A/N: Please bear in mind as you read this that I am English, have visited NYC once about ten years ago, and have never been in the surrounding area. Also, things are often done slightly differently here so if there are any errors, it's probably due to that!
"You don't need many words to leave me breathless, only one off your tongue, the sweet sound that calms the aching in my soul" - Forgotten Love by Etro Anime
"Liv?"
He sits bolt upright as he says her name, muscles tensing and the hairs across his body prickling. He has heard her voice a thousand, a million times, remembering and wishing, and this has to be another dream. He cannot dare to hope it is real. Icy terror runs through him as he waits for a reply, fearful that the person on the other end will say no, he's got the wrong person, he's guessed wrong and the illusion is destroyed. But then she speaks again,
"El." And it's her. He's sure. His mind stops working for a second, too many thoughts and emotions flooding his brain and he reaches for Kathy blindly, shaking her shoulder to wake her.
"Olivia. Are you okay? Where are you?" His voice is quivering with a flood of adrenaline and emotion, and he cannot work out what to do first, what to ask or how to act. All he knows is that she is on the other end of the phone, she is alive, and he has to find her. He can't lose her again. He will never survive.
"I don't know where I am. He just left me. I've been walking." The bewilderment in her voice matches the expression on Kathy's face as he mouths for her to call 911 and tell them he's got her on the line and they need to get SVU and T.A.R.U. That he needs a trace.
"What can you see Olivia? Is there anyone there you can ask for help?" Kathy has turned the light on, but all his focus is on the phone and there is nothing around him but her, an image of her face when he last saw her.
"No. I'm at a gas station, but its closed. There's nothing here." As he gets more used to hearing her again, he can tell she is cold, even though she is speaking quietly. There is a shiver there and her jaw sounds locked as she tries to speak without her teeth crashing together. He matches her tension with adrenaline fuelled anxiety that is taking over his thoughts.
"Okay, we're going to find you okay? We're going to come and get you. I promise. It will be okay, just stay talking to me." It's a frantic rush of words and attempted reassurance, and he wonders who the promises are really for, him or her.
"I'm going to get cut off. He only gave me a couple of quarters," and when her words sink in they chill him, not just the information but the faint defeat in her tone. Suddenly he feels ice run through every cell of his body.
"If you get cut off, call me collect. Or call 911. It's going to be okay," but even as he speaks he hears a silence that tells him she is gone, and the dial tone kicks in loudly.
Staring at his cell, he pleads with her to call collect, but at the same time knowing that she won't. She sounded in shock, confused and lost, and it's the first inkling in the back of his mind that she is not the person he knew, but he pushes it away. He has to find her first.
Returning the call, he gets out of bed and paces as the payphone rings and rings with no answer until he cannot bear its sound any more, harsh, abrupt and taunting him as it repeats. Kathy is still speaking beside him and he gestures for the phone, which she hands over without another word.
"Who is this?" he asks gruffly, and someone on the other end tells him that they have got into contact with both the SVU squad and T.A.R.U. It should come as a relief, that things are happening, but all he can think is that she is out there somewhere, cold and alone, and he doesn't know where. Somehow, the knowledge feels worse in that moment than all the years of wondering, and the need to be with her is so intense it is making it hard to breathe.
He's utterly lost in thought as he gets dressed and it takes him two attempts to put a polo shirt on the right way round, the first time panicking as the collar seems to strangle him.
Finally, taking what feels like an age but is really only about a minute, he is dressed and he's aware Kathy has already left the room. Grabbing his cell, he leaves at a run, and as he takes the stairs two at a time, using instinct in the dark, he can see her shadowed figure at the bottom of the stairs. She is still just in a gown, a ghost in the night holding out both his coat and car keys to him without a word. He doesn't even stop to kiss her, and as he gets into the car his mind is already long gone from home, instead calling Don as he waits for the wind-shield to clear of frost impatiently, cursing the faint dusting of ice.
Don's voice is blurred with sleep but sharpens immediately as Elliot quickly fills him in, and by the time he can see enough to drive, Don is already getting dressed, phone in one hand as he confirms he will be at the precinct as soon as possible.
As Elliot drives into the city, the night peacefully silent with moonlight glittering off the sugaring of ice, she consumes his mind, images of her cold and lost somewhere so clear they press down on his chest. By the time he skids to a halt outside the precinct and runs in, he is choking on his fear, and he can't even wait for the elevator, instead taking the flights of stairs as if they were nothing, as fast as he had leapt down his own at home.
Bursting into the room, he is relieved to see lights on and calling him in, movement already occurring, and there is a T.A.R.U tech setting up at one of the desks. Capt. Price appears at his side as he hands over his cell phone and the man looks at his call history quickly.
"That's an NY code", he says, typing something into his laptop and picking up his own phone. While he punches a number in and waits for someone to answer, he hands Elliot's cell back to him.
