"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." – Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring
Chapter Three:
Getting Settled
Kit let out a weary sigh as she walked back towards her room and shut the door behind her, muttering a quiet curse under her breath as she slumped against the solid wood behind her. Why did Alice always have to make a friggin' mountain out of a molehill?
"Good grief, you would think that he'd eaten Blair the way she was carrying on. The dog was sitting on the couch; big freaking deal," the young woman groaned before she straightened up, shaking her head at the immaturity of her roommate. If things kept going the way they were, she'd definitely start looking into getting a different apartment… with no roommates.
"Me moving out of this hole is long overdue anyways," Kit muttered thoughtfully before she shook her head. "I should have moved out along with Sarah once we graduated in May. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with waking up at one a.m. because of screaming coming from the living room. I need to think about it some more, but it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to start looking around for a new apartment or something sometime in the near future."
With that thought, the twenty-one-year old pushed herself away from the door and headed over towards her bed, only to stop and grin slightly when she caught sight of the slumbering ball of gold and white fur curled up in the middle of her bed. Kit chuckled softly at the sight as she switched on her bedside lamp and sat down on top of the bed, her legs dangling over the side, before she started petting the massive collie.
"You're one funny dog," she muttered in amusement as she began to scratch the canine behind the ears in the spot that, if she remembered correctly, would have had her old dog Shadow melting into a giant puddle of doggy ecstasy. However, instead, a pair of purple eyes opened up and stared at her blearily, a look of slight annoyance at being woken up in them. However, Kit noticed that the dog didn't move away from her hand as he stared up at her, so she continued to scratch him behind his ears.
"Man, you haven't even been here for a day yet, and you're already acting like you belong here," the woman said with a grin before her smile widened even further as a thought hit her. "'If you want the best seat in the house, move the dog.'"
Sanzo arched an eyebrow slightly at that, but he didn't even budge from his spot as he watched the young woman drowsily. He was dead tired, and the experienced fingers scratching the back of his ears just felt so good…
The moment that thought crossed his mind, the priest immediately jerked back out from under Kit's hand, a slight thrill of panic running through him as he was roughly yanked into a more alert state of awareness. Just what the hell had he been thinking?! He wasn't a house pet!
"Don't do that again," he growled out darkly, although the words, as usual, came out as nothing more than an annoyed woof. Kit laughed slightly as she reached out and ruffled the fur on Sanzo's head, before she let out a jaw-cracking yawn.
"Okay, I'm gonna take that as a sign for me to get my ass to bed," she muttered before she started pushing lightly at Sanzo's side, trying to get the collie to move over a bit. "Scoot over, bed thief. Despite what you may think, this isn't your bed. I'll share, but only if you move over and let me sleep in peace."
"And what makes you think that I'll move?" Sanzo asked dryly as he stubbornly refused to budge. Kit arched an eyebrow at his blatant refusal before she shrugged and pulled her covers back a bit, sliding underneath the sheets into a somewhat cramped position. Once she had accomplished that, she started worming her feet underneath the dog's bulk. Sanzo shot her a dirty look as he stood up and moved over before flopping down next the young woman's legs, unnerved by the feeling of something alive and moving wriggling underneath him.
"That was a dirty trick," he grumbled as he stared at Kit, who gave a crooked grin in response, completely unbothered by the priest's patented 'Glare 'o Doom'.
"Goodnight big guy, I'll see you in the morning," the brunette said as she reached out and petted the dog on the head before switching off the lamp on her bedside table. Having said her piece, Kit snuggled down underneath her covers, and soon her breathing evened out, signaling that the young woman had fallen asleep.
Sanzo sat up as he looked over at the woman that he was currently sitting next to, a frown crossing his face as he did so. Just how was he going to get out of this situation? He was stuck in some town, although it was more likely a city, that he had no idea whatsoever where it was, he was currently trapped in a dog's body, with no means of actually communicating, and he had no idea where to find Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku.
Not that not knowing was going to stop him. He'd find those three idiots, even if it killed him, and he seriously doubted that Kanzeon Bosatsu was just going to let him off the hook for her little quest like that. Sooner or later, the meddling old bat was going to show up and tell him to get his ass in gear, and when she did, he'd be giving her a piece of his mind.
However, his first order of business was to find a solution to his furry problem, and then he could worry about locating Goku and the others. There was no way in hell that he'd be able to effectively convince those three idiots that it was him, and not just some stupid mutt, at least not without some form of divine intervention. Not to mention the fact that they would never let him hear the end of it if they knew that he had somehow gotten turned into a dog, threats of extreme physical violence aside.
