My Choice.
Ivan was worried – Arthur wasn't his normal loud self. In fact, he had hardly spoken at all for days now. Arthur was never overly talkative, but there was a difference between being quiet because you were upset and being quiet just because you were quiet. Ivan stayed by his side as always, sitting with him in lessons and eating with him at lunchtime, but getting him to speak more than a few mumbled words was difficult. The other kids seemed to have noticed too, and all but the most die-hard idiots seemed to be avoiding him, or at least not bating him like they usually do.
When school ended on the fourth day of his silence, Ivan grabbed his hand to stop him wandering off (he didn't seem energetic enough to run away, but if he saw his brothers coming he just might) and pulled him along to the nursery to fetch Natalya. Sister safely secured, he took them both to the park.
"Iwan, I wan hole yor han too." His sister begged, staring with great envy at Arthur.
"Natalya, you can't hold my hand if I'm carrying you." He pointed out "If you want to hold my hand, I have to put you down."
"Noooo!" she whined, grabbing hold of his jumper and burying her face in his shoulder.
God, kids were stupid. Ivan was happy that at least she got a little less stupid every day. Once at the park, she immediately ran off to the sandpit, where she joined some other toddlers turning the small piles of sand into what Ivan could only describe as a bigger pile of sand. Since the benches were taken up by grandparents and harassed housewives, he and Arthur sat on the swings facing the sandpit. Instead of swinging, Arthur just sat there, staring at his shoes. Ivan didn't like seeing his friend so upset – even when his brother beat him, he was lively, so seeing him so down was troublesome.
"You're going to tell me what's wrong today." He said, more of an order than a question.
"Hm?"
Arthur looked up at him, but his eyes were hazy, like he hadn't been sleeping well.
"You're going to tell me what's wrong." He repeated "You've had three days to be sad. Now it's the fourth day, we're going to find a way to be happy again."
Arthur smiled weakly, laughing through his nose.
"That simple, huh?"
"Yup."
Arthur sighed – he had been doing that a lot – swinging slightly, eyes on his shoes. Ivan waited patiently for him to collect his thoughts.
"Jeanne's pregnant." He revealed "I'm going to be a big brother."
"And that's bad?" Ivan asked – despite thinking kids were dumb, he didn't dislike being a big brother.
"I dunno." He admitted "Yes. No. Both. I mean…"
Again, he struggled to find the words. They were only ten, finding the right way to express themselves was something they were still figuring out.
"I don't know how to be a good big brother." He went on "I'm afraid I'm going to be like Angus and Patrick, only worse because I'll take all my frustrations out on him… or her. I don't know how to treat babies – I might end up really hurting him… or her."
"I don't think you will." Ivan promised.
"You don't know that. My brothers have never been anything but awful to me – what if they're the same when Jeannes baby is born? What if he has to grow up all alone, knowing that no one wants him around? What if he's small and weak and his mother dies? Then he'll be just like me!"
Chaotic tears broke through Arthurs emerald eyes. He choked them back with sobs and splutters, wiping them away when it didn't work. As Arthur started taking deep breaths, Ivan took his hand again.
"You know what I think?" he said "I think you're already a good big brother."
"What?" he sobbed as he wiped the last tears away "How can I be? That's dumb."
"No it's not." He insisted "You're already worried about protecting him. You're worried about him being alone. You're worrying about what will happen to him." He smiled at him "You'll be a great big brother."
Arthur stopped crying, his breathing going back to normal. His eyes were full of hope, but he couldn't bring himself to speak, just squeezing Ivans hand tighter.
"But what if you're wrong?" he said finally "What if it turns out I'm just like my older brothers?"
"Then I'll stop you." Ivan promised "I'll always be bigger than you. I'll keep you busy with other things so you don't see your brother. Or better yet, you can come and live with us. Katyusha says as long as you have friends, you can leave any bad situation."
"That only works for adults." Arthur knew.
"Then I'll grow up fast." He promised again "For both you and my sisters. I'll be a great man and take care of everyone."
"That's asking too much." Arthur pointed out "You can't take care of everyone."
"Sure I can." Ivan disagreed "Mr Wang takes care of everyone he knows, and he knows way more people than I do. There are only three people in the world I care about, so taking care of them will be easy!" seeing Arthurs concerned expression, Ivan squeezed his hand "You'll see."