"Call the number again," And Elliot does so, desperately listening to the faint ringing on the other end and wondering whether she's still there, whether she can hear it as well. All he can think as they wait is that she's so close, so close to him he heard her whisper, and yet now so far away. They stay still for a minute, Elliot willing her to answer, and then the tech gestures for him to hang up.
"I've got the approximate location, but we'll have to wait for the phone company to get back to us with exactly where it is. I've narrowed you down to a general area though."
Elliot is about to scream, to shout and argue that approximations are not good enough, they need to find her now, but even as Capt. Price's hand rests on his arm to calm him, he hears movement.
"Is it enough to get us close to her?" And never has Elliot been more glad to hear Fin's voice. Turning, he sees him standing with his partner, Paul Thomas, and it is a blissful relief to have someone who can understand. Someone who can have some idea what this means, what mixture of fear and utter joy he is carrying. Capt. Price says,
"We'll start driving up there now, and call the local guys. They can start checking payphones and gas stations while we wait for more information."
The knowledge that they are acting and getting closer to her every second softens the raw, biting anxiety he is battling, but there is still heavy tension in the air, thickening each inhale. As they go to leave, Don comes through the door hurriedly, and his expression is almost unreadable as he looks at Elliot.
"We're going," Elliot says and when Don flicks a glance over Elliot's shoulder, searching for confirmation, he feels rather than sees Capt. Price nod.
"Fin and I will take one car. You, Stabler and Thomas take another. We're heading up to the area around Orange County. They'll call me when they get a precise location." Her control, her calm authority is a relief, as is Don by his side as they head out into the smooth darkness.
Never had he been so glad to watch the city disappear behind them, or to sit in the back seat and hand decisions to someone else. Watching as the red light of their squad care throws circles around them as they drive, he can focus on no details, just letting the world drift past in. The only thing he hears is the occasional word from Don, and her voice saying his name over and over again, catching slightly every time.
He keeps looking at his cell and when the tension gets too much, the ache unbearable, he calls the payphone again, holding his breath as he waits for an answer he will not get. He has to keep trying though, to ease the breathless grip of his lungs and heart, and rarely have seconds ever felt so long as when the ring resounds through him.
Finally, over an hour out of the city, they stop at a local police station which has lights blazing from it and activity all around. There are three local squad cars there, and Fin and the Captain have arrived ahead of them.
They all get out, going towards the group of people, and Paul is handed a map by Capt. Price. Elliot has only ever seen her in a sharp suit and now she has an NYPD jacket hanging loosely over her clothes, she looks even more like she means business, despite her hair swept back in a style more suited to a dignified lawyer. He shrugs an identical jacket on as if it had been only hours or days, not years since he has worn one, and it feels like coming home.
"You're going to take this route, the payphone and gas station locations are marked," she indicates on the map Paul is holding, and Elliot glances down to see the highlighted areas. He know he won't be driving, he couldn't cope with it, and so the colours don't matter. All that does is that somewhere, maybe, on one of those roads is Olivia.
For a brief second, he notices that the map seems to be shaking in Paul's hands, and when he looks at the other man's face, fierce concentration is apparent. He wonders what it must be like, for those who don't know her but are officially involved. Those who are searching for her as a job, with them waiting beside as loved ones who will collapse and shatter if he fails.
It doesn't take long for them to get going, and the cars peal off in different directions, their lights soon fading away. As they drive, he watches nothing but the moonlight harshly catching the ice on the road, and he is unable to stop hearing her. He wonders what dawn will find as it rises, and what state Olivia is going to be in when it falls over them.
They've checked out two marked spots, invading the darkness with the fierce, glaring headlights of their cars with no luck when Paul's radio goes, and he slows the car down slightly to answer the prompt.
"We've got the location of the payphone, it's on your route," the disconnected voice says, and as the precise details given, Paul glances down at the map, to where Don is pointing, and then replies,
"Copy that. It's about 5 miles north of us on this road," and even before he is finishing speaking, his foot is hitting the gas and they're speeding up. Elliot can see the muscles locked hard as stone in Paul's jaw and forearm as he drives, and he knows his own are doing the same.
It is barely bearable, watching the headlights sweep the road as if he is a kid, waiting to get to a longed for location, except this time it is fear instead of excitement almost smothering him, adrenaline the only thing keeping it contained. They skid twice on ice, the back end of the car kicking sideways, and Elliot thinks of not finding her. Of her coming back to discover he has let her down, stolen in his desperation to find her, and with those thoughts frost falls suddenly from a tree overhead as they speed along. He thinks he's being laughed at.
He sees the illuminated light of the gas station before the car's lights hit the building, and as they sweep to a halt with a scream of rubber, he can barely believe that this is going to be the moment. His eyes scan the surroundings, and then, it's over.
She's there.