"There is no way in hell that I'm going to let those morons know this happened to me," Sanzo vowed as he stared intently out into the darkness. "Knowing my luck, they'll probably die laughing, and I'll have to finish this damn quest all by myself."
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When Sanzo was roughly jerked out of the realm of sleep the next morning, it wasn't to the usual chaos of Goku and Gojyo fighting, or Hakkai trying to get them to shut up before he pulled out his gun and shot them all just so he could get a few more minutes of rest. No, instead, he was woken up by a loud, annoying blaring sound emanating from the alarm clock on Kit's bedside table, followed by a loud curse as said woman was also yanked from her slumber before she reached up and slammed her fist down on top of the clock, effectively shutting it off.
Then, with a sleepy groan, as well as yet another curse, although it was muttered this time, Kit let her head fall back onto the pillow, slipping back into the dark realm of sleep. Sanzo stared incredulously at the blanketed form before a low, indignant growl rose up in his throat as he glared daggers at the young woman.
Without even thinking about it, he let out a sharp bark, causing Kit to yelp out a curse as she was rudely jerked awake, and tried to twist around, only to fall out of bed with a loud 'thump'. Even more cursing ensued as the twenty-one-year old attempted to untangle herself from the sheets wrapped around her legs and torso, while Sanzo watched the scene before him with detached interest.
"If you're going to wake me up at this ungodly hour, then you're getting up too," he stated simply, although he couldn't help the slight feeling of smug satisfaction at watching Kit flail about on the floor, cursing up a storm. In his mind, this was payback for being brushed the night before.
Suddenly, the vehement cursing ground to a halt, and a hand shot up in the air before slapping down on the sheets and gripping them firmly in a manner oddly reminiscent of a zombie horror film. Sanzo arched an eyebrow and took a precautionary step back as Kit's head emerged from the other side of the bed, her blue eyes narrowed into what could only be described as a deranged glare.
"You, dog, are the devil," she hissed, not noticing that she had a bad case of bed-head that, in Sanzo's opinion, made her look even scarier. "I think I should call you Satan."
"Somehow, I have the feeling that name's an insult, and no, you're not calling me that," the priest snorted as he eyed the young woman disdainfully, watching her through hooded eyes as she got to her feet and shot him a dirty look that could have put Gyumaoh's entire army in the ground. Suddenly, he was immensely thankful that Kit couldn't hear what he was saying. Even he didn't want to face a hormonal woman's wrath, nor was he stupid enough to even attempt such a feat without a gun, and a very very large stockpile of bullets.
He'd be more than happy to leave such acts of stupidity to Gojyo.
Kit frowned as she straightened up and ran a hand through her sleep-mussed hair, her eyes at half-mast as she stumbled over to her closet and slid the doors open. Letting loose a jaw-cracking yawn, the young woman pulled out a silvery green blouse with large sleeves, and a long fawn-colored skirt with winding vines embroidered all along the bottom quarter of the skirt. Sanzo, who had flopped down on the bed in an attempt to go back to sleep, didn't realize just what Kit was about to do, at least until she pulled out a white chemise from one of her dresser drawers and tossed it down on her bed.
The man looked down at the white undergarment lying right in front of his paws, his mind trying desperately to compute just exactly what he was seeing, before he noticed Kit grab the bottom of her nightshirt and start to pull it up.
"Oh hell no!" Sanzo growled as he jumped off of the bed and damn near stuffed his head under the bed, but instead opted for the more mature option of lying flat on the ground and clenching his eyes shut. There was no way in hell that he wanted to be classified as a pervert just because he couldn't open the door and get out of the room while Kit was getting dressed. He was not Gojyo, who would probably be drooling and calling out encouragement if he were the one in this asinine situation.
The priest waited until the sound of rustling fabric stopped, and cautiously slid an eye open to check that the coast was clear. Instead, he was treated to the sight of Kit hopping about on one foot as she tried to slide her brown leather flats on with one hand and pull her shirt on over her head with the other, cursing darkly as she did so.
"I swear, if I ever get my hands on the dumbass who invented stocking, I'm gonna string them up from the highest tree I can find with their own intestines," the woman growled as she managed to slip on both of her shoes without falling flat on her face before she set about straightening her shirt. "Stupid jerks, deciding that the epitome of female fashion is to have glorified silky socks that slide down to your ankles every ten seconds. How the hell are we supposed to walk around at work if we have to keep pulling the damn things up?"
Sanzo watched as Kit snatched her hairbrush up from her desk and quickly ran it through her hair, brushing out any traces of bed-head, before she tossed her brush down on the bed and grabbed a dark green scrunchie from her nightstand. With a few quick deft movements, the young woman's longish brown hair was pulled up into a high ponytail that just barely brushed the top of her shoulders. Having accomplished this task, Kit snatched up her laptop bag from where she had deposited it the night before, and bolted out into the kitchen.