"Iwan, te cat scashed me." Natalya whined right in front of them, snapping the boys back to reality.
"Aw, sweetie." Ivan cooed when he saw the scratch on her hand, getting up from his swing and kneeling down before her "Want me to kiss it better?"
Natalya nodded, fighting back tears like a champ. With a smile, Ivan kissed her hand, rubbed it with his palm, then kissed her on the forehead.
"All better." He promised "Are you hungry? We need to go home soon so say goodbye to your friends, okay?"
Natalya pouted, but nodded anyway, running back to the sandpit (taking a detour on the way to scare the living shit out the cat that scratched her). Getting back to his feet, he heard Arthur laugh through his nose again.
"I hope Jeannes baby is a girl." He admitted "I might be a good brother to a little sister."
Arthur was talking nonsense – Ivan knew he'd be a good big brother. No one bar his sisters had ever been as nice to Ivan as Arthur was, so he knew that any younger sibling would love him as much as he did. His older brothers would love him too if they weren't such arseholes. Despite what Ivan felt was a good talk, Arthur looked sad again. What else could he say? He had to get Arthurs mind off his impending big brotherhood.
Ivan stood in front of him, tilted his head up, and kissed him on the mouth. Neither boy was really old enough to know what came next, so the kiss ended as abruptly as it started. Arthurs eyes were wide with shock, his body rooted to the swing.
"Cheer up." Ivan ordered, only a nose-length away "Your grumpy face makes me sad."
Natalya ran back, pulling on her brothers hand to indicate she wanted to be picked up again. I van obliged, turning back to Arthur.
"Come back with us." He urged "Mr Wang will make you food as well."
Still clearly shocked, Arthur did what he was told, getting up from the swing and following after him.
It was close to closing time – the restaurant was all by empty, the last few stragglers paying their bills and sauntering off. Katyushas feet were aching, her back sore – people may look down on waitresses, but it was bloody hard work. She piled dirty plates onto the trolley with a weary sigh – this time of night, Mr Wang didn't mind if she didn't smile for the customers. Whenever she thought she was too tired to go on, she remembered her brother and sister safe and waiting for her at home, and somehow she found the energy to go on.
She knew going it alone wasn't going to be easy from the start, but she couldn't put it off any longer. Having to patch up her baby brother each time her father beat him senseless was the single worst part of her life, more than the poverty or the hard work or the loss of her own youth to provide for her siblings. She was frustrated and infuriated at her own helplessness – their father was a large man, there was nothing she could have done to stop him short of taking the blows herself, which wouldn't have helped the situation. Since her mothers death she had counted down the days until she turned 18 and could legally be declared Ivan and Natalyas guardian and leave that man in the festering pit of misery he created.
But life was cruel, and it wasn't going to wait until she was 18. The drunk didn't watch what he said when he had been on the vodka. Some of the things he said about Natalya… pretty little Natalya, who looked so much like her mother… In the dead of the night, Katyusha had woken the baby to ask her questions, not able to shake what he had said from her mind. It wasn't too late, but she couldn't stay here any longer, not know she knew. With no one else to turn to, she asked her boss for help, going so far as to knock on his door at four in the morning.
Mr Wangs kindness wasn't skin deep – after a calming cup of tea and a tearful conversation, he gave her the keys to a flat he owned, which he had been using for storage and charged her next to nothing in rent. He gave her clothes for Natalya, upped her hours to full time at work and swore to be there to help her if trouble came, no matter what time it was. Best of all, Mr Wang, one of the towns most influential businessmen, created a wall of silence around her and her siblings, through which her father and the social services couldn't interfere. Now she just had to wait - 3 more months and she'd be 18. No matter how long she worked for Mr Wang, she knew she'd never be able to repay him for his kindness.
She groaned as the bell on the door rang – there were always some people who tried their luck.
"I'm sorry, we're closed." She pointed out as politely as she could.
She dropped her polite tone when she saw who it was – Arthurs thug brother, the tall one with the ponytail. She looked just as annoyed to see her, sticking his hands in his jacket pocket.
