AN1: A huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, review or follow this story. It always amazes and humbles me when others enjoy the stories I write. You get a little glimpse into Jack on this one. Remember - language and topic warning still hold.


Moving away from the camp, Jack picked up speed with each step. He needed to escape. Get away from his own pain and from hers. Trouble was, he wasn't sure there was enough distance in any universe to allow that to happen.

Leaning against a tree, he rubbed a hand over his face. As much as he wanted to escape he also needed to stay close. To protect her and keep her safe. Because he hadn't before. The self-recrimination pierced his heart, sending pain cascading across his chest.

The feeling that someone was watching him caused Jack to tense and spin. Locking eyes with the Jaffa warrior standing a short distance aways, it took him a minute to relax his hands from the fists they had curled into.

"I'm not going to run off," Jack said gruffly, turning partially away from the larger man.

"You do not run," the big man acknowledged watching Jack's body language. "Even when others would." When his words brought no reaction, Teal'c took a step closer. "Major Carter wished for me to find you as you had not returned."

"Doc done with her?" Jack asked, glancing at his watch in surprise at how long he had been walking around.

"It would appear so. Major Carter has not gone back to sleep and refused to eat. She said she wished to wait for you."

Watching as Jack nodded before frowning and looking down, Teal'c hazard a guess at what was wearing on him. "It is not easy to kill a man with your bare hands."

Wincing, the Colonel looked away.

"You were protecting Major Carter," Teal'c said, hoping the reminder would help to bring his friend back from the dark shadows of self loathing that he could see creeping across his features. "I would have done the same if I had been there."

"See, that's the thing," Jack answered, picking up a tree limb and testing the weight of it in his hand. "I didn't protect her. Some of them still got to her." Glancing sidewise, he watched as Teal'c's jawline tensed. "They split up. I couldn't keep all of them away from her."

"No one could have O'Neill."

"Well, I should have," Jack snapped back, suddenly swinging the tree limb in his hand and banging it harshly against the nearest tree. "It was my fucking job to protect my team," he growled out, slamming the branch into the tree several more times, ignoring the jolts coursing up his battered body with each impact. Dropping his hands, he let the end of the limb slip through his fingers. "Besides, tell that to Faber's family. See if it makes a damn bit of difference to them," he growled harshly, his eyes falling shut at the memory of the young officer who was dead needlessly.

"Nothing will ease their grief," Teal'c acknowledged flatly. "You protected Major Carter, O'Neill. She would have died from internal injuries if that many men had successfully penetrated her. They would not have been gentle." Looking away, he tried to hide his own grief.

"Jesus," Jack whispered, Teal'c words causing bile to bite into the back of his throat. "I can still hear her screaming." Raising haunted eyes, his voice was rough and haggard. "I got to her as soon as I could. I swear I did Teal'c."

"Of that I have no doubt," the big man said gently, moving closer.

"Afterwards," Jack swallowed, "When I got her free from the table, she went wild, kicking the bodies, screaming, fighting me. I finally got her to stop and I pulled some clothes off to give her. When she put them on, it was like the Carter I know disappeared and she turned into this fragile, wounded shell that I had to protect at all cost. When others came in to get the bodies," Jack stiffened, "I didn't give them a chance to get near her. One got close and I snapped his neck. No hesitation," he added, "on him or anyone who came after him."

"And in the infirmary?" Teal'c asked.

"I guess you guys zatted me in the gateroom," he surmised.

"You would not allow anyone to approach," Teal'c explained, "and you would not surrender your weapon. We had no choice."

Giving a brief nod to say he understood, Jack continued. "When I woke up, I saw a man leaning over Carter."

"And you felt you needed to protect her again," Teal'c stated, his eyes softening with understanding and compassion. "Lieutenant Faber was merely checking the intravenous needle in her arm."

Rubbing a hand over his face, Jack muttered, "In my head she was on that table begging me to help her." Dropping his hand, he winced. "Hammond say when they would have to lock me up for trial?"

"He did not." The click of his radio forestalled anything more he was going to say on the matter. "Teal'c here," he said into it.

"It's Daniel. Did you find Jack?"

"I did," Teal'c acknowledged. "We will return shortly."

"Good. Daniel out."

***SG1****SG1****

Following O'Neill into the campsite, Teal'c saw Major Carter's body slump when they came into sight. She continued to watch him as he came closer and eased himself on the sleeping bag close to her.

"Doc," O'Neill called rolling up the sleeve of his BDU so that she could draw the blood she had indicated she needed. As she kneeled down beside him on the opposite side of Sam, he gave her a self-depreciating smile. "Afraid I messed up your handiwork," he said, holding up his other hand to show her the blood soaking through the bandage.

Jack heard her murmur of agreement before silence fell between them. As she began to gather up the tourniquet and vial of blood to move away, he quickly reached out and laid his hand on her arm to stop her. "Janet," he called softly. Waiting until she looked at him, Jack swallowed at the sorrow he saw buried in her eyes. "I'm sorry about Lieutenant Faber. He didn't," Jack winced before continuing, "deserve what happened to him. If they charge me, I'm not going to fight it." Seeing her features pale, he withdrew his hand. "Just thought you'd like to know."