"…" Sanzo blinked a few times in surprise as he stared at the empty doorway. He didn't know that anyone could get dressed and ready that fast, much less a woman. Weren't they the ones who always took the longest to pick out something wear, take a shower, ect?
Not that he'd actually know from experience, of course.
The sound of the toaster dinging out in the kitchen caught his attention, and the monk-turned-dog heaved a loud sigh as he padded out of Kit's room and into the living room. It was about then that he realized that he was hungry… and Kit made the fatal mistake of leaving her straight-from-the-toaster hash browns on the table as she pulled out a carton of orange juice from the fridge.
Without even thinking about it, Sanzo darted forward and put his front paws on the chair, snatched one of the coveted hash browns from the young woman's unattended plate, and deposited it on the tiled floor before he began to bolt it down.
"What the… hey!" Kit yelped as she turned around, and saw the theft of part of her breakfast. "Why you… you little bandit. That was mine!"
Sanzo jerked involuntarily as he realized just what he did… again, and let out a low, frustrated growl as he finished the last fragments of the hash brown. What was wrong with him? He was acting like… a dog…
"This is idiotic! I haven't even been like this for a full day, and already I'm acting like some stupid mutt!" he realized, and shuddered at the thought. "If I don't pull myself together, and fast, I'll be fetching newspapers and rolling over to get a belly rub by the end of the week!"
Kit frowned slightly before she heaved a long sigh and pulled out a slice of bread from the bag on the counter, a wry smile twitching about her lips as she held the piece of bread out to the dog.
"Here. I should have remembered that I've got someone other than myself to take care of now," she said with a slight chuckle. "That was my fault. I guess I've gotten so used to fending for myself that I've forgotten what it's like to have someone counting on you to do your share."
Sanzo hesitated for a few seconds before he let out an annoyed huff and gently took the slice of bread from the woman's hand. Kit grinned at the action before she suddenly crouched down and wrapped her arms around Sanzo's neck, pulling the startled dog into a close embrace.
"What the hell?!"
"I hope that you really are just some stray," Kit whispered softly before she pulled away, a far-off look in her blue eyes. "It's nice to not be so alone, even if it only is for a little while, but I don't think that I could bear the guilt of taking you away from a family that loved you. Heh, knowing my luck, you probably belong to some kid who's bawling his eyes out right now because his dog's missing."
"Huh?" the priest muttered as he shot the brunette a confused look, arching an eyebrow slightly. However, the serious mood was soon shattered when Kit suddenly adopted a goofy smile and laughed slightly as she stood up, brushing off some stray dog hairs that clung to her clothing as she did so.
"Well, that, and the fact that I haven't had a dog in a while too," she admitted with a grin. "If Shadow were here, she'd probably boss you around like nobody's business… but she hasn't been around to do that for quite some time."
Sanzo watched Kit intently as she went over to the fridge and started fixing what was probably going to be her lunch for the day, before he started on the slice of bread that she had given him.
"Shadow, huh? So she's had dogs before," he muttered thoughtfully before swallowing the last scrap of bread. "And from the sound of it, her old dog probably died or something like that. That would explain why she was so eager to take me in last night, and why she balked at the vet offering to euthanize me."
Kit opened the fridge once again, returning the items that she had used to make her sandwich to their proper drawers, before rustling about on one of the upper shelves, muttering something under her breath. After a few moments, there was a loud curse as the young woman withdrew from the refrigerator; a lone green soda can clutched in her right hand.
"Dammit Alice, you drank all of my Mountain Dew!" she shouted angrily over her shoulder, knowing that her roommate wouldn't hear… or even care about her irritated ranting. "And you don't even like it!!"
As expected, there was no response from the older woman's room, and Kit let out a low sigh of irritation as she growled a steady stream of fairly creative curses through her teeth. Muttering some very disconcerting threats under her breath, the brunette stalked over to where her sandwich was located, pulled out a paper bag from one of the cupboards, and stuffed the wrapped sandwich and can of soda into it.
"Stupid, bloody, thieving, goth, horror-obsessed git," the woman groused darkly as she rolled up the top of the paper bag and stuffed it into her laptop carry case with far more force than necessary, causing Sanzo to wince slightly in sympathy for the poor sandwich's abuse. "Damn Alice and her idiotic caffeine binges. She probably drank them while she was pulling another one of her stupid horror movie marathons at one in the bloody morning."
It didn't take much for Sanzo to guess that Alice's apparent horror movie obsession was a point of annoyance for the other woman. However, he didn't understand why she kept using the word 'bloody', even though there was no reference to Alice actually bleeding.
