Silent Hill 3: The Fourth Wall, or Heather's Worst Day Ever
Chapter 3: Troublemaker
...
I immediately regretted saving. The game ranking would be utter crap, and I'd be lucky to get four stars. I sighed, but then remembered that if I could just get through this game, things might return to normal once and for all. It was the only hope I had left to cling on to. I stood back up straight and cycled through my inventory to switch out my equipped weapon to the handgun, then jogged up to the door to the next car ahead. "C'mon, let's go."
My hand touched the door handle, but I froze up when an odd feeling passed over me. I spun around on my heel and ran up to grab the handle of the door on the opposite side instead. I eased it open with an animation not found anywhere on the game disc or files.
"Numb Bodies? Are you in here?"
The second car was empty. I motioned for the Double Head to follow, but stay back a little. We trotted up to the third car, and then the next, and so forth.
The second to last car had all of them gathered inside, and there seemed to be a few more than usual.
"Oh... hey guys," I said, quickly hiding my gun out of view. "What are you all doing in here?"
They can't talk, idiot. I chuckled. "Sorry, I forgot you can't answer me."
The Numb Bodies leaned in close to each other like a huddle and cried their strange wail in varying degrees of volume. I glanced down at the Double Head, who appeared to be listening in.
"Did I offend them?" I asked nervously, before remembering that the Double Head was also incapable of speech. I smacked my forehead. "Ugh, never mind." I marched up to the Numb Body gathering and looked around at them. "Look, I'm sure you all probably already know this, but our game has gone seriously out of whack."
The Numb Bodies seemed to nod in agreement, and let loose a few more soft wails.
"So, I'm calling a one-game truce, okay? I need to get through this run as fast as I can, and if you guys could help me out by not body slamming me into the ground, it would be uh... really... ...helpful."
The monsters turned away from me again, and leaned in to one another, like they were talking it over.
"Okay...?" I asked. They were taking quite a while, and patience had never really been built into my design. Finally, they all seemed to be nodding and jumping around in satisfaction. Then they moved back from the door and made a way for us to get past.
"Thanks... I appreciate it. Really." I went to high-five a couple of them, but then noticed they had no damn arms. I stuck my right hand awkwardly into my side skirt pocket as I opened the door with my left.
"I might just juke past you all next time!" I said, before disappearing into the loading screen.
Once the black screen had cleared, I looked down at the Double Head sniffing around the floor. "Hey... wasn't there supposed to be an Insane Cancer in there somewhere?"
The monster howled a quick reply that might have been a "Yes."
"Weird... wonder where it went. Oh hey, I have a question to ask since it seems like I can kind of understand you right now. Are all monsters unique, or are you guys just copies who think the same thing? Does it go by type?"
The creature tilted its split heads to the side, like it might have been doing some thinking.
"If I can convince one Slurper to not chew my leg off, will all of the Slurpers know not to?"
Once again, the Double Head looked befuddled.
I shrugged. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it then." I stepped up a couple of feet so the train car could throw me forward, but the brakes squealed their way to a gentle stop for the first time that I could remember. I led the way through the doors as they slid open, and we stepped out onto the platform.
"Sometimes I feel like you're only following me so I have someone to talk to... like it's a convenience to someone," I told the monster, as we plodded along. I took a few seconds to save my game on the wall. We made a left turn and continued on until we found a blue door on the right. We passed through it.
"I mean, I'm really thankful for your help earlier... but it just feels a little too convenient... And I don't wanna get attached, either... do you understand?"
The Double Head peered up at me with its blank white eyes, and it started to look a little sad as we walked down an entirely overdone stairway.
"I know... But you're a monster. I'm a protagonist. You're an enemy. This just isn't gonna work out in the end."
The Double Head stopped dead in its tracks and sat down on a step, and I could swear it looked depressed. I plopped down next to it and gingerly put an arm around it. "Aw, c'mon, don't be that way. Besides, do you know what my dad would say if he could see us right now? I've got a serious legacy to uphold..."
The monster whined softly, and it only made me feel worse. "Don't do that. I really do like you... It's just... people are gonna start talking. And good god, I can't let Vincent see us together. I'd never hear the end of it."
It whined again and pawed at me with its bandaged up limb.
"And, well... you know I'm really Alessa, don't you? And dog type monsters are supposed to be the scariest thing ever! They even put you guys in two games! Ya know, besides those things in The Room. But I'm not in that, so..."
We sat in silence for while longer.
I flopped back on the staircase. "Okay, you know what? Fine. Just until the end of this game. I still feel like I'm gonna catch hell for it, though..."
