Boring Day
"Why'd your dad give us condoms, anyway?"
"Probably because he doubts your ability to protect my virtue," Albus sniffed.
"With or without condoms," Scorpius sneered, "the sex itself would take away your virtue, Potter."
"Oh. Right." Albus blushed, busying his hands. "Strike my last comment from the record, then," he sighed.
"So stricken." Scorpius looked up to the ceiling, wracking his brain for something to talk about. "But, seriously though… do wizards even use condoms? We have these things called wands!" Albus snorted and giggled as Scorpius realized what he had said. For the first time in five years, Albus saw Scorpius blush. "That's now what I meant, prat. I meant we could use magic to…to…to do what condoms are supposed to do."
"Well, it's not like we're going to go ask our parents to spell a protection charm on our wands," Albus grinned at the insinuation and then grimaced at the thought.
Scorpius shrugged, nonplussed. "We could do it ourselves."
Albus turned on the bed to look at the other boy with wide eyes. "Sure we could! And then, we could have our real wands snapped by the Ministry. Splendid idea, Scorpius. Let's do it! I'm sure you'd make a lovely bottom, anyway."
The blonde just glared, annoyed. "The Ministry wouldn't be able to detect anything. Your house is marinated in magic."
"Whatever," Albus dismissed, rolling on his back. "It doesn't matter, anyway. We're not going to… do anything… you know, with the condoms," he concluded lamely. After a moment, he looked over curiously. "Are we?" His voice squeaked, betraying his nerves.
Scorpius looked over his friend's face. "Your face is lovely when you blush. I know I've told you that before, but… it's a gorgeous shade. Almost vermilion. A little lighter." His eyes roamed back to the room. "A lot like your room, actually." He jumped to his side to face Albus, gasping. "I've got an idea!"
Albus mocked Scorpius and raised a not-so-elegant eyebrow. "No. Whatever it is, no."
Scorpius whined. "Come on! You said yourself you hate the color of your room!"
"What does that have - no. We are not painting my room. Mum would kill me." He shook his head. "Absolutely not."
"Please. Pleeeease." Scorpius pouted. "It's so boring here!"
"Oh that's nice, Scorpius," Albus snorted. "Real nice. When begging doesn't work, insult me to get your way."
"Hasn't that always worked?" The blonde asked, taking a momentary break from his pouting. He looked honestly stunned.
Albus sighed impatiently. "You're impossible."
"Please, Ally Al?" Scorpius screwed up his face. He blinked rapidly, creating shining silver eyes.
Albus gulped noticeably. "F-fine. What color were you thinking?"
Scorpius grinned. "Not color. Pattern."
"What?!" Albus choked. "We're not getting rid of the pink?"
"Of course not," Scorpius scoffed, "the pink is going to be a base. We'll splatter brown all over to make it look like your cheeks," he looked at Albus, inching closer, "that day on the beach." He ran his thumb down the side of Albus's face. "Remember?" He sniffed the brown hair. "Mmm… freckles."
Albus let out what sounded suspiciously like a whine from his throat. "I. hate. you."
Scorpius let out a low chuckle from his chest. "I know."
888
Ginny hummed as she took a batch of cookies out from the oven and let them cool. She continued her song as she walked up the stairs with a platter of goodies for the boys. She opened Albus's door without knocking, knowing her son would probably be annoyed, but that he would forgive her in exchange for a tray full of cookies. She did not expect to find her son with such a guilty expression on his face, standing in the middle of his room, covered with brown paint. She dropped the tray of treats in shock.
"Albus. Severus. POTTER! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
Albus grimaced at the high-pitched shriek of his mother. "Mum. Just calm down. Scorpius and I kind of ran out of ideas of stuff to do and we decided-"
"To ruin all the hard work I've put into making this house better? Is that what you wanted to do, Albus Severus?!" She was screaming fanatically now, with a red tint flowing down from the roots of her hair to her neck. Scorpius backed away from her frightening stance. "Never mind the fact that you never really use your room anymore and that you'll be gone in two years. Oh no that doesn't mean anything to you!"
"Oh so that's what this is about, huh?! You just can't wait another two years to get rid of me and start working on turning the house into a bed and breakfast or… or…" he faltered, gasping for breath, "WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT! YOU'RE SO RIDICULOUS!!!"
"That is ENOUGH!" She screamed. She took a breath and quieted her voice to a dull roar, her words trembling with fury. "If you had a problem with the color of the room you barely use anymore you could have acted like the adult you are supposed to be and come talk to me with a different shade you had in mind! I put more effort into clearing your room, painting it, and putting all of your crap back into it than you have put into anything in your life."
"Now, hold on, Mrs. Potter. That's not entirely fair," Scorpius tried to mediate.
"AND YOU!" She screamed, turning to Scorpius and abandoning her attempt at civil levels of voice. She stalked up to him. Scorpius gulped audibly. "Don't you dare think I don't know what you're doing!" She accused, sharpening her words with jabs of her pointer finger into his chest. "I've seen you around my boy! You've got him wrapped around your little finger you sneaky -"
"MOM! STOP!" Albus threw his arms down. "What is your problem?"
"My problem is that you've gone behind my back with this brat-"
"HE IS NOT A BRAT!!"
"And the worst part is… is that you've gone and decorated your room so it looks like you've spattered…" she whirled her arms around, exasperated and lost for words, "BLOOD-TAINTED POOP ON YOUR WALLS!"
The room was silent for a second. Scorpius let out a small giggle. "Mrs. Potter, you're completely right." Albus's mouth fell open and Ginny gave a dignified humph. "Painting the room was my idea. I wanted…you see… I wanted the room to, uh, represent Albus more. Now it looks like his face, don't you think?"
Albus coughed and Ginny's glare magnified. Scorpius actually squeaked under her gaze. "Scorpius," Albus started, "That is, quite possibly, the weirdest thing you have ever said."
"That's it, boys. Albus, you're grounded. Scorpius, pack your things." Ginny turned to leave.
"Absolutely not, Mum. You know Scorpius has to stay." Albus seethed.
She turned on him. "Fine, Albus. Have it your way. I sincerely hope you enjoy the décor." She stormed out of the room, turning at the doorway. "And you'll be painting over the disaster without magic as soon as he-" she glared at Scorpius, "leaves."
"Merlin, Mum! This is such a stupid thing to fight about! It's not that big of a deal."
She stopped in her tracks and sniffed. "I suppose it isn't. I might have overreacted."
"Might?" Albus squeaked.
"Ah, Mrs. Potter, if I may," Scorpius popped in, looking very much like a chastised puppy, "what exactly is the color of the room, leaving out, of course the brown?"
Ginny huffed. "Vermilion, of course. It looks lovely when the light from the setting sun shines through the windows." With her last statement, she closed the door.
Scorpius grinned. "Told you it was vermilion." He punched Albus on the shoulder, playfully.
Albus glared. "Blood-tainted poop?" he asked, incredulously. "My father is way off. She is nothing like Grandma Weasley."
They sat on the bed simultaneously, sighing as the bedding gave a slight poof under their weight.
"So what do you want to do?" Albus asked, curiously, wiping his nose.
Scorpius grabbed the hand Albus held in the air as he wiped his face and examined it intensely. "Well," he said quietly, pulling at each finger, "those condoms must be feeling pretty lonely." He looked up and grinned.
"No." Albus insisted.
"Really?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Are you lying?"
"No."
"Are you lying about not lying?"
"No."
"Albus?"
"Scorpius?"
"Are you absolutely positively not lying?"
"Yes."
"… damn…"