"I'm not here for a takeaway." He said "I'm looking for Arthur. Francis says he's here sometimes with your brother."
"You're actually worried about him? Miracles do happen."
He grimaced at her, baring his teeth, but didn't move from his spot.
"Francis isn't allowed out, that's all." He explained "His mother's 6 months pregnant, which turns out is the 'crazy' stage. She's screaming at the top of her lungs about Arthur, so I got sent out. I'm gonna clip the little shit around the ear when I see him."
"Then why should I tell you where he is?" she pointed out "Why would I hand him over to you?"
"Yea yeah, I'm a 'disgrace.'" He remembered, scowling "Glad I never had a sister – you guys are way too sensitive. Brothers roughhouse all the time, it's normal."
Katyusha slammed the plates she had been holding onto the cart, startling everyone in the restaurant. Despite being a good foot shorter, she squared up to Angus.
"It's not normal!" she corrected "I have a brother – he and Arthur roughhouse and fight all the time, of course they do, they're boys, but the worst damage they do is to their school shirts! They don't walk away with broken noses and split lips with blood covering their fronts like Arthur did the last time you 'roughhoused' with him! That's the difference between roughhousing and abuse!"
"Hey, that's a serious accusation to be throwing around!" Angus yelled back, taking his hands out of his pockets defensively.
"You're a grown man!" Katyusha declared "You think because you're his brother and not his father that it doesn't count as abuse? Tell me, if it was anyone but you and your brother, would you say it wasn't abuse?"
"Hey hey, what's going on?!" Mr Wang demanded, bursting in from the kitchen "Who's causing trouble in my establishment?!"
"Don't act like you're so high and mighty, you don't know anything!" Angus ignored him entirely "You're just some stranger, you don't know anything about our family!"
"You have some justification for beating your little brother so badly that he never wants to go home? That's laughable!"
"We're trying to make him strong!" Angus insisted.
"He's ten years old! He doesn't need to be strong! He needs to be safe!"
"ENOUGH!" Mr Wang roared, silencing them both and bringing the entire restaurant to a grim stillness.
He was having none of this shit, and turned on Angus like a man twice his size.
"Your brother is not here, and you are not welcome in my restaurant!" he declared "I have zero tolerance for people who harass my staff! Get out now, or I'll call Police Chief Beilschmidt and have you removed! I have his home number!"
Angus squared up to him, but he didn't move. He looked back at Katyusha, who likewise glared right back at him. She could see in his face – he was starting to realise he was the wrong who was wrong. With a defiant shake of his ginger head, he regained his previous stance.
"You wouldn't understand." He declared, keeping his tone low "Arthur has to be strong. He'll never know the love of a mother and father like the rest of us did. The world's gonna eat him up and spit him out."
"He had a father." Katyusha remembered.
"Aye, but he blames Arthur for our mothers death."
"She died in childbirth?"
"No." Angus admitted "She had cancer – the doctors only found it when she was 6 months pregnant with Arthur. They don't usually allow abortion that late, but the cancer was already so far along that she'd die for certain if they didn't start chemo immediately." He looked at the ground, green eyes clouded with remembrance "She chose to have Arthur, even though it meant her death. She only lived long enough to name him. Our father always blamed Arthur, even though he told our mother he wouldn't… That's why Arthur needs to be strong… when he learns the truth-"
"That he's unwanted?" Katyusha interrupted, sick of his self-justifications "I have news for you, Angus: he already does. You think he'd be surprised to learn his father doesn't love him? The man whose never held him or comforted him, the man who doesn't even notice if he doesn't come home? You're his big brother, you should have loved him enough for both his mother and father, no matter how much your father disliked you for it."
Angus was left speechless. With another bark from Mr Wang, he reluctantly left, none the wiser as to his brothers whereabouts. The second the door closed, Katyusha went into the kitchen. Sat at the kitchen table, Ivan had his arms around Arthur, covering his ears like it would stop the horrible words from hurting him. Mr Wangs little brother rubbed Arthurs back, but the boy wasn't crying. His face was surprisingly blank – Ivan seemed more upset than he did.
"I'll make you dessert." Mr Wang offered softly "Get your books together and I'll drive you home."
"Arthur can come to ours tonight." Katyusha offered "I'll call Jeanne and let her know."