Maybe it was a threat of some kind… or a promise. But the way she kept using it made it sound more like an obscenity.
Completely unaware of Sanzo's quiet musings on her choice of language, Kit finished packing up her lunch and threw the strap of her laptop bag over her shoulder. Turning around to face her new apartment buddy, and (even though she didn't know it) soon-to-be fellow hater of all horror movies, the young woman grinned as she reached down and briefly ruffled the fur on Sanzo's head, causing it to stick up every which way.
"You be good now," she said, cheerfully ignoring the dog's dirty glare as she headed towards the front door. "No wild dog parties, okay? I'll be back later and bearing gifts."
And with that parting, slightly sarcastic, statement, Kit left the apartment, locking the door behind her.
Sanzo blinked as he stared at the now-locked door, before he let out an annoyed growl and brought a paw up to try and flatten his ruffled fur. He had an entire day to figure out where the hell he was, and how to avoid his impending bathing. There was no way in hell that he was going to waste the opportunity to get out of this insane asylum.
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"Hey there girl, what took you so long?" Helen asked over her shoulder as Kit slid into her chair in her cubicle, sliding her laptop strap off of her shoulder and placing it on the ground by her feet.
"I had to feed my dog," she replied nonchalantly as she pulled out her computer, and the blonde woman nodded understandingly as she returned to her work.
"Oh, okay then…" Helen froze as she suddenly realized what she had been told, and spun around to face Kit, who was grinning smugly at her. "Wait a sec, feed your dog? You don't even have a dog!"
The smug grin turned into a full-blown smirk as blue eyes twinkled knowingly. Kit couldn't help but snicker slightly at Helen's annoyed look before she held up a finger like she was about to quote some form of ancient wisdom.
"Actually, I do now," she clarified as shock flashed across the blonde woman's face. "I got him last night."
"How?"
"I hit him with my truck."
Helen leaned back in her swivel chair and eyed the younger woman warily, a slightly teasing grin twitching about her mouth, although the look in her eyes indicated that she didn't know whether or not Kit was joking.
"Kit, luv, you do realize that roadkill doesn't exactly count as a pet…" she began hesitantly, and Kit smirked at her again, her eyes shining with impish glee as she led the older woman along. Helen recognized the look, having become far too familiar with over the past few months, and realized that the younger woman was yanking her chain. Kit, guessing that her ulterior motives had been discovered, smiled innocently as she leaned back in her chair.
"He's not dead. Apparently I just stunned him," the brunette pointed out calmly, although the shit-eating grin she gave her friend somewhat retracted from that. "I haven't named him yet, but I'm starting to lean towards 'Oscar', since he's kind of a grouch."
Helen blinked in surprise before she burst out laughing at Kit's statement, and seconds later Kit joined her. The two women rapidly dissolved into giggles as they came up with their own respective mental pictures of the situation, at least until there was the sound of someone clearing their throat from the opening in the cubicle behind them. The two jumped in their seats as they spun around to see a tall, lanky man with reddish-brown hair that flopped into his face staring at them, an odd little smile on his face as he watched the two women intently.
"Having fun, ladies?" he drawled lazily, and Kit fought the faint urge to fling Helen's full coffee mug at him as she twitched slightly in her seat. All she really wanted to do was get payback for Walt's earlier crime of ruining her character sketches yesterday, but somehow she didn't think that it would go over so well.
Helen straightened up, her back going rigid, as she scooted her chair over so that she was positioned slightly in front of the younger woman.
"Mr. Benedict, what are you doing here?" the blonde asked darkly, her gray eyes narrowed in what could only be described as a venomous glare. Walt didn't even seem fazed as he crossed his arms and leaned up against the side of the cubicle, a slightly oily smile on his face.
"I just wanted to stop by to see how the new sketches were coming along," he said as he adopted a guileless expression, although his black eyes took away somewhat from that. "After all, that little incident yesterday pretty much ruined them."
Kit scowled as she turned away from the older man, a dark look crossing her face as she pulled out her printed copies of her sketches from her laptop bag and held them up in the air meaningfully.
"I took the liberty of scanning them after I finished drawing the sketches, so all I had to do was print off some copies to replace the sketches that were ruined," she remarked dryly. 'No thanks to the stunt you pulled yesterday, asshole.'
"Ah, alright then," Walt replied hesitantly, obviously taken somewhat aback by the young woman's matter-of-fact response, before he took a small step back out of the cubicle. "I'll be by later then to check on your progress."
