. I didn't mean it like that...just that you maybe get them better because they talk to you about stuff that they wouldn't with me."
Okay...maybe I flew off the handle a little. I have a tendency to do that. "No, I'm sorry. I am sort of honorary girl when you get down to it." I stuck out my hand, "Apology accepted?"
Instead of shaking my hand, Finn grabbed my fingers and pulled my hand up to his mouth. "Always," his lips touched my hand ever so lightly before he stood up and walked away from the table.
I swooned.
Finn POV
Maybe that was a bit bold, but he just stuck his hand right out in front of me! What was I supposed to do?
Kurt had been ignoring me since 'that night'. I can't say I totally blame him, but it's actually been a blessing in disguise. It gave me a lot of time to think, about who I am, what I want...and how I can figure out what I want. Santana came up to me this morning telling me it was time to lose the 'big V' as she put it. At first it seemed absurd, but the more I thought about it, it may be a good opportunity to examine my sexuality. I mean...neither Rachel or Quinn ever gave it up, so who knows when the next occasion would occur. Kurt wanted a decision...a commitment, how could I offer him that without knowing for sure what I was into?
Santana happened to be at her locker as I walked out of the lunchroom. No time like the present I suppose.
"Hey...um...so that offer of yours. To lose the big 'V'?" Santana nodded, a smile crept across her face. "I'm in."
Later that night...
"Do you think they have room service in this place, because I want a burger."
"I thought I'd feel different after..." Sex was nothing how I thought it would be.
"Yea, well I've noticed that it takes twenty or so times before the feeling of accomplishment kicks in. There's no menu so you're going to have to take me to a burger joint." How could she be so casual? "How do you feel? She asked finally.
"I don't feel anything...because it didn't mean anything."
I felt numb as I left the hotel to walk home. I had told my mom that I was spending the night out, but after that fiasco I didn't feel like spending the night with Santana. I needed air...some time to decompress. Good thing I had almost an hour before I would get home. So what did I want? One thing was for sure, I wanted a meaningful relationship. I don't know how people could sleep around or have one night stands. I felt more emotion by holding Kurt's hand in my room than I felt the whole time with Santana.
More than anything right now, I wanted to be with Kurt. I want to hold him, run my hand along his jawline, kiss him until he's weak in the knees. Did that make me gay? I suppose it at least made my bisexual. I had been looking around at other guys at school over the last few days and no one else really caught my eye. I knew why though...there just simply wasn't another guy like Kurt. He was one in a million, at least in Ohio.
The night was quiet, it had been dark for at least an hour so all the kids were in their houses. I heard some music, quiet at first, but as I walked further along the street I could hear it clearer. I knew that song, I think it was called Delaying Gravity, Rachel and Kurt had sang it at the beginning of the year. I stopped walking for a minute and just listened. It was coming from the house right next to me, all the lights in the house were off except for a window I could see went to the basement. The song was spilling out the cracked window. I smiled as realization dawned on me, to the left was a Black Escalade in the driveway and that familiar voice sent chills down my spine. This was Kurt's house, and he was singing his heart out in his room, unaware that I stood outside entranced.
Without even thinking I picked up a small stone and tossed it at his window. The singing stopped, so I picked up another one and tossed it in the same spot. Wasn't this what they did in romantic movies? Prince Charming throwing stones at the window of his beloved, it was all chivalrous or something.
Kurt POV
I walked up the stairs quietly, so not to wake my dad. I was probably just hearing things anyway...but I wanted to make sure. It sounded like someone was throwing rocks at my window. I slowly opened the front door and peeked outside. I could see a shadowy figure near the sidewalk, they looked like they were pacing.
"Hello?" I whispered through the dark.
"Kurt? Is that you?" That voice...
"Finn what are you doing in my yard!"
"I thought maybe you'd like to go for a walk," though I couldn't his face through the night, I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Um...sure, but I need to find something to wear. Would you like to come in while I change?" But he was already at the door stepping inside. "Just keep quiet, my dad goes to bed early...and I don't want him knowing I have a boy in my room!"
Down in my room, where I knew we could talk without worry of being heard, my curiosity got the best of me.