Mr Wang just nodded, going to put together something sweet fot the kids.
Francis turned up in the middle of school. Arthurs teachers were used to him coming to pick Arthur up after school, even when it was perfectly transparent that he didn't want him to, but he never turned up in the middle of the day before. The 15 year old, in the bloom of adulthood, was charming enough to get his brother out of class with a single declaration:
"Mama's at the hospital! She's having the baby!"
They had to get the bus to the hospital – Francis was more excited than he could express in words, and it seemed Arthur was the same, fidgeting and jumping up and looking all around at every stop. God, it had been a long nine months. With a new baby on the way, Angus and Patrick had moved out, the house had been cleaned, de-cluttered and painted, and a not-so-small fortune spent on the expected arrival.
Mindful of what he had told Arthur before, Francis had been extra attentive to his little brother during his mothers pregnancy, even to the point that it infuriated the child. Despite their pre-nuptial agreement, Jeanne was far more critical of Henrys parenting of Arthur than she had been previously, blaming it on her pregnancy hormones whenever he called her on it. Arthur was still rarely home, hanging around outside or at Ivans house, so didn't get to appreciate her efforts on his behalf.
It felt like forever to get to the hospital. Francis had gone to scans with his mother, who he knew where the maternity ward was, immediately leading Arthur there, who was chomping at the bit the whole way (Francis loved how excited he was, it was adorable!). He didn't even have to ask which room his mother was in – despite his recent growth spurt, he still looked like her almost exactly, so the nurses only had to look at his face to know what he wanted. When the two of them got to her room, they were surprised to see that they were the only men there.
"Your grandma is in the bathroom." His mother assured, brushing her golden hair into a sensible ponytail "Henry couldn't get out of his meeting. It means a lot to mummy that you boys got here so quickly, though!"
"How are you, mama?" Francis asked, sitting down on the bed beside her "Are you tired? You look pale."
His mother smiled, which only betrayed how tired she really was, and wrapped her arms around Francis.
"Mama is tried." She admitted "I forgot how hard it was to have babies." She nuzzled his neck a little, burying her tired head in his long hair "I'm glad you're here, sweetie."
She let go of him with one arm. Curious, he looked around, seeing her hold out her hand to Arthur, who stood awkwardly at the other side of the bed. She laughed a little at his shyness.
"Come here, sweetie." She urged "Mummy needs a hug."
Arthur looked unsure – even after a year, he wasn't used to having a mother – but after a moment, he climbed onto the bed, letting Jeanne pull him into a hug. Francis joined in, they two laughing when Arthur got uncomfortable. They all looked over as the door gently opened.
"Hello there." A nurse greeted "How are you feeling, Mrs Kirkland?"
"My boys came to see me, so I'm happy."
She gestured to Francis and Arthur. The nurse smiled knowingly.
"Are they ready to meet their little brothers?" she asked.
"Brothers?" Arthur exclaimed "As in, more than one?!"
His mother laughed.
"We've been telling porkies." She admitted "It's twins!"
"But… why didn't you tell me?!" he demanded.
"Mama wanted to surprise you and your brothers." Francis admitted "I was sworn to secrecy."
"But why?!"
"Because it's fun!" Jeanne laughed.
Arthur literally bit his tongue – if it had been anyone but his mother, he would have gone ballistic. The nurse wheeled in a plastic cot, picking out a tiny bundle of swaddling and handing it to Francis, who held it like the worlds most valuable and breakable vase, remembering what he had learned at his mothers pre-natal classes. A pair of big violet eyes stared back at him, tiny hands just visible under the blankets, round face frames with blonde ringlets. Francis' breath was immediately taken away – this was, without a doubt, the most adorable thing he had ever seen in his life.
"That one's Matthew." His mother knew immediately, putting her head on his shoulder as she watched them "I know because he looks exactly like you did when you were born."
"Mama, he's beautiful!" Francis breathed "I am so proud of you!"
"You ready to hold your brother, son?" the nurse asked Arthur, who visibly flinched "Or should I call you 'big brother'?"