The monster let out a long howl and wagged its tail stump so hard, some of the bandages looked like they were coming loose. I smiled a little, then stood back up and dusted myself off. "Let's go."
At the bottom of the stairs and to the left was a broken locked gate. We made a right down to the long stretch of hallway, and then broke out into a run to get to the door faster. Once we passed through, I made an incorrect turn, and slammed my face into a second locked gate. "Ow!" I rubbed my eyes and nose and waited for the stars to fade.
"It's so weird..." I said slowly. "I'm actually feeling pain in this game. Like, for reals. Before I think I was just pretending and using my audio files to fake it..."
The Double Head whined gently, like it may have been concerned.
"And I actually feel kinda hungry, too... even though looking at you makes me sick a lot of the time. But we are in the Sewer and I'm sure it won't last long." I turned to face the right way and pointed my flashlight up ahead. "Let's just get through this level."
Suddenly, a long series of annoying-as-hell, painfully repetitive screeches filled the air.
Oh no.
So damn loud. So damn annoying. It had to be a Pendulum.
I pointed my flashlight's beam down the dark corridor and there it was. "Hey!" I shouted at it. "Sit down and shut up for a second!"
The Pendulum ignored anything I tried to say, and instead barreled through the air in our direction. I quickly ducked out of the way and watched as it turned around, still spinning, still screeching.
It can't hear me over its own freaking sound effects...
"Come, doggy thing!" I commanded, and we both made a long mad dash for the next blue door.
We loaded in at the same time and stopped for a moment to catch our breath. I glanced around. The room looked pretty ordinary... but something felt like it was missing.
The maul.
It wasn't an unlockable. Someone had to have stolen it.
"Someone took my maul. I can't believe it," I huffed. "Yeah, it's heavy and annoying to use, but I still wanted to collect it for completion purposes..."
The Double Head gave a low sympathy whine.
"But ya know, I noticed at least one good thing. Stuff hasn't gone completely to hell here. The train was slow and my maul's missing... but that's it, really. I'd say we're in pretty good shape so far." I walked over and peeled the Underpass map off of the wall, and opened it up to the view screen.
This place doesn't look too bad...
I began to feel a lot better.
We started for the door, but I paused to take a look at the yellow safety helmets hanging up on the wall. "Hmm... you wanna try one on? Or maybe two?"
The Double Head seemed to shake its split heads "No."
"Yeah, not really my style either," I snickered, as I went for the door.
We passed by a few quiet corridors, and a couple of bored-looking Numb Bodies—even a few of the larger ones. I nodded to them as we sprinted past and went to collect the empty wine bottle. We hurried down an extremely long tunnel, and had to stop to catch our breath again. Then we took a right down a short hallway. The next door led into an ancient office room with some junk-filled lockers, and a wall with an old chalkboard. I ran over and filled up the empty wine bottle with kerosene from the space heater in the corner, and saved my game again.
"I remember this part," I said, and gave the monster a reassuring smile. "We're really moving now."
We exited the room and rounded a left corner, then jogged back up the parallel hallway. We passed by three more Numb Bodies, standing together and wailing softly to each other like a water cooler meeting. Cute, in a weird kind of way. Up ahead, I opened the next blue door. The room inside smelled absolutely disgusting and judging by the strange candy cane painted railings, I knew exactly where we were. I walked up to the machine and opened my menu to use the oil-filled bottle on the fuel tank, and then turned and moved over to the right side to press the switch. The nasty stagnant water drained down the ladder, and the Double Head followed as I walked over and peered down into the hole.
I covered my nose with the back of my hand and looked at the critter sitting next to me. "Whaddaya think? Can you make it down?"
The dog-like thing dropped down into the hole before I could say anything else. I reached forward and grabbed the rungs of the ladder, wondering if it had actually survived the fall. The blackness of the loading screen soon took me away.
Amazingly, at the bottom, the Double Head had taken very little damage. I thumped it on the back for a job well done while we sprinted our way up the slimy staircase, and then up and over another set of stairs made out of dull rusty metal. Another blue door awaited. We crossed a short overpass bridge and down a long set of stairs, then loaded into an outdoor area with some mucky water. "Follow me," I said, lighting the way with my flashlight's beam, aware that monsters have a hard time seeing in the dark. The next door opened into another way-too-long stairway, and we were both panting as we ran past a second bridge.
"Wait!" I skidded to a halt and turned around. I ran back onto the bridge to have a look over the edge. "There's a monster that's supposed to be down there..." I pointed. "I remember it."
We both shrugged—well I did anyway—and we continued on. I opened the door to the gross-smelling trash heap room and picked up the dryer off of the chair. Unsurprisingly, the Sewer Monster still wasn't around when we retraced our path back over the bridge. I was starting to get pretty tired, but running down the stairs was much easier than going up and we were soon on our way to the next outdoor area. We ran around, rather than hop into the muck, and my hand reached for the doorknob of the next blue door.