And without another word, the lanky man turned around and exited the area abruptly. Helen watched Walt's retreating back intently until he disappeared around a corner, and let out a low sigh of relief as he did so before she sunk down in her chair.
"Creepy bastard," the blonde growled as she reached up and ran a hand through her hair, obviously left ill at ease from their manager's unexpected visit. Kit arched an eyebrow slightly as she looked askance at her co-worker, her lips twisting into a faint frown as she did so.
"Wow, you really don't like him, huh?" she asked dryly. Helen let out a very unladylike snort of derision as she twisted about in her seat and fixed her computer with a dirty glare as she booted it up.
"Let's put it this way; if Walter Benedict were to mysteriously fall down the middle of the stairwell and die a horrible, and gruesome, death I would need one hell of an airtight alibi."
"Ouch."
"Kit, honey, when I don't like someone, there's usually a very good reason," the older woman pointed out wearily as she looked over at the brunette with as serious expression on her face. Kit arched an eyebrow disbelievingly as she spun around in her chair to face her friend, a somewhat wry smile twitching about her lips.
"But… maybe he's just misunderstood," she offered hesitantly before she heaved an annoyed sigh at the memory of the coffee incident the day before. "And a klutz."
"And Barry in accounting isn't gay," Helen drawled sarcastically. Kit let out a nervous laugh as she shook her head at the older woman's comment.
"Helen, just because the guy's queerer than a three dollar bill doesn't mean that you should tease him. Besides, he's nice,"
"But he's still gay."
Kit laughed at that, a slight grin on her lips; even though she didn't want to admit that her friend did have a point. "True…"
Helen brought up a hand to indicate that the other artist should derail that particular train of thought as she peered intently at her computer screen, her expression suddenly becoming serious.
"Okay, we need to get our rears in gear and finish up some of those other sketches," she stated. "No more chitchat until we get that done, capiche?"
"Ma'am, yes ma'am!"
"Drop the military act brat, it doesn't suit you."
"…alright."
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Sanzo scowled inwardly as he padded out into the living room, biting back the urge to start singeing the air with an impressive array of curses. There had been one very big flaw in his 'get the hell out of dodge' plan, and it had taken him only a few seconds to realize it.
Opposable thumbs were key to everything.
"Damn it all!!" Sanzo growled as he glared daggers over at the doorknob that he swore was mocking his every move. There really was no way for him to leave the apartment without the assistance of someone with hands, at least not without jumping out of the window… and he really didn't want to do that, seeing as Kit lived all the way up on the fifth floor of her complex.
With an annoyed sigh, the priest headed over to the one room that he hadn't investigated yet, mostly due to the occupant and his complete and utter disdain for her. Sanzo nosed Alice's door open, and almost changed his mind right then and there when the stench of an animal cage in desperate need of cleaning hit his nose. The man swore foully as his sensitive nose hit its breaking point, and he started sneezing.
"Oooohh… big sound. Master?"
Sanzo froze as he looked around wildly, his ears flicking back and forth as he tried to locate the speaker. Against his better judgment he took a few steps further into Alice's room, looking around him cautiously. He had seen the other woman leave for 'college' or whatever it was called, so how could someone be in her room? Just as Sanzo was about to take a quick peek around the rest of the apartment, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned around to find a fat, black furry face peering at him from over the lip of the tray that covered the bottom portion of the cage.
"What in the hell?" Sanzo muttered as he looked at the guinea pig, only slightly unnerved by the unblinking red eyes set in the chubby face surrounded by black fur that looked as though it had been on the receiving end of a swirly one too many times.
"Not master. Big furry."
Sanzo blinked as he stared incredulously at the furball with the physique of an obese lima bean for several seconds, before his brain finally caught up with him.
"Did you just talk?" he growled, padding over to the cage and pressing his nose against the bars, struggling valiantly to ignore the stench. If he could find out some sort of escape route from this thing, then he could stand the smell of a dirty cage for a few minutes.
The guinea pig cocked its head to the side as it peered up at Sanzo, squinting its red eyes slightly in obvious nearsightedness as it put one of its pink, hairless forepaws up on one of the cage bars.
"Warm," Blair stated simply as he went nose-to-nose with Sanzo, who stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before he took a step back and let out a snort of disgust.
"Wonderful," the priest growled out as he rolled his eyes upwards. "First I get turned into a dog. Then I'm stuck with two mentally unbalanced women. And now, the icing on the cake… I'm talking to a brain-damaged rat with obvious signs of mental retardation."
The collie turned around with a sigh and was about to make a brief scan of the room, when he felt something clamp down on the end of his tail. Sanzo let out a loud yelp as he whirled around, only to find Blair sitting there in his cage, holding a large clump of gold and white fur in his mouth.
