t w o
"Twinkle twinkle little girl, how I wonder what the color of your panties are..."
Slowly I woke up from a long, deep sleep, not wanting to open my eyes yet. My bed was strangely comfortable this morning, and though it felt so late, it still seemed dark, so I tried again to fall back asleep.
"Up above the floor so high, like a nipple in the sky..."
Whose voice was that?
I sprang up, and standing there was the topless pink-shorts boy from my dream last night, Carlos. He now wore a kilt and green woman's blouse, complete with a hot pink beret. He made an odd face and at the top of his lungs yelled, "Good morning, Amanda!"
"What the hell?" I screamed, hyperventilating. He gasped. "Oh, don't worry, boss told me your name. I'm not creepy, don't worry. Didn't mean to startle you."
"No, why are you in here? What the hell happened to my bed? Where's my room?" I yelled, searching. Carlos laughed. "It's right here, silly!"
"No, my real room!" I shouted frantically. From the doorway a smooth voice said, "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha...she's convinced she's dreaming this."
Carlos laughed. "Dreaming us? No one could create me in their dreams. I'm much too sexy and perfect."
I glared at both of them as they both smirked at me. "Okay, so I'm not dreaming. So what's going on?"
"Well," Dimentio said, hovering over. "You're my assistant now, are you not? We're trying to coax Blumiere and Timpani to the castle, as the Dark Prognosticus says, and we're going to take their powers from them completely."
"Why can't you just teleport to where they are now and kill them?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. He lowered his glance. "Well, you see, that's not how my powers work...if I could kill people that easily, I swear..." He glowered at Carlos, who crossed his eyes and smiled obnoxiously.
"Oh," I said, looking around the room. "Why am I here?"
"You're hopeless," Dimentio said. "Come, Carlos, we're leaving." The twin cackled creepily and darted into the room, Dimentio following. I rolled my eyes, getting out of the dark bed and dashing after them.
"Wait, wait! Where are you going?" I asked, and Carlos turned with a constipated look on his face. "To Conrad's room!" he said in a very nasal voice. I rolled my eyes, running up to Dimentio. "What are we doing?"
He smirked, looking down at me as he hovered through the hallways. "We," he said. "Are going out to kidnap Peach to lure Mario here, because he's in hiding and we need to get rid of him before we can get rid of Blumiere and Timpani. But you..." He snapped his fingers, and several cans of black paint and a few big brushes appeared in his hands. He handed them to me. "Ah ha ha ha...you will be repainting the main hallway because Carlos painted a very...suggestive picture across it."
I gaped at him. "So you're all going out to do fun dirty work and I get to paint your hallway? That's not what I wanted to do when I said I'd come here!"
The jester shrugged. "I hired you to be my personal assistant. Since there's nothing else for you to do, and since that wall needs to be intimidating instead of awkward...it's your job, not mine."
I stared at him in disbelief. "Well, can't I go with you?"
He laughed. "You're a little girl, you can't kidnap a princess."
I frowned. "Mimi is."
He laughed again. "Mimi is too busy with O'Chunks to bother with princesses. This is how it works around here. Get used to it."
And with that, Conrad came out of his room (wearing a plaid suit), and the three boys disappeared. I grunted, walking around aimlessly, trying to find the hallway with Carlos' suggestive painting. Sure enough, it was easy to find, as it took up an entire wall. The wall stretched across what looked like miles of just hallway, and over the entire wall was very obviously a painting of an orgy in neon colors.
I fumed, setting down the paint cans and painting over a pair of huge boobs. This is ridiculous, I thought, and 2 pairs of footsteps startled me as they walked by. I turned around, and there stood Mimi and O'Chunks. O'Chunks smiled heartily, and Mimi scoffed. I smiled. "Hi," I greeted them. Mimi rolled her eyes. "Too happy," she snapped, but O'Chunks elbowed her.
"Dimentier gotcha paintin' walls, eh? Yer 'is maid now?" he chuckled. I shrugged. "I honestly thought I'd be doing something, you know. Exciting?"