"So what exactly were you doing out there tonight?" I look over at Finn who seemed to be distracted by my moisturizing station.
"How could you possibly need all of this?" He ignored me.
"Hey Mister, no deflecting. It's 10pm and you are over a half hour walk from your house. I'd like an explanation." I put my hands on my hips and gave him my best 'mom' look that I could muster.
"Dude you look like my mom right now...which totally makes what I was going to talk to you about awkward."
"Oh! You're right, that is weird. Here I'll go change and then we can go back outside to talk."
"Well, to be honest, now that we're in your room why don't we just chat in here. Plus you look totally adorable in your jammies." He winked.
"Oh fine, we can just stay here. So what's going on in that head of yours?" I looked at him curiously. I really had no idea what conclusions he had come to.
"Well...first off...I did something tonight that you might not approve of. However, I feel like it was a necessary step to determining what I wanted." He sat down on my bed, he looked disconcerted.
Oh god what did he do...
"I slept with Santana." Simple as that. He wouldn't look up at me.
"Oh." I didn't know how to respond. I hadn't been sure what he was going to say, but that was probably the last thing from my mind. "Well, good for you I guess."
"It was terrible Kurt! I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you because it helped me realize how meaningless sex is unless you care about someone."
"What do you want me to say Finn? Congratulations on having meaningless hetero sex? People do it all the time."
"But I don't want to BE one of those people Kurt. I want a meaningful relationship with someone I care about. And Kurt, I care about you. I don't have an answer to my sexuality, but can't I just like you? Do I need to label myself in order for you to be with me?" His eyes with pleading with me.
"Of course not Finn...I guess it's just hard for me. I've always known who I am, anyone who meets me knows who I am. I wear my sexuality on my sleeve, quite literally as a matter of fact. The world labels me, there just isn't another way of being for me. But you, you have liked girls your whole life, and here comes this pretty boy that has you confused. I just don't want to get hurt Finn, d-don't you g-get that?" I was starting to choke up. On the one hand I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him, but on the other, I was so afraid of having my heart ripped open.
"Can I see your iPod?" What a weird question. I crossed the room to my bag and searched through it.
"Why do you want it?" I asked as I handed it to him.
"There is this song...Rachel used to sing it a lot. Enough that I learned the lyrics. I forgot about it until I heard you singing that song earlier...I think it's from the same play."
"What, Defying Gravity? Is it a song from Wicked?" My heart quickened at the thought of Finn serenading me.
"Oh good! I knew you would have it, this verse best explains how I feel about you Kurt." He plugged the buds into his ear and began to sing acapella.
I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
But we are led, to those who help us most grow
If we let them, and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you
I reached my hand out to Finn and held it tightly. He smiled at me, and I had a few tears streaming down my cheeks. Before I knew it he had put his other hand up to my face, wiping the wetness away. I closed my eyes at his touch.
All of a sudden a hand was at my back pulling me forward and warm soft lips crashed into my own. I stroked his cheek slowly, enjoying the feeling of it all. He nibbled on my bottom lip lightly, and I felt his tongue trying to gain entrance to my mouth. I parted my lips as Finn deepened the kiss and moaned loudly.
"Oh my god Finn..." I reached underneath his shirt and ran my fingers along his back. I could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin. He was obviously enjoying this as much as I was. Finn laid me back on my bed, partially resting on top of me his lips ravishing mine. I could feel his cock growing hard, grinding into me, and then his hand was at my waist band pushing underneath.
"No...wait." I grabbed his hand away. "I'm not ready for that Finn. Don't be mad...but it's just all too quick. Could we maybe just cuddle?"
"Don't worry about making me mad! Being with you, like this, even if it's just cuddling is more than I could have hoped for. Do you mind being the little spoon?"
"I don't think I could be the big one if I tried," I smiled as Finn wrapped one arm around me, and reached up to stroke my hair with his other hand. I settled back into him and sleep engulfed me before I uttered another word.
Read and review please! Hope you enjoyed. It's kind of late right now...so I'll probably end up reading the chapter tomorrow and go "What was I thinking that makes no sense!"
-Pippa