"Colonel," Janet breathed, her eyes darting toward the others to see if they had heard what the Colonel had just said. Before she could say anything else, he turned away.

"You eat something?" Jack asked, looking at Sam. Seeing her head shake, he cast an eye toward Daniel, nodding at the cooler. "Whatcha got?

"Chicken salad, bananas, apples," Daniel replied, lifting a sandwich to show him.

"Half?" Jack inquired, his focus back on Sam. Seeing her agreement, he watched as Daniel unwrapped the sandwich and handed it to her. Reaching up, he accepted the other half before holding his hand out for Janet to change the bandage. "Go on," he urged Carter to eat. "I'm gonna wait til Doc is done."

"Thanks," Jack murmured to Teal'c as he accepted the bottle of water being offered. "Pop that would you?" he asked holding it up for the cap to be removed. Drinking half of it, he winced as the bandage pulled away from his knuckles. "Damn that smarts," he breathed.

"I'll have to butterfly that spot," Janet said, pointing to the oozing spot below his index finger.

"So," Jack said, looking toward Daniel and Teal'c. "How'd it go working with Major Griff and the rest of SG-2?"

Sharing a look with the Jaffa, Daniel caught the subtle nod of agreement that there may not be another opportunity to relay what they both wanted to say. "Jack," he began, his tone relaying the fact that he knew what he was about to say would not be appreciated. "Teal'c and I, well, we wanted to say we were sorry. If we'd been..."

"Daniel." The sharply barked word shut off anything else the archeologist was going to say.

Seeing the younger man's expression, Jack blew out a breath as he deliberately laid the sandwich on his leg. He did not need the platitudes and additional guilt. "Look," he finally said, his voice low. "The shit that went down on that planet would have happened if you had been there or not. Two of SG-10 died and the other two are almost as messed up as we are," he gestured to Sam. "As bad as it is," Jack paused, a wince visible on his features before he looked away and steeled his jaw. "It's better you weren't there," he finally added.

"You would not have hurt us," Teal'c stated firmly, hazarding a guess at Jack's line of thought. "And we could have helped to protect MajorCarter."

"Maybe or they could have just killed you for no damn reason like they did Matson," Jack spit out, yanking his hand from Janet and rising. Stalking a few steps away, he fought to control the ragged breathing coursing through his body. Closing his eyes, he tried try to stop the memories as he clearly remembered the shock and surprise on Doctor Matson's features as he registered the blood pouring out of his chest. Lieutenant Werner had locked eyes with him silently begging for him to find some way to stop what was about to happen.

Jack had been helpless to stop it. A hand on his arm snapped him out the memory and caused him to jerk away.

"Colonel."

Doctor Fraiser's calm voice washed over him. Swallowing hard, he rasped out with no conviction behind the words, "Yeah, that's me." A silent 'for now' echoed in Jack's head.

Waiting until Jack looked at her, Janet sent him silent support and tipped her head back toward the sleeping bag. "Let's finish your hand, Sir."

Fatigue coursed through Jack's body causing it to sag and stagger. Catching himself, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair before he dropped them. "Yeah, sure," he muttered, allowing her to take his arm and lead him back. Sinking down, Jack laid down and draped one arm over his face as he gave Janet the other. Instinctively he knew his actions were causing the others concern, but he didn't have the energy to deal with it.

Looking over as she began to wrap gauze around O'Neill's hand, Janet noted the stark whiteness of Sam's features and the fact that both Daniel and Teal'c had moved closer in support. Glancing down, she taped the end of the wrap in place. Laying his hand down, she patted his arm. "Get some rest, Sir," she said softly before gathering her things and rising.

"Sam," she said lowly, kneeling next to her. "You should sleep too," she urged, taking the barely eaten sandwich from her unresisting fingers. When Carter's eyes did not move from the Colonel, she added, "He's had even less sleep than you," she offered in explanation. When conflicted blue eyes were raised toward her, she added, "He'll be okay."

"Will he?" Sam whispered hoarsely.

Daniel, Teal'c and Janet looked at each other. Her simple question had so many layers with it, many of which were beyond their power to know the answer. Physically, his injuries had been cleaned and bandaged, and would eventually heal, some leaving scars as a legacy to the event. Psychologically, he would be forced to seek treatment, but whether he would participate in it was something else. Emotionally, he could do his typical ignore, stuff, and pound his feelings into submission or the guilt and self hatred could kill him. Professionally, while his actions on the planet could be defended, it wasn't clear if his actions in the infirmary would be forgiven. If he was pardoned, they weren't sure Jack would forgive himself. If he was charged with murder, he could loose everything - his commission, command, pension, and freedom.

Swallowing, Daniel reached out and turned Sam's face toward him. "No matter what happens, we'll be there and get him through it. Okay?"

**SG1**SG1**SG1**

AN2: Okay, all in favor of giving Jack a hug raise their hand. Hope you enjoyed it.