"Welcome to Castle Dimentio," Mimi muttered. O'Chunks elbowed her again. "Ay, keep yer spirits up. Where are they at? I can teleport yeh there, if ya want meh to."
I smiled a little. "I might get in trouble."
They both laughed now. "It's worth it," O'Chunks said. He waved at me, and suddenly, the feeling of being teleported away returned to me. I squeezed my eyes shut, and when I opened them, I was in the dark, dusty corner of a room, trapped behind several boxes and bins. I coughed, the dust clogging my throat, and stood up. I peered over the boxes. The rest of the room looked old and disgusting as well, and in another corner between a few boxes sat Princess Peach. She looked nervous and afraid as she looked around. "Who made that noise?" she asked, panicking. I hid my head. I didn't want her to see me, not before Dimentio, Carlos, and Conrad got there.
But I was saved, because two boys cleared their throats. "It was us, ma'am," the twins said in chorus, appearing in front of the princess. She shrieked, covering her eyes, and they laughed in chorus. Despite their odd personalities when alone, they were extremely threatening and daunting when they were being evil. Peach started crying. "What do you want from me?"
Another dark, terrifying laugh came from the corner. All three looked over, and Dimentio appeared there. This was the first time I had seen him in full costume like in the games; his purple and yellow jester hat and costume, his black and white mask...I shuddered.
"Ah ha ha ha ha...well, what are you going to do to defend yourself, hmm? Whip us with your satin gloves? Maybe throw your crown at us? For a girl who means so much to Mario, he doesn't protect you from evil very well." The jester smirked, floating closer.
Peach pouted. "He does too protect me!"
"Then where is he?" the twins asked. She shrugged. The three boys laughed, and Dimentio raised his arms slowly. We all watched, waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. We all frowned, Dimentio included. He raised his arms again, and again, nothing happened. He growled. "What's going on?"
"Boss, where's your powers? This isn't how the story is supposed to go," the twins chorused. I eyed Peach; a small smirk was growing on her face. I glanced at her hand, and in it she held a glowing red heart.
"That's it!" I shouted, diving out from behind the boxes and grabbed the heart out of the princess' hand. It was one of the many Pure Hearts, and it seemed to be preventing Dimentio from...whatever he was trying to do.
The said jester glared at me, jaw dropped. "How did you...? Why...?" he pursed his lips, then glared at the heart in my hands. "Give me that," he said, reaching for it. I pulled it out of his way. "No," I said. "And I'll give it back to Peach unless you paint the walls."
Carlos started cackling oddly, doing a funny dance. "Amanda is amazing, Amanda is amazing, Amanda has tits and Amanda is amazing..." he sang. Conrad slapped him, pushing him into some boxes.
"Fine," Dimentio muttered, and I handed him the Pure Heart. As soon as the glowing object slipped into his grasp, it exploded. Peach started crying again, and my eyebrows shot up. Dimentio smirked, raising his arms, and Princess Peach disappeared.
Conrad applauded slowly for Dimentio, and smiled. "Bravo, boss. And Amanda as well, for noticing the Pure Heart. I find your keen eye fascinating. You see, the Pure Hearts' existence only makes the heroes stronger. As they are destroyed with boss' evil touch, we grow stronger."
"Okay," I said, turning to Dimentio. He was glowering at me. "How did you even get here," he muttered. I smiled. "So where did Peach go, anyway?"
"The dungeon in the castle," Carlos said. "It's quite cozy, actually, once you get used to the chill and the darkness. That's where boss kept me for a little while when he first hired me because I was a nuisance. But I don't know what that means. I think it means that he can't contain his secret homosexual attraction for me because I'm too sexy for him. I'll have to add that to my dictionary. Nuisance: Verb. A person too sexy for you. AKA, Carlos."
I snorted, bursting into a fit of giggles. Conrad rolled his eyes, and Dimentio glared at him. "Secret homosexual attraction my ass," the jester muttered. I didn't think any of us were supposed to hear it, but I laughed at it anyway. The jester sighed, snapping his fingers, and we all returned back to the castle.