"Blood," the guinea pig somehow muttered around the mouthful of fur, blinking its large red eyes innocently.
What little patience Sanzo had with the situation snapped, and he let out a furious snarl that would have made full-grown men wet themselves in fear.
"Fucking, goddamned cannibalistic rat!!" he growled as he stalked out of Alice's room, vowing never to enter the area again, not even if his life depended on it. It would be a cold day in hell before he ever let a deranged guinea pig injure him.
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It was several hours after the 'tail incident' before Kit finally got home, and Sanzo noticed right off the bat that she was carrying a massive paper bag in her arms, as well as trying rather unsuccessfully to stuff her keys back into her laptop bag without dropping anything. After almost dropping the entire mess right onto her feet, and muttering several rather interesting curses, Kit finally managed to make it over to the couch and set the bag down on it, as well as depositing her satchel down onto the carpeted floor.
"Damn, I swear they tried to make me buy everything except what I actually needed," Kit grumbled as she flopped down on the couch and leaned back onto the soft cushions, kicking off her shoes as she did so. "What part of 'I just need dog food' did they not understand?"
"Oh no, you didn't," Sanzo protested as he eyed the seemingly-innocent paper bag with trepidation. Kit, completely oblivious to his complaints, reached into the bag and pulled out a thick, plain leather collar, holding it up in the air for inspection. Noticing the increasingly filthy look that the dog was giving her, Kit arched an eyebrow as a slight smirk crossed her lips.
"Would you rather that I got the pink, rhinestone-studded collar with sparkly shit all over it?" she asked sarcastically. Sanzo gave a low huff of irritation in response as he turned his back to her, although he continued to watch the woman out of the corner of his eye. Kit grinned a bit at his actions before she resumed pulling things out of the bag laying the collar out on the couch as she did so.
"Anyways, I got you a set of food and water bowls, a brush, some shampoo, a leash, and a small bag of food, since I didn't know what kind you would eat," the woman rambled eagerly as she pulled out each item and set it down on the couch. "Good grief, I swear it was like a friggin' commercial spree in the damn dog food aisle… you would think that they were trying to sell people food in bags with some of the ingredients that they had pasted on the labels. I mean, c'mon… fettuccini alfredo flavored dog food? What kind of dork would actually buy something like that?"
"Seeing as I don't know what that is, I can't even begin to guess," Sanzo drawled dryly as he flopped down on the carpet and rested his head on top of his paws. "It doesn't even sound edible… then again, nothing connected with the words 'dog food' does."
It was at about that moment that the collie noticed that Kit had left the room, and the water was running in the bathroom. A feeling of impending doom washed over him, and it got even worse when Kit walked back out into the living room, having changed from her work clothes to a baggy black t-shirt and ratty jean shorts. Sanzo didn't even wait for her to take a single step in his direction before he bolted, diving under the dining room table and huddling under the middle with all of the chairs surrounding him like a protective barrier.
"Woman, you touch me, you die," he snarled, his ears flattened all the way against his skull as he bared his teeth menacingly at Kit. The woman looked taken aback for a few seconds before her expression hardened and she made her way over to the table and pulled one of the chairs out of the way. Sanzo's low growl of warning became a throaty snarl, and Kit scowled as she crouched down in front of him.
"I swear, if you bite me, then your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower," she threatened in a no-nonsense tone of voice, her blue eyes narrowed slightly. "If you thought the vet was bad, then you'll be more than ready to believe that the dog groomer's is hell on earth. They'll strap your ass down to a table, put a muzzle on you, shave you bald and teach you to walk backwards. Or I can always arrange for them to dye your fur pink."
Kit then smiled at the dog, but it was much like the smile that Hakkai usually used when he was pissed off and didn't want to show it. Sanzo felt a shudder run down his spine when he realized that the woman would probably carry out her threat, and not give a damn about the consequences.
Before further contemplations could be made on the subject, Kit reached under the table and hauled Sanzo out by the scruff of his neck, causing the man to let out a startled yelp for the second time that day as he splayed his paws out and tried rather unsuccessfully to dig his blunt claws into the slick tile covering the floor. Kit growled out a curse under her breath as she reached down and slid one arm underneath Sanzo's front legs, and the other behind his back one, hauling him up against her chest with a strained grunt.
The curses that the priest spewed out at her as she stumbled towards the bathroom would have made sailors green with envy, and they didn't stop until Kit dumped him unceremoniously into the tub half-full of hot water. Sanzo stood there up to his stomach in warm water, practically shaking with rage, and all he could do was wish with every fiber of his being that he was capable of using his banishing gun on the woman that was responsible for his torture.