Arthur looked at Jeanne, who smiled happily and nodded in approval. Arthur started to shake slightly as he freaked out – he clearly didn't know how to hold a baby. With a little instruction from the nurse, he soon had the other baby in his skinny arms, holding him right against him like he was scared he was going to jump away. Seeing his eyes go wide, Jeanne couldn't help but giggle a little.
"His name's Alfred." She told him "He had a hard time being born, so he's counting on you to be an extra good big brother to him, okay?"
Arthur nodded, his mind clearly blown by the tiny life in his arms. The twins were almost identical, but Alfreds eyes were darker, and his hair seemed straighter. Francis was immediately glad he had bought Arthur along as he saw the brother bond instantly, little Alfred cooing and burbling in Arthurs arms. Despite wanting to drink in the happy scene, he turned back to Matthew, who continued to stare at him quietly.
"I think he likes you." His mother laughed.
"I hope so." Francis admitted "We're going to be spending a lot of time together."
It was late when they got home. Having just given birth, Jeanne let her mother drive her car back home, sleeping most of the way. Alfreds carrier was buckled safely into the seat, as Arthur wasn't big enough to keep it in his lap like Francis was doing with Matthews. Arthur was still fussing over his little brothers, despite the fact that as new-borns, they were asleep 90% of the time – he adjusted the straps to make sure they were comfortable, gently wiped what little hair they had from their eyes so it wouldn't tickle them awake and braced Alfreds carrier when speed bumps came up, scolding Francis when he didn't do the same for Matthews.
"Arthur, relax." Francis' grandmother urged, shaking her head with a laugh "The first ride home is always the worst."
All the lights were on when they arrived, a banner over the door welcoming the new arrivals. Henry helped his wife out of the car, Patrick taking Alfreds carrier as the boys climbed out, since Arthur wasn't big or strong enough to manage both successfully. They enthused as loudly as they could without waking the twins, cooing over the babies with 'congratulations' and 'well done's flying about the hall.
"Boys, it's getting late." Jeanne declared, obviously exhausted after an afternoon of having children "Help me put the twins to bed, okay?"
Arthur immediately went to pick up Alfreds carrier, as Francis had yet to let go of Matthews. The evenings happy mood shattered expertly as his father stuck him.
"What do you think you're doing?!" he snapped at his son "Don't touch your brother!"
"Henry!" Jeanne scolded.
"I don't want you anywhere near your brothers!" Henry went on "A wild animal like you will only hurt them!"
The sound of Jeanne slapping Henry could be heard all across the town. The Kirkland household fell into silence. To everyones surprise, it was Arthur who finally broke it.
"I'm a better brother than you are a father." He announced.
"What's that?" he father asked, perhaps not having heard him, perhaps not believing what he had heard.
"You're a terrible father." Arthur said louder, spinning around to Angus, Patrick and Owen "And you're terrible brothers! I'm going to be the best brother that ever was! Alfred and Matthew are never going to feel unwanted or unloved – I'll love them both enough for all of you. I'll never let anyone pick on them! They're not even a day old, and I'm already a better brother then you are a father!"
His green eyes locked on his fathers, who visibly withdrew from him.
"Nothing I ever knew will be good enough for you. You never even thought about loving me. All you thought about was your own pain. Don't worry about trying to be a father to Alfred and Matthew – they don't need you anymore than I do."
Without another word, Arthur picked up Alfreds carrier and proceeded to take him up the stairs to his room. Francis quickly followed, shocked that neither twin had woken up.
"Are you okay?" he whispered as they got to the landing.
"I'm great." Arthur swore "Better than great. It's like Katyusha says – I'm their big brother, I need to love them and protect them enough for all the useless people in our family! I'll be the best big brother, better than Angus and Patrick and Owen put together!"
Putting Matthews carrier down gently next to his crib, Francis pulled Arthur into a hug – despite his hard words, he was shaking, and let himself he held.
"You're right." Francis assured "You will. You and I both will."
He ruffled Arthurs hair.
"You and I both." He repeated "We'll be the best big brothers ever."
Two thins are official - 1. Arthurs father's a bastard. 2. Natalyas baby talk is adorable! I also love the idea od protraying Ukraine as a strong woman, which I haven't seen often. So, the first arch of the story is complete - I hope the other two arcs go as smoothly.
All reviews welcome!