I hesitated before opening it. I thought I heard something weird... like out of place country music coming through the door.
"What the hell..." I whispered. I leaned forward and pressed my ear against it. I was caught off balance as the door swung itself open, and I fell right into the room. "Aah!"
It was the Sewer's security office. The desk lamps and monitors were all turned on, the twangy music was blaring, and inside were three, yes, three Sewer Fairies.
Three of them.
The bug-eyed Sewer Fairy holding onto the doorknob gasped and screamed, "A monster! Aaahhh! Kill it!"
The Double Head growled deep in its throat, and looked like it was about to lunge.
"NO!" I grabbed her pipe at the last second, just before it hit the Double Head. "Stop, wait!" I cursed as I got to my feet and shoved her away. "Listen, it's my monster, okay? Don't hurt it." I turned my attention to my stinging hand, flexing my fingers to see if I'd broken anything. It sure felt like I had.
The music cut off.
"Your monster...? Like... your pet monster?" She let out a giggle and put her hands on her hips like she was about to scold a child. "Who do you think you are, Claudia or something?"
"Shut up," I grumbled. "Look, our game is all kinds of screwed up if you hadn't noticed." I peered over her shoulder. "There are two extra Sewer Fairies behind you. That's two TOO MANY." I raised my voice again in irritation, like she could really blame me for breaking one lousy rule.
She snickered and spoke again in her whimsical voice. "I'll have you know that they aren't copies... Their names are Jose and Jaime. They're real characters."
"WHAT!" I screamed. "The guys who work in this dump!? They're not supposed to be FAIRIES! They're DEAD! They don't even have models or voice actors!"
She gave a short chuckle, and it sounded absolutely heavenly. "Yes, and I am the other guy with the famous knife skillz!"
My eyes went wide. "NO... no you aren't. Okay, that's enough. Quit screwing around. Can I at least have my gold and silver pipes? I think I deserve them after all this trouble."
She sneered the most beautiful sneer I'd ever seen. "Why do you need them, monster lover? Whose brains are you gonna bash in?"
I sighed as if admitting a defeat. "That gold pipe looked so snazzy, I really just wanted to sell it... Anyway, my point is you guys should not be here. There should only be one Fairy, and she doesn't have a name and furthermore..." I pointed at the two other Fairies. "You two are not Jose and Jaime. They're only mentioned once in a tiny little memo in this room, which I see is conveniently missing."
"I don't have a name, but I'm the guy with the wicked knifework who wanted to use a hand grenade on the monster over in the next room," she replied lyrically.
"I think I need to sit down..." I said, and slid into a desk chair in complete shock. The Double Head rested its heads on my knee and looked up at me. I buried my face down into my hands, even though they smelled super gross from climbing down the ladder earlier.
My whole world has gone insane.
"Knifework guy is dead," I said at last.
"No, I'm right here," she said, followed by an alluring smile.
"Jose and Jaime are dead too."
"No, they're over there looking at Youtube videos on their phones because they have nothing better to do. They can't talk, you see."
"That's because they don't have voice act—smartphones?" I spun around in the chair to have a look at the Sewer Fairy imposters. They were both browsing away on mobile devices.
"Smartph— ...Vincent," I stuttered. "Dammit. I should've known he would have something to do with this."
"I've said too much," she replied, and made a zipper motion over her lips with an angelic hand.
"Why'd he do it? HOW'D he do it?" I demanded.
"I'm not sure," she practically sang. "He didn't seem satisfied and left shortly after. Oh! But... he did say we were hot."
"Huh? I always thought he was asexual like the rest of us. I mean, c'mon. Vincent? Really?"
She nodded her head once. "Oh yes, he liked us at first. But when I told him we were all men, he stormed off rather quickly. Not that there's anything wrong with that... we weren't too interested, either."
I couldn't help but laugh as I got up out of the chair. "Oh my God... Okay, then. Sorry I thought you were all women at first... And ya know what, I'm sorry for denying your existence, too."
The Fairy smiled in a most captivating way. "That's all right. For some reason, I feel as though I may have made a similar mistake in the past."
"Uhh, I hate to ask this. Can I please have those pipes?"
The three Sewer Fairies nodded among themselves, and then presented me with one pipe each. A steel, silver, and gold pipe were simultaneously added to my inventory.
"Thanks... um... dudes. You guys are alright. Sorry about the misunderstanding. This screwy game is really... getting to me." I tapped my forehead and continued through to the next area with the Double Head at my heels.