"Holy crap, you're heavy," Kit gasped as she slumped down against the tub, wiping an arm against her forehead even though there was no sweat from her efforts. "Damn, I need to find a better way of hauling your stubborn ass into the bathroom without giving myself a hernia."
"I'd suggest not dragging me in here in the first place," Sanzo all but snarled as he glared daggers at the brunette responsible for his misery. Additional, less kind words were about to be used to further describe the priest's feelings towards Kit and her giving him a bath, only to be cut off as the young woman brusquely upended a large plastic cup full of water over his head.
The 'dog' growled low in his throat as he shook his head violently to get the bathwater out of his eyes, splashing Kit full in the face. The twenty-one-year old froze for a second before she reached up and slowly wiped the water out of her eyes, an odd expression crossing her face before she gave her 'opponent' a challenging smirk.
"Oh, it is so on!" Kit yelled out as she pounced on Sanzo, pinning him down in the tub before she snagged the plastic cup once again and proceeded to furiously dump water all over his body. The priest struggled against her grip for a few seconds before he realized that it was useless. However, he made sure to keep an eye out for an opportunity to escape this torture… or at least the possibility for payback.
As soon as she had thoroughly soaked her victim, Kit made the mistake of releasing the collie when she reached for the bottle of dog shampoo balanced on the far end of the tub. Sanzo, seeing his chance for revenge, seized Kit by the front of her shirt with his teeth and jerked as hard as he could, pulling the woman into the tub with a loud splash.
Sputtering angrily, Kit pushed herself up into a crouching position in the warm water as she reached up and brushed her soaking bangs out of her face, giving Sanzo a death glare that rivaled his own.
"Alright then, smartass. You want to play rough, do you? Well then I'll give you rough!" she growled as she once again seized the priest by the scruff of the neck and reached for the shampoo bottle, pouring an obscene amount of the faintly-scented goo onto his fur before she started to work it into a lather, pointedly ignoring her sopping wet clothing. "I said that I was going to give you a bath, and by God you'll get one, even if it kills me!"
The sounds that came from the bathroom for the next twenty minutes would have been more suited to a warzone… well, if a war involved a woman using language that would make most soldiers flinch, a dog barking furiously, and loud splashing sounds.
"Hold still, you damn mutt!!!"
"Let go of me, bitch!"
SHULLLAP!!!
"Dammit dog, stop splashing water out of the tub!!"
"Let go of me first, and maybe I'll think about it!!"
"I don't fucking think so, buddy!! Your ass is not leaving this tub until the water that comes off of you stops turning brown!"
"Where the hell did the dirt come from?! Wait, I know: the bottom of your goddamned truck that you hit me with!!! And I am perfectly capable of washing myself, bitch!!"
By the time Kit pulled out the plug to let the now-brown water go down the drain she was soaked to the bone, her hair had almost completely escaped from her ponytail, and the entire bathroom was covered in about an inch of water. Sanzo scowled darkly as he watched the young woman step out of the tub, his lavender eyes narrowed into a furious glare, before he shook his entire body, sending water spraying in sheets everywhere, with Kit on the receiving end for the majority of the liquid.
Kit just stood there with a deadpan expression on her face, although a noticeable tic developed above her right eye as she slowly reached up and wiped all of the water off of her face.
"The fact that I'm already soaking wet kind of defeats whatever purpose you were trying to achieve," she stated with a low growl of annoyance slightly evident in her voice, her eyes narrowed into a menacing glower. "However, your sentiments are both noted and unappreciated. And quit your bitching; at least you don't smell like you've been dumpster diving behind the meat processing plant anymore."
Sanzo scowled as he stepped out of the tub, only to find himself being attacked and rubbed down with a rather large fluffy towel that Kit had somehow managed to store in a place where it would remain dry. By the time the woman was done rubbing him down, all of Sanzo's fur stuck out in every which way, making him look like a giant golden puffball with an incredibly venomous glare.
"I swear I can hear that damn kappa laughing at me right now," he growled as he shoved his way out of the bathroom as Kit opened the door to get some more towels to wipe up the flooded tile, and promptly bolted into the relative peace and quiet that Kit's bedroom offered. There was no way in hell that he was coming out until his fur dried, and he stopped looking like an oversized Pomeranian with a bad hair day.
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Saturday was the only day that Kit ever really allowed herself to sleep in, and she always shut her alarm off on Friday night so she wouldn't have to face the evil device for at least one day.
However, she was completely unaware that she now had a different sort of alarm clock, one that people all across the world use.
The dog alarm. Yeah, you know, the one that always manages to wake you up at two in the morning by poking you in the face with the knowledge of the threat that if you ignore their persistent attention, they will leave one of two different kinds of lovely presents for you to find in the morning if you don't let them outside. Right. Now.
This was why Kit was currently standing outside her apartment building at one in the morning, in her pajamas, muttering curses as she hopped from one bare foot to the other on the cold concrete while she waited impatiently for Sanzo to do his… doody. Obviously this was some sick form of payback for her giving him a bath… as though being soaked to the skin and having to mop up the bathroom wasn't punishment enough.
"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry the hell up," the woman chanted as she wrapped her arms around herself, silently wishing that she had been alert enough to think about grabbing a jacket or some shoes before she had taken the collie outside. Right now, she felt a bit of sympathy for her dad, who had been the one to take the dogs outside in the middle of the night when she was a kid, and Shadow had been alive.
Sanzo on the other hand, was desperately wishing that Kit had just let him go outside alone. Why, oh why did he have to deal with this?
"I swear, when I get my hands on those demons, they will wish that I had shot them instead of what I'm going to do to them," the man snarled with increasing vehemence. He was rapidly losing any and all patience he may have had with the situation, and this recent development was nothing short of humiliating.
"C'mon dog, its friggin' cold out here!" Kit whined to no one in particular as she shifted about impatiently in her spot. "Just find a damn spot already and go to the bathroom."
Sanzo leveled a murderous glare at the woman from over his shoulder before her ducked behind a bush, leaving Kit blinking stupidly in surprise as her sleep-deprived brain tried to piece together what she had just seen.
"Okay, now I'm seein' shit that ain't there," the twenty-one-year old mumbled as she reached up and held her forehead with one hand. "I definitely need to get more sleep. There's no such thing as a modest dog."
In what had to be the shortest bathroom break in the history of all mankind, Sanzo emerged from the bushes and made a beeline for the stairway, growling some very vile obscenities under his breath as he ignored Kit scrambling after him. Not even two days had gone by yet, and he was already more than ready to kill something, if only to release some of his tension.
When the Merciful Pain in his Ass finally decided to grace Sanzo with her divine presence, he was going to be doing far more than having just a few words with her. Besides, what kind of goddess would assign him to go west to fetch the Seiten sutra if she didn't actually do something to get him out of this moronic situation?
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Heh, well, here's the next chapter… finally. Sorry about the wait, but I had a lot of crap hit me all at once. Finals first of all, and then I had a bunch of family problems to deal with too, which was all oh so much fun… not.
As you can see, the situation becomes a bit more complicated, and the beginning of a battle of wills emerges. So who will win: Kit or Sanzo?
Well, anyways, I hope that everyone enjoyed this new chapter, and that you all had an awesome Christmas and New Year's. Sorry for the slight shortness of the chapter, but I promise that the next one will be longer.
Reviews:
The Paranoia Kids: I'm glad that you like the story so much already.
Gothic Anime Fairy: Thanks. Okay, now I know what you're talking about. I saw like the first half of that 10th Kingdom thing when I was a kid… I thought that it sucked. Sorry if you like it, but I'm not exactly a big fan of it. And Sanzo is way cooler than some stupid prince.
Sanzo: Even though you may mean that as a compliment, I still find that to be insulting. (Pulls out his fan and beats Wandering Hitokiri upside the head)
Khait Khepri: Hmm, maybe I should see if I can draw that… that's a really good idea. Yeah, Sanzo is a bit stiff, but I also think that he has a few morals… just a few. Like not peeking on a woman while she's undressing.
Fun-sized Friend: No, Sanzo's not going to be a dog for the entire story, and I'm not too sure on the romance bit. There's going to be some friendship, even though Sanzo's mostly going to deny everything, just like how he does with Hakkai and the others. I'm glad that you appreciate my grammar and spelling, because there are so many people out there on FF who don't use the proper spelling and grammar, and it just drives me mental. Yeah, I'm kind of anal about stuff like that.
patriot16: Holy crow, did you somehow get onto my computer and read one of the later chapters that I've already started?!! Aw, crap… spoiler. (Starts smacking her head against the closest available wall)
yaoilover6969: Thanks.
Sylviah Elric: They won't see any of the stuff that Sanzo has to go through as a dog in our world, but Gojyo will make some smart-ass remarks about taking Sanzo to the vet once he's human again, and he almost ends up getting shot because of the fact that to Sanzo the word 'vet' is now pretty much a cuss word. Kit also doesn't really say anything about it either, mostly because she respects Sanzo's right to privacy. Well that, and the fact that she knows that he'll probably raise holy hell if she even mentions half of the things that happened to him as a dog.
Arugula: Thanks. I'm glad that you like it.
See you all next chapter.
Sayonara!
